Slapping Jokes
37 slapping jokes and hilarious slapping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about slapping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the world of knee-slapping and leg-slapping jokes with this article. Learn the difference between a slap, a spank and a smack, then test your funny bone as you dive into a variety of slapstick scenarios! Get ready to laugh!
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Funniest Slapping Short Jokes
Short slapping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The slapping humour may include short slaps jokes also.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- Doctor : Does it hurt? Mother : Yes, a lot.
Doctor : So are we vaccinating the baby, or should I slap you again? - My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!
- Did you know Will Smith can make swords? Of course he can; he's a blacksmith
Some may think the joke isn't funny, but I think it slaps. - Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can't survive a slap from a newspaper. This shows how toxic the media is.
- Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please? Waitress (slaps me): That's none of your business!
- I tried to steal candy from a newborn baby, but he slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.
- A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. She slapped me when I answered I guess "In HD" is the wrong answer
- The new girl at work slapped me today because I asked if she spits or swallows... It seemed like a perfectly reasonable question, considering we work as wine tasters...
- My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas. I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky...
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Slapping One Liners
Which slapping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with slapping? I can suggest the ones about clapping and slapped so hard.
- Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice. I hate being a dwarf.
- What happens when someone slaps you around with high frequency? It Hertz
yeah - Dyslexic walks into a bar Gets slapped and called a pervert.
- How do you kill 100 flies in A second? You slap an ethiopian in the face.
- Why did the midget get slapped? Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
- what did 3 say after being slapped What was that 4
- What happens if someone slaps you at a high frequency? It Hertz
- So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache. No idea why she had to slap me though.
- What do you call a Rabbi who is also a chemist? an Acidic Jew.
\*Slaps Knee\* - What do you call a belt made of paper? A waist of paper. *knee slap*
- I got gas for 2$ today. The taco bell value menu still slaps though
- What happens when you're slapped at a high frequency? It hertz :)
- Why did the customer slap the cashier? Because he was checking her out.
- I told a joke to my Chemistry teacher. He replied "Oh man, I slapped my neon that one"
- When is the only right time to slap an ugly woman? When her mustache is on fire.
Knee Slapping Jokes
Here is a list of funny knee slapping jokes and even better knee slapping puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was Biggie hungry at school? He forgot Tupac his lunch!
*knee slap* - What does the electron say to the resistor? Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap
- No chicken dies a v**....
They get laid at birth *slaps knee*. - What do you call a feminist sea creature? A seafenenemi. **slaps knee
Happy Slapping Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about slapping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knee slap jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make slapping pranks.
My b**... community took me to court for not being h**... enough. I got off with just a slap on the wrist.
So I lost the case.
A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"
"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"
The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.
"Nah, the steaks are too high"
A boy excitedly reports to his miserly father...
"Papa!" the boy exclaims. "Instead of buying a bus ticket, I ran home behind the bus and saved a dollar!"
The father immediately slaps the child. "Spendthrift!" he screams. "You could have run home behind a taxi and saved twenty!"
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.
The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."
3 drunk guys entered a taxi
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you".
The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...
... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely a**.... So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
A Chinese man and a Jewish man are sitting next to each other on a plane.
Suddenly, the Jewish man slaps the Chinese man across the face.
"What was that for?" asks the Chinese man..
"For Pearl Harbor" says the Jewish man.
"That was Japanese. I'm Chinese," the Chinese man says.
"Chinese, Japanese" what's the difference?
Few minutes later, the Chinese man slaps the Jewish man.
"What was that for?" asks the Jew.
"It's for the Titanic."
"The Titanic? That was an iceberg..."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?" says the Chinese man.
An idiot has a mirror in his closet
He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops
"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can
"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"
Three drunk guys get into a taxi.
The driver knew they were drunk. He turned the engine on and quickly turned it back off. He said "We've arrived."
The 1st drunk pays the driver, the 2nd drunk thanked him, and the 3rd drunk slapped him. He thought the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked anyway "What was that for?"
"CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME! You nearly killed us!"
A man walks into a bar
and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:
"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"
The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:
"Nah, the stakes are too high."
An old man is at home on his death bed
When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, "No, they are for the f**...."
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.
A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"
She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.
He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black b**...."
My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a t**... with two hot princesses?"
I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.
See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!
Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..
Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.
