Smaller Jokes

146 smaller jokes and hilarious smaller puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smaller that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Smaller Short Jokes

Short smaller jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The smaller humour may include short larger jokes also.

  1. Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants
  2. Cashier: that'll be $19.99 Me: *pulls out a $50*
    Cashier: sorry we've been having problems with counterfeit money… Have anything smaller?
    Me: Sure! *pulls out a $30*
  3. Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way. Trying to get into smaller pants.
  4. Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
  5. Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President? She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
  6. Moore's law states that the density of transistors doubles every two years. This is usually done by making them smaller.
    Therefore, less is Moore's
  7. How did Jared the subway guy begin and end his career? By trying to get into smaller pants.
  8. Two girls play in the park, one takes wood stick and says: "my dad's is this big". The other one says: "My dad's is smaller, but it still hurts..."
  9. After extensive research I've come to the conclusion that 10 is smaller than 5! I finally understand factorials!
  10. Apple wanted to make a smaller ipod just for kids... But they decided that Itouch Kids wouldn't be an appropriate name.

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Smaller One Liners

Which smaller one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with smaller? I can suggest the ones about shorter and bigger.

  1. I named my eraser confidence... Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make
  2. Don't vaccinate your kids... Smaller coffins cost less than bigger ones.
  3. Inside every Russian woman… …is another, much smaller, Russian woman.
  4. Two cats are stuck on a roof. Which one falls off first? One with the smaller mew.
  5. What's 1024 times smaller than a pterodactyl? A pgigadactyl!
  6. Gambling brought my family closer together. We had to buy a smaller house.
  7. The white Xbox One S was just announced. Of course it's 40% smaller than the black one.
  8. What gets heavier as it gets smaller? A coffin.
  9. Why does a cake become smaller when it's sad because it sheds tiers
  10. Disney world is reopening today It's about to be an even smaller world
  11. What mountain is just smaller than Mt. Everest? Mt. Everer
  12. What was Jared from Subway's fitness goal? Getting in to smaller pants
  13. What do you call a smaller than average dog? A subwoofer
  14. Daylight Savings Time Gave Me a Back Injury I need to buy a smaller sundial.
  15. Most people don't realize that rocking a boat can make it smaller It will become capsized

Smaller Pieces Jokes

Here is a list of funny smaller pieces jokes and even better smaller pieces puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Your momma's so fat... Her picture fell off the wall
    She wears a 3 piece bikini
    There are smaller fat women orbiting her
    Her tampons come equipped with On Star
  • Two pieces of coal and a diamond.. ...are standing together and the bigger piece of coal says to the smaller piece of coal "Leave your dad alone - he's been under a lot of pressure"!
Smaller joke, Two pieces of coal and a diamond..

Cheerful Fun Smaller Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about smaller you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smallest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make smaller pranks.

Returning on Investment

After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.

The magic of English.

What is shorter when it is longer and longer when it is shorter; also bigger when it is smaller and smaller when it is bigger?
A word. LONGER is shorter than SHORTER, and SMALLER is bigger than BIGGER.

Apple was going to make a smaller iPod touch for kids...

but they thought it would be awkward having something called iTouchKids.

A man was hiking in a forest when he sees a big post...

"this is the gaymen forest".. he thinks it's a joke and moves on. As he walks, he sees more and more posts that say "this is the gaymen forest" and that get smaller and smaller. At a certain point, he sees a tiny post, close to the ground. He bends over to read it and sees "It's too late now, buddy! Told ya !"

Does size matter?

Some women say size doesn't matter.
Some even say that they prefer smaller ones. I think that they're just shallow.

A shrinking man visits his doctor yelling, "Doctor! Doctor! I'm getting smaller and smaller and smaller!!!"

His Doctor replies, "Now now, I can't fix things right away, you'll just have to be a little patient."

I was with some friends and we started talking about movies.

One of my friends mentioned that the sets in old Westerns were often built slightly smaller than normal to make the leading man appear larger. I said that that would make sense because I heard that John Wayne, while filming a scene with his co-star, complained that the town wasn't big enough for the two of them.

Did you hear about the criminal who wanted to lose weight to fit into smaller clothes?

Last I heard, he was still at large.

A Scottish Soldier marches into a pharmacy

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds to reveal a c**....
The c**... has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.
"Six pence" says the chemist.
"How much for a new one?"
"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the c**... into the silk square handkerchief
and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the
proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."

A polish guy goes to have his eyes checked...

... the doctor says, "Can you read these letters?" as he stands against the wall with a laminated list, each letter getting smaller on the way down.

The Polish guy goes down the list and replies, "Of course I can read what it says--it's my cousin's last name!"

A Indian Joke about Indian accents

The grammar has been changed to make the joke smaller:
Some psychologists are running a test based on speech patterns. They get three people; an American, an Australian and an Indian, and ask them to say a few sentences with the words: green, pink and yellow.
The American and Australian give pretty normal answers, stuff like I put on my green hat etc. When it gets to the Indian he says "The phone goes green green, I pink up the phone and say yellow?"

A group of programmers painstakingly made a small underground passage, that somehow got smaller if it was used too often.

They called it the Carpal Tunnel

A man walks into a grocery store

After getting all his food he brings it to the cash register to ring it up. The cashier says "that'll be $49.95", The man hands him a $100 bill and the cashier asks "do you have anything smaller? We've been having a rash of counterfeit bills lately"; the man reaches in his pockets and hands him a $55 bill

Pumping up his stomach

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**... and the mother throws on a robe and rushes him out of the room. "I was just hopping on daddy's big belly to make it smaller" she says, but the little boy tells her "That's useless because every time you go shopping the neighbor lady comes and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

Did you hear that Donald Trump's wife doesn't want him to run for president?

She says she doesn't want to move into a smaller house.

Subway Jared ended his career just like how he started it... trying to get into smaller pants

Teacher - if my cup is half full, what does that mean?

Student - that you need a smaller bra!

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

My dad was negotiating with a car salesman who was also a patient of his

They're sitting at the salesman's desk negotiating the price on a car, when my dad looks at him and says, "You know, if you get me the right price, my finger can be a lot smaller when your next appointment comes around".

There are three kinds of people...

The ones who say the glass is half full,
The ones who say the glass is half empty,
And the one who thinks you should have gotten a smaller glass.

No plastic surgeon will help me!

I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.


Saw a huge spider the other day. my grandma always said "it can't kill you, it's smaller then you" I then pointed out that grenades are smaller. She doesn't say anything anymore, Cancer got her.

What colour bricks?

Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.
My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!
If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?
None, a green house is made out of glass.

I lost my watch at a party...

Saw a guy stepping on it while bullying a smaller dude. I walked up to the guy, and punched him. It's not okay to bully... not on my watch.

What's smaller than a teenie w**... ant?

An ant's teenie w**...!

What sits in the kitchen and gets smaller and smaller?

A baby combing its hair with an apple peeler

I always go to mini golf on the first date

That way she is used to things being smaller than normal.

I had a sudden, albeit extremely belated, realization about Jared from Subway

His career ended the way it began: trying to get into smaller pants.

You all need to stop worrying about Trump becoming the next president...

There's no way he's moving into a smaller house in a black neighborhood!

How do the chinese name their children?

They take a metal bucket (larger for boys, smaller for girls), and roll it down a set of stairs, then take notes of the sounds it makes.

Why would Donald Trump want to lose the election?

Winning means he'd need to live in a smaller house in a black neighborhood

Why does Donald Trump secretly not want to become president?

He'd have to move in to a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

I hate what toys do to girls' body images.

Real girls don't have smaller girls inside of them with smaller girls inside of them...

What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A baby in a trash compactor

Did you guys hear about the serial killer who's using smaller and smaller socks to strangle each new victim?

Be careful, they say he's still at large.

How are morbidly obese people and child molesters alike?

Both want to get into smaller pants.

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork.

But the bigger, heavier ones are delivered by a crane.

Smaller babies are always delivered by stork...

but the heavier ones need to be delivered by **crane**.

My 50 feet high contraption for measuring weight collapsed even though the smaller prototype worked.

I suppose the prototype didn't scale well.

What it is called when u put smaller size tires on wider rims?

Stupidity. It's called stupidity

I met the man who invented the Big Mac today…

He was much smaller and less appealing than he looked in his photos…

God allows animals to ask him one question...

The giraffe: God why do I have this long neck?
God: to be able to get the finest leaves.
The rihno: why is my skin so heavy and thick?
God: because your skin is your armor and its role is to protect you from your enemies.
The chicken: I don't care, so please don't even try explain! You make the hole bigger or the egg smaller.

A tale of two chimneys

What did the big chimney say to the smaller chimney?
You're too young to smoke.
What did the smaller chimney say to the big chimney?

Seems like the more I play with it, the smaller it gets...

...but I just never feel satisfied with my stock portfolio.

Got anything smaller?

I was at the store today and handed the clerk a $20 bill.
He handed it back and asked if I had anything smaller.
So I folded the $20 bill in half and handed it back to him.

What gets smaller and smaller while it sits in a corner?

Michael J Fox holding a cheese grater

The periodic table just got one block smaller

Scientists now say Plutonium is not a real element

I'm a pessimist and an optimist,

So when I see a glass half empty I pour it into a smaller glass.

An elderly lady takes a cab ride

When she gets to her destination the drìver says, "That'll be $15."
The old lady lifts up her skirt and says, "How about I pay you with this? "
"Aw jeez lady!" the driver says, "Don't you have anything smaller?"

My friend's nanotechnology company is doing really well.

In fact, it's doing so well that he's considering moving to smaller premises.

Whats the average man got in common with subway foot longs ?

they're always a little smaller than they say.

What are those spinny things that smaller airplanes use to move?

Props to whoever can answer this.

Computer disks are the opposite of p**....

They got a lot smaller when they stopped being floppy.

Whats red and sits in the corner getting smaller and smaller?

A baby playing with a cheese grater

Two cows standing on a slope

There's two cows standing on a slope. Which cows reaches the bottom first?
The one with the smaller mu.

I went to pay the Cashier at the Grocery store

Cashier "That will be $18.35"
Me: Hands her a $50 bill
Cashier "Sorry sir, We cant accept that because we had too many problems with counterfeit currency. Do you have anything smaller?"
Me " I fully understand, Here you go.."
*Politely hands her a crisp $25 bill*

My grandad says every morning when he measures his allotment it's a couple of inches smaller than the day before.

I think He's slowly losing the plot.

From the mouth of my 12 year old son...

Did you know Jared is in prison for trying to get into smaller pants?

How did the subway guy lose his job?

The same way he got it: trying to get into a smaller pair of pants.

d**... Sporting Goods stores have all have a summer sports section in their parking lot that is packed up in the winter months, making the stores a bit smaller.

Meaning d**... shrink when it's cold.

Two kittens are sitting on a sloped tin roof and start to slide down at the same time. Which kitten falls off the roof first?

The one with the smaller μ (pronounced mew).

An Irishman is drinking at a pub when God Himself appears to him

"Pat McGinty! If you don't stop your drinking, I'll make you smaller and smaller until you become a mouse!"
Shocked, Pat rushes home to think. His wife notices his duress and asks him what's wrong. Somberly, Patrick looks up and says "God just appeared to me. He told me we had to get rid of the cat."

I don't know why America is so hesitant on recruiting women into the military

They're better than men because they have smaller hitboxes.

"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..."

Me explaining underwear to aliens.

Trump's "baby blimp" may be smaller than people thought it was going to be...

But that isn't the first time someone thought Trump was going to be bigger than he is.

If there's one good thing about being an anti-vaxxer ...'s that I only have to pay for a smaller coffin.

Smaller joke, If there's one good thing about being an anti-vaxxer ...