Sliced Bread Jokes

68 sliced bread jokes and hilarious sliced bread puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sliced bread that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sliced Bread Short Jokes

Short sliced bread jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sliced bread humour may include short slice of bread jokes also.

  1. At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures. I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'
    'It was bread in captivity' she replied.
  2. Two slices of bread got married. The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.
  3. Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.
  4. What do you call a hindu who rejects the gods and prays to a slice of bread? A Naan Believer.
  5. Two slice of bread are competing to see who would stay fresh the longest. It ended in a stalemate.
  6. Did you know that the USSR had some of the world's best bakeries? People would stand in line all week just to get a single slice of bread!
  7. My Gran fell asleep last night with a cigarette in her hand. That woman was the best thing since sliced bread. Now she's toast.
  8. Does anyone else love thick sandwiches with three slices of bread and two layers of filling? We should make a club.
  9. Got fired from the bread factory last week Now I am out of dough and I just spend my time loafing around. Tough times, no matter how you slice it.
  10. Did you know communist countries have the best bakers in the world? People will line up for miles just to get a slice of their bread.

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Sliced Bread One Liners

Which sliced bread one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sliced bread? I can suggest the ones about slices bread and toasted bread.

  1. What do you call 52 slices of bread? A deck of carbs!
  2. As a slice of stale bread, I used to hate mold. But it's growing on me.
  3. You can lose weight by putting sliced bread on your head. It's a loaf-hat-diet.
  4. How do you start a rave in Uganda? Tape a slice of bread to the ceiling
  5. New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered... They're bread.
  6. Did you hear the two slices of bread broke up? I wonder rye.
  7. How do you congratulate a slice of bread on his wedding day? Toast him
  8. What do you call an academically successful slice of bread? An honor roll.
  9. What was the best thing before sliced bread? Massive sandwiches
  10. What did the oven tell the slice of bread? You're *toast*!
  11. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  12. How does a slice of bread feel when it's surrounded by warm blankets? Toasty
  13. You know what I hate about wholemeal bread? One slice and you can't eat any more!
  14. One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
  15. I'm like the end slice of a loaf of bread... ...everyone touches me but no one wants me

Sliced Bread Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about sliced bread you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slice bread jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sliced bread pranks.

Chuck Norris is the greatest thing, period, despite his invention of sliced bread.

Sliced bread is the best thing since Chuck Norris.

Before sliced bread, people used to say "That's the greatest thing since Chuck Norris".

I once saw a slice of toast in a zoo.

It was bread in captivity.

What do you call food between two slices of bread?

a sandwich

I translated a classic Latvian joke for you guys!

A kid is standing on a bridge and crying. A man who is walking by asks him: what happened?
He replies: John threw my slice of bread into the river.
The man asks: was it on purpose?
Boy replies: no, with a sausage.
(it's funny, because it's not funny)

Three friends make a bet

to see who can order and eat the most without ordering a full portion of the meal.
The first man points to a burger and chips and says, "I would like this, but I only want three quarters of the meal." So the guy gets the meal with less chips than the standard meal and eats it all.
The second man points to a steak and says, "I want four fifths of this steak." The order is brought out and the man eats it up.
The third man points to a sandwich and says, "I would like one slice of bread, as opposed to this sandwich." So sure enough, he gets the one slice of bread and he eats it all up. The other two men start to laugh at him until he says:
"Why are you laughing? I won. Mine was a wholemeal."

Why didn't the two slices of bread talk?

Because there was beef between them!
> I was arguing with my girlfriend about what constitutes a sandwich. One thing lead to another and this corny joke was born. It's probably been said before. Enjoy!

LPT: When making a sandwich, put the mayonnaise on the top slice of bread

oops, wrong sub

Why did the pilot c**... the plane?

Because he was a slice of bread

How do you greet a slice of bread in Germany?

Gluten tag! Ba-dum tss.

On my diet I had a slice of brown bread for lunch.

It was a wholemeal.

what is the best thing about eating brown bread

you can eat 1 slice and it is still a whole-meal

Bread is not emotionally mature enough to have threesomes

When you spread your nuts all over one slice, the other gets jelly.

what's the difference between a slice of bread and the USA?

after almost 250 years the bread will have developed culture

What do I have in common with bread?

I'm like the end slice of a loaf of bread, everybody touches me but no one wants me.

Recipe for a trump sandwich.

2 slices of white bread.
Full of balogna.
Russian dressing.
And a tiny little pickle.

I've heard one beer = 7 slices of bread

I ate a whole loaf and I'm not drunk yet.
Did I do it wrong?

how many slices of bread can you get from a whole loaf?

One, because then it isn't a whole loaf anymore

They say that nothing is better than love.

But even a single slice of bread is better than nothing.
Therefore, a slice of bread is better than love.

If I had a slice of bread for every gender

I could make a single sandwhich.

I see a woman at the end of the bar, looking a little lonely...

I saunter over, get close to her ear, and whisper:
A man who must sell his loaf of bread for a slice is not free.

2018 fireworks, light fuse and get away.

If I had a slice of bread for EVERY gender out there.
I could make ONE sandwich.

Why did Jesus break bread?

He didn't know how to slice it

I just cut my thumb while slicing French bread...

You could say that I was hoisted by my own batard.

A husband and wife at the store realize they're just a few dollars short to pay for the groceries.

So they decide to remove the bread from their cart. The wife notices no one is looking and shoves the bread in her purse. They pay for the groceries and as they walk out of the store the alarm goes off. Immediately the cops come and search only to find the stolen loaf of bread in the woman's purse. The cops put her in hand cuffs and say alright ma'am, the number of slices of bread in this loaf will tell the number of days you spend in jail.
Excuse me officer the husband quickly shouts She also stole this bag of rice.

A woman goes into an art gallery and sees two still-life pictures. Both are of a table laid for lunch with a glass of wine, a basket of bread rolls and a plate of sliced ham. However, one picture is selling for $75 and the other for $100.

Curious, she goes to the gallery owner and asks him what the difference is between the two pictures. The owner points at the $100 painting and says, You get more ham with that one.

A slice of bread stole a lot of money from the sandwich Mafia

so they set his house on fire as he was sleeping.
He's toast now.