Skirt Jokes

Need a laugh? Check out these hilarious jokes about skirts! From short skirts to hula skirts, and everything in between, these jokes will have you laughing until you drop. Get ready to giggle at jokes about skirts, panties, hems, and even sleeves. Don't miss out on the fun!

Uplifting Skirt Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...



As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

My girlfriend came home yesterday....

She told me to take off her shirt. I obeyed. Then she told me to take off her skirt, so I said "OK".
Then she told me to never wear her clothes again

Oversexed husband

A woman is telling her friend, "My husband is so oversexed, everything little I do seems to turn him on. Yesterday he saw me holding a cucumber and he lifted up my skirt and took me from behind right on the spot."

The friend says, "And you're complaining? I think that sounds great!"

"Well, me too, but the Safeway manager didn't think so."

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.

When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."

jokes about skirt

A speech should be like a woman's skirt.

Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep it interesting!

nsfw Wife's New Panties

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."

Guys: never wear a Saran Wrap skirt to a job interview...

They will clearly see your nuts.

Skirt joke, Guys: never wear a Saran Wrap skirt to a job interview...

At a cinima

a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was fingering herself furiously. He moved over to the seat next to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so he started fingering her like crazy. After awhile he got tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. "Wasn't I good enough?" he asked. "Great," she said, "but these crabs are still itching!"

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Two old guys in a supermarket wandering about, looking lost...

One says to the other "Lost the other half?"

"Yup" he replies.

"Me too. Let's join forces to find them. What does yours look like?"

"She's 25, six foot blonde, 36 double-D, long boots and a short skirt".

"Good. We'll look for yours first".

You can explore skirt sleeves reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean skirt dress dad jokes. There are also skirt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

An essay is like a girl's skirt...

It should be long enough to cover the important parts, but short enough to still be interesting.

Shall I wear pants to work?

A young woman was applying for a teaching position in Britain and, while talking to an HR guy asked him:
Am I supposed to wear a skirt all the time or shall I sometimes wear pants?
After a few seconds of silence the HR guy responded:
If you mean pants that are trousers then yes. Of course you can wear them to work. If you mean pants that are underwear… Well… It's up to you.

P. S. That really happened to a friend of mine.

A Quickie!

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.

A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."

Beer

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"

Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

Skirt joke, Raisin Bread

A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes

The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye. The wife says yeah i approve of that but how did you get the second one? The man says well i figured she liked it that way and pushed it back in.

A good, short oldie to end your Monday

A professor is working in his office during his open hours. It's only a week away from the final exam, so he thinks nothing when one his students comes in. That is, until he sees she's in a short skirt, a low cut top, and closes the door behind her.

She quickly takes a seat and leans over the desk, saying, "Professor, I *really* need to pass this class. If I pass this exam, I'll pass the class, so I really need your help. It's very important to me. I mean, I would do *anything* to pass this exam."

She reaches out and touches the professor's hand lightly. The professor raises an eyebrow and glances at the closed door. He clears his throat and leans in.

"Anything?" he asks.

"Anything," she nods.

He takes in a deep breath and then asks, "Would you . . . study?"

I was at the grocery store with my gpa when a couple girls in super short skirts walked by....

Gpa said, looks at those jet skirts, as we both admired the two ladies. I had to know, what's a jet skirt? Gpa replied, it's a skirt so short that when they bend over you can see the cockpit.

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

On the train

I was sitting on the train this morning when a hot looking woman walked into the carriage in a tight, short skirt and a low cut top. As she sat down in the seat opposite me. I sat there thinking "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection"

Then she did.

A blond chick gets a new tattoo...

So later at the bar with her friends she hikes up her skirt to show off a conch shell tattooed high on her inner thigh, near her snootch.

One of her friends asks, "Why did you get it so on your thigh?"

"So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."

So my wife said "take off my shirt".

So I did as she said and took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.

"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.

"Now my hose, bra, and panties." And lastly, I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Best friend

My best friend caught me looking up his sister's skirt, which made the rest of her funeral pretty awkward

I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt...

Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

Skirt joke, Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door

My girlfriend asked me to take off her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

And so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

"No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short."

"Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"

"Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing."

An English class is writing an essay

One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".

Sexy time with my girlfriend

So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and panties!"
I took off her bra and panties.
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"

A nun asks another

What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?

Nun: I would lift up my dress

Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?

Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down

Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?

Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.

An Indian joke translated to english

A teenage girl wearing a skirt climbing up a staircase sees boys on the ground floor looking up and laughing. She goes to her mom and complains.

Girl: "Mom, boys saw me climbing up the stairs and were laughing"

Mom: "Oh dear, they must be laughing cuz they could see your panties"

Girl: "But I wasn't wearing any!"

An essay should be like a skirt.

Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Asked a Scottish man today why they wear those skirts

He replied 'the last guy that called it skirt, got kilt'

My girlfriend came home and told me to take off her shirt so I did

Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. Then she told me to take off her bra and panties so I did. Then she told me to never wear her things again

A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.

She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"

I called my girlfriend's mini skirt a fence

Protects the property but doesn't spoil the view

Mary had a little skirt It was slit right up the sides... And every time she wore that skirt.... The boys could see her thighs.... Mary had another skirt It was slit right up the front....

But she never wore that one.

A woman goes home for lunch

And is surprised to find her husband at home.

She goes up to him and says, "Take off my necklace."

Any he takes off her necklace.

"Take off my blouse."

And he unbuttons and removes her blouse.

"Take off my skirt."

And he unzips and removes her skirt.

Finally she says, "Don't ever let me catch you wearing my clothes again!"

Wife told her husband

A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, Take off my shirt. So he does.

She then tells him, Take off my skirt and high heels. So he does.

Then she tells him, Take off my bra and underwear. So he does.

Finally she tells him, I better never find you wearing my clothes again.

I saw a girl busking today.

She had a great voice and an even better pair of legs, emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing.
"Any requests?" She asked the watching crowd.
"Your thong," I replied with a wink.
Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.
It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.

When is an elf not an elf?

When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.

As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...

"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"

"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"

I bent down in a bar.

"Excuse me," said the girl next to me. "Are you looking up my skirt?"

I said, "No, no I'm tying my shoelace."

She said, "You're wearing Crocs."

A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar

she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.

"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."

So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"

"Really? What did you do?"

"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"

With a very seductive voice, a wife asked her husband, Have you ever seen $20 all crumpled up?

No said her husband. She gave him a little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons, reached into her bra and pulled out a crumpled $20 note.

She then asked Have you ever seen $50 all crumpled up? No, I haven't he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She seductively unzipped her skirt and pulled out a crumpled $50 note.

Now she said. Have you ever seen $40,000 all crumpled up? No way! he panted, becoming even more excited,

She said Look in the garage.

Whenever I see a man wearing a skirt, I run away.

It's not that I'm homophobic, I'm just afraid he'll start to play the bagpipes.

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, holding a

big bunch of flowers.

She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.

She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips

her knickers off and says

'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy,

'You must have a vase somewhere!'

Your essays should be like a girls skirt

Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and on the desk by Friday midnight.

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

I saw a transvestite in a mini skirt

I thought.. that shows a lot of balls.

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain but she didn't speak spanish. Each time she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt up & show her thighs to allow the seller to understand.This went on for some time.

One day she wanted to buy sausages, so she made her husband go to the store with her. He then asked for sausages as he spoke spanish.

A 20 years old girl returned to her home , looking Happy.

'Mom , look I got 10$ ! ' she exclaimed. Surprised , her mother asked ' honey , you had gone to the forest. how did you get this money ?'

' When I was roaming in the forest, a middle-aged man came to me and said that he would give me 10$ if I would climb a tree. '

Shocked, her mother replied ' Oh no dear , you don't understand . You are wearing a skirt and by climbing the tree, he wanted to see your panties.'

The daughter replied ' Don't worry mom , I am very clever . I knew this and so I removed my panties before climbing the tree.'

My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uncomfortable.

To be honest, I thought it suited me.

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

My Encounter With My Step-Mom

My step mom came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off. So I took off her blouse. She said, Now off with my skirt. I did, and she continued, Now take off my stockings. And when I did that, she said, Now my bra and the panties. I took them off. She continued, And don't ever let me catch you wearing my stuff again!

My step-sister walked into my room one day and

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

3 generations of males went to an old-fashioned store...

The young man asked for a pound of raisins from the pretty lady behind the counter. She had to climb a ladder to fill the order, revealing her naked flesh under her short skirt. Then, she asked his dad what he wanted.

Wanting to see a panty-less beauty climb the stairs again, he too asked for a pound of raisins. This time she caught on while grabbing the raisins, looking down on the men getting their carnal delights.

She then asked the grandpa, "I suppose yours is raisin' too?" "No," the old fella said, "but it is twitchin' a bit."

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt;

long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

To whoever invented the mini skirt, you are a good person, thank you.

My balls have never felt so free.

No good deed goes unpunished

I ran into a friend of mine who looked roughed up, with a shiner and an arm in a cast. I was aghast and asked him what happened.

He: Dude, don't ask. I was on the bus, minding my own business, when the gal sitting next to me stood up as her stop was approaching, and I noticed her skirt was stuck in her buttcrack. Thought I'd do her a favor and pull the skirt back out, but she punched me in the face.

Me: That sucks, yo! What's with the arm?

He: Oh, that was for trying to make peace by pushing the skirt back in .

Today my girlfriend said she will spend the entire day wearing only a short skirt and a long jacket.

After all, it is my Cake day!

A gorgeous young woman works at the grocery store. Her job is to climb the ladder to get raisin bread down from the top shelf.

Because she is so attractive, a lot of men who come to the grocery store ask her to get down the raisin bread just so they can see up her skirt when she climbs the ladder, but the woman thinks it's just because raisin bread is really popular.

One day, after the woman had given raisin bread to dozens of men, an old man came walking through the bread aisle. "Excuse me, sir," she said. "Is yours raisin too?"

"No," replied the old man, "but it's twitchin' a little!"

Two black eyes

A man comes home from work sporting two black eyes. His wife asks, "what happened to you?"

"Well, I was getting on the bus behind this curvy brunette, and noticed her skirt was jammed in between her cheeks. Being a gentleman, I pulled it out for her. She turned around and slugged me."

The wife is seething mad. "Oh do tell. And how did you get the OTHER black eye?"

"Hell, I decided she liked it the way she had it, so I tucked it back in."

The inventor of the ballet skirt was struggling for a name for his invention.

Finally he put tu and tu together.

My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uneasy.

If I'm being honest, I thought it really suited me.

Black eye!

A guy shows up at work on Monday with a black eye and his colleague asks what happened.

He says "I was in church and when we stood up the skirt on the lady in front of me was tucked between her butt cheeks so I pulled it out and she turned around and hit me."

The following Monday he shows up at work with another black eye and his colleague says "Did you do the same thing again?"

"Definitely not," he says "I was behind the same woman in church and when we stood up I knew her skirt was not the way she likes it so I used my hand to shove it back in between her butt cheeks"

My wife told me to take off her shirt

I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt off. "Take off my shoes" I took off her shoes. "Now my stockings, bra, and panties!" I took all of them off. Then she looks at me and said, "I dont want to catch you wearing my things ever again!"

A research paper should be like a women's skirt.

Short enough to keep my attention, but long enough to cover the subject.

There's a guy in my neighbourhood who I used to think was really weird. I'd always see him out walking his rabbit. The rabbit was always in a different outfit. One day a frock. One day a skirt. One day a suit-jacket combo. Then it multiplied into a flock of rabbits, all wearing really niche clothes.

Eventually, curiosity got the better of me and I approached him and asked "excuse me sir, I can't help but notice your entourage of dapper rabbits. Can I ask what you do?"

He replied "Oh I'm a hare stylist."

As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers:

"Hey cheeky!" She said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"

"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam." I said sternly. "I don't even work here."

A beautiful female student was in danger of flunking her middle-aged male professor's course

It was near the end of the semester and she came to class in a short skirt and low-cut top. After the other students left the classroom she approached the prof.

"You know, I'd do *anything* to pass this class," she said flirtatiously.

The professor lowered his voice and looked down his bifocals. "Really?" he said, "Anything?"

"Yes," she said seductively. "Anything."

The professor drew near and whispered in her ear. "Would you . . . study?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the skirt shirt puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working skirt short skirt piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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