Sleeping On The Floor Jokes
23 sleeping on the floor jokes and hilarious sleeping on the floor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sleeping on the floor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Sleeping On The Floor Short Jokes
Short sleeping on the floor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sleeping on the floor humour may include short lying in bed jokes also.
- A couple went to bed. The woman wanted to sleep on the floor. Her husband asked why.
She said "I want something hard for a change." - Man walks into a bar with a giraffe The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor. The bartender says, "Aye, what's that lyin' there?" The man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"
- I was driving along when I saw two hitchhikers. I stopped beside them and said, "Want me to take you home?"
They said, "Yes, please!"
I said, "OK, but you'll have to sleep on my floor." - My wife was arguing that women are naturally more compassionate and selfless creatures. I asked her to show me proof. So she ordered me to sleep on the floor.
- Giraffe walks into a bar, has a drink, then lies down on the floor to sleep Guy walks in and says - "what's that lyin' there?"
Bartender says "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe"
Share These Sleeping On The Floor Jokes With Friends
Sleeping On The Floor One Liners
Which sleeping on the floor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sleeping on the floor? I can suggest the ones about laying in bed and sleeping at work.
- Restrooms. Why are they called "restrooms" if I'm not even allowed to sleep on the floor?
- Where do Floridians sleep? On the floor, duh!
- So I used to sleep on my carpet... I'd have to say, it was a pretty flooring experience.
Ridiculous Sleeping On The Floor Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about sleeping on the floor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean falling asleep jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sleeping on the floor pranks.
A man and woman live in a two story house.
A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.
"Who's out there?" he asks.
A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."
He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"
"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.
"Yes."
"Do you still need that push?"
"Yes."
"Where are you?" the man asks.
"I'm over here on your swings."
Getting in bed
An old couple prepares to go to sleep. The man gets in bed, but the woman lies down on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you on the floor?"
The old woman replies, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
There are 3 men stranded in the wild...
and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute pain coming from their privates. The man in the middle however, told them he had an intense and wonderful dream about skiing.
I live in constant fear
I live in constant fear that one day while I'm least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleeps on the second floor south room next to the bathroom which is where she keeps all her jewelry hidden behind the mirror.
Three d**... people were sleeping on a bed.
There wasn't enough space for the three of them. One of them moved to sleep on the floor. When he went, one of the dumb guys called him and said "dude come back! There's suddenly a lot of space here!"
two dogs at the vet
A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.
Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"
Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing Bikram yoga. I couldn't help it...I started h**... her like crazy."
Poodle: "So is she putting you down too?"
Dane: "Naw, I'm just getting my nails done."
A Change
An old couple is ready to go to sleep.
The old man lies on the bed, but the old woman lies down on the floor.
The old man asks, Why are you going to sleep on the floor?
The old woman says, Because I want to feel something hard for a change.
An Irishman is drinking whiskey at a bar...
It's closing time, and he's pretty drunk. He gets up to leave and...boom! Falls over and smacks into the floor. He tries to get up again, but only succeeds in losing his balance and falling back down. He thinks to himself "wow I'm more drunk than I thought, maybe if I could just get some fresh air and sober up a little". So he crawls his way to the door, throws it open, and crawls outside. He tries to get up again, no luck. "Ok, it's not too far, I'll just crawl home and sleep it off". So the Irishman crawls all the way home and passes out on his couch. The next morning he wakes up to his wife yelling at him "god damnet Seamus, the bar just called, you left your wheelchair there again!"
You must abstain from s**... for two weeks.
Three couples--an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple--wanted to join a Baptist church. The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having s**... for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes up to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from s**... for the two weeks?"
The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor goes to the middle-aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from s**... for the two weeks?"
The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from s**... for two weeks?"
"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without s**... for the two weeks," the young man replied.
"What Happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a light bulb on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I couldn't help myself and we had s**... right there on the floor."
The pastor said, "Well, then you're not welcome in the Baptist church."
"That's OK," said the young man, "We're not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."
A young nun at a convent
A young nun at a convent had one too many s**... indiscretions, and turned up pregnant. Scared, she told no one of this, and was thankful that the order she belonged to wore loose, floor-length habits that would keep her secret safe, possibly right up until the birth.
And so it did, and upon the evening when the contractions started, she rushed down into the basement, hoping that no one would hear either her own moaning, or the cries of the newborn child.
After the birth, panic set in; she didn't know what she should do with the baby. If she were found with the child, she would be thrown out of the order, with no place for food or shelter. Knowing that the Mother Superior was a wise woman, and also having no other options, she placed the baby in a basket, and quietly crept into the sleeping Mother's room in the pre-dawn hours. She left the baby, and silently exited the sleeping chambers.
At sunrise, the Mother Superior awakened, and heard the baby as it was just waking from a nap. She quickly looked over the side of her bed, at the child in the basket, fell back in her bed with a sorrowful look, and dejectedly sighed, "Oh, God! You can't even trust your own finger any more!"
If Only You Had Looked
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I rushed down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but found no one there either. I went as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."
The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both be still alive."
How did you die?
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. 'How'd you die?'
the first man asks the second.
'I froze to death,' says the second.
'That's awful,' says the first man. 'How does it feel to freeze to death?'
'It's very uncomfortable at first', says the second man. 'You get the shakes,
and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm
way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How
about you, how did you die?' 'I had a heart attack,' says the first man.
'You
see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home
unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down
to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second
floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the
attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.'
The
second man shakes his head. 'That's so ironic,' he says. 'What do you mean?'
asks the first man. 'If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both
still be alive.'