Slows Jokes

32 slows jokes and hilarious slows puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about slows that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Slows Short Jokes

Short slows jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The slows humour may include short slowed jokes also.

  1. My wife packed my bags and told me to leave . . . As I was headed out the door, she said "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." I said, "so now you want me to stay?"
  2. The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot. It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
  3. I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen
  4. As I was leaving with my bags, my wife said, "I hope you have a slow and miserable death"... I said, "So you want me to stay now?".
  5. As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!
  6. Boss: Can you work this weekend? Me: Yeah no worries but I'll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.
    Boss: What time will you get here?
    Me: Monday.
  7. I wanted to help my pet snail. He was really slow like, so one day I took off his shell, thought it'd make him more streamlined. Turns out it didn't. It made him more sluggish.
  8. It took a week to cut my lawn... It was a slow-mo
  9. What do you call a seamstress who makes things up? A *fabric*ator.
    It was a slow day at work...
  10. What do you do if your wife starts smoking? Slow down and use lubrication

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Slows One Liners

Which slows one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with slows? I can suggest the ones about slow people and slower than.

  1. Your mum is so slow It took her 9 months to come up with a good joke
  2. You're mom's so slow... ...that it took her 9 months to make a joke.
  3. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down.
  4. Your mom is so slow It took her nine months to make a joke
  5. Yo momma is SO slow…. That it took her 9 months to make a joke!
  6. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and possibly use a lubricant.
  7. What's that black stuff between an elephants toes? Slow Natives.
  8. Your mom is so slow, She took 9 months to make a joke.
  9. Simba runs pretty slow He needs to Mufasa
  10. What do you call a caveman who is walking really slow? A Meanderthal.
  11. If slow old men use walking sticks, what do fast old men use ? Hurry canes.
  12. My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race She died in a fire
  13. Pedophiles may be bad people... ... but at least they drive slow through the school zones
  14. What do you call a turtle with a hard on? -A slow poke.
  15. I got chlamydia from a person with special needs She gave me the slow clap

Slows joke, I got <a href="/chlamydia-jokes.html" title="Chlamydia jokes">chlamydia</a> from a person with speci

Fun-Filled Slows Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about slows you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean any slower jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make slows pranks.

A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...

He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."
The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."

A man hails a cab...

...and gets inside. The driver starts, and decides to mess with the man a little bit. "I'm actually a spy you know" he says to his passenger. "Really?" The passenger says. "Yeah, you see the man on that bike? I need to take him down" He speeds up a bit and right when he's about to hit the bike messenger, he slows, just missing him. The driver then hears a thud, when the passenger says, "You missed him, but I got him with the door!"

A retired man is driving his brand new, top end sports car down an empty road and decides to open it up...

(Sorry if this joke has been told on here before)
All of a sudden he sees flashing lights behind him. Speeds up at first, thinks better of it, slows down and pulls over.
Cop comes up to the window and says to the man "I got you for speeding, but I would like to know why you sped up before you stopped for me."
The man looks back at the cop and says "Ex-wife left me for a cop, thought you were trying to give her back."

California Roll

A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.
Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.
The cop pulls the guy out of the car and starts beating him.
The guy starts yelling "Stop! STOP!! What are you doing?! Stop!!!"
"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to stop or slow down?"

Time slows down around heavier objects - Einstein

Which is why your mom is 40 and looks 22.

Sleep patterns are fascinating.

There's light sleep, where your heart rate slows; deep sleep, where you can't easily be wakened; and REM sleep, where you lose your religion.

Apple slows their old phones and everyone loses their mind

God has been doing this to old people for centuries and no one bats an eye...

Yo Mama's so fat..

Yo Mama's so fat, that time slows down around here.
(Courtesy of Einstein)

I recently told my girlfriend about removing the cookies and site data because it slows down the browser speed...

Now she understands why I delete the browsing history everyday.

A tourist is cycling in the Dutch countryside...

...when a passing car slows down beside him. The driver rolls down the window and asks You're awfully fast – are you heading to Sexbierum?
The cyclist replies Just the beer and the r**.... I'm married.

Traffic stop

A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over.
The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"
The man says, "I slowed down."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"

Baby, are you the speed of light?

Because time slows down near you.

Red Light, Green Light

I'm driving with this guy, and he runs right through a Stop sign. So I say, Hey, that was a Stop sign. And he says, I drive like my brother!

A few blocks later, he plows right through a red light. I say, You just ran a red light. And he says, I drive like my brother!

So now we're coming up on a green light, and he slows down. I'm confused, so I say, It's green; why are you slowing down?

He says, My brother might be coming.

Say what you want about j**... Sandusky

But at least he slows down in school zones.

A High School Math Question

If an object traveling at 650 miles per hour encounters resistance and slows to 0 miles per hour within 2 seconds, for how long will it take the North Tower to fall?

A boy goes to sit beside a girl in library.

A boy looks around in library to find a girl sitting alone. He goes to her and says, "Can I sit beside you?"
She replies loudly, "I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the library looks at the boy in shock. He slows moves to another table quite embarrassed.
A few minutes later, the girl comes to sit beside the boy and says, "I am a psychology student. I know how to make you feel embarrassed."
To which the boy replies even louder, "1000$ FOR ONE NIGHT?! THAT'S TOO MUCH!"
Everyone in the library looks at the girl, even more shocked.
The boy leans towards the girl and says, "I'm a law student. I know how to make you feel guilty."

Blonde joke

A blonde is speeding down the highway and notices the flashing lights of a police car behind her. She slows down and pulls over to wait for the police officer, who also happens to be a blonde.
The police officer asks her for her driver's license. The driver says:"I'm not sure what that is... what does it look like?"
Police officer:"It's a little square and it has your picture on it."
Driver: Reaches into the glove compartment and pulls out her compact, looks at her self in the mirror, seems satisfied and hands it to the officer.
Police officer:"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were police officer! Have a nice day. You can go now."

Slows joke, Blonde joke