Small Children Jokes
40 small children jokes and hilarious small children puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about small children that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Small Children Short Jokes
Short small children jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The small children humour may include short little children jokes also.
- There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age. Small children and 39 year old's.
- You know what's more fun than traveling with small children? Anything. Literally anything…
- What Is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One is white, made of plastic, and very dangerous if left around small children. The other is a plastic bag.
- I love Halloween It's the only time of the year I'm not questioned for giving out sweets to small children.
- The prayer uttered most often by pet owners and parents of small children: "Please, God, let that be chocolate."
- Coworker: You're an idiot. Me: Nobody talks to me that way except... My mother
My father
My wife
My wife's family
Small children
Large children
And now I guess my coworkers.... - What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a newspaper bag? One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.
- I always let the elderly, small animals and children comes first It makes me feel like a gentleman in bed
- You know why Santa does not like to visit children in their little small bedrooms? claustrophobia
- I didn't like children at first because I thought they were too small.. But my son has been growing on me
Share These Small Children Jokes With Friends
Small Children One Liners
Which small children one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with small children? I can suggest the ones about small people and little folks.
- I sell prosthetics for children... I'm a small arms dealer
- What's black and white that small children no longer need worry about? Michael Jackson
- How come Apple-products have so small transistors? Children have very small hands
- Three small children walk into a bar... These kids not used to times square
Great Small Children Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about small children you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean small baby jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make small children pranks.
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’”
A small voice from the back of the room rang out,
“And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, n**..., and wrinkled”
"Johny, what is the difference between being sober and being drunken?"
Johny: "When I was drunk I didn't need to buy a ticket to the carousel."
"Ok, and when you were sober and wanted to go to the carousel what has happened then?"
"The carousel man needed to center the whole carousel, of course.
The left half of the carousel was for me and the right one for all the small children."
Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"
From a Southwest Airlines employee
"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight x**... to Chicago. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."
The importance of never being late
A priest celebrates his 25th anniversary as head of a small congregation in a small village in rural America. The mayor was supposed to hold a speech at the beginning, but as always he had more important matters at hand. So the priest started with his speech.
'I know how disturbed I was 25years ago when I came to this village. The first man to confess, I will not name him, told me that he cheated on his wife and had 5 children with his affaire...'
As the priest came to an end the mayor arrived and started his speech: 'I still know I had the honour to be the first one to confess to Father Anderson...'
The Gorilla and the r**...
A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became impossible to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the gorilla was in heat, and her aggressive behavior could only be relieved with s**... interaction with a male counterpart. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
After considering nearly all possible options, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a r**... part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, a very strong physical man, had little sense but was always bragging about his h**... tonk women. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this, and I mean no one." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", Bobby Lee said, "In the event that there are offspring, I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00."
Heard this one 20 years ago in India
At Sunday mass in a small coastal town, the preacher decides to address the increasing promiscuity of the locals. People were beginning to have more and more pre-marital s**..., more children were being born out of wedlock and the number of teenage mothers was on the rise. The fact that it was a tourist spot also meant that one-night flings with visitors was now commonplace.
"In Corinthians 6:18-20 the lord says Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body."
Continuing in the same vein, he hopes that he is shaming the audience into repentance so that they may amend their ways. As a grand flourish, he ends with, "Now let those among you who have saved themselves for the Lord stand up, so we may gaze upon thee and admire thee."
No one stands up, and all avert their gaze and look at their shoes.
Then, a young mother with a five month old-baby girl stands up at the back.
Everyone is taken aback and the preacher is flustered. "Did you not understand my instruction? Only those who have not had s**... congress may stand!"
"Well, father", the young mother replies, "you can hardly expect this baby to stand up by herself, now, can you?"
A small church became infested with rabbits...
A small church became infested with rabbits. Pest control professionals were called as soon as the problem was discovered, but nothing could stop the rabbits from overtaking first the basement, then the grounds, then the kitchen and offices, and finally the meeting hall. Realizing that nothing could be done, the leaders and the congregation tried to go on as usual, but the smell of rabbit droppings was overpowering even after thorough cleanings. Worse, inevitably a rabbit would be accidentally harmed or killed during the service, which would always lead to many children bursting into tears.
Finally, a solution was discovered. Sprinkling holy water throughout the building, they baptized the rabbits in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Now they only see the rabbits on Christmas and Easter.
Catholic School
So there's a bad jewish kid and he swears all the time. He gets expelled from school. His behavior combined with the town he lives in being so small where everyone knows everyone's business, causes his family to become pariahs.
Desperate for a solution, the parents ask the local Rabbi for help who suggests sending the boy to a *yeshiva* - a Jewish private school. The parents try this, but sadly, this seemed to make him worse, now he swears in both English and Hebrew.
The next week, Thanksgiving rolls around and the parents have the neighbors over to eat Turkey with them. The neighbor after a while can't help but remark "I know it's not my place, but your son is very unruly."
The parents sigh and say they have no idea what to do with him. The neighbor replies "I know you're Jewish but try Catholic School. Those nuns instill serious discipline in children."
Feeling out of options, the parents do enroll the son in Catholic School, and that same day he comes home from school the model son they always wished he was.
The parents are flabbergasted. They ask "Did the nuns beat you?", and the son replies "No mother, they did not." So the parent's say "Then how did this happen?" and the son replied "Well, when I saw the guy hanging on the wall there, I knew they meant business!"
So a while back the Pope went on a visit...
to a city. He was trying to get across town without attracting too much attention, so instead of the Popemobile, he was driving in a heavily armored SUV with very tinted windows.
So the chauffeur is driving the Pope around, and the Pope gets to wondering. "Man," he thinks, "I haven't driven in ages, not since I was a bishop." He promptly orders the chauffeur to pull over and get in the back seat. The Pope gets in front, slams his foot down on the gas, and barrels down Main Street.
The Pope is a terrible driver, and extremely out of practice. He crashes into street lights, fire hydrants, small children, everything. Eventually a police car comes, sirens blaring, and the Pope pulls over.
The cop gets out of his car and taps on the window, and the Pope rolls the window down. The cop and the Pope stare at each other for a while, and then the cop nods and walks back to his squad car. The Pope drives off.
A nearby witness, who has seen the whole thing, runs over to the cop.
"Officer!" he asks, "Why didn't you arrest that man, or at least give him a ticket?"
The cop shakes his head and says: "He's too important to arrest."
The man says: "Who could be so important that they could get away with *that*?"
The cop replies: "I don't know, but he's got the Pope as his driver."
Beauty and the beast
Belle goes to a petting zoo with her four year old daughter. She bent down to pet a small pony and started coughing from an allergic reaction to the pony's fur. She pulled out a bottle of allergy pills as her strokes on the pony became more and more e**..., eventually causing it to sprout an e**.... A worker came rushing up to her hastily saying "please put that away. There are children here." Belle responded, "oh sorry. I was feeling a little hoarse."
A man goes to the carnival
A man goes to the carnival with his family, and they decide to split up to enjoy the rides. The husband walks by a tent with a sign advertising a fortuneteller. He doesn't believe in such things,but decides to go inside anyway.
A woman looks up from a small table with a crystal ball and speaks, " Greetings, would you like your fortune foretold?" Thinking for a second, he answers, "I'd like some proof first that you aren't a fake."
The woman looks into her crystal ball, and answers, " I see you have two lovely children with you this fine day."
"Pff, I have three children, not two."
The woman grins back. "That's what you think."
A couple decide to give s**... a codeword...
because of their young children they decide to call having s**... "doing the wash"
One day the father comes home to find his wife on the couch watching her soaps and the kids running around the house, and he asks, "honey, let's go to our room and *do the wash*!
She says, "Not now, I'm just really into these soaps right now, give me a half hour or so..."
When she's done she finds him and asks him if he's still ready to "do the wash" and he replies,
"Naw, it was a small load and I did it by hand, anyway."
There was a father who called his 5 small children together.
As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle.
He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them.
He asked them who is the most obedient?
Five sets of eyes looked up at him.
Sensing that they didn't understand the word he then asked, ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?
One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. You win! exclaimed the child.
FACTS OF LIFE
A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in the big city. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several s**... dressed women loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?" The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work." The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, c'mon lady. Tell your daughter the truth, for crying out loud. They're h**...!" A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the ladies have any children?" The mother replies, "Of course dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"
A dad joke with which we can all sympathize
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should get the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in union, "Okay, dad. You get the toy."
8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.
The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".
Maria had 3 children, snowflake, sand, and brick.
One day snowflake goes to her mom and asks her: Mom, why am I called snowflake? Then the mother replies: Because when you were born, a snowflake fell on your head. The next day goes Sand and asks: Mom, why am I called Sand? And the mother replies: Because when you were born, a small grain of sand fell on your head. The next day goes brick and asks: gyefagcxheufrhd
I saw a sign outside the pub.
It said: "Small Dogs and Children Allowed."
I thought...they can't be making much business.
Trump cuts a deal after impeachment
He gives up his fortune, is not allowed to work or invest in any industry that he was previously in, and only has a very minimal amount of money to get himself started.
Everybody thought he would end up under a bridge or jumping off a bridge in no time, but love him or hate him, he is one stubborn, determined s**....
He opens up a small business, something he never even imagined all these years ago, but thinks he can still apply his core values to, bungee jumping.
The day comes he is ready to open, so he brings his sign out the front. Bungee jumping: Adults $400, Children $300. Black's and Mexicans: free, no strings attached.
A Man is walking home when
He passes a large privacy fence. On the other side of the fence he can hear about 3 or 4 children chanting," 12,12,12,12,12" very ritualisticly. He sees a small hole in the fence and gets right up to it so he can see what is happening on the other side. Just as he did a small finger came out of the hole and poked him in the eye and the children began chanting," 13,13,13,13,13."
An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".
The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".
The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".
The wife continued, "We didn't want to take the chance of having a Mexican baby, since neither of us can speak Spanish".
