Skip Jokes
116 skip jokes and hilarious skip puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skip that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Skip jokes - Laugh out loud at something else than the traditional variety of jokes. Read through our collection of funny jokes that incorporate rubbish skip, Skip and Amy, Skip Leg Day, Skip Bin, Skip the Dishes, Leafs, Hoppy and Commute. Get cracking and have a good time.
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Funniest Skip Short Jokes
Short skip jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skip humour may include short pass jokes also.
- I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on. Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
- Don't complain about Microsoft skipping Windows 9. They've never been able to count. They came out with Microsoft DOS without ever releasing Microsoft uno.
- What did the man do after listening to a Pink Floyd album for two hours? Skip to the next track
- My sister told me this one What is the similarity between girls and rocks?
The flat ones get skipped. - Why did the chicken skip a track on his Red Hot chili Peppers CD? To get to the Otherside.
- Let's hold on for another 130 days. If we give up now and skip this year, it's admitting our loss and saying 2021.
- "Your case is quite complicated." Patient: Why doctor? What happened?
Doc: You have a disease from the chapter I skipped during my studies. - Chatting at the gym… While at the gym a good looking woman approached me and asked me, have you tried skipping?
I replied, like with a rope? She replied, no like skipping a meal. - I always skip the gym the first week of the new year I can't deal with the crowds.
I also skip weeks 2 - 52 of the new year but still looking for an excuse for those. - Naming the COVID-19 variants, the WHO skipped the greek letter 'xi'. They did that in order to not insult the leader of West taiwan.
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Skip One Liners
Which skip one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skip? I can suggest the ones about jump and skim.
- What do you call batman when he skips church? Christian Bale
- If you're outdoors you can skip this post It's just an inside joke
- Why did lebron james skip college? He didn't want to show up for finals.
- Why do uber drivers skip the gym? Because they don't even lyft.
- Why did we skip windows 9? Because 7 8 9
I'm so sorry - My friend asked me if I wanted to skip class. I said "nah, I think I'll pass."
- Whaddaya call a guy with no arms or legs trying to water ski? Skip.
- Why did the moon skip dinner? Because it was full.
- Did you hear about the new Disney FastPass? Skip the lines, go straight to the ICU
- What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
- What happens if you skip school in Middle-Earth? You shall not pass!
- Congratulations 2020 graduating class Reigning senior skip day champions!
- My 5 yr old son was just imprisoned for skipping naptime He was resisting a rest
- It looks like we skipped 2021 And went straight to 2020-2
- I can't remember what I majored in at college. I skipped classes to some degree.
Skip Leg Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny skip leg day jokes and even better skip leg day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw someone in the gym who skips leg day every week. Probably why he's in that wheelchair.
- Paul Ryan is never known to skip Leg Day But is nowhere to be found on spine day
- They say you can't skip leg day Ironically it is because of leg day that you can't skip.
- Why don't cows skip leg day? To keep their calves in shape
- Why did the celiac patient have to skip leg-day? Because he's allergic to glutes
- Who is the Disney character that never skipped leg day? QUADSimodo
- Why did the pirate skip the gym today? It was boot-leg day
Quirky and Hilarious Skip Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about skip you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ignore jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skip pranks.
Skip a Day
During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.
What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?
Doug.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps?
Skip.
What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a quadriplegic inside of your mail box?
Bill.
A teacher assigns her students to read a chapter of a book.
"Class, I want you to read chapter 31 of the book I assigned you. Understood?"
The entire class agreed. "Okay. Class is dismissed. Remember to read it."
Skip to the next day in the classroom. "Okay, so whoever read chapter 31, please stand up."
Every student stood up. "Now, all of you go to the principals office."
Every student is shocked and confused.
"Why, you ask? There isn't any chapter 31!".
Golfing on the sabbath
One day, a man named David decides to skip church to play golf. Up in heaven, Saint Peter sees this and reports David's sin to God. God says, "I will punish him accordingly." David plays a perfect game and goes home really pleased. Saint Peter sees this and goes to God and says, "What gives? You said you would punish him, yet he gets a perfect score." God smiles and says, "Who can he tell?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow.
Monday.
Have you heard the one about the jump rope
never mind, just skip it.
Went to a skipping competition
I didn't really want to, but I got roped in
I skipped my meeting of "Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous"
No one else came either.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where does a thumb meet its type?
At ***the space bar!*** oh-my-goodness! ~Skip
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are girls like rocks?
You skip the flat ones.
Why did all the students from Alabama skip the archaeology lecture?
They were already experts in relative dating.
There are four sure fire ways to get through math class
Either you study hard, have a natural talent for it, or just skip it.
Using tinder is like throwing stones across the water
They either skip or I don't bother because they're too big
How do you count in Al Qaeda?
Skip the 10.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you skip church on Sundays..
You're pulling a Christian Bale.
Why does BuzzFeed skip every other number when counting?
They literally can't even.
I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay
Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion.
Who can skip lines the fastest?
Emos, they're great at cutting
Skips or Quavers?
I prefer Skips to Quavers.
You can't dump a body in a Quaver.
Sometimes when I'm singing a song a get an urge to skip the chorus...
But I always refrain
A recent study conducted in Germany by Professor Bernd Ottovordemgentschenfelde proves that 99.9% of people
skip his name
What did the dance instructor say to her student when the student wanted to use her bathroom?
Skip to my loo.
My ex would always skip a letter when reciting the alphabet...
She never said y
I a tendency
to skip words.
2016 is like...
A 30 second ad on YouTube that you can't skip
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Skipping School
Grandpa: "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"
Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!"
A white girl is getting robbed...
The robber points his gun at her and tells her to count to ten.
"1...3...5...7...9" She says.
"Why did you skip all the even numbers!? " yells the robber.
"Because I can't even!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a 70ish year old grandpa randomly walked up to me in the gym and laid this one on me:
What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone?
You skip them both.
I skipped 9 puns and killed the last one...
That's a pun in ten dead.
People need to be a little bit more considerate of Trump's decision to skip the White House Correspondents' dinner.
The roasting waiting for him there would probably have made him the second black president.
How do scratched dvds get around?
They skip
So I was teaching my brother English...
I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
My wife told me 6 inches isn't enough
My wife told me
6 inches isn't enough
12 inches is too much
8 inches is just right.
So skip subway and stop at Jimmy Johns
Why did Apple skip the iPhone 9?
Why did they skip the iPhone 9 and go straight to the iPhone X?
Because 7, 8, 9.
I rang a builder to see if I could have a skip outside my house
Do what you want, your house nothing to do with me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I skipped philosophy class to go see a p**....
Descartes shouldn't be in front of the w**....
If you often skip Saturday church
Then are you proCHRISTinating
How to read 101
Step one: read this, if you can't skip to step two.
Step two: follow step one.
I skipped working out today so I could be a pallbearer..
at least I got my deadlifts in today.
If I skip making a rough copy and go straight to the final copy...
Does that mean I'm dodging the draft?
If life was a YouTube video...
Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.
Did ya hear the one about the three brothers Hop, Skip and Jump ?
They were very close
Did you know that in 2013 there was a Russian scientist named Povandolakoviviscov kintayionshinkov
Why did you skip the name? I will not complete the story.
Why dont conpanies skip 9
Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.
The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
Why did the lovestruck king skip the dinner party?
Because despite the nice card inviting him, his heart had been stolen and so he had no suit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are taking a GED test...
One says to the other, "I wish we could skip this section, I s**... at math."
The other one says, "Yea, that makes three of us."
I'm trying to learn how to be a more sensitive lover.
I watched a video called "How to improve your foreplay technique", it was really good.
I had to skip through the boring bit at the beginning.
The way I skip you tube Ads ?
I am a man and It doesn't matter what the Ad video is I would skip
But why does girls get caught and her distracted if the Ad had a baby or dog / favourite man?
Prince Harry will skip the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan's love of animals
Said the Queen, "You misunderstood, we're shooting peasants."
When it comes to Netflix and Chill,
They call me Skip Intro.
My plan was to skip shoveling and just let the snow melt.
It wasnt well thawed out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girls are like rocks
If they're flat, skip em
The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
The things kids say....
I work in a middle school and I was talking to a 6th grader today. He was bummed because he's so short:
He says: I should go back to kindergarten with kids my own size.
Me: Well maybe you should try 1st grade because you already know the alphabet, right?
He didn't skip a beat and responded: I'm so American, the only letters I know are U, S and A!
It was hilarious.!! Thank you children for making us laugh.
Wanna hear a joke about a stone?
Never mind, I'll just skip that one.
I was gonna make a jump rope joke
But decided to skip it. It's not good
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did 0 skip school?
He would never amount to anything!
May the Fourth be with you.
Like all good fans, we skip the first 3.
I can't believe I was brave enough to skip taking my blood pressure medication.
Doing that is not for the faint of heart!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are like stones
You can skip the flat ones
Do you know the similarities between a stripper and a rock?
You skip the flat ones
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
What's the meal that the people at NASA usually skip?
Launch.
Blonde Overweight
A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"
