Smack Jokes

55 smack jokes and hilarious smack puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the funniest smack jokes to use with your friends. From talking smack to skydiving, read through hundreds of jokes to give you the best ahha moments! Make sure you don't forget to spank the smack head in your group.

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Funniest Smack Short Jokes

Short smack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The smack humour may include short slapped jokes also.

  1. I used to believe that sticks and stones could break my bones, but words could never hurt me. But then I got smacked with a dictionary.
  2. A tomato family is walking down the road... when baby tomato falls behind. Daddy tomato goes back, smacks him on the head and says, "Ketchup!"
  3. My wife and I weren't really expecting a baby, and then BAM!... One smacks right into the windshield.
  4. A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, "I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!" So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler.
  5. I got frustrated while trying to think of a name for the medicine I invented. After smacking my head against the keyboard five times I had the answer.
  6. I used to have a job naming medicines, but I quit after a few days. I got sick of smacking my head against a computer keyboard.
  7. My car is so fast that it smacked into a bug and killed it... While I was parallel parking.
  8. If anything ever stopped working, as kids we smacked it up top and shook it around a bit. To this day this tip still works. My wife only took 2 times to learn.
  9. It doesn't matter whether you're a bad parent or a bad drug dealer... Because at the end of the day a kid gets smacked.
  10. My sister just smacked her head on our low hanging chandelier.. I told her she hasnt seen the light

Share These Smack Jokes With Friends

Smack One Liners

Which smack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with smack? I can suggest the ones about smash and slap.

  1. What's sneezing on your period like? Smacking the bottom of an open ketchup bottle.
  2. What's Chris Brown's favorite cereal? Honey Smacks
  3. A baker was smacked lightly with a baguette by his coworker. He felt a small pain.
  4. Why did the cancer patient get smacked? His hand was bigger than his face.
  5. I smacked into a pole the other day. Turns out my car is fine, but the stripper died.
  6. Houston got smacked... The Astros and The Rockets
  7. What's the best time to get smacked in the face for the fourth time? Fourth-hurtee.
  8. What did the rude prism say to the beam of light that smacked into him? Get bent!
  9. Is it good to get into a beehive with sassy bees? Yes, you get Honey Smacks.
  10. How does a blonde high-five? She smacks herself in the forehead.
  11. a guy walks into a bar BOP! smacks his head right on the bar! ©
  12. A man is listening to some metal while he smacks it with his hammer.
  13. When do you s**... a midget? When they say your hair smells nice.
  14. How do you kill 100 flies? s**... an Ethiopian kid in the face.
  15. Why don't I play chess with the Prodigy? they s**... my bishop

Smack Head Jokes

Here is a list of funny smack head jokes and even better smack head puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Dads are like boomerangs They always s**... me on the back of my head
  • If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can s**... your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.

Talking Smack Jokes

Here is a list of funny talking smack jokes and even better talking smack puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You should not talk s**... about paedophiles Because they drive slow in school zones
  • Dad and I were chatting about the news... I was talking with him about the plight of a**.... He told me, "Son, you wouldn't know a**... if it smacked you dead in the face." Then it hit me.
  • My j**... neighbor's girlfriend finally left him... I guess she was tired of his s**... talk.
  • What do you call it when one dealer makes fun of another dealer's m**...? Talking s**....
  • I've come to realization that I'm not very good at talking s**..., so now whenever someone insults me I give them a picture of Bernie Sanders vomiting. You could say I give em a sick bern.
  • Why was the h**... dealer arrested at the basketball game? He was talking s**....
Smack joke, Why was the h**... dealer arrested at the basketball game?

Smack joke, Why was the h**... dealer arrested at the basketball game?

Share Hilarious Smack Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about smack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spank jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make smack pranks.

Some bloke just told me he was gonna s**... me with the neck of his guitar....

I said, is that a fret?

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

your mom doesn't stop s**... when I s**... her

Tomorrow I'm having skin grafted from my b**... onto my hand and I cope with humor. Make me laugh.

I'm going to have to ask my girlfriend if she wants to try b**... stuff just so we can hold hands.
The surgeon's going to hand my a**... to me.
If I high five someone did they technically s**... my a**...?

A general, an officer, an old lady, and an attractive young woman all board a train together.

As they ride along they go in a dark tunnel and can't see anything. Suddenly, they hear a quick smooch followed by a loud s**...!
The old lady thinks, "that young girl has some fine morals, smacking a man for trying to steal a kiss."
The young woman thinks, "how odd, the general tried to kiss the old lady instead of me."
The general thinks, "that officer is smart, he steals a kiss, and I get slapped."
The office thinks, "I'M A GENIUS! I kiss the back of my hand, and get to hit a 4 star general!!!"

Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right s**... dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.

Two genies in a deserted house..

A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*

Two men and two women are on a train.

There is a mother and daughter on their way to have a holiday, and there is an old general and his valet, a young sergeant. The train goes through a tunnel, and everything is dark. There is a *mwsshk!* and a *s**...!* and the train leaves the tunnel.
The mother thinks, "that young man stole a kiss from my daughter and got slapped for it!"
The daughter thinks, "that young man tried to kiss me, and kissed my mother by mistake!"
The general thinks, "that upstart pup steals a kiss and I get slapped for it."
The sergeant thinks, "not bad! I just kiss my hand and get to slap the general, and here comes another tunnel!"

Three blondes in a wood

Three Blondes are walking through a wood.
They come across some tracks on the ground.
The first blonde says "these are deer tracks."
The second blonde says "no, these are bear tracks."
The third blonde says "no, these are fox tracks."
*s**...* and that's when the train hit them.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito will stop s**... when you s**... it.
*Heard this from my hubby last night.

a thirsty boy and his Dad

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to s**... you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'When you come in to s**... me, can you bring a drink of water?'

What happens when you s**... Dwayne Johnson's b**...?

You get arrested for s**... assault. What did you think was going to happen?

What's your favorite blonde joke?

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you s**... it, the mosquito stops s**....

What's the difference between a hard s**... and a gentle pat?

One's a tight slap, the other's a slight tap.


The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. Can you tackle? asked the coach. Watch this, said the freshman, who proceeded to run s**... into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. Wow, said the coach. I'm impressed. Can you run? Of course I can run, said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. Great! enthused the coach. But can you pass a football? The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. Well, sir, he said, If I can s**... it, I can probably pass it.

Williams College and Amherst College have a long-standing rivalry.

One night, the Amherst students decide to raid the Williams football field and spray paint an A for Amherst s**... dab in the middle of the field. They sneak out under the cover of the dark, and when the Williams students wake up the next morning, they see the massive A on their field. Naturally, they decide to get Amherst back for their hijinks by leaving their own mark on the Amherst field.
The next morning, the Amherst students wake up to an average-sized B+ on their field.

A guy came up to me in the pub and asked me if I'd seen his wife.

Apparently "haven't we all" was enough of a reason to s**... me in the face.

Tom is hanging with John and John's monkey...

...and John asks "Do you want to see something cool?" and Tom says yes. John then smacks his monkey upside the head and the monkey starts s**... John off.
John asks Tom if he wants some of that and Tom says "Yea, just don't s**... me upside the head too hard."

Why is 10 always living in fear?

Because it is s**... bang in the middle of 9/11

How do you fix the dishwasher?

s**... her.

Why did the Smackhead kick the habit?

He didn't like nuns.

Did you know that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson use to be addicted to h**...?

He almost died one day, until he finally decided to lay the s**... down.

I treat my remotes like I treat my wife

If they stop working, I give them a s**... on the back

Whatr do you get when you have communist lemons?

Just s**... me.

It was probably my worst moment of judgement, feeling over confident and giving Dwayne Johnson a big ol' s**... on his a**....

I hit Rock bottom.

What's an addict's favorite food?

s**... and cheese

My dad is a s**... addict.

I have the bruises to prove it.

Q: What goes at 100 mph and makes a "s**...," "s**...," "s**..." sound?

A: A dead baby tied to a truck.

Smack joke, Q: What goes at 100 mph and makes a "s**...," "s**...," "s**..." sound?

jokes about smack