Slow People Jokes
39 slow people jokes and hilarious slow people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about slow people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a good laugh, check out our collection of slow people jokes. From clever one-liners to funny stories, these jokes are sure to get you chuckling. So whether you're looking to make someone else laugh or simply want to amuse yourself, take a look at our selection of slow people jokes.
Funniest Slow People Short Jokes
Short slow people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The slow people humour may include short slow driver jokes also.
- A snail, who was tired of being slow, went and bought a sports car with a big S on each side Whenever people saw him zooming past, they would say, Hey, look at that S-Car Go
- People call me slow, but ... It's just that my wit is so fast, and my intellect so massive, that my brain is subject to relativistic time dilation.
- Apple slows their old phones and everyone loses their mind God has been doing this to old people for centuries and no one bats an eye...
- How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units - I dont like music made by special needs people... I've never really been one for slow jams.
- People drive too slow in the fog... I'm just over here not hitting anything. Not even my brakes.
- w**... legalization in Cambodia is a slow process People still aren't ready to embrace any new m**... legislation, the last p**... pol killed millions.
Share These Slow People Jokes With Friends
Slow People One Liners
Which slow people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with slow people? I can suggest the ones about slow and slow poke.
- Pedophiles may be bad people... ... but at least they drive slow through the school zones
- why are black people fast? all the slow ones are in jail
- What do fat Japanese lawyers do when business is slow? They sumo people.
- Why don't you see any slow black people? All the slow ones are in prison.
- Why are all black people fast? The slow ones got caught.
- Why are black people so fast? Because all the slow ones are in prison
- Why do people with handicapped plates drive slow? The car isn't handicapped!
- Why do autistic people use slow internet? Because they're on the Spectrum.
- Three People Killed at Colorado Abortion Clinic Sounds like a slow day to me
- Just went to a dance for mentally handicapped people It was basically one big slow dance.
The Funniest Slow People Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about slow people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean any slower jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make slow people pranks.
Sunday Morning s**...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s**... would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the d**...." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.
They were wearing robes and sandals, had s**... heads and holding up signs.
One sign read "The End is Near!"
The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"
He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.
He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.
One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said "Maybe we should simply write 'warning: bridge ahead closed'"
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud.
Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down.
The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the t**... by staying calm and noble.
The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude.
In fact, he gets worse.
Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane.
People got desperate.
Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk.
He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket.
He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear.
The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt.
The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement.
"Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered.
"I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."
Harley Davidson creator dies and meets God
The Creator of Harley Davidson dies and meets St Peter at the pearly gates. Peter asks him, "why would you create something like a Harley?? They're loud, unreliable, slow, never on time, and expensive. I'm going to have to take you to God to make the decision." So he takes him to God and God asks him the same question, the Harley creator's response was "well why did you create women? They're loud, unreliable, slow, never on time and expensive." God then pulls out a calculator and proceeds to punch in some numbers and responds, "just did the numbers and way more people are riding my creation."
Grandpa's death
After grandpa's death i went grandma's house to comfort her. I asked her how did that happen.
Grandma: " He died from a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Shocked, i told her that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s**... would surely be asking for trouble.
Grandma:" Oh no my dear. Realizing our advanced age we figured out that the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the perfect rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, just in on the Ding and out on the d**...."
She paused, wiped away a tear amd then continued, " And if that d**... ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd be still alive today!"
Sunday Morning s**...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s**... would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the d**...." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Morning s**...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s**... would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the d**...." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Topical Jokes for 1/31
The CEO of McDonald's has announced he'll be resigning later this year. It's the first time in history that a McDonald's employee has quit and given more than five seconds notice.
The New Hampshire lottery is selling scratch 'n sniff tickets that smell like bacon. The aroma is there to remind people that if they didn't waste their money on lottery tickets, they could afford to eat bacon.
In Alabama, a truck driver caused a mile-long traffic jam when he swerved off the road while trying to pull out a loose tooth. Drivers slowed down to look, because people in Alabama had never seen someone who has a tooth.
Suge Knight is suspected of running a man over with his car after an argument. The argument was about whether or not there's a pumpkin-flavored Jelly Belly.
...running over someone with your car seems crazy, but you have to keep in mind that Suge Knight's motto is Live every day like it's 'The Purge.'
Topical Jokes for 1/24
SkyMall Magazine has filed for bankruptcy. SkyMall blamed the decline in sales on the fact that s**... people have run out of money.
Scientists have proved that hearing jokes and the voices of family members helps coma patients wake up faster. One family started doing a comedy show, and the coma patient sprinted out of the hospital.
In New Hampshire, four bears died after they overdosed on chocolate bait. Even more tragic, one of the bear's New Year's Resolutions was to eat better.
A study has revealed that sitting for long periods increases your risk of death. It's especially lethal if you sit for a period longer than 100 years.
Cubans hope that improved relations with the US will also bring better internet access. To give you an idea of how slow Cuba's internet is, they're still waiting for Gangnam Style to load.
A man worked for a road crew. One day he woke up ill...
...with a touch of laryngitis - but being a dedicated employee he went to work.
The boss felt rather sorry for him and didn't want him to do any physical labor - as they were repairing a part of the freeway. He says, "Why don't you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction?"
The worker is glad for the easy day. He stops the first vehicle: "Sir," he whispers, his t**... feeling worse, "please slow down, there's a road crew up ahead."
"Okay," the driver whispers back, "I'll try not to wake them."
I had a flat tire the other day...
I had a flat tire on the I-95 yesterday; so, I pulled over, got out of the car and opened my trunk.
I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic.
They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it!
Just as I had hoped, cars started slowing down looking at the men which made it much safer for me to work
on the side of the road.
People honked and waved, and it wasn't long before a police car pulled up behind me.
He wanted to know what the heck I was doing, so I calmly explained that I was changing my flat.
He told me he could see that, but demanded to know what the heck the n**... cardboard men were
doing standing at the rear of my car.
I couldn't believe he didn't know!
So I told him .... "Well, I explained to the angry Policeman ....
They're my Emergency Flashers!!!!"
I go to court in August.
The old women in the car
One day a cop is sitting on the side of a Highway with his radar gun. As he sits there people are passing by going the speed limit, and after a while a car drives by going very slow. So, he puts his gun up and they are going 25. He flips on his lights and goes up and pulls them over.
When he got out of his car, as he approached the car he see's 3 old ladies in the back, and two in the front. When he gets to the car, and asks for license and registration, he asks the little old lady if she knows how fast she was going. "Why, yes officer, I was going 25, maybe 26. I'm sorry, but that's what the sign said." The whole time shes talking the 3 in the back are looking scared to death. So, he says "Ma'am that is the highway sign. Is there something wrong with the ladies in the back?" "No, officer, we just got of highway 125, that's all."