Sleep Knock Knock Jokes
29 sleep knock knock jokes and hilarious sleep knock knock puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sleep knock knock that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sleep Knock Knock Short Jokes
Short sleep knock knock jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sleep knock knock humour may include short knock knock sleep jokes also.
- I remember once before a big school exam, I wanted to get a good night's rest, so I asked my Mom if I could borrow some of her sleeping pills. She said "Sure! Knock yourself out!"
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Uplifting Sleep Knock Knock Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about sleep knock knock you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kid knock knock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sleep knock knock pranks.
Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism.
Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door.
"What do you want?" he asks.
His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"
A man comes home drunk...
As he stumbles in trying to be quiet as possible not to wake up the wife...he's too drunk and knocks over a stool startling wife from sleep...
Wife, from bedroom: Bob, is that you? what was that ?
Bob: Oh nothing honey, just a stool. Be right there...
As he stumbles into the bedroom he falls over creating a loud CRASHHH
Wife: Bob? Are you OK? What was that sound???
Bob: Oh its nothing honey, i was just hanging my shirt and it fell.
Wife: How did your shirt make such a loud sound?
Bob: I was still wearing it
The wedding night
A young women marries a very rich very old man. On the wedding night they have adjoining suites. The young woman tells her husband that she loves him for his mind and that he should feel no performance pressure. If he feels up to s**... to just knock on her door.
She goes to bed expecting a restful and undisturbed night but about 5 minutes later there is a knock and in comes the old man. They proceed to have fairly rambunctious s**... after which the old man returns to his room. The bride settles back to go to sleep. 10 min later there is another knock at the door and in he comes again, and another round of s**.... Afterward he again leaves. The young bride is very tired by now and is looking forward to a good night's sleep. 10 minutes later there is another knock at the door. She bursts out incredulously, "Again?". The old man opens the door and replies, "What? Have I been here before?"
The homeless man and the farmer
A homeless man comes up to a farmers house and knocks on the door, when the farmer answers, the homeless man asks "May i spend the night?" to which the farmer replies, "Sure, but you're going to have to sleep in the stable." So the homeless man agrees and sleeps in the stable with all the animals.
In the morning the farmer comes in and asks "How did you sleep?" and the homeless man says "I slept good. And I talked to your animals too." the farmer says, "Really?"
"Yes, I talked to the chickens," he responded, "and they said that you come in every morning at 4am to collect the eggs."
"Wow," the farmer says, "That's right!"
"I also talked to the cows," the homeless man continued, "And they told me every morning at 5am, you milk them"
"That's amazing!" the farmer responds.
"I also talked to the sheep, and they said-"
"THOSE SHEEP ARE LIARS!!!!"
George and the Dragon
A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.
The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.
"No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she snapped again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!"
By this time, she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.
"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"
My wife gave birth today, after she was stable and sleeping I thanked the Doctor, then sheepishly asked 'When we will be able to have s**...?'
He winked at me and said 'I knock off in 10 minutes, meet me in the car park'
A man and woman live in a two story house.
A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.
"Who's out there?" he asks.
A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."
He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"
"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.
"Yes."
"Do you still need that push?"
"Yes."
"Where are you?" the man asks.
"I'm over here on your swings."
A traveling salesman knocked on the door of a farmhouse..
And since it was getting late, he asked the farmer if he could sleep in the barn that night. The farmer said, "That would be fine, but you have to promise to leave my son alone." And the salesman said, Oh no! I'm in the wrong joke!"
A man's car breaks down near a monastary.
He goes to the door and knocks. The Friar opens the door. The man asks for a place to sleep. The Fiar replies,"pay us."
The man, low on money asks why.
"It's to provide a sense of pride and accomplishment for people who find a place to sleep."
Knock on the door at 2 AM
A husband and wife are sound asleep, when at 2 AM there's loud b**... on the door and a man shouting Can you give me a push please?
The husband wakes up and hears it, but buries his head under the blankets and tries to sleep again.
A few minutes later, the b**... continues, and the wife wakes up to hear Can you give me a push please?
The wife turns to her husband and says Ah go on, give the man a hand. Wouldn't you be happy if someone helped you when your car broke down?
Reluctantly the husband gets dressed, stumbles down the stairs and walks out the door. Once outside, he can't see the man. He shouts where are you?
The man replies right here, on the swing!
A Rabbi, a Hindu holy man, and an Alabama Crimson Tide fan are in a car together, but the car breaks down.
Luckily, there's a farm right nearby. The farmer says, "I only got room for two of ya in the house, so one of you's gonna have to sleep in the barn."
The Hindu holy man decides to go, but comes back to the barn because there's a cow in there, and Cows are sacred in his faith.
The Rabbi takes his friend's place, only to come back in because there's also a pig in the barn, and in the Rabbi's faith, pigs are unclean.
So the Alabama fan grudgingly goes to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there's a knock on the door, and standing in the doorway are the cow and the pig.
A man stops to ask directions from a farmer sitting on his porch and is amazed to see a three-legged pig sitting at the farmer's feet.
"That's a weird-looking pig," the man says. The farmer is furious. "Don't you ever say anything bad about this pig!" he says. "Just last week my wife and I were sleeping, and a fire broke out. This pig dragged us both to safety. Last month a robber broke into the house. The pig knocked him down, dialed 911 with his snout and sat on him until the police arrived. So don't ever say anything bad about him."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "But what's the deal with the three legs?"
"Mister," the farmer says, "a pig like this you don't eat all at once."
A Televangelist, a Rabbi and a Hindu were traveling together
They came across a farm and asked to spend the night there. The farmer said, I only have room for two, someone will have to sleep in the barn.
The Hindu volunteered. Moments later, there was a knock on the door. The Hindu said, There is a cow in the barn. I can't sleep on holy ground.
I will go said the Rabbi. Moments later there was a knock on the door. I can't sleep with a pig, pigs are unkosher.
So the Televangelist is sent out to the barn. Moments later, there was a knock on the door.
It was the pig and the cow.
A Lawyer, a Muslim, and a Hindu are travelling together...
One night, they are looking for a place to stay, and one of them sees a house in the distance. One of them knocks on the door and a farmer answers the door. They ask politely to stay, and the farmer says, "Yes, you may stay. However, one of you will have to sleep in the barn, as I have only room for 2 of you in my house." The Hindu volunteers to sleep in the barn. A couple minutes after the Hindu goes, they hear a knock at the door. It's the Hindu, and he says he cannot sleep in the barn, as there is a cow in there, and a cow is a sacred animal in his religion. The Muslim volunteers next. A couple minutes after the Muslim goes, they hear a knock at the door. It's the Muslim, and he says he cannot sleep in the barn, as there is a pig in there, and a pig is an unclean animal in his religion. The lawyer then goes to sleep in the barn. A couple minutes later, they hear a knock at the door. It's the cow and the pig.
A man decided to rest after taking a drive...
And goes to sleep in his car. Minutes later a cyclist knocks on his window, waking him up and asks, "Excuse me, do you know what the time is?".The man replies, Sorry, I don't know the time." After going back to sleep, he is awoken again by a jogger, who asks, "Sorry, but do you know what the time is?". The man, quite annoyed, says " I don't know what the time is!" After the jogger leaves, them man makes a sign saying "I do not know what the time is!", leaves it in his window and goes back to sleep. Then, again there is a knock on the window and standing there is a Scout. "What is it you want?", asks the man. The boy replies, "The time's 5:43."
A Hindu, a Muslim, and a lawyer are traveling together.
They reach a farmhouse and ask to spend the night. The farmer tells them that he only has room for two and one will have to sleep in the barn.
The Hindu volunteers, but a short while later there's a knock at the door. "I can't sleep there. There is a cow, and a cow is a sacred animal. My religion forbids it."
So the Muslim goes next. Again, there's a knock at the door. "I can't sleep there. There is a pig, and a pig is an unclean animal. My religion forbids it."
So the lawyer heads out. There's a knock at the door once more.
It's the cow and the pig.
George and the Dragon
A vagabond in 18th century England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."
He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.
"Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!" she shouted again.
The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"
3 guys are lost and stumble upon a farm.
There was a indian, a jew, and a mexican. They asked if they could sleep there for the night. The man says "sure but one of you will have to sleep in the barn" the indian says "it is fine I will sleep in the barn" about a minute later there's a knock on the door, it's the Indian and he says "im sorry but I can not sleep in the barn there is a cow and it is a sacred animal" so the jew says "its fine I can sleep in the barn" about a minute later there's a knock on the door, its the jew. He says "im sorry but I can't sleep in the barn, there's a pig and it's not Kosher" so the mexican says " it is okay, I will sleep in the barn" about a minute later there's a knock on the door. It's the donkey.
Three Old Women Share a House
Three old women are sharing a house when one of their sons comes to visit. He sits at the table with his mother and the conversation turns to the forgetfulness of the other two women. Almost as if on cue, one old woman yells from upstairs, "Hey, I'm in bed and I can't remember if I just woke up or if I need to go to sleep!" The two at the table chuckle as the other old woman yells, "Hey, I'm in the shower and I can't remember if I've showered of if I just finished!" The woman at the table proceeds to knock on the table and say, "Knock on wood my memory never gets that bad. Let me just see who's at the door and I'll get you some coffee."
The night's winding down, and all the customers have left except for this one drunk.
Bartender: Hey man, you should get going, go back home and get some sleep.
The drunk leaves through the back door of the establishment and, as the bartender is cleaning up, comes back in through the front 10 minutes later.
Bartender: Hey man, I just kicked you out, we're closing for the night!
The drunk leaves through the back, and not five minutes after the bartender locks the front door, the drunk comes and knocks.
Bartender:d**..., didn't I just tell you-
Drunk:Hey, barkeep! How many bars do you work at anyway?
Even pigs have standards
A Rabbi, a Hindu holy man, and a Philadelphia Eagles fan are in a car together. the car breaks down near a house with a barn. The owner says, "Well, I only have room for two of ya, so one's gonna have to sleep in the barn." The Hindu holy man volunteers. Five minutes later, he explains, "I cannot sleep in that barn! There is a cow in there! Cows are sacred, and I cannot sleep on holy ground!" The rabbi agrees to take his friend's place, but comes back. "There is a pig in the barn. Pigs are unclean in my faith, so I cannot sleep there!" The Eagles fan, begrudgingly, goes out to the barn. Five minutes later, there is a knock on the door. The farmer opens it to find the cow and the pig.
KGB Joke, from old country
This was definitely a response to that thread about the passport staples
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Four men are staying in a hotel room. Three have opened a bottle of v**... and are getting pretty rowdy, while the fourth is trying to get some sleep. He leaves the room and asks the concierge for some tea for room 60, where they are staying. He returns to the room, leans into an ashtray and says "Comrade Major, more tea for room 60". A short while later, there is a knock at the door and tea is delivered. The other three men are visibly spooked and quiet down. The fourth man goes to sleep.
The next morning, the other three men are gone. He goes downstairs and asks the concierge where they went, He says "You don't need to know". The man asks, "But why was I left alone?". The concierge replies, "Comrade Major really liked that tea joke"
Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
Let the Trucker Sleep
After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.
"Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger.
"Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time.
"It's 4:40!" yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME. He sticks the paper in his windshield.
But he is awoken again. 'It's 5:25," says another jogger.
Roger and Jenny on their wedding night . . .
Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.'
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I've been here already tonight?'
No s**...
As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up s**... for Lent. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort.
The first few weeks weren't too difficult. Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest nightclothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed.
The last couple of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.
Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife's bedroom door.
"**KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!**"
Husband: "Guess whom?"
Wife: "I know who it is!"
Husband: "Guess what I want?"
Wife: "I know what you want!"
Husband: "Guess what I'm knockin' with?"
Two doctors
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have s**... for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
An 85 and 25 year old's wedding night...
Vet Friend of mine just sent this:
Robert , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . . .Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Robert takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Robert, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Robert kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it Robert is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25 - year - old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Robert gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Robert.'
Robert, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?'