Slid Jokes

37 slid jokes and hilarious slid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about slid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Slid Short Jokes

Short slid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The slid humour may include short slipped jokes also.

  1. A few hours ago I dropped a piece of ice It slid under the refrigerator. I was really upset at first but now it's water under the fridge.
  2. 3 women in a bar are comparing how loose they are... One claimed they could fit a sausage, another claimed they can fit a cucumber and the other slid down the bar stool.
  3. "Tell me what you want." I whispered, as I slid my finger up and down her G string… She said, "I want my guitar back."
  4. My friend stole the book I was reading and threw it across the table where it slid with ease It was non-friction.
    ^^^^I'm ^^^^sorry.
  5. I have never felt understood by my wife so I got in my truck, sped up and slid right into her. She got the drift.
  6. Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber... (self.Jokesuncensored)
  7. Today I donated my watch, phone, and $300 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the immense happiness and relief I felt as he slid the p**... back into his waistband.
  8. He gently slid her p**... to one side... the rest of her socks would fit in the drawer.
  9. Donation Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the p**... back into his pocket.

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Slid One Liners

Which slid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with slid? I can suggest the ones about slip and slit.

  1. Yo Mama so fat that when she slid into my DMs…. My phone ran out of space.
  2. Yo mama so fat. She slid over and down the toilet.
  3. What did the dog say after it slid across some sandpaper? Ruff.
  4. The Big Bad Wolf slid into her DMs Read Riding Hood
  5. My mom slid across the tub this morning… Continental drift is REAL people
  6. I gently slid her p**... to the side... I could fit her socks into the drawer

Slid joke, I gently slid her p**... to the side...

Howlingly Hilarious Slid Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about slid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean swipe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make slid pranks.

A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table

She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."

I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."
I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.
I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"
"You wanna buy it?"

My one and only go-to joke, hope you like it.

A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it.

A bartender walked over to a table where two people were on a date

He spoke to the woman first- "Madame, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off. You both have clearly had too much to drink; your husband just slid under the table!"
The woman said "No, my husband just walked in the door!"

On a bitter cold day, Hank visited Lou

"I had a rough time getting here", said Hank, "for every step forward forward I slid back two!"
"But if you slid back two steps for every step you took forward, how'd you get here?", asked Lou.
"I almost didn't, but then I said to myself 'forget it', and turned around and started back home"

"For your final police recruit evaluation,"

"there are six rounds in the cylinder" the Sergeant said as he slid a revolver across the desk. "I want you to go shoot five black men and a rabbit".
The puzzled prospective cadet responded, "A rabbit, sir?"
The Sergeant shot up from his seat with an outstretched hand, "welcome to the force, son!"

I went to my in-laws for dinner

An argument inevitably broke out and my wife told me not to take sides.
I told her "they wont notice", as I slid the roast potatoes into my pocket "they are to distracted"

A man and his friend were playing golf one afternoon when a f**... drove by...

The man was about to swing but stopped and bowed his head and said a prayer, then aimed and let a beautiful swing rip.
His friend said, "Wow man, that was pretty respectful of you to say a prayer for who ever died."
His friend slid his club into his bag and said, "Well, I was married to her for 40 years so I figured I owed her that."

Timmy walked into class 2 hours late

His teacher said "Timmy! Why are you two hours late?"
Timmy said "Teacher, it was so cold and icy out there whenever I took a step forward I slid two steps back."
The teacher said "Then how in the world did you get to school?"
Timmy said "I asked myself the same thing and after an hour I gave up and walked the other way back home."

A little m**... and a big m**... were shingling a steep roof when suddenly the scaffolding collapsed. They both slid down the roof and stopped at the very edge, and then one fell off. Which one?

The big m**.... The other one was a little more on.

3 Women are sat at a bar..

The first of the three says proudly "I can fit my whole fist up there". To this the second woman turns and says "well I can fit both my fists up there". The third woman just smiled and slowly slid down the barstool.

A guy picked up an amazing red-head.

She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Things were getting hot and heavy and he whispered in her ear, "So, does the carpet match the drapes?"
She whispered back, "It's laminate, see for yourself."
So in anticipation he slid his hand up her thigh and past her skirt. Sure enough she had wood.

A piece of space trash wanted to ask a spaceship to homecoming.

A piece of space trash wanted to ask a spaceship to homecoming. They slid past each other in orbit. I guess he wasn't *inclined* enough!

Three children were walking on a mountain when found a magical slide.

Next to it, there was a sign that said, whatever you wish for comes true when you slide down . The first child stepped up, slid down, and wished for a river of chocolate. And voila, he swam in his chocolate river! The second child slid down and wished for a mountain of money. His wish came true too. Then the third child slid down and, forgetting the rules, said weeeeeeeeee!

As she slid in the r**... thermometer I got a throbbing and very noticeable e**.... I did my best to hide it but...

...the vet said that it would probably be better if I waited outside while she took my dog's temperature.

Two prisoners were escaping down a ladder...

Two prisoners were escaping down a ladder. While the seasoned prisoner at the top watched for guards, the new prisoner went down the ladder first and slowly. Once the ladder was clear, the seasoned prisoner slid down in just three seconds, then he scolded the new prisoner for being so slow. The new prisoner replied, "Well, look at mister con descending here."

My new slide which disposes the beverage you asked while sliding down definitely needs improvement.

Apparently it does not know how to separate a request and an expression of "wheeeee!".

Psalm 129

A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129?
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129? The priest apologized Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory.

Slid joke, Psalm 129