Slices Jokes

What are some Slices jokes?

A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...

The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"

The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"

The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously licking it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"

How often do I put orange slices in my beer?

Oh, once in a Blue Moon.

You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore.

Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.

Who was the roundest member of Sir Arthurs round table?

Sir Cumference.


He at too much Pi.


He ate approximately 3.142 slices

A husband and wife are playing a round of golf..

On the 18th hole the husband slices his ball to the right and lands in front of a barn. The husband asks his wife to open up the barn door so he could hit it through the barn and onto the green. The husband then shanks his shot, which hits his wife in the head and immeidately kills her.

5 years later the man is approached by his buddies who want him to get back into golf. The man hesitantly agrees. They end up playing the same course as the incident and the man hits his drive to the same spot on the 18th hole. One of his buddies says "I can go up there and open up the barn door, so you can hit it through onto the green". The man slowly and emotionally replies "I can't, I just can't. Last time I tried to hit that shot..... I got a triple bogey"

I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

Does anyone else love thick sandwiches with three slices of bread and two layers of filling?

We should make a club.

A woman was caught shoplifting a can of peaches.

She was brought before the judge who asked, How many peach slices were in the can?

Six, she replied.

Ok, I'll give you six days.

Her husband, seated court, raised his hand and said, Your honor, she also stole a bag of rice.

Why didn't the two slices of bread talk?

Because there was beef between them!


> I was arguing with my girlfriend about what constitutes a sandwich. One thing lead to another and this corny joke was born. It's probably been said before. Enjoy!

A blonde orders a medium pizza

The cashier asks if she wants it cut into four or eight slices.

"Hmm... four. I don't think I can eat eight."

Whenever I see a commercial with a woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with 2 round slices of cucumber on her eyes ...

I wonder where the rest of the cucumber is.

A giraffe walks into a hat store...

...and orders three slices of pizza - any kind would be fine.

The store owner looks puzzled at the giraffe; "Uh, we don't serve pizza slices here-"

"Then a burger or something, I don't care," the giraffe interrupts.

"We don't sell that either, we-"

Again, the giraffe interrupts, noticably irritated with the clerk's attidute: "Just serve me *something*, okay?! I'm *starving* here!"

"But this is a hat store! Can't you read the sign outside?" the store owner asked.

"Well if I knew how to read, don't you think I'd have asked for a menu?!"

Me and my wife went out for dinner. I ordered the Meatloaf...

...they brought me 3 slices and I ate 2. She complained i didn't finish, but 2 out of 3 ain't bad....

I've heard one beer = 7 slices of bread

I ate a whole loaf and I'm not drunk yet.
Did I do it wrong?

A man amd his wife walk into a store and the wife steals a jar of peaches

Loss prevention catches her however, and pulls them aside to wait for a police officer to show up. Upon arrival, he is told what happened and handed the jar. He then counts how many slices of peach there are, for she is to spend a week in jail for each one. In this case 6. The officer then pulls out the paper on which to write up the report, but just as he begins to fill it out, the husband exclaims, "Wait! She stole a can of peas too!"

Did you hear the two slices of bread broke up?

I wonder rye.

A guy goes to his butcher

He asked for sliced ham. The butcher takes his block of ham, put on the machine and start cutting some slices. He cuts 1 slice, 2 slices, 3 slices and looks at the customer:

Should I stop or do you want me to go on?

Go on, go on!

I cuts 5 mores slices and look at the customer again:

Go on, keep cutting some slices .

The butcher continue his work and after a long time and 11 more slices the customer says:

Stop! That's the one I want.

Would you like the pizza cut into eight or twelve slices?

Just eight, I don't think I could eat twelve!

The Pizza Cutter

A guy walks into a pizza place to pick up the pizza he ordered. The worker behind the counter says, "Would you like your pizza cut in eight slices or ten?" The man replies, "You better make it eight - I don't think I could eat all ten!"

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was how dare he!

Two Slices in a Ham Sandwich Marry Each Other.

I bet their children will be inbread.

What do you get when you divide 3.14 by 6?

6 slices of pi

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

I'm confused...

square box, round pizza but triangle slices.

What do you call a guy with a slice of ham on his head?

Hammed....

What do you call a guy with two slices of ham on his head?

Mohammed...

What do you call a guy with two slices of ham on his head standing between two buildings?

Mohammed Ali.

(Hope I didn't offend anyone ;p)

Recipe for a trump sandwich.

2 slices of white bread.
Full of balogna.
Russian dressing.
And a tiny little pickle.

A little girl helping with holiday meal.

She gives her grandpa a slice of pumpkin pie. He passes it down the table.
She brings out another slice of pie and gives to grandpa. He passes it down the table.
She brings out another slice of pie and gives to grandpa. He passes it down the table.
She slams her hand down. "Grandpa, this is ridiculous! All the slices are the same size!"

Yur mom is so fat

Her nipples look like bologna slices.

A golfer is about to tee off

when his friend and a huge gorilla turn up . His friend asks if he would like to play 9 holes with his gorilla, intrigued, the guy agrees and he tees off, straight into the rough.The gorilla however hits a superb shot and lands it an inch from the hole, the golfer concedes the hole. Next hole, same thing, slices it into the rough, but the gorilla hits an amazing drive, less than a centimetre from the hole, the golfer once again concedes. This goes on until, intrigued once more, he asks his friend what the gorillas putting is like, "same as his driving" answers his friend.

I like my woman like I like my pizza

filled with sausage, cut into slices, and still warm!!

How to make Slices jokes?

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