Slicing Jokes

What are some Slicing jokes?

The Rabbi and the Devil

So, one day, the devil visits a synagogue while all the folk are deep in the middle of whatever it is they do at synagogues.

Once the smoke and clamour clears, the devil steps forth, slicing the air his pitchfork, flashing eyes of fire. At the sight of him, hooves and all, all the men and women in attendance run screaming for their lives out of the synagogue, trailing their children behind them.

As pleased as the devil is with his grand appearance, he can't help but twist his head to look at the rabbi, who's calmly putting his things away for the night with a tired sigh.

"You," the devil says, pointing his spindly finger at him, "rabbi. Do you not know who I am?"
The rabbi only sighs and continues to clear up the place.
The devil steps closer to the man, scalding the floor with each step. "And yet you do not seem to be afraid, why is that?" he hisses, stroking his beard.
The rabbi shrugs. "Why should I be? I've been married to your sister these past forty-three years."


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Credit/Source: video I watched on youtube a while ago. I've probably added/cut-out from the original, but that's the charm of Chinese whispers, no?

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!

 

 

 

 

 

                        1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

 

 

 

                        2 TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT-    USE THE SINK.

 

 

 

                        3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]

 

 

 

                        4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

 

 

 

                        5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

 

 

 

                        6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – OIL AND DUCT TAPE.    IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE OIL.     IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

 

 

 

                        7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

 

 

 

                        DAILY THOUGHT:

 

 

 

                        SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

Hopefully you guys get it.

A man was looking for a person to teach him martial arts, so he goes in to see a supposed ninja to ask for lessons. When he walks in he sees the ninja slicing at a fly with his sword, but not being able to kill it. The man says, "How can you teach me martial arts if you can't even hit a fly!?" The ninja then reply's, "Oh, don't worry, that fly won't be having any children."

A window pops out of a skyscraper and falls on a guy, completely slicing off the entire left side of his body.

He's alright now.

Donald Trump intends to make the slicing of cheese illegal.

It's part of his plan to make America grate again.

I just cut my thumb while slicing French bread...

You could say that I was hoisted by my own batard.

How to make Slicing jokes?

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