Skip Jokes
116 skip jokes and hilarious skip puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skip that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Skip jokes - Laugh out loud at something else than the traditional variety of jokes. Read through our collection of funny jokes that incorporate rubbish skip, Skip and Amy, Skip Leg Day, Skip Bin, Skip the Dishes, Leafs, Hoppy and Commute. Get cracking and have a good time.
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Funniest Skip Short Jokes
Short skip jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skip humour may include short pass jokes also.
- I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on. Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
- Skipping School Grandpa: "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"
Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!" - How many pornstars does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know... I skipped the intro.
- Don't complain about Microsoft skipping Windows 9. They've never been able to count. They came out with Microsoft DOS without ever releasing Microsoft uno.
- What did the man do after listening to a Pink Floyd album for two hours? Skip to the next track
- So a 70ish year old grandpa randomly walked up to me in the gym and laid this one on me: What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone?
You skip them both. - My sister told me this one What is the similarity between girls and rocks?
The flat ones get skipped. - Why did the chicken skip a track on his Red Hot chili Peppers CD? To get to the Otherside.
- What happens if you skip school in Middle-Earth? You shall not pass!
- My town's population has remained constant over the last 30 years. Whenever a girl gets pregnant, a guy skips town.
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Skip One Liners
Which skip one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skip? I can suggest the ones about jump and skim.
- What do you call batman when he skips church? Christian Bale
- If you're outdoors you can skip this post It's just an inside joke
- Why did lebron james skip college? He didn't want to show up for finals.
- Why do uber drivers skip the gym? Because they don't even lyft.
- Batman told me he was skipping church this week. Classic Christian Bale
- Why did we skip windows 9? Because 7 8 9
I'm so sorry - Why are girls like rocks? You skip the flat ones.
- My friend asked me if I wanted to skip class. I said "nah, I think I'll pass."
- Saw an amputee in the gym today.. Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.
- I once had to skip class because I had hypothermia. I was too cool for school.
- Whaddaya call a guy with no arms or legs trying to water ski? Skip.
- Why did the moon skip dinner? Because it was full.
- Did you hear about the new Disney FastPass? Skip the lines, go straight to the ICU
- What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
- If you skip church on Sundays.. You're pulling a Christian Bale.
Skip Leg Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny skip leg day jokes and even better skip leg day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw someone in the gym who skips leg day every week. Probably why he's in that wheelchair.
- Paul Ryan is never known to skip Leg Day But is nowhere to be found on spine day
- They say you can't skip leg day Ironically it is because of leg day that you can't skip.
- Why don't cows skip leg day? To keep their calves in shape
- Why did the celiac patient have to skip leg-day? Because he's allergic to glutes
- Who is the Disney character that never skipped leg day? QUADSimodo
- Why did the pirate skip the gym today? It was boot-leg day
Quirky and Hilarious Skip Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about skip you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ignore jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skip pranks.
Skip a Day
During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.
What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?
Doug.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps?
Skip.
What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a quadriplegic inside of your mail box?
Bill.
A teacher assigns her students to read a chapter of a book.
"Class, I want you to read chapter 31 of the book I assigned you. Understood?"
The entire class agreed. "Okay. Class is dismissed. Remember to read it."
Skip to the next day in the classroom. "Okay, so whoever read chapter 31, please stand up."
Every student stood up. "Now, all of you go to the principals office."
Every student is shocked and confused.
"Why, you ask? There isn't any chapter 31!".
Golfing on the sabbath
One day, a man named David decides to skip church to play golf. Up in heaven, Saint Peter sees this and reports David's sin to God. God says, "I will punish him accordingly." David plays a perfect game and goes home really pleased. Saint Peter sees this and goes to God and says, "What gives? You said you would punish him, yet he gets a perfect score." God smiles and says, "Who can he tell?"
It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow.
Monday.
Have you heard the one about the jump rope
never mind, just skip it.
Went to a skipping competition
I didn't really want to, but I got roped in
A man goes to see a new therapist...
A therapist has a new patient and has no idea what his condition or problem is. The patient finally walks in but he is completely dressed in saran wrap. The doctor begins to greet the odd new patient but is interrupted, "Skip the niceties Doc. What is wrong with me?" The doctor took a minute and responded, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
I skipped my meeting of "Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous"
No one else came either.
Where does a thumb meet its type?
At ***the space bar!*** oh-my-goodness! ~Skip
Why did all the students from Alabama skip the archaeology lecture?
They were already experts in relative dating.
There are four sure fire ways to get through math class
Either you study hard, have a natural talent for it, or just skip it.
What do women and stones have in common?
You skip the flat ones.
Why does BuzzFeed skip every other number when counting?
They literally can't even.
How are women like rocks?
You skip the flat ones.
What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat?
Skip.
I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay
Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion.
I read Sci Fi the same way that I read recipes
I skip to the end and think, "that'll never happen"
Sometimes when I'm singing a song a get an urge to skip the chorus...
But I always refrain
A recent study conducted in Germany by Professor Bernd Ottovordemgentschenfelde proves that 99.9% of people
skip his name
What did the dance instructor say to her student when the student wanted to use her bathroom?
Skip to my loo.
did you hear the one about the jump rope?
skip it
My ex would always skip a letter when reciting the alphabet...
She never said y
I a tendency
to skip words.
2016 is like...
A 30 second ad on YouTube that you can't skip
A white girl is getting robbed...
The robber points his gun at her and tells her to count to ten.
"1...3...5...7...9" She says.
"Why did you skip all the even numbers!? " yells the robber.
"Because I can't even!"
I skipped 9 puns and killed the last one...
That's a pun in ten dead.
People need to be a little bit more considerate of Trump's decision to skip the White House Correspondents' dinner.
The roasting waiting for him there would probably have made him the second black president.
If you don't get it right the first time...
...skip sky diving.
How do scratched dvds get around?
They skip
So I was teaching my brother English...
I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
People who skip school aren't even cool.
They just have no class.
I skipped philosophy class to go see a p**....
Descartes shouldn't be in front of the w**....
How to read 101
Step one: read this, if you can't skip to step two.
Step two: follow step one.
I skipped working out today so I could be a pallbearer..
at least I got my deadlifts in today.
If I skip making a rough copy and go straight to the final copy...
Does that mean I'm dodging the draft?
If life was a YouTube video...
Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.
Did ya hear the one about the three brothers Hop, Skip and Jump ?
They were very close
Did you know that in 2013 there was a Russian scientist named Povandolakoviviscov kintayionshinkov
Why did you skip the name? I will not complete the story.
Why did the burglar skip the kitchen?
He didn't want to take any whisks.
Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.
The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
Why did the lovestruck king skip the dinner party?
Because despite the nice card inviting him, his heart had been stolen and so he had no suit.
Two men are taking a GED test...
One says to the other, "I wish we could skip this section, I s**... at math."
The other one says, "Yea, that makes three of us."
I'm trying to learn how to be a more sensitive lover.
I watched a video called "How to improve your foreplay technique", it was really good.
I had to skip through the boring bit at the beginning.
What do you call a water-skier with no arms or legs?
Skip.
Yo mama's so fat…
When she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
My plan was to skip shoveling and just let the snow melt.
It wasnt well thawed out.
Girls are like rocks
If they're flat, skip em
The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
The things kids say....
I work in a middle school and I was talking to a 6th grader today. He was bummed because he's so short:
He says: I should go back to kindergarten with kids my own size.
Me: Well maybe you should try 1st grade because you already know the alphabet, right?
He didn't skip a beat and responded: I'm so American, the only letters I know are U, S and A!
It was hilarious.!! Thank you children for making us laugh.
Wanna hear a joke about a stone?
Never mind, I'll just skip that one.
I was gonna make a jump rope joke
But decided to skip it. It's not good
Congratulations to the class of 2020
You are the first class that will have a 100% participation in the annual senior skip day championship.
May the Fourth be with you.
Like all good fans, we skip the first 3.
Congratulations 2020 graduating class
Reigning senior skip day champions!
I can't believe I was brave enough to skip taking my blood pressure medication.
Doing that is not for the faint of heart!
Why did the moon skip dinner?
It was full
Let's hold on for another 130 days.
If we give up now and skip this year, it's admitting our loss and saying 2021.
Women are like stones
You can skip the flat ones
Do you know the similarities between a stripper and a rock?
You skip the flat ones
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
What's the meal that the people at NASA usually skip?
Launch.
I always skip the gym the first week of the new year
I can't deal with the crowds.
I also skip weeks 2 - 52 of the new year but still looking for an excuse for those.
