Slowed Jokes

57 slowed jokes and hilarious slowed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about slowed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Slowed Short Jokes

Short slowed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The slowed humour may include short slows jokes also.

  1. My wife packed my bags and told me to leave . . . As I was headed out the door, she said "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." I said, "so now you want me to stay?"
  2. The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot. It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
  3. I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen
  4. As I was leaving with my bags, my wife said, "I hope you have a slow and miserable death"... I said, "So you want me to stay now?".
  5. As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!
  6. Boss: Can you work this weekend? Me: Yeah no worries but I'll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.
    Boss: What time will you get here?
    Me: Monday.
  7. I wanted to help my pet snail. He was really slow like, so one day I took off his shell, thought it'd make him more streamlined. Turns out it didn't. It made him more sluggish.
  8. It took a week to cut my lawn... It was a slow-mo
  9. What do you call a seamstress who makes things up? A *fabric*ator.
    It was a slow day at work...
  10. What do you do if your wife starts smoking? Slow down and use lubrication

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Slowed One Liners

Which slowed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with slowed? I can suggest the ones about slow people and sluggish.

  1. Your mum is so slow It took her 9 months to come up with a good joke
  2. You're mom's so slow... ...that it took her 9 months to make a joke.
  3. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down.
  4. Your mom is so slow It took her nine months to make a joke
  5. Yo momma is SO slow…. That it took her 9 months to make a joke!
  6. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and possibly use a lubricant.
  7. What's that black stuff between an elephants toes? Slow Natives.
  8. Your mom is so slow, She took 9 months to make a joke.
  9. Simba runs pretty slow He needs to Mufasa
  10. What do you call a caveman who is walking really slow? A Meanderthal.
  11. If slow old men use walking sticks, what do fast old men use ? Hurry canes.
  12. My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race She died in a fire
  13. Pedophiles may be bad people... ... but at least they drive slow through the school zones
  14. What do you call a turtle with a hard on? -A slow poke.
  15. I got chlamydia from a person with special needs She gave me the slow clap

Slowed joke, I got <a href="/chlamydia-jokes.html" title="Chlamydia jokes">chlamydia</a> from a person with speci

Rib-Tickling Slowed Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about slowed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slower than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make slowed pranks.

Guy gets pulled over for not stopping at a stop sign

The guy yells at the cop and says "I know I didn't stop, I slowed down, what's the difference?!"
Cop starts beating the driver with his baton and after a few minutes asks the driver "Do you want me to stop or slow down?"

Stop Sign

A man gets pulled over by a police officer for running a stop sign. The officer says "you didn't stop at that stop sign." The man replies "oh come on, I slowed down to almost a stop." The officer looks at the man and says "please step out of the vehicle sir." The man obliges, and at this point the police officer starts to beat him with a baton and says "now do you want me to stop, or do you want me to slow down?"

A man is driving down the road...

When he comes to a stop sign. But he doesn't see anyone around, so he just slows down. However, a police officer was watching the intersection and pulls the man over. The cop says "Sir, why didn't you stop at the stop sign?"
The man says "Well there was no one around so I just slowed down."
To which the cop replies "Sir, it's a stop sign. You have to stop"
"Well I slowed down! what's the difference?"
The cop says "Sir, get out of the car," and the cop takes the man to the side of the road and starts beating the man with his night stick. After he has been beating him for a few minutes, the cop says "Now, do you want me to stop, or slow down?!"

A California state trooper pulled over a driver who ran a stop sign.

"C'mon, Officer. I slowed down, didn't I?" argued the driver.
"But you must come to a complete stop at the sign," said the trooper.
"'Stop.' 'Slow down.' What's the difference, really?" quibbled the driver.
The cop was so irritated that he whipped out his billy club and started hitting the man's arm with it, shouting, "Well, do you want me to stop or slow down?!"

A police officer pulls a guy over.....

and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?

"Drat!", he exclaimed, as the blood flow from his wrist slowed to a trickle foiling his attempt at s**...,

"I have cut myself in vein!"

Stop sign

A guy is driving, comes up to a four way stop. He slows down, looks down each street quickly and goes through the sign. A few moments later a police officer pulls him over.
The officer approaches the driver, asks "do you know why I pulled you over?".
The driver sighs, "yes, it's because I slowed down instead of stopping at the stop sign... But what's the difference ?".
The officer asks him to step out of the car, the man complies. The officer then takes out his night stick and starts rapidly beating the man over the head!
After a few hits the officer says "Do you want me to stop, or slow down?"

A lawyer and a cop

A lawyer ran a stop sign and was immediately pulled over by a cop. The lawyer started shouting, "I slowed down! No one was coming! What's the difference?"
The cop asked him to step out of his car. As soon as the lawyer was out, the cop pulled out his baton and starting beating the guy. Quickly, left, right, upside the head, everywhere.
After a few minutes, the officer stops, looks at the lawyer and says, " you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?"

For the Geeky Engineer drone...

So they put another engineer onto our team, His name is Ian Bradley, he is the guy that checks data flow down curcuits, making sure nothing is getting held up or slowed down.
I got an email from him the other day,
the header was
Resistors are Futile

A cop pulls over a guy who just ran a stop sign.

Cop: You ran that stop sign back there.
Driver: Oh, come on now officer, it's called a California stop! I slowed down and no one was coming so I just rolled through.
Cop: Step out of the car please, sir.
Driver: What? Why? This is outrageous! I slowed down, and no one was even coming!
Cop: Please, sir, I'm going to need you to step out of the vehicle.
Driver: (disgruntled) FINE THEN! HAVE IT YOUR WAY! (steps out)
Cop: (Mercilessly begins to beat the driver with his baton) Now, sir, do you want me to *stop*, or *slow* down?

A cop pulls a guy over for slowing instead of stopping at a stopsign...

When the driver protests that he slowed down, the cop has him get out of the car and starts beating him over the head.
"Do you want me to stop or slow down?"

A man rolls thru a STOP sign and a cop pulls him over

"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."
"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"
The cop pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.
"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop... or slow down."
*This joke was told to me by a police officer, which made it kinda scary.

A big city lawyer runs a stop sign

in a little Southern nowhere kind of town. He gets pulled over by the local sheriff. The lawyer, being very studied and knowledgeable, believes he can easily outsmart the poor hick. So the sheriff comes to his window and says, "You didn't stop at that stop sign." "It's okay officer, I slowed down," says the lawyer. In reply, the sheriff says, "Well yes, but that isn't stopping." "Oh, what's he difference?" the lawyer says annoyed with this s**... local cop. The officer makes the lawyer get out of the car, preparing to show him the difference. He takes out his nightstick and proceeds to beat he lawyer senselessly for about a minute. After this, the sheriff helps the lawyer to his feet and says, "Alright now sir, would you like me to stop or just slow down?"

Say what you want about Sandusky.

But he always slowed down for school zones.


A man was walking by a tall wall surrounding a hospital, what he thought was an insane asylum. He heard low voices moaning and groaning and saying, "61...61...61..." over and over again. It was odd and unsettling. It was a bit creepy. And he wondered what the heck was going on behind those walls. His pace slowed as the voices got a little louder and more organized...
"61! 61! 61!"
He noticed a small beam of light coming out of a small hole about waist high. It was his chance to see what was happening.
As he bent over and peered into the hole, a stick poked through it and jabbed him right in the eye.
"OUCH!" he shouted, as he fell back on his behind.
The voices then happily started shouting, "62! 62! 62!"

A man drives through a stop sign..

A cop pulls him over and asks for his information.
"Sir, you just drove through that intersection without stopping."
"Aww come on, it's not a big deal..I slowed down!"
The officer steps back, looking down at his feet, all of a sudden he pulls out his night stick and starts beating the man.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!" The man screams.
"Would you like me to slow down, or stop?"

My computer crashed.

Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.

I was riding in my friend's car today when I noticed he didn't have a brake pedal.

He said it only slowed him down.

An old man was pulled over

An old man was pulled over for failing to stop at a stop sign. When questioned the man replied "I slowed down, same difference!". The officer then took out his baton and started striking the man and he asked the man "would you like me to slow down or stop?"

TIL why coal production has drastically slowed down within the past 10 years

It is believed the labor involved in this risky job was causing miner pain.

Otto the vampire bat came flapping in from the night- his face covered in fresh blood and settled on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Soon, all the other bats smelled the blood and hassled Otto to tell them where he got it.
"Ok, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of his fellow residents behind him. Finally, he slowed down and the other bats milled around him, tongues hanging out expectantly.
"Do you see that large tree over there?" He said.
"Yes, yes!" the bats said, excitedly.
"Good for you, I didn't."

I was driving the other day

I was driving the other day when I saw this beautiful woman standing on the side of the road. I slowed down a little bit to get a better look at her when the guy behind me rear ended me.
As soon as we both got out of our vehicles, I noticed he was a midget. As he was walking over to me I could tell he was mad. He approached me and yelled, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "Well, which one are you?"

My computer just crashed.

Now all the other computers have slowed down to rubberneck.

I was once driving down the road..

..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,
Welcome to Speed Limit

A man runs through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a cop

"You are supposed to stop at a stop sign" the cop says.
"But I slowed down." The driver says
"that's the same thing."
The officer then drags the guy into the road and beats him with his baton
"Now do you want me to stop or slow down?!"

Yo momma's teeth are so yellow

When she smiled at traffic, it slowed down

i've only showed my sensitive side once

and that was when i slowed down for a horse

Traffic stop

A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over.
The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"
The man says, "I slowed down."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"

I drove by the local jailhouse today. The inmates were out in the yard playing football. I slowed down and yelled,

"Pass me the ball, I'm free!"

A man gets pulled over...

A man gets pulled over by a local sheriff. The sheriff walks up to the man's window and says I pulled you over because you didn't come to a full stop at that stop sign back there.
Yeah, but I slowed down... the man tells him.
Quickly, the sheriff reaches into the man's car, grabs him by the hair and starts smashing the man's face over and over into the steering wheel and asks him, Now do you want me to stop? Or do you want me to slow down?

A guy was driving down the road when he seen a stop sign..

He looked around and didn't see anyone so he slowed down a little bit but kept going. Then next thing he knew, he was being pulled over. So he pulls over, and the cop just drags him it the car and goes to beating him with his nightstick.. and in all the confusion the cop says "now do you want me to STOP, or just slow down a little bit and keep going?"

My computer has this disgusting virus that has completed slowed everything down.

It's called "Internet Explorer".

Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?

The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.
The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins per month for the rest of the year 2020.
So I guess you could say the coins will return next quarter.

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.
Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".

h**... once ran a race against the top German athletes, and they all slowed down to let him win.

He thought he was the fascist man in Germany.

A man drives up to a stop sign and rolls through it.

Shortly after a cop pulls him over. The cop asks, Do you know why I pulled you over? The man says, No . The cop says, You ran a stop sign back there . The man says, OK, but I slowed down though . The cop then asks, Could you please step out of the vehicle, Sir? The man gets out of his car. The cop pulls out his night stick and begins beating him. The man yells, STOP, STOP! The cops say, Oh, you want me to slow down?

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had s**... heads and holding up signs.
One sign read "The End is Near!"
The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"
He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.
He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.
One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said "Maybe we should simply write 'warning: bridge ahead closed'"

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow...

She stood on a street corner and smiled, and traffic slowed down

Driving in Georgia

I was driving through rural Georgia one day. I came to a stop sign. Being from the big city, I just did a kind of rolling stop through the sign.
A Georgia Highway Patrol spotted me and pulled me over. He came up to the window and said, "Boy, you know why I pulled you over"?
I said, "No. Why did you pull me over"?
He said," You see that stop sign back there? You didn't stop. You just slowed down".
I said," Slow down, Stop. What's the difference"?
He took out his nightstick and started whacking me with it!
As he did so, he said, " Now, you want me to slow down, or you want me to stop"?

Stop or slow down

A guy gets pulled over, the cop says I pulled you over for not stopping at the stop sign.
I slowed down. says the man
You have to stop
But I slowed down.
The cop was tired of this guy he pulls him out of the car and starts hitting him really fast!
Now do you want me to stop ,or slow down?!

I was driving down the road when I saw some cows in the road.

I slowed down and rolled down the window. They told me to *mooooooooooooove* along.
(Corny as h**..., I know. Thanks, Dad)

Slowed joke, I was driving down the road when I saw some cows in the road.