Sleeping Cat Jokes
40 sleeping cat jokes and hilarious sleeping cat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sleeping cat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Sleeping Cat Short Jokes
Short sleeping cat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sleeping cat humour may include short sleeping dog jokes also.
- What's the difference between your cat and your wife? One doesn't care whether you live or die and refuses to eat anything you make, and the other one sleeps on the bed sometimes.
- Cats don't need smart phones to solve their problems, they just sleep until the problem solves itself. Cats: There's a nap for that.
- Cats They lay around and sleep all day, you can tell them any joke and they won't laugh, and they just wanna be away from you. So, cats are just teenagers in fur coats.
- A man walks into a bar with his sleeping cat The barman says
"You can't leave that lying there!"
The man says
"Are you blind it's a Cat not a Lion!" - My wife says I am an animal in bed... More specifically a cat, I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
- My GF bragged about the cat sleeping next to her I told her
"Yes, he seems to be attracted to the overwhelming aroma of fish" - Feeding your cat and sleeping with men have a lot in common They only really like you if they still want to cuddle after.
- If a cat wrapped in a blanket is a purrito ... Is a cat in a sleeping bag an empurrada ?
- I happen to have a lot in common with my cat. We both like meat, sleep more than we should, and have a shitbox.
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Sleeping Cat One Liners
Which sleeping cat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sleeping cat? I can suggest the ones about sleeping baby and cat fur.
- My cat was looking for a place to sleep today, all she kneaded was my lap.
- I understand now why my cat sleeps so much. She's living life on paws.
- What do you call a sleeping cat? An offeline.
- Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
- Whaddya call a cat sleeping in a garden? A purrtatoe.
- Whats a cats favorite thing to sleep on? A tem-PURR-pedic
- My cat sleeps on the refrigerator... I get to see her every 30 min
Sleeping Cat Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about sleeping cat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stray cat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sleeping cat pranks.
What do you call a pile of cats?
A MEOWTAIN.
Told this one at work after two weeks straight of 12+ hours days and laughed so hard I got sent home for the rest of the day to get sleep. To this day, every time I tell it I start giggling uncontrollably... Yep.
Two scared dads
Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.
Peter replies, Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.
The best part about owning a cat...
One of the best things about having a cat is that when you hear noises at night you can just think, "Oh, must be the cat," and go back to sleep. Why, just last night my cat dragged what must have been a large chain around the house moaning, "All who have desecrated this land must die." ...so cute.
I have never understood why womwn love cats?
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
I called my friend at 2 in the afternoon and...
he answered the phone groggily, so I asked if he was sleeping. He said "uhhh, yes and no". So I asked if he was taking a Schrodinger's Cat nap. *crickets*
On Mars, the rover begins a new day by opening its solar panel to charge up when there's sunlight...
But this time it hits something.
The scientists are puzzled. There was nothing there when it last went to sleep. Anxious, they use the last of its energy turning its camera around. It was an Earth feline.
Curiosity killed a cat
Cat drank the milk
Santa Singh was sleeping with his wife. In the morning, his wake up to get the milk from the door and came shouting back, Santa the cat drank the milk.
Santa got up from sleep and slapped her hard saying "how many times did I tell you to wear clothes while sleeping"....
I have never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
I have a stalker.
A family member who's moved into our house this year. He follows me into my bedroom and the bathroom. He always sneaks into my bed or under it when I'm half asleep. And worse, he gets so close to me when I'm trying to eat, watching me take every bite. Worse, he has a terrifying habit of l**... my things, and in my sleep, my skin. It freaks me out how little space and privacy I have when in my own home under the fear that he's always watching me.
I knew I should've gotten a cat instead of a dog...
A guy went to a therapist
Because he had constant dreams of cats playing football everyday, so the therapist asked him to eat nothing before he sleeps food might be the reason.
He came back the day after with no progression, he was still getting dreams of cats playing football.
Oh well, the therapist said, today i want you to sleep in the living room.
The patient came back with no progress, he was still getting dreams of cats playing football
The therapist told him today i don't want you to sleep at all.
The patient: i cant, today is the finals.
President's Day jokes
Q. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
A. Because he couldn't lie.
Q. What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
A. Presidentures!
Q. What would George Washington be if he were alive today?
A. Really, really, really old!
Abraham Lincoln made many humorous quotes and jokes in his lifetime:
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
Little Johnny had a bad day.
He stomped home from school to the family farm. Being an annoying little kid, he saw the farm animals and decided to take out a little frustration on them, so he yelled at the pig, chased the chickens around, and kicked in a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. Finally, he made it to the house. His mom was waiting and furious.
"Johnny, I saw you just did and you're in big trouble! For abusing the poor pig and chickens, you don't get sausage or wings tonight. And no pumpkin pie, either!"
Just then, the two of them saw Johnny's dad came back from a day in the fields. He walked to the porch, where the cat is sleeping peacefully in the sun. He irritably kicked the cat out of the way to make it to the door. Johnny turns to his mom with a big grin and says,
"Shall you tell him, or shall I?"
A zoophil, a m**..., a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a sadomasochist were gathered at a party
A zoophil, a m**..., a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a sadomasochist were gathered at a party. After a while they started to get bored, and the z**... suggested they go out to find a cat they could r**.... The killer was enthusiastic and suggested they kill it afterwards. The necrophilic was happy and wanted to sleep with it after it was dead. The pyromaniac looks at the others with wide eyes and suggest they burn it afterwards. Everyone looks at the sadomasochist and asks him: So what do you have to contribute to this conversation?
The sadomasochist: Mjaaauuu ...
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth;
they talk and drive sportscars.
An owl enters a psychologist's office.
The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?"
The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night."
The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy.
The next night, a cat comes in.
He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?"
The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy.
The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl.
The cat is told to wait outside.
He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address!
During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in.
The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl.
The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining,
"I was sent to deliver him."
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died.
When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth.
She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard.
God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.
The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.
A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.
Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.
They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people.
God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.
One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven.
She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.
The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking."
The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."
God said, "Say no more."
Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together.
God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat.
The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again."
God said, "It is done!"
All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat.
He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.
God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?"
The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"