Slap Jokes
123 slap jokes and hilarious slap puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about slap that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article takes a light-hearted look at slap jokes, with references to popular characters such as Chris Rock and Batman, as well as a playful dare that will leave you in stitches. From the knee-slap, to the Oscar slap, discover comedic ways to lighten the mood in any situation. Learn creative ways to whack or kick your friends for a good laugh or to get out of an awkward moment.
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Funniest Slap Short Jokes
Short slap jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The slap humour may include short slam jokes also.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- Doctor : Does it hurt? Mother : Yes, a lot.
Doctor : So are we vaccinating the baby, or should I slap you again? - My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!
- Did you know Will Smith can make swords? Of course he can; he's a blacksmith
Some may think the joke isn't funny, but I think it slaps. - Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can't survive a slap from a newspaper. This shows how toxic the media is.
- Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please? Waitress (slaps me): That's none of your business!
- I tried to steal candy from a newborn baby, but he slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.
- A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. She slapped me when I answered I guess "In HD" is the wrong answer
- The new girl at work slapped me today because I asked if she spits or swallows... It seemed like a perfectly reasonable question, considering we work as wine tasters...
- My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas. I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky...
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Slap One Liners
Which slap one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with slap? I can suggest the ones about smack and clap.
- Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice. I hate being a dwarf.
- What happens when someone slaps you around with high frequency? It Hertz
yeah - Dyslexic walks into a bar Gets slapped and called a pervert.
- How do you kill 100 flies in A second? You slap an ethiopian in the face.
- Why did the midget get slapped? Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
- what did 3 say after being slapped What was that 4
- What happens if someone slaps you at a high frequency? It Hertz
- So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache. No idea why she had to slap me though.
- What do you call a Rabbi who is also a chemist? an Acidic Jew.
\*Slaps Knee\* - What do you call a belt made of paper? A waist of paper. *knee slap*
- I got gas for 2$ today. The taco bell value menu still slaps though
- What happens when you're slapped at a high frequency? It hertz :)
- Why did the customer slap the cashier? Because he was checking her out.
- I told a joke to my Chemistry teacher. He replied "Oh man, I slapped my neon that one"
- When is the only right time to slap an ugly woman? When her mustache is on fire.
Knee Slap Jokes
Here is a list of funny knee slap jokes and even better knee slap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was Biggie hungry at school? He forgot Tupac his lunch!
*knee slap* - What does the electron say to the resistor? Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap
- No chicken dies a v**....
They get laid at birth *slaps knee*. - What do you call a feminist sea creature? A seafenenemi. **slaps knee
Chris Rock Slap Jokes
Here is a list of funny chris rock slap jokes and even better chris rock slap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Now that Will Smith has apologised for slapping Chris Rock, his conscience is clean. His wife on the other hand, is Mr Clean.
Unearthly Funniest Slap Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about slap you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slip jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make slap pranks.
A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...
Confused, he asks the bartender "why do you have meat hanging from your ceiling?" The bartender says "I'm glad you asked, currently we have a challenge going on where if you can jump up and slap both pieces of meat with your hands I'll cover your tab for the whole rest of the night. However, if you attempt to slap the meat and miss, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks in the bar until we close". The bartender looks back at the customer and asks "So what do you say, would you like to give the challenge a shot?" The customer quickly responds with a "No". "Why not?" The bartender asks. The customer replies, "The stakes are too high".
My kids favorite knock knock joke
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting C..**MOO!!**
.
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Interrupting Chicken.
*sigh* Interrupting Ch **BOCK BOCK BOCK!!!!**
.
Knock Knock
*sigh* Whose there?
Interrupting Fish.
*ponders* Interrupting F.. *SLAP! SLAP!* OW!!!
What the difference between a blonde and a Misquito?
Misquito stops s**... when you slap it..
Aftershave's aftereffects.
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like.
How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Slap a n**... on it.
An arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.
She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"
So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"
"He slapped my left cheek."
So the father s**... his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenged you. You can tell your husband that he has slapped my daughter, but I have slapped his wife"
*Joke borrowed from Les Miserables, written in 1862.*
Yo mama's like a mosquito
I gotta slap her to stop s**...
What is the only appropriate to slap a Portuguese woman in the mouth?
When her mustache is on fire.
How do you kill a thousand flies...
Slap a Kenyan in the face.
Just heard it from a coworker...thought I share.
I just got slapped by a girl for asking her, "Do you spit or s**...?"
I thought this was a very reasonable question to ask her, considering we were at a wine tasting session.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
The blonde keeps s**... after you slap her.
What do you call a Japanese boy who just got beat by his dad after getting got m**...?
A fap happy jappy with a slap happy pappy.
Did you hear about the first time offender who was in to b**...?
He got off with nothing but a slap on the wrist.
The air hostess comes to know that the old married couple is...
flying to Hawaii on their 50th marriage anniversary.
She asks them how it feels to be married for so long.
The old man replies: "It all felt like 5 minutes..."
The air hostess was about to reply on the profoundness of what he said, when he earned a slap from the old lady for his next word:
"...underwater".
--Taken from All in a day's work; Reader's digest
A depressed man was sitting at a bar.
From across the room, a beautiful p**... saw this man and began to approach him. "Hey honey, are you looking to get lucky?", she asked. To which the depressed man replied "Yes". She then announced that for $300 she would do anything he wanted, provided he could say it in three words. The depressed man agreed to this and slapped three $100 notes on the counter and with each slap he said "Paint. My. House".
How do you kill 10 flies at once?
Slap an African child in the face.
I used to watch lots of Bruce Willis movies, but now I don't.
I guess old habits Die Hard.
^Someone ^please ^slap ^me.
^
Every time I meet someone new, my girlfriend gets a slap across the face.
I really need to stop high-fiving people.
When you first meet a potential partner, slap them in the face.
That way, later on in the relationship they cant say, 'you don't treat me like you used too!'
Little Mortie got a real surprise when he barged into his parents' room one night.
And you slap me for s**... my thumb? he screamed.
I havent talked to my wife in 6 months.
I got a slap the last time I interupted her.
Whats the difference between a b**... slavegirl, and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops s**... if you slap it.
A man walks into a bar
and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:
"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"
The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:
"Nah, the stakes are too high."
The sadomasochist was arrested and put in front of a judge
he got off with a slap on the wrist
"A Marine and his commanding officer.....!!!"
A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!" The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like."
What is the difference between a Paul Blart Mall Cop Movie and a mosquito?
If you slap the mosquito it will stop s**....
Dude walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...
...He asked the bartender, "What are those for?" Bartender answers, "If you can slap a piece of meat, you get free drinks for an hour. If you can't, everyone's drinks are on you. Do you want to try it?"
He replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
What do women and bass guitars have in common?
You have to slap them for people to think you're a good player
What do you do when your washing machine breaks down?
Give her a slap
Raise your hand if you're voting for Hillary
Now slap yourself.
Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?
Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?
Son: I just wanted to clear my doubt. I asked her a valid question for which she had no answer, so she took out her frustration by being violent.
Dad : What was the question?
Son: I asked her why 'bra' is singular when it covers two things & p**...' plural when it covers only one
How do you kill 200 flies at once?
You slap an Ethiopian in the face.
A man walks into a butcher shop...
... one day and while he is browsing the meat selection the butcher approaches him and says, "I have an offer for you. If you can jump up and slap one of these peices of meat I have hanging here, I'll give you what you want for free. However if you can't reach them then you have to pay triple the amount." The man takes a moment to think it through and replies to the butcher, "Sorry, but the steaks are too high."
A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling
The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drink for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah the steaks are too high".
A man walks into a bar, and noticed a couple T-bones nailed to the ceiling.
He asks the bartender what they're for.
Bartender tells him it's a challenge. If you can jump and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the night. If you miss, you buy everyone's drinks for an hour.
The man shakes his head and says. "I'm gonna pass. The steaks are too high."
What's the difference between a p**... and a mosquito?
If you slap a mosquito it will stop s**....
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
Please bring me a glass of water.
Boy: mum, could you please bring me a glass of water.
Mum: get up and get it your self.
Boy: mum, please.
Mum: repeat and I will slap you.
Boy: when you come to slap could you bring a glass of water as well?
What did the five fingers say to the face?
SLAP
RIP Charlie Murphy
Eat Your Broccoli
Little Johnny is having dinner with his family. He's eating everything except broccoli. His dad notices it and says, "Johnny, if you eat your broccoli, your pee-pee will grow big." Suddenly, Mom turns around and gives Dad a big slap.
Dad: What was that for?
Mom: For not eating your broccoli.
I've lost my mind.
Sometimes, I squeeze my fingers together really tight. Eventually, they slip and slap my hand.
I guess you could say I've snapped.
Why do ghosts hit people with shoes?
To slap the souls out of them
I complimented my Jewish girlfriend today, but all she did was slap me!
Apparently, "You have a smile that could brighten the holocaust" wasn't very appropriate.
Irishman and the fire
Firemen receive a call that the local bar is on fire. They rush over to the local bar and sure enough, the whole bar is aflame.
They sweep into the burning bar to check for survivors and find a man face down on the floor. They pull him from the flames, soot-ridden and unconscious, they slap him awake.
"What happened! How did the fire start?!" they ask him.
"How should I know?" says the Irishman. "It was already on fire when I went in.."
I got slapped at the club the other day
I went dancing at a local club, hoping to get a little action since it's been a while. I met this gorgeous girl and asked her to dance, a little emboldened by the alcohol. After the first song with her body so close to mine, she leans in and says "You smell good! Whatcha got on?"
I said, "Well, I have a hard-on but I didn't know you could smell it."
What is it called when a wave hits you in the face?
A beach slap.
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
What is a slap in the face?
First hand information!
What did the palm say to the face?
SLAP
Slapping Old People
An old man and old woman are sitting on their front porch on a bench one day just enjoying the scenery. All of a sudden the old woman looks at her husband and slaps him across his face. He looks and her and says "What was that for?" She said "That is for 40 years of horrible s**...!" He is quiet as he absorbs this newly discovered information. Quietly the old man reaches over and slaps his wife across her face. She says "What was that for?" He said "For knowing the difference!"
I always get slapped when I greet women by saying 'Hi h**...'
But when Kermit the Frog does it no one seems to care
Me and My friend Bet 500 dollars on who could throw a slap of beef to the greatest altitude above sea level...
The steaks have never been higher
Any time I see smiling psychics on TV, I have this uncontrollable urge to slap them in the face.
I guess I'm always willing to strike a happy medium.
My son cries when I slap his hand.
If he doesn't like it he should stop blocking his face.
A guy walks into a bar.
He sees a tip jar labelled 'steaks'. He asked the bartender what the tip jar was for. Thanks bartender pointed to a couple pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He said, "If you jump and slap both pieces of meat before your feet hit the floor, you win however much money is in the jar. If you don't, then you have to put in $100. Are you willing to take the bet?"
The guy said, "No. The steaks are too high."
My son gets upset when I slap his hands.
If he doesn't like having his hands slapped he should stop blocking his face.
Rachel has 16 chocolate bars. Tracey takes 4 from her and asks for the remaining quarter. What would she end up with?
A slap.
I keep trying to slap these flies but I keep missing...
these flies are really getting outa hand
What's the difference between a blonde and a leech?
If you slap them, the blonde keeps on s**....
I hated the girls at my school
They used to hit me with a ruler.. Slap me in the face. Basically did everything they could just to defend themselves.
If you're dyslexic and you know it
Slap your plants!
*slaps roof of kid*
This baby can hold so many disappointments
I was kicked out of my church for suggesting Jesus may have spoke with a lisp
It was a real slap in the faith.
If I saw my son playing with a Barbie I'd slap it out of his hands.
Because they are manufactured in China and I can't support products that are offshoring labor to a country with numerous human rights violations. Not to mention, that's super gay.
Fed up with all this at the minute...
Gonna ask my mom if the offer to Slap me into next year is still on the table!
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.
The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."
Well slap my a**... and call me a paycheck
Because I'm never enough.
A guy was screaming "The President is s**..." on the middle of a street in Washington DC
A policeman came up to him and slapped him once.
Man : "I was talking about the President of Ireland."
*The policeman slapped the man again.*
Man: Why did you slap me?
Policeman : "As if we don't know which President is s**..."
Cockroaches And Media
Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust, but can't survive a slap from newspaper
That's how toxic our media is.
My friend, who studies mice, wanted a specific rodent to complete his collection.
He asked me to find one for him. I searched far and wide for a homosexual rodent of the Ming subspecies (that was his request).
After a few months, I found a rodent that matched his request. But when I gave it to him, he slapped me.
I was shocked. "Why did you slap me?", I asked out of frustration.
"You idiot! I asked you for a gaming mouse!!"
What do you call a mushroom stamp for a uncircumcised guy.
A cyclops slap.
What's the difference between a h**... and a mosquito?
A mosquito will stop s**... after you slap it.
A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"
"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"
The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.
"Nah, the steaks are too high"
I slapped my violin out of anger
I got arrested for domestic violins
