The Best 39 Slammed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Slammed jokes. There are some slammed wheeler jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these slammed ran puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Slammed Jokes and Puns

I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book...

She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

No Strings

Two strings wanted to go into a bar. The bar had a sign up "We do not serve strings" One of them said to the other I've got an idea. He slammed into the wall, scooted and twisted himself around on the ground and then began tearing at his ends. He walked into the bar and the bartender said "Hey aren't you a string?" He looked at the bartender and said "I'm a frayed knot"

My wife slammed her fist on the table and shouted... "Why must you question everything I say!?"

..."Everything?" I replied

Slammed joke, My wife slammed her fist on the table and shouted... "Why must you question everything I say!?"

I was driving past the prison the other day...

with a friend of mine. All of a sudden he starts shouting and pointing, 'LOOK! There's a midget escaping! He's gone over the wall and is climbing down!'

I slammed on my brakes and said, 'woah, hang on. You can't say midget - it's a little con-descending.'

Winning the lottery

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'


How did the lawyer chip his tooth?

The ambulance slammed on its brakes.

Sex therapists have invented a new long lasting, alcohol based, vaginal gel and lubricant.

Campaigners have slammed the move saying it could lead to 24 hour minge drinking.

Slammed joke, Sex therapists have invented a new long lasting, alcohol based, vaginal gel and lubricant.

I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around. They said no and slammed the door.

My parents can be so rude...

A Mexican went into a Japanese restaurant and ordered but only to be disappointed when he was served with a live Octopus slammed in his plate.

He asked for a taco.

I got into a fight with my father when I told him Jim Morrison wasn't talented.

He forced me to go to my room. I slammed my door behind me, and my dad said, "Don't you ever slam The Doors in my house again!"

I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I can take a look around, but they said "no" and slammed the door on me

My parents can be real jerks sometimes.

You can explore slammed clipboard reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean slammed silently dad jokes. There are also slammed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A lady was putting gas in her car today while smoking a cigarette.

Unfortunately, the lady caught her arm of fire. She was frantically moving her flaming arm in the air until a police officer brutally slammed her to the ground and handcuffed her. "Why are you arresting her?" I said. "She was waving a firearm" he responded.

What did Bach say when he slammed his finger in the door?

Ow! I think it's baroque!

(I'm so sorry.)

When i was 17, my sister caught me masturbating...

She called me a "SICK PERVERT!" and slammed the door.

A few days later, I caught her masturbating. She called me a "SICK PERVERT!" and slammed the door.

Little Johnny was practising the violin

Little Johnny was practising the violin in the living room, while his father was trying to read. The family dog was there too, and, on hearing the screeching sounds, began to howl. Johnny's father listened to the dog and the violin for as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his newspaper on the floor and yelled, "For God's sake Johnny, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"

At 1:58 two young girls ran out in front of my car, so I slammed on my breaks and honked my horn. On the other side of the road behind the wheel was an African activist, who had to slam on his breaks to avoid hitting a pair of young girls as well.

Desmond Tutu tooted two too, at two to two.

Slammed joke, At 1:58 two young girls ran out in front of my car, so I slammed on my breaks and honked my horn. On

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!

So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"

I told my grandfather to get me the enciclopedia..

He told me that he knew everything, and instead of using a book, used him. So I grabbed him and slammed him on the wall the kill that fly.

(NSFW) What does a door and a child have in common?

They both get slammed by a drunk uncle


"Mother, did you call me? "

"No Jesus, I just slammed my little toe on the corner of the bed"

After 15 years, I finally lost it😎

It was a bit scary at first, but we used the door to help. We slammed it shut and it came out.
My first tooth!

What did one beam of light say to the other just before they slammed into each other?

Dude, you can totally crash on my photon.

Being in the door business is hard work...

I'm always getting slammed!

What did the guy who slammed his face on the keyboard say?

7u8y66uy8ht 4tyggtygy

I slammed my hand on my keyboard as hard as possible.

A bunch or letters showed up but not a single sound was made.

I guess I'm just the strong silent type.

I had just began to present my client's case in Court the other day when without warning the Judge slammed down his gaval, yelled "Guilty! ", and left the room.

Clearly he struggles with premature adjudication.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.

She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags.

I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God!

What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."

I made a clone of Patrick Stewart but something went terribly wrong.

The clone slammed me into a wall and lifted me by the neck. What could I do? I'd been hoisted by my own Picard.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I called my wife and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home, and she slammed the phone down on me.

She still regrets letting me name the twins.

I picked up some Chinese from a local place...

I picked up some Chinese from a local place (won't name them), and as I was driving home, I heard a weird rustling in the bag! I was like, "WTF is in the bag?" I swear I saw something peering at me out of the corner of my eye.

I pulled over hard, slammed the car in park, and gingerly picked up the bag. Again, more rustling, and the moo-shu moved!

I thought, "Please don't tell me there's a rodent in the bag." So I carefully opened the bag, and there it was ...

... A Peeking Duck!!!

I slammed my hand in the door at the car rentals

It Hertz...

I asked my wife to go get me a phone book.

She laughed at me, and said "You're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

My girlfriend just accused me of being too childish, walked out, and slammed the door. It was pretty brave of her...

...considering the floor was lava.

Speaking of loft insulation

I had a man ring the bell the other day and ask if I was interested in getting felt up in the attic, so I punched him in the face and slammed the door.

Practicing

Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his Uncle was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. His uncle listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For hells sake, Johnny, can't you play something this damn dog doesn't know?"

I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around.

They said no and slammed the door in my face!

Parents can be real jerks.

I had a meeting with my son's headteacher.

I slammed my hand on the desk. "My son...Nick...came home from school with ash on his clothes. He seemed mildly stimulated, too."

"Nicotine?" he asked me.

I said, "Not even that, he's twelve."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the slammed slap jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working slammed sat piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes