The Best 83 Sleeps Jokes

Following is our collection of Sleeps jokes which are very funny. There are some sleeps doze jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sleeps sleeping on the floor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.

A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:

"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"

The officer laughs, saying:

"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

Whats the best thing about being a meth addict?

Only two more sleeps until christmas.

The homeless man and the farmer

A homeless man comes up to a farmers house and knocks on the door, when the farmer answers, the homeless man asks "May i spend the night?" to which the farmer replies, "Sure, but you're going to have to sleep in the stable." So the homeless man agrees and sleeps in the stable with all the animals.

In the morning the farmer comes in and asks "How did you sleep?" and the homeless man says "I slept good. And I talked to your animals too." the farmer says, "Really?"

"Yes, I talked to the chickens," he responded, "and they said that you come in every morning at 4am to collect the eggs."

"Wow," the farmer says, "That's right!"

"I also talked to the cows," the homeless man continued, "And they told me every morning at 5am, you milk them"

"That's amazing!" the farmer responds.

"I also talked to the sheep, and they said-"


Great news for insomniacs...

Only three more sleeps until Christmas!

My tribal name is sleeps in the river...

I was a bed-wetter

Tim is out drinking one night...

He wants to go home but is extremely drunk so he decides to walk. After two steps he falls down. He stands up, walks another two steps and falls down again. This continues all the way home where he climbs up the stairs in agony but doesn't utter a single groan since he doesn't want his wife to notice and gets into bed next to her, makes sure he didn't wake her up and sleeps.
The next day, his wife tells him: "Tim, you moron! Didn't I tell you not to go out drinking??? You're a dead loss!" - "But how did you know?" - "You forgot your wheelchair at the bar, that's why!"

I love having insomnia this time of year.

Only zero sleeps until Christmas!

What's a meth head's favourite thing about Halloween?

Only two more sleeps till Christmas!

I suffer from terrible insomnia

But on the bright side it's only three more sleeps till Christmas.

So i went to Walmart today...

... and asked customer service for gta5. She was confused so I told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks people with his golf club. She came later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.

Top Sleeps Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore sleeps sleeper reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sleeps sleepy dad jokes. There are also sleeps puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Sometimes I just get the urge to belt out The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

After all, it's only a whim away.

What has four hairy legs and sleeps with my sister?

My father and I

My urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away

a whim away, a whim away, a whim away


A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.

What is the car that everyone sleeps in?

The Ford Siesta

Many thanks to /u/ekhappychap for that one.

What do you call a pony that sleeps around

A whorse

Insomnia sufferers. Look on the bright side, only 6 more sleeps until Christmas.

When a guy sleeps with a lot of girls, he's a player but when I do it

I'm a lesbian

The best part of being a crackhead....

Only two more sleeps until Christmas.

Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge.....

receives honorable discharge

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

There's one good thing about suffering from insomnia

3 more sleeps 'til Christmas!

Gender inequality.

There is an inequality when it comes to men and women. For example...

If a man sleeps with hundreds of women he is respected and labled as a stud or a player. Nothing bad is said about him and he goes on acting like the player he is.

However, if a woman that goes around sleeping with hundreds of men, she's your mum.

It's crazy how everyone sleeps differently.

I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back, and my ex sleeps with everyone.

Just once, I'd like to wake my girlfriend up with up with oral sex...

...but she never sleeps with her mouth open.

I told my redneck uncle how I learned about the five pillars of Islam.

He said Muslims must all be a bunch of pansies. Just one pillar has always been enough for him, and he sleeps just fine!

What's yellow and sleeps alone?

Yoko Ono

What has a mouth but never speaks,

Has a bed but never sleeps,

And has legs but never walks?


A mute, crippled insomniac

What is Error 619?

When your kid sleeps in between.

If a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls, they call him a stallion.

If a stallion sleeps with a bunch of girls, they shut that riding school down.

What do you call a turtle who sleeps during the day and is awake at night?


A boy walks up to his grandpa..

and he says "Grandpa, what's it called when two people are in bed and one sleeps on top of the other?"
The grandpa decides to be frank and he says, "Well, it's called sexual intercourse."
The boy runs back outside to play with the other kids. After a few minutes the boy runs back in the house and yells, "Grandpa! That's not called sexual intercourse. it's called bunkbeds and Timmy's mom wants to talk to you!"

Why does the nudist always go to bed early?

Because he never sleeps in much!

How can a man go eight days without sleep?

No problem , He sleeps at night.

Great news insomniacs!

Only 12 sleeps til Christmas.

Funny that when a guy sleeps with a ton of girls he's a stud..

Yet, when I do it, I'm a lesbian

Bought a cheap horse over the weekend. Problem is she sleeps all day.

What a nightmare.

What do you call a priest who sleeps around?

A loose Canon.

Why are meth heads so excited for Christmas?

It's only three sleeps away

Why is that when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he's a player

But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys it's your mom?

Society is so sexist

When a guy sleeps around with many women, he's called a jock.

When a woman sleeps around with many men, she's called your Mom.

I find it funny how everyone sleeps differently

I sleep on my side, my sister sleeps on her back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.

If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep harder with...

the window open?

From my 88 year old grandma

What do you call a 50 year old that sleeps with 9 year olds?

A prophet.

What do you call a woman who sleeps with a lot of men?

Her Name.

When a girl sleeps with girls in college, she's "experimenting"

When I do it, I'm "fired" and "a terrible dorm janitor"

I think it's interesting how people sleep differently

I usually sleep on my back, my brother sleeps on his stomach, and my ex sleeps with half of this town

What's the best part about smoking meth?

Only three more sleeps till Christmas

Its funny how we all sleep differently.

I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody...that sorta thing.

Insomnia is horrendous to live with ...

But on the plus side, only two more sleeps until Christmas

A professor makes a bet with a student

A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.

Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?

The student having no idea hands the professor $1.

Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?

The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.

Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?

The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.

I hate how if a guy sleeps with a ton of girls hes a legend

But when a girl does it, its my wife.

People keep telling me im unlucky to have Insomnia but the jokes on them...

only 2 more sleeps till Christmas!

It's funny how everybody sleeps differently

Some people sleep on their side.

Others on their back.

My ex with anyone that walks.

What's the difference between a healthy vampire and a sick vampire? [OC]

One sleeps in a coffin,
The other coughs while sleepin'.

Two scared dads

Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.

Peter replies, Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.

At any given moment the urge to sing the lion sleeps tonight is just a whim away

A whim away, a whim a way, a whim away AAAAAWEEEEE^EEEEE^^EEEEEEE^^^EEEEEEE

What do you call a person who only sleeps with homeless people?


The Biggest Coward

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.

The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."

The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."

What do you call it when an egg sleeps with his girlfrind before breaking up with her?

Humpty Dumpty.

So there is a dad balloon, a mum balloon, and a son balloon.

The son balloon gets a scary nightmare so he goes to sleep with his mum and dad. The mum and dad take up too much of the bed so he can't sleep there. He comes up with a plan and let's a little bit of air out of both the balloons and sleeps in between them.

Next morning, the dad and mum balloon have a talk with the son balloon. They say son, you've really let us down

If a light sleeper sleeps with the light on....

What does a hard sleeper sleep with?

A girl sleeps with 3 dudes and gets called a "hoe"

A guy does the same and gets called "gay"...smh

What do you call someone who sleeps with a lot of men?

Your mom.

I was complaining to my brother that he sleeps too much

He said to wake him up when i am done complaining.

I was diagnosed with insomnia and it's made me quite sad.

But ok the upside, only three more sleeps until Christmas!

My cousin thinks he's cool because he sleeps in a race car bed.

Little does he know I sleep in an actual car.

A mechanic bought a bed

He sleeps under it

You know what they say about the song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

The urge to sing is just a whim away

A clever way of telling if your kids asleep.

A man tells his kid,
You beep when you sleep.
The dad ends up convincing his kid that he actually beeps when he sleeps.
The next night the dad peeked into his kids room to see if he was asleep.
Now his kid makes beep noises when he fake sleeps.

What do you call it when Jerry sleeps with 3 old women at a nursing home in one night?

A Jerry hat trick.

Double standards are ridiculous

How is it that when sleeps with loads of women he's a stud, but when a woman does the same thing, she's a lesbian

During rainy days, I and my lazy dog are competing who sleeps the deepest and the longest.

I am the underdog in this fight.

Teacher to a grade 2 student : Who is the youngest member in your family ? STUDENT : Papa

Teacher : How ?

Student : Because he still sleeps with mummy.

Son: Dad! Dad! There is a monster under my bed!

Dad: Enjoy it while you can son, when you get married the monster sleeps in your bed

My little cousin was showing off that he sleeps in a race car bed

Jokes on him I sleep in a real car

Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked?

...or with pajamazon?

Final question on who wants to be a millionaire.

Host: When your wife goes to sleep, what does she wear?

1. Under garments.
2. Pyjama suit.
3. She sleeps naked.
4. Something sexy.

Contestant: I would like to phone a friend.

Why do keyboard never sleeps?

Because they have two shifts. :)

For all you insomniacs out there

Only 3 sleeps until Christmas

A man goes to the therapist and says...

"Doctor, you got to help me. My wife is unfaithful to me. Every night, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up a man. She sleeps with anybody who asks her. I can't take this anymore!"
The therapist says: "Relax. Take a deep breath, sit down, and tell me exactly: where's Larry's bar?"

The Bad News - I've been suffering from chronic Insomnia

The Good News - Only 2 more sleeps until Santa arrives.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sleeps snooze jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sleeps awake piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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