Skirt Jokes
148 skirt jokes and hilarious skirt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skirt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out these hilarious jokes about skirts! From short skirts to hula skirts, and everything in between, these jokes will have you laughing until you drop. Get ready to giggle at jokes about skirts, panties, hems, and even sleeves. Don't miss out on the fun!
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Funniest Skirt Short Jokes
Short skirt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skirt humour may include short kilts jokes also.
- An essay should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.
- My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uncomfortable. To be honest, I thought it suited me.
- "No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short." "Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"
"Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing." - I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt... Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.
- Mini-Skirt Speech My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
- This hot weather... The thing I love most about this hot weather is the crop tops and short skirts...
Although it does make me look a bit gay. - I called my girlfriend's mini skirt a fence Protects the property but doesn't spoil the view
- The inventor of the ballet skirt was struggling for a name for his invention. Finally he put tu and tu together.
- I caught my twelve-year-old son looking up women's skirts today, I told the bartender. That's pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn't it?" he asked.
Not on Amazon it isn't" I said. - My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uneasy. If I'm being honest, I thought it really suited me.
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Skirt One Liners
Which skirt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skirt? I can suggest the ones about skim and waist.
- Why don't women wear skirts in the winter? chapped lips
- Why do girls never wear skirts when it's cold? Because their lips get chapped.
- When is an elf not an elf? When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.
- Have you heard of airplane skirts? They're so short, you can see the cockpit.
- You know why ladies don't wear mini skirts in the winter? Cause they'll get chapped lips
- Statistics and mini skirts.. ...they hide more than what they reveal.
- How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women's basketball? It's skirts versus shins.
- Who invented the mini skirt? Seymour Heine
- Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter time? Cuz they'll get chapped lips. Brr.
- When is a Pixie not a Pixie? When its head is up a Fairy's skirt, then it's a goblin.
- Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
- When is a Gnome not a Gnome? When he's up a Fairys skirt, he's a Goblin.
- How can I draw attention to the fact this skirt is too long? AHEM!
- Statistics are like skirts They show us plenty of good stuff but not the main thing
- Know why a kilt is called a kilt? Because men have been kilt calling it a skirt.
Short Skirt Jokes
Here is a list of funny short skirt jokes and even better short skirt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A good speech should be like a woman's skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
- An essay is like a girl's skirt... It should be long enough to cover the important parts, but short enough to still be interesting.
- A speech should be like a woman's skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep it interesting!
- Today my girlfriend said she will spend the entire day wearing only a short skirt and a long jacket. After all, it is my Cake day!
- A research paper should be like a women's skirt. Short enough to keep my attention, but long enough to cover the subject.
- Your essays should be like a girls skirt Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and on the desk by Friday midnight.
- My daughter came downstairs in a short skirt. I said, "You aren't wearing that to school."
"Why not?" she asked moodily.
I said, "Because I want your mother to try it on later." - School should be like a woman's skirt... Long enough to cover the subject matter, short enough to keep things interesting
- "Mom, can I wear my short skirt to school today?" "No."
"Can I at least wear your new glossy lipstick?"
"I said NO."
"Well can I PLEASE wear my new pink bra?"
"I said NO, Justin!" - MUM There's no way you're going out in this skirt, kiddo! But mom, I've got great legs, why should I hide them?!
-
Because it's so short and your nuts are hanging out underneath!
Uplifting Skirt Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about skirt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jacket jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skirt pranks.
In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
My step mother came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off.
So I took off her blouse.
She said, Now off with the skirt.
I did, and she continued, Now take off my stockings.
And when I did that, she said, Now the bra and the p**....
I took them off. She continued, And don't ever let me catch you wearing my stuff again!
My girlfriend came home yesterday....
She told me to take off her shirt. I obeyed. Then she told me to take off her skirt, so I said "OK".
Then she told me to never wear her clothes again
Oversexed husband
A woman is telling her friend, "My husband is so oversexed, everything little I do seems to turn him on. Yesterday he saw me holding a cucumber and he lifted up my skirt and took me from behind right on the spot."
The friend says, "And you're complaining? I think that sounds great!"
"Well, me too, but the Safeway manager didn't think so."
Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.
When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing p**.... The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."
n**... Wife's New p**...
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless p**... in an attempt to spice up her dead s**... life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless p**...?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."
Guys: never wear a Saran Wrap skirt to a job interview...
They will clearly see your nuts.
At a cinima
a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was f**... herself furiously. He moved over to the seat next to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so he started f**... her like crazy. After awhile he got tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. "Wasn't I good enough?" he asked. "Great," she said, "but these c**... are still itching!"
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and p**...." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Two old guys in a supermarket wandering about, looking lost...
One says to the other "Lost the other half?"
"Yup" he replies.
"Me too. Let's join forces to find them. What does yours look like?"
"She's 25, six foot blonde, 36 double-D, long boots and a short skirt".
"Good. We'll look for yours first".
r**... husband and wife are smuggling a couple skunks across the border.
As they approach the border checkpoint the wife panics..."what do I do with these?!" she exclaims while frantically fumbling the skunks
"Quick now Mary Ann, hide them under your skirt!" said the red-neck husband in between his beer c**....
"Now, now whattabout the gadaym stink?!" says Mary Ann...
"If they die, they die hunnycakes"
Shall I wear pants to work?
A young woman was applying for a teaching position in Britain and, while talking to an HR guy asked him:
Am I supposed to wear a skirt all the time or shall I sometimes wear pants?
After a few seconds of silence the HR guy responded:
If you mean pants that are trousers then yes. Of course you can wear them to work. If you mean pants that are underwear… Well… It's up to you.
P. S. That really happened to a friend of mine.
A q**...!
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."
Beer
This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"
Raisin Bread
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"
Did you hear that Oprah got arrested?
Did you hear that Oprah got arrested at the Washington D.C airport? Officials say the airport police looked up her skirt and saw 50 pounds of crack.
He went to the bedroon and was surprised to see his wife lying on the bed.
She said, "Take off my blouse."
And he took off her blouse.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
And he took off her skirt.
Then she said, "Take off my heels."
And he took off her heels.
At last she said, "Now take off my bra and p**...."
And he took off her bra and p**....
And finally she said, "Don't ever let me catch you wearing my clothes again."
The little Justine come home with 20 dollars...
... the mom asks her where she got the money.
I won a bet, because little Johny said that I couldn't climb a tree.
Mom: Oh, but then he saw under your skirt and your p**....
Little Girl Proudly: No he didn't because they were in my pocket.
A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes
The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye. The wife says yeah i approve of that but how did you get the second one? The man says well i figured she liked it that way and pushed it back in.
o**... Misgivings
Q: How can you tell if your date really digs o**... s**...?
A: She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.
A good, short oldie to end your Monday
A professor is working in his office during his open hours. It's only a week away from the final exam, so he thinks nothing when one his students comes in. That is, until he sees she's in a short skirt, a low cut top, and closes the door behind her.
She quickly takes a seat and leans over the desk, saying, "Professor, I *really* need to pass this class. If I pass this exam, I'll pass the class, so I really need your help. It's very important to me. I mean, I would do *anything* to pass this exam."
She reaches out and touches the professor's hand lightly. The professor raises an eyebrow and glances at the closed door. He clears his t**... and leans in.
"Anything?" he asks.
"Anything," she nods.
He takes in a deep breath and then asks, "Would you . . . study?"
I was at the grocery store with my gpa when a couple girls in super short skirts walked by....
Gpa said, looks at those jet skirts, as we both admired the two ladies. I had to know, what's a jet skirt? Gpa replied, it's a skirt so short that when they bend over you can see the cockpit.
My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.
She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"
On the train
I was sitting on the train this morning when a hot looking woman walked into the carriage in a tight, short skirt and a low cut top. As she sat down in the seat opposite me. I sat there thinking "Please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**..."
Then she did.
Grandma walks into a butcher's shop
Grandma: "Hi, I'd like to buy one baloney."
Butcher: "Pre-sliced or in one piece?"
Grandma lifts her skirt and says: "Does this look like a CD player to you?"
A blond chick gets a new tattoo...
So later at the bar with her friends she hikes up her skirt to show off a conch shell tattooed high on her inner thigh, near her snootch.
One of her friends asks, "Why did you get it so on your thigh?"
"So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."
Animal smugglers
A man wants to smuggle a snake and a skunk through customs. The wife says to her husband "how are we going to get them through?'. Hubby replies "I'll tie the snake around my waist and you shove the skunk up your skirt". "But what about the smell?" she says to which he responds "Well if it dies, it dies…"
So my wife said "take off my shirt".
So I did as she said and took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.
"Now my hose, bra, and p**...." And lastly, I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Best friend
My best friend caught me looking up his sister's skirt, which made the rest of her f**... pretty awkward
Old enough
-Mom I'm finally 15, can I have a boyfriend?
-No.
-Can I use high Heels?
-No.
-Can I use a mini skirt?
-No.
-But why?
-Because you're a man, Bob.
An acquaintance of mine said that when she feels down she puts on a skirt that's too short, and it helps.
Coincidentally, her wearing a skirt that's too short also helps me when I'm down.
p**... rings his new girlfriend's door
p**... rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says p**..., 'You must have a vase somewhere!'
Why did o**... kill his wife?
When he lifted her skirt, he saw *bush* .
My girlfriend asked me to take off her clothes.
So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
"Now take off my bra and p**...."
And so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
A German girl married a Spanish guy...
A German girl married a Spanish man and went to Spain. She can't speak Spanish at all. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt and show her thighs to show the seller what she wants. This went on for sometime. One day she wanted to buy a banana so she took her husband to the shop.
Because her husband speaks Spanish very well
When is an imp not an imp?
When he's up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin
An English class is writing an essay
One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".
s**... time with my girlfriend
So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and p**...!"
I took off her bra and p**....
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"
A nun asks another
What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?
Nun: I would lift up my dress
Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?
Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down
Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?
Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.
An Indian joke translated to english
A teenage girl wearing a skirt climbing up a staircase sees boys on the ground floor looking up and laughing. She goes to her mom and complains.
Girl: "Mom, boys saw me climbing up the stairs and were laughing"
Mom: "Oh dear, they must be laughing cuz they could see your p**..."
Girl: "But I wasn't wearing any!"
My sister asked me to remove her clothes.
So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."
I took off her shoes.
"Now take off my bra and p**...."
and so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
An elderly lady takes a cab ride
When she gets to her destination the drìver says, "That'll be $15."
The old lady lifts up her skirt and says, "How about I pay you with this? "
"Aw jeez lady!" the driver says, "Don't you have anything smaller?"
Asked a Scottish man today why they wear those skirts
He replied 'the last guy that called it skirt, got kilt'
My girlfriend came home and told me to take off her shirt so I did
Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. Then she told me to take off her bra and p**... so I did. Then she told me to never wear her things again
A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell
She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"
"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"
Mary had a little skirt It was slit right up the sides... And every time she wore that skirt.... The boys could see her thighs.... Mary had another skirt It was slit right up the front....
But she never wore that one.
Choochie Green was a h**... in a little town,
One Sunday morning she's decides to go to church. She gets all dressed up, in her finest mini skirt and top. She arrives early to ensure a seat up close. While the rest of the congregation files in, the priest notices her. He leans over to the alter boy and ask "Is that Choochie Green?" The boy squints and leans forward and replies "I don't think so, just the way the lights hitting it"
Gorgeous Thai in a short skirt...
...was sitting opposite me on the bus, and I'm desperately thinking "don't get an e**...... don't get an e**......"
but she did.
A woman goes home for lunch
And is surprised to find her husband at home.
She goes up to him and says, "Take off my necklace."
Any he takes off her necklace.
"Take off my blouse."
And he unbuttons and removes her blouse.
"Take off my skirt."
And he unzips and removes her skirt.
Finally she says, "Don't ever let me catch you wearing my clothes again!"
Wife told her husband
A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, Take off my shirt. So he does.
She then tells him, Take off my skirt and high heels. So he does.
Then she tells him, Take off my bra and underwear. So he does.
Finally she tells him, I better never find you wearing my clothes again.
I saw a girl busking today.
She had a great voice and an even better pair of legs, emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing.
"Any requests?" She asked the watching crowd.
"Your thong," I replied with a wink.
Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.
It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.
How is a mini skirt like a fence?
They both protect the property but they don't spoil the view
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
Why do witches wear a skirt?
So they can grip the broom.
I bent down in a bar.
"Excuse me," said the girl next to me. "Are you looking up my skirt?"
I said, "No, no I'm tying my shoelace."
She said, "You're wearing Crocs."
Back when I was in school...
girls' clothes had to pass the "fingertip test" where they had to hold their arm straight down against their leg and, if their skirt or pants didn't extend to at least their fingertips, then they couldn't wear it. Of course, there was nothing the teachers could do about that s**... chick with the club arm.
Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides...
And everywhere that Mary went the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had a little skirt
'Twas split right up the front...
**But she didn't wear that one often.**
„Mom, I'm almost 18 now. Ashley and Nicole always wear the hottest outfits in school and their parents don't mind. So please, please can I wear the short black skirt and the cute white top tomorrow?
„For the last time Robert, no!!!
A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar
she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.
"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."
So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"
"Really? What did you do?"
"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"
I can tell if a woman is a p**......
Just by looking up her skirt.
An essay should be like a woman's skirt
Long enough to cover the important parts, but short enough to keep your attention.
This guy dropped a photograph on a sidewalk....
And it fell under a woman's skirt. He asked her "can you lift your skirt? I just wanna take a photo"
Black eyes
A guy arrives at work with two black eyes. His colleagues quite naturally asked what happened. He explained, I was in an elevator with a gal in front of me that had her skirt rucked up in her crack. So I pulled it out and patted her skirt smooth for her. She then turned around and socked me in my right eye. So then they asked, how'd your left eye get black? Well I could tell that she didn't like what I did so I reach out and tucked it back in!
With a very seductive voice, a wife asked her husband, Have you ever seen $20 all crumpled up?
No said her husband. She gave him a little smile, unbuttoned the top three b**..., reached into her bra and pulled out a crumpled $20 note.
She then asked Have you ever seen $50 all crumpled up? No, I haven't he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She seductively unzipped her skirt and pulled out a crumpled $50 note.
Now she said. Have you ever seen $40,000 all crumpled up? No way! he panted, becoming even more excited,
She said Look in the garage.
Mosquito
A couple went 2 see a film at a theatre...
A mosquito enters the girl's skirt..
Guess where it bites?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dirty Mind...
Always thinking bad and naughty......
.
.
It bites the BOY'S HAND...!
