skirt Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious skirt puns

An essay should be like a skirt.

Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.

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My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

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My girlfriend came home and told me to take off her shirt so I did

Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. Then she told me to take off her bra and panties so I did. Then she told me to never wear her things again

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Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

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My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

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A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.

She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"

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So my wife said "take off my shirt".

So I did as she said and took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.

"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.

"Now my hose, bra, and panties." And lastly, I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

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So my wife came up to me and said, "Take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

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My sister asked me to take off her clothes ;)

So I took off her shirt.


Then she said, "Take off my skirt."


I took off her skirt.


"Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes.


"Now take off my bra and panties."


and so I took them off.


Then she looked at me and said, I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again.

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A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a very nice bouquet of flowers and drags him in.

She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says This is for the flowers!

Don't be silly says her boyfriend, you must have a vase somewhere!

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A guy rings his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in. Shes lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says the boyfriend "you must have a vase somewhere!"

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"No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short."

"Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"

"Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing."

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nsfw Wife's New Panties

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."

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I'm getting tired of all the sexual comments about my skirt...

"Slut"

"You don't leave a lot to fantasize about"

"Why couldn't you just have worn something under your skirt?"

"Dude your balls are visible"

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"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

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I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt...

Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.

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lost wife

Santa & Banta both lost their wives and were searching for them when they bumped into each other "Where are you hurrying to?" asked Banta

"I lost my wife!"

"Really? Even mine. How did yours look like?"

"hmm... She was tall, slim, had huge tits, sexy soft and sweet ass, she was wearing a mini skirt at last, What about you?"

"Forget mine lets search for yours!" replied Banta.

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Wife told her husband

A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, Take off my shirt. So he does.

She then tells him, Take off my skirt and high heels. So he does.

Then she tells him, Take off my bra and underwear. So he does.

Finally she tells him, I better never find you wearing my clothes again.

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I hate when people say my skirt looks slutty..

Like, who cares if my balls hang out a little?

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Back then, if I wanted to see her panties, I had to lift her skirt.

Today, if I want to see her panties, I have to spread her butt cheeks.

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My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

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As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...

"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"

"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"

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A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar

she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.

"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."

So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"

"Really? What did you do?"

"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"

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Wife asked to take clothes off

Walked into the bedroom and the wife said
"Take off my shoes"
So i did

"Take off my skirt"
So i did

"Take off my bra and panties"
So i did


Then she said to me, "stop wearing my fucking clothes"
So I did

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A nun asks another

What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?

Nun: I would lift up my dress

Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?

Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down

Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?

Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.

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My girlfriend asked me to take off her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

And so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

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An English class is writing an essay

One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".

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Sexy time with my girlfriend

So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and panties!"
I took off her bra and panties.
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"

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Sexy up skirt...

As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this sexy blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her panties.
Hey perv!! she said as she gave me a playful kick. I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?
That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, miss, I said sternly. I don't fucking work here.

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I called my girlfriend's mini skirt a fence

Protects the property but doesn't spoil the view

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Jane gets her very first periods...

and has no idea what's going on. She meets her friend John and tells him about the problem.
He asks to take a look.

After a minute of watching under her skirt he says: "Well, I'm not a doctor but it seems that you've got your dick ripped off."

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Last night I came out of a nightclub and was approached by a Thai woman.

She gave me a cheeky wink and said, "Blowjob, $20?"

I said, "Yeah, alright," and lead her into the alley.

I soon realised my mistake when she handed me two $10 notes and started pulling up her skirt.

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Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

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In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...



As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

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Mom, is this skirt too short?

Yes. Your balls are showing, Robert.

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What are the most funny Skirt jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Skirt? Well, here are the best Skirt dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Skirt pick up lines to share with friends.

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