Slapped Jokes
118 slapped jokes and hilarious slapped puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about slapped that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article takes a humorous look at why slapping is a popular form of joke-telling. Find out what makes people so angry that they get slapped so hard they fly across the room or agitate them so much they have to be smacked on the cheek.
Funniest Slapped Short Jokes
Short slapped jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The slapped humour may include short slaps jokes also.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- Doctor : Does it hurt? Mother : Yes, a lot.
Doctor : So are we vaccinating the baby, or should I slap you again? - My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!
- Did you know Will Smith can make swords? Of course he can; he's a blacksmith
Some may think the joke isn't funny, but I think it slaps. - Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can't survive a slap from a newspaper. This shows how toxic the media is.
- Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please? Waitress (slaps me): That's none of your business!
- I tried to steal candy from a newborn baby, but he slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.
- A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. She slapped me when I answered I guess "In HD" is the wrong answer
- The new girl at work slapped me today because I asked if she spits or swallows... It seemed like a perfectly reasonable question, considering we work as wine tasters...
- My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas. I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky...
Share These Slapped Jokes With Friends
Slapped One Liners
Which slapped one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with slapped? I can suggest the ones about clapped and smack.
- Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice. I hate being a dwarf.
- What happens when someone slaps you around with high frequency? It Hertz
yeah - Dyslexic walks into a bar Gets slapped and called a pervert.
- How do you kill 100 flies in A second? You slap an ethiopian in the face.
- Why did the midget get slapped? Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
- what did 3 say after being slapped What was that 4
- What happens if someone slaps you at a high frequency? It Hertz
- So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache. No idea why she had to slap me though.
- What do you call a Rabbi who is also a chemist? an Acidic Jew.
\*Slaps Knee\* - What do you call a belt made of paper? A waist of paper. *knee slap*
- I got gas for 2$ today. The taco bell value menu still slaps though
- What happens when you're slapped at a high frequency? It hertz :)
- Why did the customer slap the cashier? Because he was checking her out.
- I told a joke to my Chemistry teacher. He replied "Oh man, I slapped my neon that one"
- When is the only right time to slap an ugly woman? When her mustache is on fire.
Slapped So Hard Jokes
Here is a list of funny slapped so hard jokes and even better slapped so hard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I repeatedly slapped my girlfriend as hard as I could at the concert last night. I was clapping for the band.
- I used to watch lots of Bruce Willis movies, but now I don't. I guess old habits Die Hard.
^Someone ^please ^slap ^me.
^ - I was buying some laundry detergent the other day... While I was paying, the cashier slapped me hard.
"What was that for!?" I exclaimed.
She told me "No pain, No Gain" - Shaq once slapped Hardaway really hard, he stood up for some time. Then the Penny dropped.
- Today i got slapped really hard Now i know what Jimmy Fallon's table goes thru every interview
- I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.
- What's the difference between a hard s**... and a gentle pat? One's a tight slap, the other's a slight tap.
Howlingly Hilarious Slapped Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about slapped you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knee slap jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make slapped pranks.
I was so ugly when I was born...
...the doctor slapped my mother.
You looked a lot like my wife
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
An arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.
She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"
So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"
"He slapped my left cheek."
So the father s**... his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenged you. You can tell your husband that he has slapped my daughter, but I have slapped his wife"
*Joke borrowed from Les Miserables, written in 1862.*
Did you hear about the guy who got slapped by his reflection whenever he looked at a mirror?
The resemblance was striking.
I just got slapped by a girl for asking her, "Do you spit or s**...?"
I thought this was a very reasonable question to ask her, considering we were at a wine tasting session.
I overheard my 14 year old daughter telling this joke to a friend.
-"Every time I say something, you say the word addicted"
-"ok"
-"Drugs"
-"Addicted"
-"Alcohol"
-"Addicted"
-"What slapped you across the face last night? "
" Addicted"
Recently divorced Marine s**... slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order.
He is now struggling to understand the distance that has become between them, as well as windage.
A depressed man was sitting at a bar.
From across the room, a beautiful p**... saw this man and began to approach him. "Hey honey, are you looking to get lucky?", she asked. To which the depressed man replied "Yes". She then announced that for $300 she would do anything he wanted, provided he could say it in three words. The depressed man agreed to this and slapped three $100 notes on the counter and with each slap he said "Paint. My. House".
So I lost my watch at a club
I thought I'd never find it, but decided to try anyway. To my surprise I found it, but there was a dude standing on it. And the worst part was, he was being very handsy with this woman. When she made herself clear that she didn't want "it" he slapped her. At that moment I felt I had to do something, so I pushed him away from the woman and knocked him over. Because you don't hit a woman, not on my watch.
Three drunk guys get into a taxi.
The driver knew they were drunk. He turned the engine on and quickly turned it back off. He said "We've arrived."
The 1st drunk pays the driver, the 2nd drunk thanked him, and the 3rd drunk slapped him. He thought the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked anyway "What was that for?"
"CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME! You nearly killed us!"
One day Jack was feeling happy..
Happy slapped him.
Two men and two women are on a train.
There is a mother and daughter on their way to have a holiday, and there is an old general and his valet, a young sergeant. The train goes through a tunnel, and everything is dark. There is a *mwsshk!* and a *s**...!* and the train leaves the tunnel.
The mother thinks, "that young man stole a kiss from my daughter and got slapped for it!"
The daughter thinks, "that young man tried to kiss me, and kissed my mother by mistake!"
The general thinks, "that upstart pup steals a kiss and I get slapped for it."
The sergeant thinks, "not bad! I just kiss my hand and get to slap the general, and here comes another tunnel!"
A man was in bed with his girlfriend...
He noticed one of his girlfriend's b**... jiggled more when he slapped it. Curious, he began experimenting. When she asked him what he was doing he replied:
*a**...*trophysics.
I believe i can fly
i believe i can flyyy
got shot by the pizza guyyy
all i wanted was some onion ringggss
from McDonald's or Burgerkinggg
I believe i can soarrrr
mom slapped me in the grocery storeee
Even though im 24 I still got an imaginary dinosoarrrrr
I believe i can falllll I tripped on a bouncey ballll
Thought id post this funny jokes. Even though i got no votes.
I'm a teacher...
Today I had a new student in my class.
I asked him his name, and he said his name was Ben, and that he has just moved from Germany.
So I asked him how old he was, and he said "9!" So I slapped him. I will not tolerate insolence in my classroom.
My girlfriend said she needed time and distance...
So I slapped her with velocity.
Customer feedback.
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, What was that?
The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing!
The girl slapped him soundly.
What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek.
Customer feedback.
I heard a chemistry joke the other day...
I heard a chemistry joke the other day, it was sodium funny I slapped my neon that one.
A hot woman was standing in a bus.
A kid saw her standing, got up and said, "hey lady, you can sit here. I've vacated my place for you."
At this, woman got real livid and slapped the kid.
"These days you can't even be nice to anybody", said the boy and went back to sit on his father's lap.
a really attractive woman playing pokemon go slapped me today
I only said i wanted a peekachu
A feminist got drunk at lunch, accused her boss of coming on to her, and slapped him in the face.
She got loaded, triggered, and fired.
A man comes to the entrance of Heaven
A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."
The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your a**...!'"
The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"
The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."
Ma and Pa were rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad s**.... Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for?
Ma said for knowing the difference.
A couple just broke up in front of my house and the girl slapped him in the face
That hit too close to home
My friend told me a chemistry joke
"Do you know any chemistry jokes?
I do but they're all boron."
I have to say, I slapped my neon that one.
"Give me nine inches and make it hurt" she told me.
So i did her twice and slapped her.
John to Sam: Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Sam rushed home angrily.
After half an hour, Sam came back and slapped the John.
Sam said: You fool, he is not my friend.
I got slapped at the club the other day
I went dancing at a local club, hoping to get a little action since it's been a while. I met this gorgeous girl and asked her to dance, a little emboldened by the alcohol. After the first song with her body so close to mine, she leans in and says "You smell good! Whatcha got on?"
I said, "Well, I have a hard-on but I didn't know you could smell it."
I think my horse is a blacksmith.
I slapped him on the backside and he made a bolt for the door.
Why do boston carpenters get slapped by women?
Because they want to show women their caulk
Three drunk guys enter a Taxi
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "we have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him the money and the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was very shocked thinking the 3rd drunkard knew what he did. But then he asked "what was that for?" The 3rd guy replied, " Control yourspeed next time, you nearly killed us!
As the crowded elevator descended,
Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said,
"That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a crowd...
The Pope turns to Trump and says, "Did you know that with a single wave of my hand, I can make this entire crowd go wild? Their joy will not be a momentary passing emotion either, but will live on in their hearts each time they tell someone of this day."
Trump replies, "What?! With one wave of your SAD hand? I doubt it."
So the Pope slapped him.
I saw a girl busking today.
She had a great voice and an even better pair of legs, emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing.
"Any requests?" She asked the watching crowd.
"Your thong," I replied with a wink.
Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.
It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.
I witnessed a kidnapping today, could have intervened... but I didn't.
I'm sure his mother would have slapped me for waking him.
3 drunk guys entered a taxi
The taxi driver was tired and knew that they were drunk so he simply started the engine, turned it off again and told them "We're here".
The 1st guy gave him money &
the 2nd guy said "thank you" and they both got out.
The 3rd guy waited, and slapped the driver.
The driver was shocked, and thought the 3rd drunk had figured out his scheme.
He asked "Whats that for !?"
The 3rd guy paused for a bit, and replied:
" Next time drive slowly "
My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a t**... with two hot princesses?"
I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store,
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store and slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that p**... Treats' are meant for 'cats'?"
Once upon a time in a bar far far away....
The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY
The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL
*The woman slapped them both for staring !*
My son gets upset when I slap his hands.
If he doesn't like having his hands slapped he should stop blocking his face.
Three drunken guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then he said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money and the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver and said, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
I asked the waitress for a q**... and she slapped me.
The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."
I saw a live proposal today...
He said, Laurel, will you marry me?
She slapped him and said, Who's Yanny?
Ouch! Meghan slapped Prince Harry in public.
He says that if she does it again, the Empire strikes back.
When I told the waitress I'd have a quiche, she slapped me...
Apparently it's pronounced "keesh" and not "q**..."
My wife got into a car c**...
The Cops suspended her licence, and slapped her with a fine. She tried to argue that the guy was drinking and speaking on the phone. The Cops didn't care, they said he has a full right to do what he wants on his own front porch.
The Pope and Trump are in front of a large crowd
The Pope leaned over to Trump and whispered in his ear, With one wave of my hand everyone in this room will rejoice.
Trump whispered back, Prove it.
So the Pope raised his hand and slapped him.
I don't get no respect. I was an ugly kid.
I was so ugly when I was born the doctor slapped my mother.
John was feeling happy
then happy slapped him
Mr. Smith found a doppelganger of his wife.
Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.
*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.
Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.
To a Hispanic, I tried to speak a Spanish sentence. He then slapped me in the face.
My English friend asked me if what I said was offensive.
I assured my friend that it was not offensive. I told him that I said "abofetearme en la cara."
When I tried to get in touch with my feminine side...
she slapped me.
I was painting a ladies deck and noticed she had some carpenter bee damage.
She nearly slapped me when I offered to make the necessary repairs. I suppose I shouldn't have asked her if she wanted me to shove some caulk in her bee holes
When I was born I was so ugly...
the doctor slapped my mother.
Really drunk people?
3 men entered a taxi. The taxi driver could tell that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off. He then proceeded to tell them that they had reached their destination. The first guy gave him the money and the second guy thanked the taxi driver. The third guy suddenly slapped the driver. The driver was shocked; he was wondering if the third guy could see through his dishonesty. He then asked What was that for? The third guy, with a furious face yelled Control your speed next time you almost killed us!
A kid gets slapped by his neighbor, and the mother is angry and goes to find out why
Why did you hit my kid?
He called me fat!
So you think you will get slimmer if you hit him?
A guy was screaming "The President is s**..." on the middle of a street in Washington DC
A policeman came up to him and slapped him once.
Man : "I was talking about the President of Ireland."
*The policeman slapped the man again.*
Man: Why did you slap me?
Policeman : "As if we don't know which President is s**..."
My friend, who studies mice, wanted a specific rodent to complete his collection.
He asked me to find one for him. I searched far and wide for a homosexual rodent of the Ming subspecies (that was his request).
After a few months, I found a rodent that matched his request. But when I gave it to him, he slapped me.
I was shocked. "Why did you slap me?", I asked out of frustration.
"You idiot! I asked you for a gaming mouse!!"
Drunk taxi.
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The
taxi driver knew that they were
drunk so he started the engine
& turned it off again. Then
said,"We have reached your
destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said
"Thank you". The 3rd guy
slapped the driver. The driver
was shocked thinking the 3rd
drunk knew what he did. But
then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied,
"Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us
Am i strong or weak
If I slapped my cheek and felt pain, does it mean that I am strong or weak?
I slapped my violin out of anger
I got arrested for domestic violins
An old married couple were sitting on the porch enjoying the sunset.
The old woman suddenly turned to her husband and smacked him across his face.
The old man was shocked. "Now why the h**... you'd do that for, Ethel?"
"That was for forty years of bad s**...," she said smugly.
A couple minutes passed and then the old man turned to his wife and slapped her back even harder.
"What the heck was that for, Harold?"
"That's for knowing the difference!"
My MIL got slapped in public just for wearing a Trump hat.
My wife wasn't even upset at me.
3 drunk guys entered a taxi.
The driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine, turn it off again and said "We reached your
destination."
The first guy gave him money.
The second guy said "thank you" then gave him money too, while the third guy slapped the taxi driver.
The driver was shocked thinking the third guy knew what he did, the driver asked "What was that for?"
The third guy replied "Control your speed next time, you've nearly killed us."
I asked her, "Do you spit or s**...?"
# She slapped me and stormed off!
### Anyway, I don't recommend wine tastings as a first date, it really seems to bother some girls for some reason.
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, what was that? The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing! The girl slapped him soundly. What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek. Customer feedback.
The tunnel
An Englishman, a Frenchmen, a young woman, and an old lady, are sitting together on a train when it goes through a tunnel. A loud slap is heard, and then the Frenchman is rubbing his face.
The old lady thinks 'I bet he tried to touch the young woman, and she slapped him'
The young woman thinks 'I bet he tried to touch the old lady thinking it was me, and she slapped him'
The Frenchman thinks 'I bet the Englishman tried to touch the young woman, and she thought it was me, so she slapped me'
The Englishman thinks 'I can't wait for the next tunnel so I can slap him again'
What happened when the mad scientist fused two animals together on his safari?
*shrugs* "Elephrhino!"
My girlfriend slapped me when she got this joke, so I figured it was good enough for reddit
My son is doing a social experiment for school.
He plans on wearing an "I love Liberals" shirt out in public and will be recording the interactions with others. So far he has been cussed at, spit at, slapped, and even threatened. Im afraid what will happen when he actually leaves the house.
A man meets with his friend and sees that he has red markings on both sides of his face.
He asks his friend, "What happened to your face?"
The friend replies, "I saw a lady on my way here. She had her skirt wedged between her b**... so I fixed it for her. Then she slapped me."
The man says, "Okay... What about the other side?"
The friend replies, "I thought she was mad at me for pulling the skirt out. So I wedged it back in."
A man walked into a pharmacy.
"Do you have anything to cure hiccups?" he asked.
The pharmacist didn't reply.
Again, the man asked "Excuse me, I asked if you have anything for hiccups?"
Still the pharmacist stayed silent.
The man started getting annoyed. "Can you hear me? I'm looking for something fo-"
Suddenly the pharmacist leaned over the counter and slapped the man across his face.
"There, you're not hiccuping anymore, are you?!" The pharmacist said triumphantly.
The man replied angrily "No but my wife waiting in the car is."
How I lost my Teeth
I was in my local pub last night enjoying a nice cold pint of beer, when this b**... ugly fat bird came up to me and slapped me in the back, and said how about giving me your number handsome
I looked at her and asked Do you have a pen sure! She said.
So I said, Well you better get back in it before the farmer notices you're missing!
My dental surgery is this Friday!.
