Small Town Jokes
104 small town jokes and hilarious small town puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about small town that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Small Town Short Jokes
Short small town jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The small town humour may include short village jokes also.
- I come from a small town. I come from a town where the population never changes. Everytime a kid is born, some guy leaves town.
- The place where I grew up is so small, we didn't even have a town drunk… Everyone just took turns.
- What do you call a dyslexic small town spinster who takes justice into her own hands? A Village-Auntie
- A cobbler was once elected the mayor of a small town. People thought he was a real shoe-in.
- A man came to my door earlier and asked for a small donation towards the town's new swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water
- What would you call Kanye if he was from a small town called Faith "Oh ye of little Faith"
- My local vineyard announced they were now selling 72-gallon wine bottles My small town is full of alcoholics, all 72 of them sold out the first day!
- [OC] Did you hear about the actor who quit his job to become a Medical Examiner in a small town in Virginia? It's true: Morgan Freeman works at a morgue in Freeman.
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Small Town One Liners
Which small town one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with small town? I can suggest the ones about town and hometown.
- Small town gynecologists... I bet they spend a lot of time looking up old friends.
- A mortician died in a small town He showed up to work late
- A tiny psychic was walking around town. He was a small medium at large.
- I grew up in the small town of Sandwich... Born and bread.
- My Town Is So Small that our crazy cat lady only has one cat.
- Why was the person so short when he moved to the city? He grew up in a small town.
- went to a racist festival in a small town in Texas today they had a token booth
- My town is so small... the Village Idiot doubles as the Mayor.
- The town i grew up in was so small... we had drivers-ed and s**...-ed in the same car.
- You know you live in a small town when.... ....the only h**... is still a v**....
- Whats emptier than h**...'s heart? A small town American 1945 high-school yearbook.
- Priest is an acronym for... Professional
r**...
In
Every
Small
Town
Small Town Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about small town you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rival town jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make small town pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession.
The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?"
The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with s**... favors."
The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure."
The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?“
The Cowboy says, “Well it’s like this Sheriff… I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motorhome with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt . so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants…so I did. Then she pulls off her p**... and asks me to pull off my shorts… so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of s**... and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy..' and here I am.”
Son of a Gun, Blond men do exist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Lalu originally from Bihar now in USA went to India and brought a physiologically checked out v**.
.. from a small happy town as wife.
Ideal Lalu decided to have first night in USA.
He prepared her, took their all clothes off and was ready to p**... for i**... and young bride stopped him.
"What are you trying to do," she asked.
Lalu explained the spousal s**....
The bride said, "In that case try my back hole it will be lots of fun for you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar.
He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon.
The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation.
Lalu said, "Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know."
They went.
Had lots of fun and came back.
Wife back at home asked, "I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for."
The Husband said, "Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of s**..., jokes, fun all that is honeymoon."
The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some friars were behind on their belfry payments...
... so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the
friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious t**... in town, to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so,
thereby proving that . . .
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wild little old ladies.
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds..
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car..
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it?
'Heavens no, we bought it.'
'Then why don't you drive it away.'
We can't drive.'
Then why did you buy it?'
'We were told that if we bought a Used car here
we'd get s**... ....so we're just waiting.
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy buys an old brass lamp at a flea market
He takes it home, and starts to clean it up. He rubs it a few times with a polishing cloth, and a genie pops out.
The guy says, "Hey, look at that, a genie. I get three wishes, right?
The genie says, "Sorry, no. People were wishing for all kinds of crazy stuff, so we had to cut it down. You get to choose from one of two wishes. You can wish for a better s**... life, or a better golf game.
The guy thinks about it for a bit, and says, "You know, my short game hasn't improved in years, no matter how hard I try. I'd like a better golf game."
The genie says, "Really? I haven't been at this genie thing for that long, but you are the first guy I've had who wanted a better golf game. You must get more chicks than Hugh Hefner.
"Oh, nothing like that."
"But still, you must be getting it two or three times a day."
"Be serious"
"Once a day at least"
"No, not that often"
"Well, what's your s**... life like?"
"I probably average once or twice a week."
"You're getting laid once or twice a week and you don't think that there's room for improvement?
The guy says, "Well, I think I do pretty well for a priest in a small town who doesn't drive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pre-nup.
In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.
At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s**...?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say... I would like it infrequently. "
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked ............
"Is that one word or two?"
In a small Texas town,
the owner of Joe's Bar began construction on a new building to increase his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
As the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing, he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."
the case for the lost bicycle
A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.
He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"
"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.
"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."
"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"
Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.
"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.
"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."
In a small town in the middle of nowhere...
Recently, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a crime occurred which totally perplexed the local authorities. It seems that somehow, in a daring daylight robbery, an unidentified perpetrator managed to sneak into the crowded police station and systematically steal all of the toilets.
The cops have nothing to go on.
Irish cream
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, So they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but no matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull. The people were very upset and decided to go to The Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. " The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this Before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland . "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ? The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland "
Traveling Circus
A circus stopped in a small town. An elephant escaped and found its way into an old woman's garden. Not recognizing the beast, she frantically called the sheriff. "Sherrif, there's an enormous awful beast in my garden, and it's pulling up my petunias with its tail". "Oh?" said the sheriff. "and what is it doing with the petunias?". "Sheriff, if I told you, you'd never believe me!"
A penguin is driving down the road...
And his car engine starts to smoke. He pulls over to an autoshop in a small town, and the mechanic says it will be an hour. The penguin walks around and settles at an icecream shop. After an hour the penguin goes back and finds the mechanic under his car. "Find anything wrong?" asks the penguin? The mechanic rolls out and looks at the penguin and says "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin quickly wipes his mouth and says "oh no no i just had a bowl of ice cream."
A Man With Sticks in the Middle of Town.
A man is hitting two sticks together in the middle of a small town in suburban America.
Another man walks up and asks, "why are you hitting those sticks together?"
The first man replies, "I'm keeping the elephants away."
Confused, the other man says, "but there are no elephants around here!"
The man with the sticks calmly replies, "You're welcome."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trial in a small town.
In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded "why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me." She continued "You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied "why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counsellors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said "If either of you b**... asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in a small town goes to confessional...
and tells the local priest, "Father, forgive me, for I have slept with a loose woman."
The priest thinks for a moment and says, "Well, son, was it Mary?"
"No Father."
"Hmm," the priest continues, "was it Fiona?"
"No, no father," the man replies.
"And was it Anne?"
"No, father."
After a pause, the priest says, "Give me one our fathers and two hail marys, and all will be forgiven."
The man exits the confessional and slides in next to his friend on a pew.
"So," the friend asks, "what'd the father give you?"
"Well, I got one our fathers, two hail marys, and three good leads."
**source**: Prairie Home Companion
There's this penguin...
There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy.
Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He got out, and with all his strength in his weak flippers, he pushed the car over hill and dale.
"Whew!" he sighed.
As luck would have it, there was a mechanic in town, and he told the penguin that he'd have to spend some time with the car. "Why don't you come back in an hour or so?"
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the penguin espied an ice cream shoppe! "Hurray and yippy!" he cried! "I'll be back, toot sweet!" he said.
He ordered the tallest vanilla ice cream he could hold between his vestigial wings... those miserable fins could barely manage the scoops upon scoops of creamy goodness. The cone was so tall that more of it ended up on the penguin than in him!
"Yummy! That was very very good!" the penguin said, smacking his lips.
He waddled back to the mechanic who was ready to give the little fellow an update. The mechanic looked at the penguin sternly. The gaskets and seals on the engine were severely damaged after years of driving without a routine check, and it was certainly going to be expensive.
"Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
"Oh no, that's just ice cream!" the penguin said, wiping the ice cream from his chin.
Need help: looking for parade jokes. (I know, right?)
I was asked to announce the 4th of July parade in my small hometown. Was wondering if anyone here has been at a parade and heard something funny.
The only thing to work off of right now is that Josh Duhmel is announcing the 4th of July parade in a larger town about 20 minutes away.
Thanks
The Three Barbers
There are three barbershops on a small street in Amsterdam. The first barbershop has a sign saying 'best barber in the town'
The second has a sign saying 'best barber in the world'.
And the third has a sign saying 'best barber on the street'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Faith healer visits a small town
And sets up a prayer meeting. All the faithful are there and are ready for a miracle.
One man hobbles up and says "I've been lame since I was a boy. Can I be healed?"
The preacher says "All who believe will be healed. Now go behind the curtain"
Another man walks up and says "C-c-can you c-c-c-cure a stuttttttter?"
Preacher says "all who believe will be healed. Now go behind the curtain"
The preacher starts praying then tells the lame man, "throw out your crutches". Two crutches come flying out from behind the curtain. The crowd goes wild!
Then the preacher asks the stutterer "tell us in a loud clear voice, what are you seeing?"
A voice comes from behind the curtain,
"the f-f-f**... f-f-fell flat on his f-f-face"
Speeding motorist
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."
"And I said keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba and his friends
Bubba, Dale, and Vern grew up together in a small town, and were inseparable friends. One day there was an e**... and fire where Bubba worked, and he was killed. Since he had no family in the area, the authorities asked his friends to come and identify the body.
Dale and Vern looked at him, but he was so badly burned that they were unsure if it was really Bubba.
Finally Dale said, "Could you turn him over?"
"Why do you want him turned over?"
"Everybody knows that Bubba had a deformity."
"A deformity?"
"Sure. Everybody knew about it. When the three of us would walk into a place, people would always say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a**...'".
A man owned a small farm
A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I go into town and buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer sadly.
Bilbo Baggins turns on the radio.
After a lengthy commercial break, the DJ suddenly jumps right into a new song.
"Just a small town girl..."
Bilbo was surprised, and delighted: this was unexpected Journey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The n**... cowboy
**n**... Cowboy**
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ......
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.
Then she pulls off her p**... and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of s**... and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy.. '
'And here I am.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The sore t**...
Carl, a young man, woke up and suffered from an awful sore t**... and all but lost his voice. The small town's doctor operated out of his own home, so Carl made his way over, scratching at his sore t**....
Dr. Wendell's wife answered the door, "Yes?"
Carl, in a very quiet, breathy voice replied, "Is the doctor in?"
Mrs. Wendell replied in the same whispering tone, "No.... come on in!"
*-Groucho Marx*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a cardiologist in a small town died
He was very well loved in the town, and every other doctor in the area came to his f**.... At the end they lowered him into the ground in a wondrous mahogany casket, shaped like a heart, lined with red velvet. It was a beautiful affair, but marred by a woman in the front row who couldn't stop laughing. After he was in the ground, she apologized, wiping her eyes, "I'm so sorry, it's just, I'm a gynecologist and I was imagining my own f**...."
Everyone had a good laugh, but then the proctologist fainted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Friar Florists
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought this was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious t**... in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench...
One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them, so he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.
After several rounds, two finalists emerged: Mr. Hicks from a small town named Fife and a man from Sweden named Sven.
So they had the final. The Mayor fired the starting p**... and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish that one of his teeth fell out. He couldn't eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. Sven kept on eating and ended up eating a total of nine tench fish.
The next day the headlines read: ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!
Trumpets and Guns
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.
At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"
An Australian is visiting England...
He is from a small rural town and he does not know anything about traffic laws and street lights. He crosses a street and almost gets hit by a car. A police officer sees him and screams: "Oi! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies with: "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A small village soup chef tried to make a bit of extra money on the side, selling boullion cubes laced with m**......
It was the laughing stock of the whole town.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I grew up in a small town that only had one general store, one bar and one p**....
Mum found it pretty hard working three jobs.
Devil in the Church
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
A small town has a factory which produces coffee scented skin creme.
The trucks which transport the cream are causing so much traffic in the small town that the mayor holds a town hall meeting to find a solution. The residents eventually vote to move the cream by train.
So there was a local motion for mocha lotion locamotion.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Friars
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small flower shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought this was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious t**... in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that...
Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Satan appeared before a small town congregation and everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away...
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman, who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Having grown up in a small secluded area of Key West, I met a new friend who just moved here from New York.
Quite the change from all the hustle & bustle of city life for him. I was excited to hear all about his life there over dinner with his parents in town visiting.
He exclaims: Stores are massive, and the restaurants are fantastic!
Then he said; I went to a lot of t**... bars! Great drink specials! Do you have those here?? (Grinning heavily)
His mom: What do they do if it stars to rain?
Walrus is driving down the street when suddenly.....
His car breaks down in the hot dessert. He calls a towing service and takes it to the nearest shop in some small town he's never been in.
Mechanic tells him it's going to be awhile. Walrus says, no problem. I'll just go across the street and treat myself to something cold at that restuarant to burn time.
About and hour later the walrus comes back and the mechanic tells him. Well, It looks like you blew a seal. Walrus quickly rubs his face and says. Oh... No that's just vanilla ice cream I just had.
A man decides to put his counterfeit 30 dollar bills into circulation.
He decides that a small town would be the best place to put them into circulation. "No one will know" he thinks. When he enters the store he chose to start breaking them up, he tells the cashier, "I got these brand new, shiny 30 dollar bills, Can you break them for me?" She says, "Sure, do you want it in 15's or 6's?"
Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl
Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"
The little girl gives him a blank stare.
"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"
The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"
A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding.
"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
2 twins changing their name.
There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee. Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly... A man, their father, bursts through the door and embraces Ving and tells them, "Don't stop, be Lee, Ving", "Hold on to that fee, ling."
What do the brave men, and women who protect our towns and cities have in common with some very small bugs that get stuck in Edgar Allan Poe's hair have in common?
They're both Po-Lice.
* my wife kicked me out of the car shortly after telling you this joke. Crazy part about it is I was driving at the time.
I starred in an award winning one man show...
about my life growing up in a small town. Because I love them so much, I bought my grandparents expensive box seats to see it. After the show they were so excited to tell me how great it was. My grandpa looked at me with pride in his eyes and said, Congratulations. You played yourself.
The priest reached out and pressed the bell for the boy.
A local priest was walking down the street of his small town. He was happily humming a tune when he saw a little boy trying to reach the doorbell of a nearby house.
Hey there, kid said the priest with a kind smile, let me help you out. The priest reached out and pressed the bell for the boy.
Anything else I can do for you? he asked.
Yes, said the boy, nodding eagerly. Run! We've only got a few seconds before they come!
Small fishing town
There is a small town by the side of a lake where fishing is allowed and quite popular. There is a shop that sells fishing supplies. Differently skilled people use different quality baits. For example: a novice would use novice bait, a mediocre fisher would use mediocre bait, a good fisher would use good bait, and all pros use pro bait. But for some strange reason, all fishing masters order pro bait as well.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... and con artist gets caught by the sheriff in a small town.
But he gets released because sitting presidents can't be indicted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Small town Pastor
Pastor William Fuzz had been the only minister in his small town for 30 years and had a wonderful reputation as a good man of God. However one day he took a beautiful 20 year old parishioner down the dead end lane by the river to make out. Suddenly the bright light of a policeman's flashlight illuminated the pair. Thinking he might be able to talk his way out of it, the minister said Officer it's okay I'm Pastor Fuzz. The cop replied, I don't care if your halfway up her a**..., get outta the car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Our small town made national news when a baby was born here that was part animal.
It had a deer face and a bear a**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man ran out of gasoline and walked to a nearby small oiler town.
Fortunately, there was a gas station. . He couldn't find a gas canister, so he went down the street knocking on each door to find one.
He knocked on one door.
Hello, I've run out of gas and need a gas can. Can you help me? The woman said No, but Jolyne can.
He knocked on Jolyne's door. Hello. I've run out of gas and need a gas can. Do you have one? She said No, but Dwight can.
He knocked on Dwight's door. Hello, I've run out of gas and need a gas can. Do you have one? He said No, but j**... can.
Change for a $15 bill
An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
Two Texans are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister."
"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The sheriff of a small Texan town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 60 miles per hour in a 30-mile an hour zone.
The man behind the wheel, a San Francisco law associate, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the a**... of the world!"
There was a five second pause as the magistrate looked at him. Then he asked, "You just passing through?"
Chester was really happy, he was about to meet the Queen.
He had been a physics prodigy hailing from a small town in England, and had just been selected to be Knighted by the Queen of England.
After the ceremony, his best friend remarked to him:
"Man, Chester, you Knighted!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A small airplane crashes into the ground in a small town, and some curious locals go to the c**... site to see what happened.
Some of the locals start digging to see if there are any survivors trapped in the plane.
A few hours in, they give up the search and one of the locals goes back to his house and tells his wife what happened.
He tells his wife that there were over 1000 bodies found in the c**... site, but no survivors were found.
Oh my god, where did it c**...? the wife asked in shock.
In the town cemetery. the husband replied.
I used to work the front desk at this small car repair shop.
It was owned by a couple of guys, Jack and Jay. Both guys were really well known and liked around town but Jack never seemed to come into the shop.
People would come in frequently looking for Jack and I would tell them Jays here but Jacks off all day.
So a guy was making counterfeit money and accidently prints $21 bills.
He decides he could go to a small town gas station where the cashier isn't too bright and see about exchanging them for real cash. He gets there and asks the cashier for his change and the cashier responds "Not a problem. Do you want 7 - $3 bills or 3 - $7 bills?"
Prince William is visiting Kelmscott, Western Australia
The local media can't help but notice the prince's unusual head wear. It's a Davy Crocket style hat made entirely from fox fur, complete with a tail. A reporter speaks up. "Welcome to Kelmscott Your Royal Highness. If you don't mind me asking, why have you chosen to wear that particular hat today"? The Prince responded "Well, I told Daddy over the telephone this morning that I was visiting a small town called Kelmscott and he immediately replied, Kelmscott? Wear the fox hat"
