The Best 58 Slice Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Slice jokes. There are some slice carve jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these slice slicing pickles puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Slice Jokes and Puns

In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Pizza Joke

If you slice up a large pizza, that's no big deal.

But if you slice up a medium, you can get jail time.

And she should have seen it coming.

What do you get when you slice a watermelon in four pieces?

A quartermelon!

Slice joke, What do you get when you slice a watermelon in four pieces?

A Jehovah's Witness Came By Yesterday

A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I've put on a pot of coffee, do you want some? He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then motioned toward the kitchen table and we both sat down. We sat and looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. Then I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before..."

An old man is lying on his death bed...

... when he smells the delicious aroma of freshly baked apple pie. He calls over his grandson and whispers, "Boy, go ask your grandma for a slice of that pie."

The boy scampers off and returns a minute later, replying, "Grandma says no, it's for after the funeral."


A cat eats a slice of swiss cheese...

and sits by the mousetrap with baited breath.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a feminists bedroom.

Five if you slice them thinly.

Slice joke, How many men does it take to wallpaper a feminists bedroom.

A man sees his wife taking a......

cucumber from the fridge. Being the gentleman that he is he offers to slice it up for her. She turns to him with a look of disgust on her face and says, 'what do you think I am, a slot machine?'

How many men does it take to wallpaper a feminists house?

Only one, but you have to slice him REALLY thin!

A famous armorer was called to court...

…to demonstrate his new plate design. He set it on a stand in the middle of a grand gallery. The king called in his executioner, a dour and muscular man who prided himself in his ability to slice folk exactly in half, to strike the suit. With a sonorous clang! the executioner's heavy sword bounced off of the chest piece. Frustrated, he pointed an accusatory finger at the armorer and cried This is why we can't halve nice things!

Why didn't the two slices of bread talk?

Because there was beef between them!

> I was arguing with my girlfriend about what constitutes a sandwich. One thing lead to another and this corny joke was born. It's probably been said before. Enjoy!

You can explore slice ceasar reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean slice provolone dad jokes. There are also slice puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones

* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us

Anyone have more?

I baked a cake shaped like Canada, and offered my brother the Quebec slice....

but he's having Nunavut.

what's the difference between an onion & a bagpipe?

nobody cries when you slice up a bagpipe...

I put one slice of toast in my toaster and got two out...

Must have been mitoastis

I asked my brother for a knife so I could slice cheese, and he gave me a pencil....

But that really didn't cut it.

Slice joke, I asked my brother for a knife so I could slice cheese, and he gave me a pencil....

Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures.

It was bread in captivity.

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

It depends on how thinly you slice them.

So a pair of cannibals are sitting down to a nice meal...

...of Jerry Seinfeld.

A while into the meal, one of the cannibals says,

"I'm going for the forehead, do you want any?" as he cuts a slice from the front of Jerry's scalp. The other cannibal declines, shaking his head and saying,

"What's the deal with hairline food?"


How do you start a rave in Uganda?

Tape a slice of bread to the ceiling

You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore.

Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.

Today I decided to upgrade my Mac...

...so I threw a big slice of cheese on it.

So, I was at the UN headquarters...

So, I was at the UN headquarters and I was feeling a bit Hungary, so I was Russian to the kitchen to get a slice of Turkey, but it was covered in Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that, so I got some Chile instead. Something just Francy enough for me.

Got fired from the bread factory last week

Now I am out of dough and I just spend my time loafing around. Tough times, no matter how you slice it.

What do you call a religious slice of pizza?

Cheezus Crust.

I said, "But there's a hole in this slice of cheese!"

Dad said, "It's alright, just don't eat that part."

I like my women like I like my cheese

Blue, a little below room temperature, and easy to slice

How do you congratulate a slice of bread on his wedding day?

Toast him

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

The next person

The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

A slice of pie costs $3.50 in Barbados,

$3.00 in Saint Lucia, $2.50 in Belize, and $2 in Cuba.

Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.

The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."

The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a volume."

The physicist answers: "let P be a spherical, friction-less pig...

Did you know that the USSR had some of the world's best bakeries?

People would stand in line all week just to get a single slice of bread!

"I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it."

The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me."

The man looked somewhat upset and said, "Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I would like to leave a little to my children too!"

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...

turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.

1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados.

And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.

What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?

Romance

What do you call a Hindu who rejects the gods and prays to a slice of bread?

A Naan Believer.

A man walks into a buffet...

He puts a sausage on his plate, and his German friend says "now you're speaking my language!".

Then, he adds a slice of pizza to his plate, and his Italian friend says "now you're speaking my language!".

Then, the man has an incredible urge to sneeze. He reaches for a napkin and raises it up, and his French friend says "now you're speaking my language!".

A guy goes to his butcher

He asked for sliced ham. The butcher takes his block of ham, put on the machine and start cutting some slices. He cuts 1 slice, 2 slices, 3 slices and looks at the customer:

Should I stop or do you want me to go on?

Go on, go on!

I cuts 5 mores slices and look at the customer again:

Go on, keep cutting some slices .

The butcher continue his work and after a long time and 11 more slices the customer says:

Stop! That's the one I want.

They say that nothing is better than love.

But even a single slice of bread is better than nothing.

Therefore, a slice of bread is better than love.

Did you know communist countries have the best bakers in the world?

People will line up for miles just to get a slice of their bread.

A slice of apple pie is Β£2 in Jamaica, a slice of apple pie is Β£2.40 in the Bahamas and a slice of apple pie is Β£1.70 in Barbados.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"

"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

A slice of pie is $2.50 in the Bahamas.

A slice of pie is $ 3.00 in Jamaica.

Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

I didn't cheat on my diet

I had an entanglement with a slice of cake

Hey it's my cake day!

You want a slice ?

My birthday was so beautiful

Even the cake was in Tiers

Obligatory cake day post :)

Hope you enjoy it.

I hope everyone is doing well during these tough times. Even if you're not, that is completely understandable and valid. Just know, that I may not know you, but I am supporting you. Sending you all a virtual hug. You may also have a slice of my cake :)

3 people are fighting

An American,British, And Chinese are fighting over who is the best swordsman. They say whoever can slice that fly on half wins.

The American slices in half with ease.

The British does 2 slices, and it's in 4 pieces.

The Chinese does one swipe. The American and the British are like, what is that? It's still flying.

The Chinese responds, it's sex life is over.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?

50, if you slice them *very* thinly.

Have you ever had an orange slice in your beer before?

Once, in a Blue Moon.

Anyone got a fork and a plate?

Reddit handed me a slice o cake, but 2hrs til it expires and they left me without silverware and fine china needed to enjoy it :(

As a slice of stale bread, I used to hate mold.

But it's growing on me.

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean

Two slices of bread are competing to see who would stay fresh the longest.

It ended in a stalemate.

How often should you put an orange slice in your beer?

Once, in a Blue Moon.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the slice portion jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working slice segment piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes