Slide Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Slide puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Slide

New Sex Position called Raging bull... [NSFW]

1st get your girl in doggy style and slide in real deep.
Now lean forward and wrap your arms around her real deep.
Now here's the bull part, bring your lips near her ear and whisper another girl's name and see how long you can stay on. Good luck.

When a Tesla drifts,

It's called the electric slide

"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"

"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

An Irishman, Russian and the Blonde...

An Irishman, Russian and a Blonde come across a magical slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Russian amazed slides down screaming "VODKA!", and lands into bottles of vodka at the bottom. The Blonde takes her turn, and without hesitation shouts "WEEEE!" as she slides down.

Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?

To get to the other slide

A redneck family was visiting the city...

...and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma."


The next time your boss asks you to start your presentation with a joke...

...attach your payslip on the first slide.

A car carrying 3 men broke down in the middle of a desert...

"Let's each take a part and try to make it back to civilization." One of them suggested. They all agreed it was a good idea.

"I'll take the hood," said the first, "This way if I find myself atop a hill, I can slide down quickly, like a sled."

"I'll take the wheels," said the second, "In case I want to bring something with me I can roll it along instead of carrying it."

"I'll take the door." Said the last, "If I get hot I can simply roll down the window."

Midnight Surprise!

A colleague approached this man at lunch and invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, and that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work.

The colleague suggested a way to overcome that problem, "When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys."

So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realised he had to take a leak, so he told her he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the john.

"How did you get in here?" he asked. "Shhhhhh!" she replied, "you'll wake-up my mother!"

An Amish boy and his Dad . . .

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son . . .

'Go get your Mother'

Three Greeks and Three Turks are riding a train.

The Turks each buy one ticket, but the Greeks only buy one ticket total. The Turks are confused.

"How can you ride with one ticket?"

"Watch and you shall see."

The Greeks get on the train and pile into the bathroom. The Turks sit near the bathroom and observe. The conductor knocks on the door and says "Ticket please." The Greeks slide the ticket through the door.

The Turks think this is ingenious! They decide to try it, so on the ride back they buy only one ticket. But the Greeks don't buy any.

"How will you ride without any tickets?"

"Watch and you shall see."

They get on the train. The Turks pile into one bathroom, the Greeks into another. One Greek gets out of the bathroom, walks over to the bathroom the Turks are hiding in, and says:

"Ticket please."

A priest offered a Nun a lift...

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg...

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Starch in your shorts! (Always makes me laugh:3)

Grandpa and Billy were working out in the garden.

Grandpa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground.

"You'll never get that worm back in his hole," said the old man.

Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came back with a can of spray starch.

After a few sprays, the worm was as stiff as a board and Billy was able to slide him back into the earth.

"Billy! You're a genius," exclaimed Grandpa. He hugged Billy, gave him a dollar out of his pocket, grabbed the starch, and ran inside.
Thirty minutes later, Grandpa comes back out smiling. He gives Billy another dollar.

"Grandpa," said the boy, "You already gave me a dollar."

"No," replied Grandpa, "That dollar's from grandma!"



(Not sure if repost :( )

Sex with a patient

Doc Jones had sex with one of his patients and felt super guilty all day. It didn't matter what he tried to get it out of his mind, it was just not happening. His guilt was just too much.

There was that little voice in his head trying to get rid of the guilt. "Jones, Don't worry! You are not the first doctor who had sex with one of his patients and for sure you won't be the last. You are single, just let it slide!"

And then always the second little voice kicked him back in reality:

"Jones, you're a vet."

Magic slide

Three friends - two men and a blonde woman - are exploring the African wilderness.

They come across a mystical looking place with a really long slide. The slide has a sign next to it that reads, "Welcome travellers to the slide of dreams. Take a ride! As you get to the bottom of the slide shout out what you wish to slide into."

So the first man goes and as he gets to the bottom shouts "marshmellows!", and he lands into a huge bed of marsh mellows.

The second man hears his friend's glee and decides to give it a go. As he gets to the bottom he shouts "cash!", and he lands into a huge bed of $100 dollar notes.

The blonde sees everyone seems to be having heaps of fun decides to give it a go as well. As she gets to the bottom she gets incredibly excited and shouts "weeeeeeeee!"

3 men walk in the desert

They are thirsty and would do anything for a drink. Suddenly they see a giant slide and a sign next to it. It reads, Slide down the slides and shout the name of the drink you want and when you reach the bottom of the slide, there will be a pool of it

The first man slides down the slide and shouts, WATER! and lands in a pool of that

The next man slides and shouts, COKE and lands in a pool of that

The last man slides, and enjoys himself so much that he shouts, WEEEEE

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other... Slide.

When an Amish sees an elevator for the first time...

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in the new mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."

A Priest Offers a Nun a Lift..

She gets in and crosses her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg and nearly causing the priest to have an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest apologized Sorry sister but the flesh is weak. Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad.

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really sick. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says, "I have some bad news. You have HAGS."

"What is HAGS" the man asks.

"It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis," says the doctor.

"Oh my God," says the man. "What are you going to do?"

"We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza."

"Is that going to help me?" asks the man.

"No," says the doctor. "But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door."

Another Blonde Joke

Two blondes stood by a car in which they had accidentally locked the key.

We need to get in there, says the first blonde. Why don't we use a coat hanger to slide the lock open?

No, says the second. People'd think we're trying to steal the car.

I have a pair of scissors, says the first. We could use it to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock."

No, they'd just say we're too stupid to use a coat hanger.

Well, we'd better think of something fast, sighed the first blonde. It's starting to rain and all the car windows are open.

He raised a pretty good question, actually.

A man and his soon-to-be ex wife were fighting in court over the custody of their young girl. Asked by the judge to present an argument in his favor, the man says: "Well, your Honour, if you slide a coin into a vending machine and a snack comes out, is the snack yours, or the machine's?"

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.

They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two, shiny silver walls that could
move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never
seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse
order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old
blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."

One for the Mathematicians

Some engineers are trying to measure the height of a flagpole.
They only have a measuring tape, and they have not been able to slide the tape up the pole.

A mathematician asks what they are doing, and they explain.
The solution is easy, she says. She pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, and measures it.

After she leaves, one of the engineers says,
That is so typical! We tell a mathematician we need the height – and she gives us the length!

Blond who wanted to ride horses.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

The Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is"

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son....."Go get your mother."

She must do some of those special exercises

A couple are on their first date. It goes well, they have fun, and at the end of the evening she invites him in for a drink. Soon they are making out on the couch.

After a while, she whispers, "Put your finger inside me."

After a bit longer, "Put another finger in."

Later, "Put all your fingers in."

"Put your whole hand in"

"That's wonderful. Now your other hand."

"Now slide both hands up, all the way to your elbows."

"Now clap."

He says, "I can't."

"Tight, huh?"

Psalm 129

A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129? The priest apologized Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory.

A woman is cleaning her bathroom...

...and slips. She does the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She calls her husband.

"I'm kinda stuck to the floor...".

He tries to lift her, but can't do it. So he calls a plumber.

They both tried to pull her up, to no avail.

So he says "I'm sorry, but I think we'll have to break the tiles to get her free, and the hospital should do the rest.".

Then the husband says "Hey, we could fondle her instead.".

The plumber, flabbergasted, says "Why?".

"If we get her wet enough, we can slide her over to the kitchen. The tiles there were only $30 per square foot.".

Two kittens are sitting at the edge of a slide. Which falls first?

The one with the lower mu

HAGS disease

"I am afraid you have HAGS disease," the doctor explained, "That is Herpes, Aids, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis, so we are immediately putting you on a pizza and pancake diet."

"Those foods will cure me?" he is asked.

"No," says the doctor, "But those foods we can slide under the door to the room we are locking you up in!"

A blonde tries to go horseback riding ....

.....
even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the mane but can't seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider.
Unfortunately, the Blonde's foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over again.
As her head is battered against the ground she is moments away from losing consciousness when, to her great fortune, the Walmart's Manager sees her and unplugs the horse.

Every morning, I get out of bed and run around the block 5 times.

Then I slide the block back under the bed and go back to sleep.

Three girls sit at a bar bragging about how loose they are.

The first says she can fit a sausage. The second says a cucumber. The third starts to slide down the bar stool

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman find a magic slide...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman find a magic slide with a steep drop at the bottom. A notice on the slide tells them that they will be given whatever they say while going down and to use it with caution.

The Englishman goes first and screams "Gooooold". He lands on a pile of gold and badly injures himself but he is content.

The Scotsman thinks then jumps on and shouts "Looooove". He lands safely in the arms of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

The Irishman who hadn't been paying too much attention is just eager to get on the slide. He dives head first onto the slide, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Why should you cook kale in coconut oil?

Makes it easier to slide it right into the trash.

Go down a water slide when it isn't wet.

And then you'll understand the importance of foreplay.

Why did the germ cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide!

Two men were walking past a bakery...

One says, "watch this"; he proceeds to slide in, sneak three buns into his pockets and, having pilfered them, exits to his friend.

His friend says "that's nothing, I can get the same result with a far more honest method."

He approaches the bakery owner and says "do you want to see a magic trick my friend?"

Intrigued, the owner complies and asks what the trick is.

"I'll need a bun from your store"

The baker hands it to him, he proceeds to eat this. He does this with two more buns.

Eventually the baker asks "what's the trick mate?"

Just look in my friend's pocket…

Three friends are exploring an abandoned theme park when they come across a mysterious water slide.

At the top of the slide is a sign that reads 'As you descend, shout out your wish and it shall be granted'.

The first friend goes down the slide and shouts 'I WANT LOADS OF GOLD!', and sure enough at the bottom he lands in a huge pool of gold coins.

The second friend, seeing this, goes down and shouts 'I WANT A THOUSAND APPLE SHARES!' When he reaches the bottom he lands in a huge pile of share certificates.

The third friend, very excited, slings his legs over the edge, pushes himself off down the slide, and shouts 'WHEEEEEEEE!'

I think my niece has a burgeoning slip 'n slide addiction

Once you go down one, it's just a slippery slope.

A man was pulled over for speeding...

A man was pulled over for speeding. The officer walks up to the car and says to the driver, "Look, I've had a long day and my shift is almost over. If you can give me a good reason why you're speeding, I'll let it slide"

The man replies, "well, officer, my wife left me a few weeks ago for a cop. I thought you were trying to bring her back."

My dad showed me a 30 slide PowerPoint presentation on safe sex and benefits of condoms...

All the slides were pictures of me and my brother.

An Irish man, a Russian man and an English man all go to a magic park

At the park there is a magic slide and each man who goes down it will recive a pot of whatever they desire

The Irish man says "gold!" And he lands in a pot of gold.

The Russian man says "silver! " and he lands in a pot of silver.

The English man says "Weee! " and he lands in a pot of wee.

I went out to a nightclub

They played the Twist, so I did the Twist.

They played the Cha-Cha Slide, so I did the Cha-Cha Slide.

They played Come On Eileen.

I'm banned from that nightclub, but I got a sweet restraining order.

My six year old daughters first non-knock knock joke, told as a knock knock joke

Her: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: Why did the chicken climb up the ladder and back down again?
Me: Sweetie, this isn't a how knock knock jokes work.
Her: Dad, this isn't a knock knock joke
Me: Okay.....
Her: To get to the other slide

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman meet a Genie.

The Genie says,
"You may all slide once down this magic slide. Whatever you shout on the way down will be what you land in at the end."

The Englishman slides down and shouts
"Lagerrrrrrrrrrrr!"

The Scotsman slides down and shouts
"Whsikeyyyyyy!"

Finally, the Irishman slides down, and at the top of his lungs, he exclaims:

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

We all know that one girl...

A man and a woman are having sex. The man is fingering the woman to get a little foreplay going. As hes fingering her, she grabs him and whispers in his ear "I like fisting.."

The man grins and proceeds to inserting his fist. The woman moans in enjoyment, but says "Deeper,". He proceeds to slide his arm deeper. her is now elbow deep in her and she says "Deeper," so he complies and slips him his other arm after grabbing a flashlight just in case. Now he is in up to his shoulders. She moans and yells "DEEPER!" so he starts inserting his whole body until all of a sudden he falls in!

Now he's walking around searching for the flashlight he dropped. All of a sudden he bumps into a man. "WHOA I didnt expect to find anyone in here..." Replies the first man.
"Ive been stuck in here for a few days now."
"Oh I see, well if you help me find the flashlight I brought in with me..."
The other man responds "If you help me find my keys we can drive out of here."

What does a child going on a slide and a French girl having sex have in common?

"Weeeeeeeeee Weeeeeeeeee Weeeeeeeeee!"

A pessimist finished building a majestic slide.

"Things can only go downhill from here."

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scottish man were at the playground when a leprechaun appeared....

"Lads" says the Leprechaun, pointing to his right: "this is a wishing slide, when you slide down it, just make a wish, and whatever it is ya wish for, you'll land in it!".


"Ok, i'll give it a go" says Paddy Englishman.
He begins to climb the ladder.

"Nice and loud now" reminds the Leprechaun.

"GOLD!" Shouts Paddy Englishman man as he begins to slide down, and sure enough, he lands in a pile of gold coins.

"I'm next" says Paddy Scottishman running up the ladder....

"MONEY" he shouts, and just like before, he lands in a big pile of cash.

"Now it's my turn" says Paddy Irishman, who , in all his excitement, forgot he was supposed to wish for something....


"WEEEEEE!" he says all the way down,
So he lands in it!

What do you call a slide on a roof?

A suiclide.

A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar...

A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar and approaches the counter. The bartender immediately notices the underage weasel.

"Sir, you look extremely young. I can't serve you even a single beer."

"Oh c'mon. You can't just slide me one?"

"Can't and will not serve to anyone under age."

"Fine. Well what other things do you have?"

"Well for non-alcoholics I have tap water and bottled water, I have coffee, and I have pop. Which would you like?"

"Pop." Goes the weasel.

An Englishman, an Scotsman and an Irishman...

are by a slide when a genie appears.
He grants the three men a wish each, as long as they say the wish going down the slide, in which they land in it.

So the Englishman goes first. As he's going down he says Money! And he lands in a pot of money.

The Scotsman goes next. He slides down and he shouts Naked women! And he lands in a pot of naked women.

Lastly, it's Irishman's turn. He pushes himself down the slide and screams Weeeee!

Why did the toddler cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Did you guys hear about the boy who got decapitated in a water slide incident?

On the plus side, everyone got to jump a head in line.

(Sorry for how terrible this joke is. I came up with it when the news story first hit like a year ago, but didn't think to post until recent news regarding the accident made me remember it.)

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes