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Slurred Jokes

9 slurred jokes and hilarious slurred puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about slurred that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Unearthly Funniest Slurred Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What is a good slurred joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn't happy at all. How much have you had to drink? she asked sternly, staring at me. Nothing I slurred. Look at me! she shouted. It's either me or the pub, which one is it?

I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, It's you. I can tell by the voice.

The night before the wedding

The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.
"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.
"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"
"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"
"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.
"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.
The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"

God went to a Frenchman

He said 'I've got some commandments, do you want some?'
'What are they like?' The Frenchman replied
'Thou shall not commit adultery' Answered God
'I don't think so...' Slurred the Frenchman, so God went to a German and asked if he wanted any.
'What are they like?' The German questioned
'Thou shall not kill' God replied
'Hmmm, perhaps not' The German sighed, so God went to an Italian, offering him some commandments
'What are they like?' The Italian inquired
'Thou shall not steal' Answered God
'Perhaps not' The Italian replied. So God went to a Jew and offered him some commandments
'How much are they?' The Jew asked
'They're free' God answered
'I'll take ten' Said the Jew

What's it like to be drunk?

A boy was riding home from school with his dad. He had just started learning about alcohol and drinking in his health class.
"Dad, when you're drinking how do you know you're drunk?"
"Well son, when you're drunk your speech is slurred and your vision gets worse and worse. A drunk person would see 4 cars in front of us and not 2."
"But Dad, there's only 1 car in front of us!"

Two intoxicated hobos were walking on a railroad track.

After a while of struggling, one of them slurred, "This must be the longest staircase in the world." The other replied in a drunken lisp, "That's not so bad. But, what's killing me are these low handrails.

"I'm not serving you," said the bartender. "Too drunk."

"Sober up then you idiot," I slurred.

A policeman pulled me over.

"Sir, were you drunk driving?" he asked me.
"No," I slurred.
"I'm going to need to step out of your vehicle immediately," he stated.
I laughed. "You're a m**...!"
"I'm a m**..., am I? How so?"
"You think this is my car."

A drunk stumbled to a church to ask a priest a question. He drunkenly asked "Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest, annoyed by the drunk, angrily replies:
"Arthritis? That's caused by drinking! Drinking too much!" The priest declared.
"Oh really father?" The drunk slurred.
However, the father wanted to really teach this man a lesson, and he said:
"Having un-wed s**... also causes arthritis! And smoking! And gambling! All of it!" The priest shouted.
"Oh really father?" The drunk mumbled. "Because I read in the news that people in the clergy suffer from arthritis."

The traffic police spotted a man staggering towards his car and opening the driver's door.

They stopped and confronted him.
Excuse me, sir, but I hope you are not intending to drive the car?
Of course I am, officer, he slurred. I'm in no state to walk.

Slurred joke, The traffic police spotted a man staggering towards his car and opening the driver's door.


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about slurred can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of slurred puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Slurred joke, The traffic police spotted a man staggering towards his car and opening the driver's door.

Slurred joke, The traffic police spotted a man staggering towards his car and opening the driver's door.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these slurred jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.