Smart Car Jokes
42 smart car jokes and hilarious smart car puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smart car that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Smart Car Short Jokes
Short smart car jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The smart car humour may include short sports car jokes also.
- Apple is set to release their new electric smart car in 2024... It will be the first apple product with windows.
- So a Hipster goes into an auto parts store and asks for a fuel cap for his Smart Car. The sales guy thinks for a moment and says, Yeah, O.K. that is a fair swap.
- Somebody told me I need to give my new Smart Car a name. So I called it 'Octomom' because even though I can technically fit 8 people in there, it doesn't mean it's a good idea.
- Recent studies were done to see if cheetahs can drive as fast as smart cars. The results were catastrophic.
- Best part of buying a smart car? at least the car will be smart! Plus the lack of seats is proportional to the lack of friends!
- I was in a c**... with a smart car today. The smart car was totaled. My bike was fine, though.
- Cop: Sir did you see those smart cars c**...? Me: Yes I did officer
Cop: Could you describe it sir?
Me: It was adorable officer
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Smart Car One Liners
Which smart car one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with smart car? I can suggest the ones about smart phone and smart dog.
- I just smashed into a Smart Car... It's totalled. But at least my bike is fine.
- Why do people buy smart cars? Because opposites attract.
- My wife has just bought herself a Smart car... "It won't let her in"...!!!
- Small cars are the best ones Only Smart people will get this
- If it's a Smart Car then... Why does it not eject backseat drivers?
- How do you fit 30 jews in a smart car? One in the driver seat and 29 in the ash tray.
- Did you hear about the new Jewish SMART car? It can turn on a dime and pick it up.
- How are Asians and Smart Cars similar? They are yellow can they only hold small packages
- How do you fit 500 jews in a smart car? Put them in the ash tray
- smart cars look s**....
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Smart Car Jokes
What funny jokes about smart car you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cheap cars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make smart car pranks.
How many sheep?
A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's s**... and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
My smart a**... mouth always gets me in trouble.
I was rear-ended, which caused me to rear-end the car in front of me. The driver, who was a dwarf, approached
aggressively after the accident yelling, "I am NOT happy."
I decided that I would try to lighten things up and answered,
"OK, I can see that, but then which one are you?"
That's when the fight started.
A cop pulled a car over, with a driver that matched a description of a thief. Turns out the guy was not too smart.
The cop had a basic description of the thief, but seeing the matching tattoo, would seal this guys fate. The tattoo would be located on the guys forearm.
The cop says, "show me your forearms"
The driver looks confused
The cop gets louder, "show me your forearms!!"
The driver looks confused, and says, "I only have two"
Glasgow boys
Glasgow boys, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's
forthcoming wedding.
'Aye, it's all going like magic,' says Jock.
'I've got everything organised already: the flowers, the church,
the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night…'
Archie nods approvingly.
h**..., I've even bought a kilt to be married in!' continues Jock.
'A kilt?' exclaims Archie, 'That's grand, you'll look pure smart in that!
And what's the tartin?'
'Ach,' says Jock, 'I imagine she'll be in white.'
Smart Blond Joke
A very wealthy blond woman enters a bank in Manhattan and requests to take out a small loan, which she intends to pay off in two weeks.
She foregoes some of the paperwork for financials, instead offering her brand new Bentley as collateral.
The bank manager approves the loan, takes possession of the car and in two weeks, the blond returns, pays the very small loan off which incurred almost no interest.
He's perplexed and also had learned that she had accounts with the bank with a small fortune so he asked why she took out the loan.
She replied well I went on vacation and needed a safe, free place to park the Bentley for two weeks. Where else in NYC can you do that?
Just say "thank you" and drive away
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and
informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
A (Smart) Blonde Offers Collateral For A Loan...
A blonde woman walks into a Manhattan bank and says she'd like to take out a $5,000 loan since she will be vacationing to Europe. When the banker asks what she will be using as collateral, she points to her brand new Bentley. The banker is surprised, but agrees. She leaves, and he laughs; who uses such an expensive car as collateral for such a small loan? But he shrugs it off and parks the car in the banks garage. Three weeks later, the woman returns to the bank. He retrieves her car and she pays back the $5,000 plus $14.00 in interest. As she goes to leave, the man decides he has to ask. "Ma'am," he says, "why in the world would you use a $100,000 as collateral for a $5,000 loan?" She smiles and replies "where else can I park for three weeks in Manhattan for $14?"
A hearty laugh after a long time.
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
Finally, a smart blonde joke.
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to
borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the
loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,
she has the title and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground
garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very
happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies..... "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two
weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
three men were on a road trip when their car broke down
they walked a mile and found a farm and decided to ask the old farmer if they could c**.... the farmer was a kind man and decided to let the men stay, as long as they didn't touch the three hot daughters. later that night none of the men could help themselves and decided to go for it, thinking that the old farmer wouldn't catch them.
the next morning, the farmer lined up the three men and said "I know you three have slept with my daughters! as punishment, you will each tell me what your job is and I will m**... you according to your profession"
the first man, not being very smart, said "I'm a fire fighter" so the farmer burned the first man.
the second man, a little smarter, said "I'm a police officer" so the farmer went in his tool shed and came out with a beating stick and beat the man to death.
the third man was a lot a lot smarter than the other two and said "I'm a professional lollipop l**..."
smart blonde joke
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
So there was a competition between polices...
(...) and the three finalists on this efficiency competition were: Interpol, FBI and Rio de Janeiro's Elite Squad.
The last assignment was really simple. They should retrieve a small rabbit after being released in a jungle. The group doing it in less time wins.
First went Interpol, with a few agents, smart interrogation techniques, good wits and in 15 minutes they were back with the rabbit.
Next the FBI invaded the jungle with helicopters, infra-red goggles, fast cars, etc., and in 10 minutes they were back with the rabbit.
Last the Rio de Janeiro's Elite Squad started the chase only with an old and rusty SUV, to come back with only 5 minutes passed. They showed a poorly dressed, beaten up, bruised black teenager dressed as a rabbit screaming: "I'm a rabbit, I swear I'm a pretty white bunny!"
I've started dating this girl with a small handicap.
She's the greatest! She's smart, funny, beautiful in her own special way and so loving it eaves me at a lack of words.
She has a small issue, after a car c**..., she suffered some brain damage and has no short-term memory. It's kind of like that movie "memento", you might have seen it. We'll have a lovely day together, cheer, laugh, have fun, but she wont remember a thing in the morning.
We have our burdens, but I wouldn't leave her for anything in the world! I admire the way she handles her difficulties and I am proud of her.
Also: did I mention that, you know ... in the bedroom, she's willing to try anything, just once, to see if she likes it.
