Small Jokes
170 small jokes and hilarious small puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about small that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article will discuss the importance of small jokes in our lives. It will explore how small jokes can be used to create levity, even in moments of great stress. Additionally, the article will provide examples of small jokes and distinguish them from larger, more oversized jokes.
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Funniest Small Short Jokes
Short small jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The small humour may include short tiny jokes also.
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age. Small children and 39 year old's.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it? A surname/last name
- Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
- Elon Musk lands on Mars and steps out of his spaceship "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
- What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a small fencing sword? One's a little rapier...
- My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items It's a small scale operation
- I've started a business crafting small figurines of Jesus. I'm only making a little prophet.
- How do you make a small fortune from investing in Bitcoin? Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.
Share These Small Jokes With Friends
Small One Liners
Which small one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with small? I can suggest the ones about large and thin.
- I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex He's a small arms dealer.
- I have a T-Rex who sells me guns. He's a small arms dealer.
- I know how to make a small fortune from gambling start with a large fortune
- Why do French people eat small breakfasts One egg is an oeuf
- Some people think that wigs are expensive. But really it's just a small price toupee..
- Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says Yes
- I bought a wig for a dollar today It was a small price toupee.
- If a psychic dwarf is evading the police... Does that make him a small medium at large?
- Why does Ariel wear seashells? Because B were too small and D were too large
- What is E.T. Short for? Because he has small legs.
- What do you call a small wound? A shortcut.
- What has 182 teeth and holds a small worm? My zipper
- Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big.
- What is the fastest way to get a small fortune? Start with a large one
- Why are Alabama weddings so small? Because you only need to invite one family.
Being Small Jokes
Here is a list of funny being small jokes and even better being small puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.
- A small joke I remembered Boss: if I find you sleeping on the job one more time, you're fired!
Employee: sorry boss
Boss: ok, now go and do the sheep inventory
Employee: oh no - A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.
- Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4? They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.
- Why is the number of black priests so small? Most of them run away after being called father once or twice
- A Mexican goes to a Chinese restaurant... He sits down at his table, and notices a small bottle of black liquid on his table. He picks it up and looks at the label and says, "yes, you are."
- I just bought some presents for my epileptic girlfriend's birthday Just a few small gifts, nothing too flashy.
- I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease. I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.
- Why are Alabama weddings so small? They've only gotta invite one family
- Psychic buys clothing Employee: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small
Employee: You didn't even try it on
Psychic: I'm a medium
You So Small Jokes
Here is a list of funny you so small jokes and even better you so small puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- why do monarchs feel so important? Because small changes in their initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system.
- I noticed a barista working alone in a small shop was still wearing a mask. She said, "this is a coughy filter"
- A psychic midget has escaped from prison.. Police are looking for a small medium at large.
- What do you call a 4 foot psychic that got away with robbery? A small medium at large
- So, I hate small talk. What about you?
- A racist, a fascist, and an idiot walked into a bar "What can I get you?" Asked the bartender.
"I'll just have a water, and make sure the glass is small enough for my hands" said Donald Trump. - What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal? They both die when dissected
- What small thing screams "I'm rich"? A dwarf who just won the lottery.
Credit to u/collider1 - "This is your Captain speaking..." "...if you look out of your window you will see a small yellow life raft floating in the sea. I am talking to you from there."
- If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food. I could almost afford a small popcorn.
Small Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny small man jokes and even better small man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community. - A man sees a small boy begging for money He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks "what gave me away?"
The man responds "your parents" - A Chess Shop A man walks into a chess shop, and going over to the small asian manager, he asks if he can purchase a piece.
The manager says, "Oh sure. Take a rook." - A man walks up to a girl in a bar and says "You remind me of my little toe" .
She says, "Is that because I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No, its because I'm going to bang you on the table later" - I just met the man who made the globe I keep on my desk! It's a small world.
- A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool I don't know what they're filling the pool with, because he abruptly left when I offered him a glass of water
- A man saw a small boy crying in an alley "What is wrong?" he said
"My parents died" the boy responded.
The man pulled down his pants and said "Welp, this isn't your lucky day." - A man knocked on my door... .. and asked if I could make a small donation to help the neighborhood public pool.
I gave him a glass of water. - One small step for man, one giant leap for midgets.
- A joke i heard recently and i have to share it What do you call a small hispanic man?
Paragraph because he is too small to be an ese
Small Hands Jokes
Here is a list of funny small hands jokes and even better small hands puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I made a clock. The big hand is a butcher's knife, the small hand is a paring knife, and the clock face is a sharpening stone. There's never a dull moment.
- I should write small jokes on a handful of coins I will call them "cents of humor"
- Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat? Because they are lazy and have small hands!
- What do you call a dyslexic small town spinster who takes justice into her own hands? A Village-Auntie
- We don't have to worry about Trump having the nuclear launch codes. His hands are too small to push the button.
- What's blue, small and sits in a corner? A baby with its hand in the power socket.
- How come Apple-products have so small transistors? Children have very small hands
- Trump is single-handedly bringing down America. Actually, I take it back.
With hands that small, he'd have to use them both. - You know what they say about guys with small hands... They draw small crowds.
- My wife got mad because I didn't put my hand on the small of her back when we arrived to the party. I had instead put it on the big of her front.
Delightful Fun Small Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about small you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean medium jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make small pranks.
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's p**...
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's f**... kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the f**... for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
I walked in a Library...
I walked in a library and asked the librarian for a book about small p**.... The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet".
I replied "Yeah, that's the one"
"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.
I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.
The plot thickens.
s**... after surgery
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
Two small boys meet on the first day of school
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...
...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
Little Johnny at it again...
Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.
Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".
The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.
"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"
Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and k**... her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.
They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."
Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?
A small chest with no b**....
A blonde goes into a library.
She walks up to the head librarian's desk and says, "Hi! I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries, and a medium-sized Coke, please."
The librarian stares at her. "Miss, do you realize that this is a library?"
"Oh!" says the blonde. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "*I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries...*"
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks
A dwarf that loves to joke goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks.
I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
Trumpets and Guns
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
A man goes to the library and asks for a book
A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on small p**.... After checking the computer, the librarian replies, "I don't think it's in yet." He looks at her and says, "Yeah that's the one."
Small Head
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had s**... with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have s**... with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
A black hole and a nebula go out to lunch...
A black hole and a nebula are at a restaurant. The nebula orders a ginormous amount of food and the black hole only orders a drink and a small appetizer.
The nebula says the the black hole, "Are you sure you don't want more?"
The black hole replies, "Nah, I eat light"
A dad joke with which we can all sympathize
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should get the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in union, "Okay, dad. You get the toy."
Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...
Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.
"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.
"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."
"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."
"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"
"Three prison camps so far."
My wife told me that she isn't very happy with our s**... life.
A small part of me disagrees.
8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.
The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".
After s**... a woman tells a man that she didn't like his performance, that his o**... was to small.
He looks at her and says "I didn't know I would be playing in a cathedral".
A mathematician is afraid of flying
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
A man walks into a library...
A man walks into a library and says "Excuse me, miss, but do you have that book for men with small p**...?"
The librarian goes to the computer, types a few things in, and says "I don't think it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one..."
A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.
The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.
The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.
The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.
Smaller babies are always delivered by stork...
but the heavier ones need to be delivered by **crane**.
Husband and wife decide to make a password...
...for s**...,
they decide on 'washing machine'.
Later in bed that night husband says,
Washing machine.
Wife replies, Not tonight darling I have a sore head.
Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says,
Washing machine.
Husband replies,
Too late it was only a small load so I decided to do it by hand.
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
Israeli tourist
An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.
"Where are you from?" he asks.
"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"
"I'm from Narnia."
"b**..., that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.
"Well, you started it" says the Israeli.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a street performer.
The performer suddenly realizes that these men have a poor view so he gets on a small platform. "Can you all see me now?" He asks them.
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"
This Halloween I decided to go as a harp. As I walked into the party, a gentleman asked, "what are you supposed to be?"
"A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...
After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.
Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".
Man: Hey sir! Could I interest you in a microscope?
Customer: No thanks, I'd have no use.
Man: Here is my business card in case you ever do!
Customer: I can't read this, it's too small!
Man: Boy have I got the product for you!
A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small p**...?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."
Right before surgery the surgeon says: "Relax, Jim. It's just a small scalpel incision. No reason to panic."
The patient replies: "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim." The surgeon says: "I know. I'm Jim."
Two good friends go golfing
Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. o**... says that he'll go up and ask if they can play through. When he's half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale.
"Sorry man, I can't do it! One's my wife and the other my mistress!"
The other guy says he'll ask instead. Halfway to the women he suddenly stops turns around and comes back shaking his head. "Small world bro!"
A guy arrives at a music-themed costume party and the host asks him what he is supposed to be. The guy happily shouts 'A harp'. The host pauses and then says 'I think that costume seems a little small to be a harp'.
The guy replies 'Are you calling me a lyre?'.
3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"
Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane
**Her:** My God — imagine if it had been a small child
**Me:** I could have fought off a small child, Barb
Whats you father's occupation?
Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small p**...?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:
Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "g**..., we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."
The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.
When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last 4. The other 20 million are already there.
Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...
A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."
"Good morning." She replies.
"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.
"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.
"Excellent trade, Ma'am."
Change for a $15 bill
An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
Two pieces of Road walk into a bar
They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.
15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.
The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:
You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path
Small, skinny man is sitting in a pub...
There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:
\- Oh, stop crying, baby. That's just one beer...
The small man:
\- Okay, listen! Today my wife left me, my bank account is empty, my house is empty! I even got fired from my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so i tried to kill myself. I lay down on the rails - they changed the train route! i tried to hang myself - the rope broke! I tried to shoot myself - the gun broke! And now, i'm buying a beer with my last money, i'm pouring poison inside and you're drinking it!
So there's this one kid at a costume party and the host ask what he was dressed up as. The kid told him that he dressed up as a harp, and the host told him that his costume is too small to be a harp.
The kid then said, "Are you calling me a lyre?"
Two Texans are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister."
"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."
Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee
He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."
An 85 year old man wanted to spice up his marriage
He went to a l**... shop to get a s**... l**... for his 80 year old wife. He got an expensive one and went home.
Later that night he gave it to his wife and told her to put it on. She went to the bathroom to put it on and found out that it was too small for her. She thought He does not have a great eyesight. I will go n**... and he would not even know . So she entered the bedroom n**....
Her husband looked at her, squinting his eyes and muttered, Well, for the price I paid, they should have atleast ironed it .
An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".
The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".
The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".
The wife continued, "We didn't want to take the chance of having a Mexican baby, since neither of us can speak Spanish".
I accidentally swallowed a small gold nugget
So I dug through my f**... to find it. My wife walked in and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was just mining my own business.
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...
They climb up a small branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the *only one* in the whole d**... forest who knows how to drive a stick?"
