Skydiving Jokes
89 skydiving jokes and hilarious skydiving puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skydiving that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a way to get your adrenaline pumping? Then skydiving jokes are for you! These hilarious jokes will have you laughing all the way to the ground.
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Funniest Skydiving Short Jokes
Short skydiving jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skydiving humour may include short bungee jumping jokes also.
- I'm taking my wife for skydiving. So if you see a solar eclipse today, don't be surprised.
- Have you heard about that new fad of skydiving without a parachute? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.
- I went skydiving today. The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
- If you love skydiving, don't wear a parachute on your next jump Then you can skydive for the rest of your life!
- I was a big fan of Extreme Vetting Then I found out it isn't a show about skydiving into the desert to perform dog surgery.
- What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver? The home golfer goes WHACK! "Oh no!" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa
- What's the difference between a Golf player and skydiver? One goes:
*Whack*, "Darn!"
While the other goes:
"Darn!", *Whack*
PS: Not sure if this was posted before, but i think it's still funny. - Did you know that you don't actually need a parachute to skydive? But you do though, if you want to skydive \*again\*.
- My friend decided to skydive without a parachute I didn't hear from him after that, but someone told me he had a once in a lifetime experience.
- What's the difference between a paintball player and a skydiver? A paint baller goes *SPLAT* Dang!
A skydiver goes Dang! *SPLAT*
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Skydiving One Liners
Which skydiving one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skydiving? I can suggest the ones about skydiver and parachute jump.
- You don't need a parachute to go skydiving... You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
- How does the blind skydiver know he's about to land? The dog leash slackens.
(Cr - A man died in a tragic skydiving accident. Some say he left an impact on the world.
- Did you hear about the Flat Earther who went skydiving? He landed on a plane.
- Why don't blind people like to skydive? It scares their dog
- When's the best time to go skydiving? Fall.
- A child with cancer goes skydiving for his bucket list He's now at terminal velocity.
- How a blind skydiver knows he's going to land? Guide dogs leash gets loose
- What's the hardest part of skydiving? The ground!
- Skydiving without a parachute Is a once in a lifetime experience!
- Why don't blind people go skydiving? It scares the dog too much!
- Why didn't the cow want to go skydiving? ...the steaks were too high.
- What do you call Skydiving when the parachute doesn't work?
Jumping to a conclusion.. - I once skydived off a crane. Poor little fellow, I must have damaged his wings.
- My wife's skydiving experience ended horrifically. The parachute worked.
Delightful Fun Skydiving Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about skydiving you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean scuba diving jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skydiving pranks.
Three Jews
Three jews were arguing who was the most daring.
The first says, 'I have surfed great waves', the second counters, 'I have skydived'.
The third won though, as he kept all his savings in rubles.
Blind man walks into a bar..
He sits down, pint for him, shandy for the dog. The bar man asks him "So fella, what ya been up to recently?"
"Skydiving" said the blind man.
"Skydiving?!" said the barman astonished "How long have you been doing that now?"
"A few months now, did my first solo jump there last weekend."
"That's amazing." said the barman still astonished, "Tell me this though, how do you know you're getting near the ground?"
"Oh that's easy." says the blind man. "I wait for the dog's lead to go slack."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
b**... an ugly woman....
b**... an ugly woman is a lot like skydiving. It's a great time, as long as you don't look down.
Why do female skydivers wear tampons?
So they don't whistle on the way down.
How fast does a skydiving cancer patient fall?
Terminal velocity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Paraprosdokians
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say if you survive childhood, there is only 0.001% chance of dying a v**... ...
... So as I'm going skydiving tomorrow, I'm feeling kinda reassured.
Skydiving without a parachute...
Is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I heard this on a spotify ad and it cracked me up. I thought I'd share it.:)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I knew someone who died in a skydiving accident.
Their f**... wreath was in the shape of a parachute.
After all, that's what they would've wanted.
What do you call a Skydiving criminal
Condescending
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.
Skydiving student recieves a lesson
A student is in a skydiving lesson and the instructor explains, "first count to ten and then rip the cord to open the parachute.
The student asks, "wha-wha-wha-what wa-wa-was that nu-nu-nu-number again?
The instructor answered, "two."
What got the apple into skydiving?
Pear pressure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I convinced my girlfriend to get over her fear of skydiving...
Her f**... is on Tuesday.
When you want to go skydiving,
fly United.
When someone asks me if I like indoor skydiving
I say Im a really big fan
The young man from Rome
There was a young man from Rome
Went skydiving all on his own
He could have gone twice
But he forgot my advice
As he left his parachute at home
The world's fattest woman died today after a tragic skydiving accident.
Her family say she'll leave a huge hole.
Eyyyy bb, were you issued a Senegalese skydiver's certification?
Because you got permission to jump in Dakar.
If a parachute fails while skydiving, don't worry!
You have plenty of time. You have the rest of your entire life to fix it!
So my friend died while skydiving today..
Such a shame. He was such a down to earth guy.
Someone offered me skydiving insurance - "If something goes wrong, you'll get a big payout."
I told them "I'm not falling for that one again."
My skydiving instructor was really dense.
He left quite an impression.
A blonde and her husband are watching the news...
News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.
The blonde bursts into tears
Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.
Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?
Did you hear the one about the skydiver who liked to land on golf courses?
He made a hole in one.
Uncle John is burning through his bucket list.
Uncle John's health has been declining and he's trying to get his bucket list done.
He goes skydiving with a tandem team and has a great time.
After sticking the landing he's being debriefed by the jump master.
Ok great jump John but what was with the screaming all the way down?
John say's, well I'm blind.
Why would you scream just cause you're blind?
Oh no it wasn't me....Maybe I should have left the seeing eye dog on the plane.
My friend decided to go Indoor Skydiving dressed as Peter Pan
I told him "You'll neverland!"
Why was the skydiver sad?
Deploying the parachute was such a drag.
What do you call a skydiving metalhead?
Ozzy Airborne
My grandmother recently called in to a contest on the radio.
The contest was giving away free skydiving lessons to the first caller.
My grandmother called in, and she was the first caller, so they gave her the papers for the free lessons.
She started the lessons a few days later. When the instructor opened the plane door and told her to jump off, my grandmother looked down to the ground, she started to regret taking the lessons. she said "Help, I've gotten up and I can't fall down."
Skydiving humor
A news reporter was doing a story about skydiving and so he visited a drop zone and went for a ride on the plane to watch everyone jump. One of the plane's engines quit and all the skydivers immediately went out the door. Then the pilot put on his own parachute rig and headed toward the open door himself. The reporter yelled "What's happening? Is everything all right?" and the pilot said "Don't panic. I'm going to get help."
"What are the chances of me dying?" I asked my skydiving instructor, moments before jumping.
"Very high," he said. "My wife just left me."
What's skydiving like?
It's descent
I just got my diploma from my Skydiving class.
I had to repeatedly drop out to graduate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the forgetful skydiver say when he jumped out of the plane
Aw c**...!
I wasn't cut out for skydiving school
So I dropped out
My skydiving parachute and backup didnt open but somehow I lived
long enough to post this
A skydiver opened his parachute too late. He won't be able to make it
Not with that altitude
Why do sumo wrestlers avoid skydiving?
Because a fat man falling to Japan is a bad idea
I thought it was romantic to secretly swap my girlfriend's backpack for a bag of roses.
Her skydiving instructor didn't.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just found out that its apparently i**... to skydive through a cloud.
Apparently the first guy to try it mist...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Questions
At the skydiving training course, the instructor would take time to answer some of the First Timer Questions.o**... asked: If our c**... doesn't open.....and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have till we hit the ground? The instructor looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: The rest of your life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.
"Just count to five and pull on the main c**...," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve c**...."
"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."
The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main c**.... Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve c**.... Nothing happened.
He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."
People always ask me how I got into skydiving
I sorta just fell into it
Ole and Lars went skydiving
Ole jumped out of the plane and pulled his ripcord. His parachute opened, and he started his gentle descent.
Lars jumped out of the plane and pulled his ripcord. Nothing happened. He pulled his emergency cord. Nothing happened.
Ole watched Lars plummet past him, and started undoing his harness.
"So you wanna race, huh?"
A woman put on some clothes and walked out to her garden and saw a man in her tree.
"What on earth is going on here?" she asked.
The man replied, "I'm every so sorry, madam. An awfully embarrassing incident has happened here. I'm a skydiving instructor, the landing didn't go as I'd expected."
The woman frowned, and said, "But there's no parachute...and why are you holding binoculars?"
"How else do you expect me to find my parachute?" he asked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call 100 lawyers skydiving?
s**....
Chuck Norris once went skydiving without a parachute...
The place where he collided with the earth is now known as the Marriana's trench.
A man went skydiving...
A man went skydiving for the first time.
The pilot went to find the man's wife. I've got some bad news, some good news, some even worse news and some better news.
Oh, my gosh...what happened?
Your husband fell out of the plane. The good news is that he had a parachute on. The worse news is that the parachute didn't open.
The wife had nearly fainted from shock.
The better news is that we hadn't taken off yet.
