Small Dog Jokes
62 small dog jokes and hilarious small dog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about small dog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Small Dog Short Jokes
Short small dog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The small dog humour may include short small baby jokes also.
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- Me: I got bitten in the park by a huge dog Her: My God - imagine if it had been a small child
Me: I could have fought off a small child, Alice - Have you heard what scientists are saying about Pluto? Apparently he's too small to be a dog.
- I visited a small village where they had a cat for a king and a dog for a queen... ...they were reigning cats and dogs.
- Why does getting one small dog with a smushed up face lead to getting many more dogs? It's a gateway Pug
- I went tonthe zoo and all they had was one small dog and an empty gorilla enclosure...
It was a shotzu. - Why do drugs for small dogs have to be tested on larger ones first? All canine drugs must be lab tested before their public release.
- Did you hear about the small French dog going around collecting signatures? It was a petit chien.
- I saw a sign outside the pub. It said: "Small Dogs and Children Allowed."
I thought...they can't be making much business.
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Small Dog One Liners
Which small dog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with small dog? I can suggest the ones about kids dog and small man.
- What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog? A shih tzu
- What do you call a small dog that can store food? Pupperware
- What do you call a very loud, small dog? A Subwoofer
- What do you get when you cross a small dog with a donkey? A Jack Russell Derrière.
- What do you call a small Japanese dog? A konnichihuahua.
- What contains a small dog and an insect? Repugnant.
- What do you call a Zoo that contains only small dogs? A Shitzu.
- Why did the Hispanic man name his small dog "Spanish"? It was a Spaniel.
- What do you call a small dog that doesn't pay for its meals? A dine-and-daschund
- What do you call it when you have dogs building a small garden garage? They're shedding.
- A man takes his kids to the zoo, but the zoo only has 1 small dog on display.
- I once tried to Frankenstein a small dog with a cow It was a terrier bull idea.
- Yesterday, I punted a small dog off a bridge
Small Dog Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about small dog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean little person jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make small dog pranks.
Mr. Brown was working in his garden when on the other side of the fence, he heard his neighbor crying. Mr. Brown popped his head over the fence and asked, "What's the matter Mary? What has upset you?" The blonde neighbor replied, "My dog has died and I'm going to bury it here." Mr. Brown said, "You only have one dog, so why have you dug three holes?" She answered, "The first two were too small."
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland":
Dog tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening.
It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property.
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast,
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
I was once friends with an albino Dalmatian
He was tired of being made fun of for being completely white, so he decided to get small round tattoos inked all over his body. He was just $20 short.
I told him, Don't worry Dog, I'll spot you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The elbow
A man is complaining to his friend: "My elbow really hurts. I think I need to see a doctor." His friend answers: "Dude, this is 2012, in the supermarket they have a new computer that can diagnose much faster and cheaper. Just place a u**... sample in the machine and it says what's wrong, and that only for $1!"
The man decides to take a shot, fills a glass with u**..., goes to the supermarket, finds the computer and pours his u**... into the computer. Immediately a small paper is printed and comes out of the computer: "TENNIS ELBOW. Keep your arm warm for a few days and avoid heavy lifting. In two weeks you'll be better."
The former scriptkiddie is impressed and decides to see if he can confuse the computer. He mixes dishwashing water with diarrhea from his dog, together with some u**... from his wife and daughter. To finish it he masturbates and drops his s**... into the cup and mixes everything again.
when he arrives in the supermarked he drops his mixture into the computer. The computer spits out a little less small paper: "Your tap water contains too much calcium, buy softener. Your dog has parasites, give him medicines. Your daughter smokes marihuana, speak with her. Your wife is pregnant and you're not the father, get yourself a good lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!
The passengers on a small plane are quite surprised the when the pilots arrive.
The passengers on a small plane are quite surprised when the pilots arrive.
The pilots walk up the aisle, both wearing dark glasses. One has a seeing-eye dog, the other is tapping his way with a white-tipped cane.
The cockpit door closes, the engines start up.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway. People by the windows realize they're heading right towards the water at the end of the runway.
Panic ensues. Screams fill the air. At that very moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot. "Y'know, Bob," he says. "One day they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die."
A man sees a dog mauling a small girl...
...and runs over to help. After the girl gets away, a nearby journalist comes to the man and says "That was incredible! Tomorrow, the headlines will read 'Brave New Yorker Saves Girl'", to which the man replies "But I am not a New Yorker." The journalist then says "Then they will read 'Brave American Saves Girs'", and again the man replies "But I am not an American!" The journalist then asks, "Then where are you from?" The man smiles and says "I am an Afghan!"
The next day, the headlines read "Islamic Extremist Murders Innocent American Dog"
Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...
A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
A fine country lady is hosting a dinner party
and she wants to serve her famous Mushroom Soup. She invites over the whole neighborhood for dinner. The day of her big event she runs out of mushrooms and the small country store is sold out. She panics! "What evah shall I do??" she pleads to her husband.
"Well" he says "There are lots of mushrooms growing back in the cow pasture. We could use those." "Absolutely not!" she yells. "Those might be poisonous!"
He replies "Tell ya what, I'll go back and pick some and you make a small batch of soup. We'll feed it to the dog, Jack. If he is OK in an hour or so, we'll know they're OK". With no other options, she agrees. He goes and gets the mushrooms, she makes up some soup and old Jack just LOVES it. He horfs it right down and is just happy as a clam.
Few hours go by and old Jack is just dandy. The lady of the house goes into full Dinner Party mode. She is running behind schedule now so she calls the neighbor girl over to help her prepare. The lady figures she should warn the girl about Jack but doesn't want to confess the whole story. She tells the girl to just keep a CLOSE EYE on Jack, that he is very special to the family, and to let her know if anything comes up.
A few hours later the guests start to arrive and they all sit down for an absolutely wonderful presentation of Mushroom Soup. The guests are raving about it. They can't get enough. Everyone is just having a wonderful evening,..
When all the sudden the neighbor girl bursts into the room in hysterics! "OLD JACK IS DEAD!!!!" she cries. "HE'S DEAD, JUST.. DEAD!!"
The country lady immediately jumps into action. She calls the paramedics, the hospital and the police! They all arrive quickly and begin pumping stomaches and administering anti-poison medicines. People are puking in the yard, screaming, and crying. Ambulance after Ambulance comes and goes with guest after guest for what seems like hours.
Finally.. at 5am an exhausted lady and her helpful neighbor girl are setting in the kitchen trying to take stock in what happened. The neighbor girl looks over at the lady and says
"It really is a shame. The guy that ran over old Jack didn't even stop."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Computer diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.
A rabbi, a priest and a nun ...
A rabbi, a priest and a nun were walking down a forest path chatting whence all of a sudden a bright light appeared and an angel came forth saying that God had offered each of them a small piece of cloth to do as they please with.
The rabbi exulted that he will fashion it into a skull cap and was so pleased that he promised immediately to return to the same spot every day for the rest of his life to see if he could procure even more holy cloth.
The priest said he will fashion it into a dog collar and also return to the same spot in the hope of getting more.
The rabbi and priest both looked at the nun as she stood their defiantly......"I'm NOT making a habit out of this".
So, I'm taking a walk around New York...
With my pet snake. We're walking around having a grand ol' time and then I see it, a small little hot dog stand! I go up to the guy and ask, "Could I get a hotdog, plain please." Now, this hot dog is the best I've ever had! So I think, naturally, that I have to get one for my snake so I ask the man, "Could I get another hot dog for my snake," and the guy informs me, "sorry, but I just ran out of buns," to which I reply, "My Andaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child gets on a bus
So a child of seven jumps on a bus. The driver, noticing he's alone, tells him to sit in the seat closest to the front.
After the bus has started the kid says: "Hey mister driver?"
Driver:"Yes?"
Child:"Did you know, that if my mummy was a dog, and my daddy was a dog, that I would be a dog?"
The driver chuckles at this cute comment and says:"No, I did not"
After a while the child says again:" Mister driver, did you know that if my mummy was a giraffe, and my daddy was a giraffe, that I would be a giraffe?"
The driver laughs again, with a bit less enthusiasm and says:" No I didn't know that."
The child starts listing almost every animal that driver has heard of, and it starts to annoy him more and more, until finally he yells:"WHAT IF YOUR MOTHER WAS A p**..., AND YOUR FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC!!?!"
The kid looks up at the man with a small smile and says:"Well then I'd be a bus driver."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is standing on a street corner when a f**... procession drives by.
It consisted of 2 hearses, followed by a man with a small dog on a leash and he was followed by a long line of men in single file.
He asked the man with the small dog;
"Whose in the first hearse?"
"My wife," the man replied.
"What happened to her?" he asked.
"Dog killed her."
"Whose in the second hearse?"
"My mother in law."
"What happened to her?"
"Dog killed her."
"That dog?"
"Yup," he said.
"Can I borrow him."
"Get in line."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A reporter is doing an article on the russian rural life-style...
...and she ends up in a small village.
The first person she interviews is an old man.
Reporter: Can you tell me anything interesting about your village?
Old man: Well there was this one time when a dog from a neighbouring village got lost in our woods... so we found it and took turns having s**... with it.
The reporter now slightly scared replies: I'm afraid that's not something I can very well use, maybe something more...cheerful?
The old man replies: Very well, back in the day this very attractive woman from a neighbouring village got lost in our woods... so we found her and took turns having s**... with her.
The reporter now visibly disturbed replies: That's not going to work either... maybe something sad that happened then.
The old man replies: Well there was this one time when I got lost in the neighbouring forrest...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Clever kid.
A couple wants some private time, but their flat is small and they can't guarantee that their young son won't be able to hear them. In the end they come up with a plan- every time they want to make love they tell their son to stand out on the balcony and describe everything he sees (this way they get warning when he's about to come back in). So one evening the kid stands on the balcony and says "It's dark and the stars are out. I can see orion! A lot of the flats have their lights on. There's a man walking his dog, the Johnsons are having s**......"
The couple leap out of bed "what?! How can you tell that the Johnsons are having s**...?"
"I can see little Timmy Johnson standing out on their balcony."
Jokes so Bad that They're Funny
The midget psychic broke out of prison. He was a small medium at large.
A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat.
Newspaper headline reads: Cartoonist found dead at home. Details are sketchy.
I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.
Here's a poem by a dog (Bo Burnham): Roses are grey, violets are another shade of grey, let's go chase cars.
The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late? A cold shoulder.
(I'll see myself out.)
A joke my girlfriend's German grandmother told me.
A drunk fisherman is walking home from the bar and is about to be very sick. He gets home but outside he vomits all of the beer he drank and all of the sausages he ate on the sidewalk.
A few moments later while the drunk is gathering himself, a small dog runs up and begins eating the sausages the man threw up. The man, only now just realizing there's a dog in front of him, is confused.
"Okay", he says to himself. "I remember where I got the beer from, and I remember where I ate the sausages, but I have no idea where I ate that dog!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Got a tattoo on the small of my back of 2 dogs sharing a plate of spaghetti.
It's a Lady and the t**... stamp.
What do you call a northeastern US state's principle dish, consisting of a small puffy Chinese dog and fried vegetables and noodles, wrapped around a lion's neck?
Maine's main chow chow chow mein mane
I took my niece to the zoo the other day...
The only animal there was a small, scruffy looking dog.
I called the zookeeper over.
"What's with the scruffy old dog? Why is that the only animal?"
"It's a Shih-Tzu"
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...
A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."
"Good morning." She replies.
"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.
"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.
"Excellent trade, Ma'am."
A Scottish Terrier walks into a bank
He sits at the desk of the Loan Officer, a Ms. Patty Black. He asks if he's eligible for a small business loan.
Do you have any collateral? , Patty asks.
I do have this, replies the Terrier, rooting around in his bag and pulling out a small porcelain figurine.
I'm not sure if we can accept this, says Patty. Let me ask my manager.
Patty calls her manager over and explains the situation. The manager says
It's a knickknack, Patty Black, give the dog a loan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dog owner is relaxing in the park when a man approaches.
—I'm sorry, but my chihuahua just killed your dog.
—That's absurd, my dog is a mastiff. How your ridiculously small chihuahua could possibly kill mine?
—Well, my dog got stuck in your dog's t**... and choke him to death.
Dog attack
A guy limps up to a bar. "What happened to you?" the bartender asks. "On the walk over here I was attacked and bitten on the leg by this giant dog," the guy says. "Oh, no! Imagine if it had been a small child!" the bartender exclaims. "Well, I think I could have fought off a small child, Gary," the guy replies.
A man tells his friend that he has a dog in a suitcase who can play the piano.
The friend says ok let's see it . The man opens the suitcase and sure enough a small dog with a small piano comes out and plays the piano with great skill. As he plays a crowd gathers around to watch. After some time a female dog comes out from the crowd, picks him up by the scruff and carries him off. The friend asks what's going on is that part of his routine? The man says No that's his mother, she wants him to be a doctor.
(Translated from Hindi and relayed by my father in law)
A family go to the zoo
They're excited to see all the exotic animals, birds & reptiles. The first enclosure is empty, totally deserted. Unperturbed they carry on to the next one.. again it's empty!
Every single enclosure, cage, run and avery they encounter is empty, deserted and unkempt..
Except, right beside the exit is the last one; a single small solitary cage.
And in it sat a small furry creature.. a dog!
The father looked at it and it occurred to him,
"This is a shih tzu!"
