Skipping Jokes
74 skipping jokes and hilarious skipping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skipping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article offers a collection of skipping jokes for adults and children, from the humorous to the why-we-love-skipping-leg-day variety. Laugh with a preschooler who skipped rope, or a principal that made everyone skip work. Explore why we love skipping so much, plus more!
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Funniest Skipping Short Jokes
Short skipping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skipping humour may include short skips jokes also.
- I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on. Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
- Skipping School Grandpa: "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"
Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!" - How many pornstars does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know... I skipped the intro.
- Don't complain about Microsoft skipping Windows 9. They've never been able to count. They came out with Microsoft DOS without ever releasing Microsoft uno.
- What did the man do after listening to a Pink Floyd album for two hours? Skip to the next track
- So a 70ish year old grandpa randomly walked up to me in the gym and laid this one on me: What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone?
You skip them both. - My sister told me this one What is the similarity between girls and rocks?
The flat ones get skipped. - Why did the chicken skip a track on his Red Hot chili Peppers CD? To get to the Otherside.
- What happens if you skip school in Middle-Earth? You shall not pass!
- My town's population has remained constant over the last 30 years. Whenever a girl gets pregnant, a guy skips town.
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Skipping One Liners
Which skipping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skipping? I can suggest the ones about jumping and hopping.
- What do you call batman when he skips church? Christian Bale
- If you're outdoors you can skip this post It's just an inside joke
- Why did lebron james skip college? He didn't want to show up for finals.
- Why do uber drivers skip the gym? Because they don't even lyft.
- Batman told me he was skipping church this week. Classic Christian Bale
- Why did we skip windows 9? Because 7 8 9
I'm so sorry - Why are girls like rocks? You skip the flat ones.
- My friend asked me if I wanted to skip class. I said "nah, I think I'll pass."
- Saw an amputee in the gym today.. Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.
- I once had to skip class because I had hypothermia. I was too cool for school.
- Whaddaya call a guy with no arms or legs trying to water ski? Skip.
- Why did the moon skip dinner? Because it was full.
- Did you hear about the new Disney FastPass? Skip the lines, go straight to the ICU
- What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
- If you skip church on Sundays.. You're pulling a Christian Bale.
Skipping School Jokes
Here is a list of funny skipping school jokes and even better skipping school puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- one possitive thing about skipping school in america not getting shot
- Chuck Norris skipped school two days in a row... Those days are now Saturday and Sunday.
- Grandfather to his grandson: "Quick! Hide! Your teacher is coming here because you skipped school today." Grandson: "No! YOU hide. I told her you died today!"
- People who skip school aren't even cool. They just have no class.
- I hate school and got caught skipping the other day. My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."
- Why did 0 skip school? He would never amount to anything!
- If you're able to skip school because you're sick, that's an ill-gotten gain.
- I used to fall asleep in class nearly every day in school until I got to college. Then, I just skipped.
- What do you call a metal ion that skips school? Ferrous Bueller
- First day of high school and I skipped breakfast. They're really preparing me for college.
Skipping Work Jokes
Here is a list of funny skipping work jokes and even better skipping work puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow. Monday.
- God spoke to me today. He said "Stay in bed and skip work".
Turns out my boss isn't religious and I'm unemployed. - funny My uncle was a racist piano player, all his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys.
- I skipped working out today so I could be a pallbearer.. at least I got my deadlifts in today.
- My boss told me to give something the old college try... So I skipped work for a week and got addicted to adderall by accident.
Skipping Rope Jokes
Here is a list of funny skipping rope jokes and even better skipping rope puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chatting at the gym… While at the gym a good looking woman approached me and asked me, have you tried skipping?
I replied, like with a rope? She replied, no like skipping a meal. - Went to a skipping competition I didn't really want to, but I got roped in
- Have you heard the one about the jump rope never mind, just skip it.
- I was gonna make a jump rope joke But decided to skip it. It's not good
- did you hear the one about the jump rope? skip it
- Q:Did you hear the joke about the rope?
A:Just skip it. - What do mechanics skip rope with? Jump leads...
Skipping Leg Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny skipping leg day jokes and even better skipping leg day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw someone in the gym who skips leg day every week. Probably why he's in that wheelchair.
- Paul Ryan is never known to skip Leg Day But is nowhere to be found on spine day
- They say you can't skip leg day Ironically it is because of leg day that you can't skip.
- Why don't cows skip leg day? To keep their calves in shape
- Why did the celiac patient have to skip leg-day? Because he's allergic to glutes
- Who is the Disney character that never skipped leg day? QUADSimodo
- Why did the pirate skip the gym today? It was boot-leg day
Happy Skipping Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about skipping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skim jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skipping pranks.
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
A blonde girl called Jenny came skipping home after school.
"Mommy mommy! Today in school, everyone else only counted to 5, but I counted to 10!"
The mom replies, "That's great honey!"
Jenny then asks, "Is it because I'm blonde?"
"Yes sweetie" says the mom.
The next day, Jenny comes home skipping and calling out "Mommy mommy! Today after gym class, everyone was taking a shower and had flat chests! While I had these!"
Jenny lifts her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's. "Is it because I'm blonde?"
Embarrassed, the mom replies, "No honey, it's because you're 24"
The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
Little Johnny skipped school one day...
and since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnny's parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home. When he saw the teacher coming he said "Johnny! Your teacher is coming, hide and I will say you aren't here. "No," Little Johnny replied "you go hide. I told the teacher that I went to your f**...."
So I was teaching my brother English...
I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.
A shrinking man rushes to the doctor's office.
The shrinking man skips ahead of everyone waiting and pleas "Doctor! Doctor! I need help, I'm shrinking!"
Then the doctor replies, "well then you'll just have to be a little patient."
A man had 3 daughters.
A man had 3 daughters.
The first daughter walks up to her dad and says "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
"Because a rose petal fell on you when you were a baby." Replied the father. The first daughter smiles and skips off to play with her dolls.
The second daughter walks up to her dad and says "Daddy, why is my name Tulip?"
"Because a Tulip petal fell on you when you were a baby." Replied the father. The second daughter smiles and skips off to play with her dolls.
The third daughter walks up to her dad and says "Hhhhhnnngngngnggggddddddrrrrruhuuhuhhuhhuhdadgh!"
"...Go to your room cinderblock." Replied the father.
So an Italian man and a Greek man we're arguing over which of their countries was the better one...
...and they eventually got to the topic of s**.... The Greek, feeling as though had would clearly win with his next point, stated very boldly, "Oh yea? Well, we Greeks invented the art of s**...!"
Without skipping a beat, the Italian replied, "True, but *we* invented s**... with women!"
Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.
What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?
Doug.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps?
Skip.
What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a quadriplegic inside of your mail box?
Bill.
People need to be a little bit more considerate of Trump's decision to skip the White House Correspondents' dinner.
The roasting waiting for him there would probably have made him the second black president.
The new store...
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be opened new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked, 'What you sell?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arseholes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'You doing velly well. Only two left!'
An anti-vaxxer is sitting at a bar.
He is a couple beers deep when the bartender shouts Free shots for the bar! On that man over there! And he points to a man the anti-vaxxer can't see.
The bartender then proceeds to walk down the bar pouring shots for each patron. When he gets to the anti-vaxxer, the man stops him from pouring the shot and says:
I have had quite a few beers tonight and I need to work tomorrow. I don't want to be hungover. How strong is the liquor?
Bartender: It's 100 proof.
Anti-vaxxer: That's too much proof for me. I'll skip the shot.
Skip a Day
During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
A girl is on a date at the town fair with a good looking guy.
He asks what do you want to do first. She replies "Get weighed". He says OK and they proceed to go to the scale. When they're done, he says "What do you want to do next?" She says "Get weighed". Once again she hops on the scale. Getting frustrated, the guy says one more time "What do you want to do next?" She replied "Get weighed" again. At this, the guy skips the rest of the fair and drops the girl off at her house. Her mom comes out and says "How was your date?" The girl replies "Wousy".
