The Best 75 Smaller Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Smaller jokes. There are some smaller surgically jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these smaller embarrased puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Smaller Jokes and Puns

Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it

Trying to get into smaller pants

Returning on Investment

After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

The magic of English.

What is shorter when it is longer and longer when it is shorter; also bigger when it is smaller and smaller when it is bigger?

A word. LONGER is shorter than SHORTER, and SMALLER is bigger than BIGGER.

Smaller joke, The magic of English.

Apple was going to make a smaller iPod touch for kids...

but they thought it would be awkward having something called iTouchKids.

A man was hiking in a forest when he sees a big post...

"this is the gaymen forest".. he thinks it's a joke and moves on. As he walks, he sees more and more posts that say "this is the gaymen forest" and that get smaller and smaller. At a certain point, he sees a tiny post, close to the ground. He bends over to read it and sees "It's too late now, buddy! Told ya !"


Does size matter?

Some women say size doesn't matter.

Some even say that they prefer smaller ones. I think that they're just shallow.

A shrinking man visits his doctor yelling, "Doctor! Doctor! I'm getting smaller and smaller and smaller!!!"

His Doctor replies, "Now now, I can't fix things right away, you'll just have to be a little patient."

Smaller joke, A shrinking man visits his doctor yelling, "Doctor! Doctor! I'm getting smaller and smaller and smal

Did you hear about the criminal who wanted to lose weight to fit into smaller clothes?

Last I heard, he was still at large.

A man walks into a grocery store

After getting all his food he brings it to the cash register to ring it up. The cashier says "that'll be $49.95", The man hands him a $100 bill and the cashier asks "do you have anything smaller? We've been having a rash of counterfeit bills lately"; the man reaches in his pockets and hands him a $55 bill

Did you hear that Donald Trump's wife doesn't want him to run for president?

She says she doesn't want to move into a smaller house.

Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way.

Trying to get into smaller pants.

You can explore smaller larger reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smaller nanotechnology dad jokes. There are also smaller puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

There are three kinds of people...

The ones who say the glass is half full,

The ones who say the glass is half empty,

And the one who thinks you should have gotten a smaller glass.

No plastic surgeon will help me!

I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.

Apple wanted to make a smaller ipod just for kids...

But they decided that Itouch Kids wouldn't be an appropriate name.

Smaller joke, Apple wanted to make a smaller ipod just for kids...

The white Xbox One S was just announced.

Of course it's 40% smaller than the black one.

What colour bricks?

Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.

My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!

If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?

None, a green house is made out of glass.

I lost my watch at a party...

Saw a guy stepping on it while bullying a smaller dude. I walked up to the guy, and punched him. It's not okay to bully... not on my watch.


What sits in the kitchen and gets smaller and smaller?

A baby combing its hair with an apple peeler

I had a sudden, albeit extremely belated, realization about Jared from Subway

His career ended the way it began: trying to get into smaller pants.

You all need to stop worrying about Trump becoming the next president...

There's no way he's moving into a smaller house in a black neighborhood!

Why would Donald Trump want to lose the election?

Winning means he'd need to live in a smaller house in a black neighborhood

Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?

She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Why does Donald Trump secretly not want to become president?

He'd have to move in to a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Did you guys hear about the serial killer who's using smaller and smaller socks to strangle each new victim?

Be careful, they say he's still at large.

How are morbidly obese people and child molesters alike?

Both want to get into smaller pants.

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork.

But the bigger, heavier ones are delivered by a crane.

Smaller babies are always delivered by stork...

but the heavier ones need to be delivered by **crane**.

I met the man who invented the Big Mac today…

He was much smaller and less appealing than he looked in his photos…

God allows animals to ask him one question...

The giraffe: God why do I have this long neck?
God: to be able to get the finest leaves.

The rihno: why is my skin so heavy and thick?
God: because your skin is your armor and its role is to protect you from your enemies.

The chicken: I don't care, so please don't even try explain! You make the hole bigger or the egg smaller.

Got anything smaller?

I was at the store today and handed the clerk a $20 bill.

He handed it back and asked if I had anything smaller.

So I folded the $20 bill in half and handed it back to him.

Two girls play in the park, one takes wood stick and says:

"my dad's is this big". The other one says: "My dad's is smaller, but it still hurts..."

Inside every Russian woman…

…is another, much smaller, Russian woman.

The periodic table just got one block smaller

Scientists now say Plutonium is not a real element

I'm a pessimist and an optimist,

So when I see a glass half empty I pour it into a smaller glass.

Two cats are stuck on a roof. Which one falls off first?

One with the smaller mew.

An elderly lady takes a cab ride

When she gets to her destination the drìver says, "That'll be $15."
The old lady lifts up her skirt and says, "How about I pay you with this? "
"Aw jeez lady!" the driver says, "Don't you have anything smaller?"

Don't vaccinate your kids...

Smaller coffins cost less than bigger ones.

My friend's nanotechnology company is doing really well.

In fact, it's doing so well that he's considering moving to smaller premises.

What's 1024 times smaller than a pterodactyl?

A pgigadactyl!

Whats red and sits in the corner getting smaller and smaller?

A baby playing with a cheese grater

Two cows standing on a slope

There's two cows standing on a slope. Which cows reaches the bottom first?

The one with the smaller mu.

From the mouth of my 12 year old son...

Did you know Jared is in prison for trying to get into smaller pants?

How did the subway guy lose his job?

The same way he got it: trying to get into a smaller pair of pants.

An Irishman is drinking at a pub when God Himself appears to him

"Pat McGinty! If you don't stop your drinking, I'll make you smaller and smaller until you become a mouse!"

Shocked, Pat rushes home to think. His wife notices his duress and asks him what's wrong. Somberly, Patrick looks up and says "God just appeared to me. He told me we had to get rid of the cat."

I named my eraser Confidence...

Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make

How did Jared the subway guy begin and end his career?

By trying to get into smaller pants.

There was a man who swore he was getting smaller.

Everyday, his height decreases by an inch. Alarmed, he visits the doctor immediately, and asks the secretary to squeeze him in.

"Surely, sir. The doctor will be here any minute. You just have to sit down and be a little patient."

Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women...

For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.

I had a birthday cake and decided to share it with my friend.

I decided to cut one quarter of the cake and gave it to him and I kept the rest for myself.

He started crying and whining about how selfish I was.

Me: Alright, so if you were in my position what would you do?

Friend: If it was my birthday cake, I would give you the bigger piece and keep the smaller piece for myself because I'm not selfish.

Me: But that's exactly what I just did so what are you complaining about?

Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of Β£1.03 and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a Β£20 note.

She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."

I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"

She sarcastically said " of course it would help"

So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?"

I said "Yes please!"

"How much?" She asked

I said "Β£18.97"

Levi's is sueing a smaller company over pants

It's because they tried to sell bootleg jeans

What gets heavier as it gets smaller?

A coffin.

After extensive research I've come to the conclusion that 10 is smaller than 5!

I finally understand factorials!

They say stealth planes make your radar signature smaller, so you show up to the radar just like a small bird

"Sir, we think we've spotted a pigeon on the radar screen."

"Well what's unusual about that?"

"Well the pigeon is flying at about mach 2."

Never do cocaine with an optician...

The first line is quite big, but then the lines get smaller and smaller and smaller...

have you ever heard of the garlic and onions diet?

you eat garlic and onions only for a week, you don't get much thinner but people will stay far away from you so you seem smaller.

Trump hears Obama got a smaller crowd than him

"Really? What was he doing?" Trump asks gleefully

"Ordering breakfast at McDonalds drive thru." His aide said.

Jared from Subway's career ended the same way it started.

Trying to get into smaller pants

Disney world is reopening today

It's about to be an even smaller world

Do you ever get bored on the internet

and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?

A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.

What mountain is just smaller than Mt. Everest?

Mt. Everer

Moore's law states that the density of transistors doubles every two years.

This is usually done by making them smaller.

Therefore, less is Moore's

A young man was shopping in a department store. He sees an extremely attractive salesgirl and says, "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." "Will there be anything else?" the sales girl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."

Why does a cake become smaller when it's sad

because it sheds tiers

Fowl Joke

Smaller babies may be delivered by Stork, the heavier ones need a Crane, and Swallows deliver none.

I've come to learn that every groupchat has a separate, smaller groupchat, just without the annoying people.

If you think yours doesn't, then i have some bad news.

An individual walks into a restaurants, orders and eats his meal

"That'll be $13.45." says the waiter.

The individual pulls out a $50 bill.

"Sorry, we've had issues with counterfeit money lately. Do you have any smaller bills?" asks the waiter.

"Sure, no problem.." The individual pulls out a $25 bill, pays with it and leaves.

A passenger at an airport in New York was at the counter

-I'm going California for business, I want to go to Los Angeles, I want to send the big suitcase in my right hand to San Francisco and the smaller suitcase on ground to San Diego.

-Excuse me sir, but I'm afraid that's not possible, we can't do that.

-Great then, because that's what you did on my last flight.

A couple is having a dinner at home.

A couple is having a dinner at home.A husband has a big piece of steak with the small piece of steak on his plate.He decided to give his wife the smaller one and he eats the bigger one.



The wife then remembers her past:"When we were first married,you give me the bigger steak and eat the smaller one. Now you don't love me anymore!!"



The husband replies:"That's nonsense darling,you cook better now!"

Cashier: that'll be $19.99

Me: *pulls out a $50*

Cashier: sorry we've been having problems with counterfeit money… Have anything smaller?

Me: Sure! *pulls out a $30*

Two turtles walk into a bar.

As soon as they enter inside, it starts to rain. The big turtle turns to the smaller one and says - Go home and get the umbrella.

Small Turtle - I will, if you promise not to touch my soda.

Two hours pass.......

Big Turtle - Well. I guess he's not coming back. May as well drink his soda.

As he's about to reach for it, a voice from outside the bar says - If you touch the soda, I won't go home and get the umbrella.

A lesbian couple asked me to help them conceive a baby

So I told them, "Well, imagine an adult, but smaller, mostly hairless, and it shits itself a lot."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the smaller tiny jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working smaller petite piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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