Skinny Jokes

138 skinny jokes and hilarious skinny puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skinny that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of skinny jokes. From puns to one-liners, we've got all the jokes you need to make everyone smile.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Skinny Short Jokes

Short skinny jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skinny humour may include short slim jokes also.

  1. I told my wife, "You are so skinny." Then I grabbed her by the love handle and said, "Just look at all this skin."
  2. I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out. It felt good being on the winning side for once.
  3. Why does Japan have so many skinny people? Last time they had a fat man, they lost a city.
  4. Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, was quite skinny, and apparently had bad breath. That'd make him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
  5. A fat man meets a skinny man The fat man tells the skinny man: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"
    And the skinny man responds: "when they look at you, they know why"
  6. My grandpa just walked into the room with a young man wearing skinny jeans and a beard. I said, Who is this, grandpa?
    Grandpa: He's my hip replacement.
  7. I know skinny jeans are fashionable... But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off
  8. Wife to husband: Did I get fat during quarantine? Husband replies: you weren't really that skinny to be begin with!
    Time of death: 11:00pm
    Cause of death: Covid-19
  9. Whats fat on the bottom, skinny on the top, and has ears? Mountains!
    ...what? You've never head of mountaineers?
  10. As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans. I find it very difficult to pull it off.

Share These Skinny Jokes With Friends

Skinny One Liners

Which skinny one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skinny? I can suggest the ones about chubby and curvy.

  1. I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man... I am trans-fat.
  2. What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common? No *ball*room
  3. Why are plants so skinny? They usually have a light lunch.
  4. What do you call a skinny Muslim A muSLIM.
  5. Why is Caitlyn Jenner so skinny? Because the FDA just banned trans fats.
  6. What do you call a skinny feminist? Photoshopped.
  7. What do you call a skinny person that identifies as obese? A trans fat
  8. Fat people are harder to kidnap But skinny people are worth less at the meat market
  9. What do you call a skinny Pakistani cow? A moo-slim.
  10. How are a pair of skinny jeans like a cheap motel? No ballroom
  11. What do skinny jeans and modern houses have in common? No ballroom
  12. What do skinny jeans and motels have in common? No ballroom.
  13. Life is like a box of chocolates Fat people go through it faster than skinny ones
  14. I like my women like i like my jeans... Skinny, tight, and ripped...
  15. Even though I'm pretty skinny, I identify as an obese person... I'm trans fat.

You So Skinny Jokes

Here is a list of funny you so skinny jokes and even better you so skinny puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you had to choose... Between eating bacon everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life, would you choose applewood or hickory smoked?
  • A fat guy meets a skinny guy... The fat one says: "You look like there's been a famine."
    The skinny one replies: "You look like you caused it".
  • It's so sad... that trees look at telephone poles, and think that being tall and skinny is the only way to get people talking.
  • They say inside every fat person is a skinny person trying to get out. But that's silly. Surely the skinny people aren't still alive after they eat them.
  • Why are math students so skinny? Because they buy no meals.
  • What do you call a skinny tree? The Real Slim Shady
  • How are skinny jeans like a small mansion? They have no ball room.
  • Why are the Japanese always so skinny? The last time there was a fat man in Japan a whole city disappeared.
  • I'm a transfat... I'm fat, but identify as skinny.
  • My son was depressed because of his obesity. "Trust me," I told him, "skinny people get down too." "Unless you're on a see-saw with them," I added.

Fat & Skinny Jokes

Here is a list of funny fat & skinny jokes and even better fat & skinny puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine? Husband: You were never really that skinny
    Time of death: 26/4/20 11:31am
    Cause of death: Corona virus.
  • Skinny dipping involves a swimming pool. Fat dipping involves a ranch cup and chicken nuggets.
  • They took a poll one day about womens' legs... Around 6% said they liked fat legs...
    Around 3% said they liked skinny legs
    The other 91% said they preferred something in between.
  • Skinny If fat people have more skin shouldn't they really be the 'skinny' ones?
  • I'm fat, but I identify as skinny. I'm trans slender.
  • Why are all Japanese people skinny? Because the last time there was a fat man thousands died
  • "Im fat, but I identify as skinny.. I guess you can call me Trans Fat!"
  • If you're skinny but identify as a fat person... Would that make you a trans-fat?
  • I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor... I still hate you.
  • In an objective point of view, fat women are more attractive than skinny woman. According to Newton, the heavier an object is, the more it attracts other objects.
Skinny joke, In an objective point of view, fat women are more attractive than skinny woman.

Fat And Skinny Jokes

Here is a list of funny fat and skinny jokes and even better fat and skinny puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Another preventable Corona virus death Wife: Did I get fat during the quarantine?
    Husband: You were never really skinny.
    Time of Death: May 3,2020 9:51pm
    Cause of Death: Corona virus
  • All jeans are skinny jeans... ...if you're fat enough.
  • What do you call a skinny misogynist? Skinny or fat, I find that they prefer to think of themselves as "egalitarian".
  • Fact: Fat people falling down is always funnier than a skinny person falling down.
  • Why won't skinny girls date fat men? They get jealous when the boyfriend has a better rack than they do.
  • My friend is fat but identifies as skinny... ...therefore he is trans fat.
  • Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.
  • Why is it that skinny men like fat women? Because they need warmth in winter and shade in summer.
  • Yo mama so scrawny she makes skinny jeans look fat.
  • How can fat women do running jumps farther than skinny people? Because cows are aerodynamic.

Skinny Dip Jokes

Here is a list of funny skinny dip jokes and even better skinny dip puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If an obese person goes skinny dipping, It really isn't.
  • Finally got up enough courage to skinny dip... ...just can't attend the Baptist church any more.
  • What did the Englishman say to the Frenchman that was skinny-dipping in a river? Are you in Seine?
  • A couple decided to go skinny dipping in Paris during a cold winter night. Everyone called them in Seine.
  • I've stopped going skinny dipping since I put on a little weight Now I've started chunky dunking.
  • Why can't elephants go skinny dipping? They can't get their trunks off...
  • What did god say when Eve went skinny dipping for the first time? d**..., i will never get that scent out of my fish.
  • What did god say when Eve went skinny dipping? d**..., i'm never getting that smell out of the fish.
  • A group of men from San Francisco were skinny dipping... When a c**... floated to the surface
    "okay guys, who f**...?
  • I was walking on the beach when I stumbled on an elderly couple skinny dipping "At least they have a good s**... life" I thought to myself once the husband turned round

Skinny Leg Jokes

Here is a list of funny skinny leg jokes and even better skinny leg puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why are daddy long legs so skinny? Because mummy long legs ran away.
  • Why do black guys have skinny legs? Because they're chicken legs.
Skinny joke, Why do black guys have skinny legs?

Quirky and Hilarious Skinny Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about skinny you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thinner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skinny pranks.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...

Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his nether regions. He said, "My flock recognizes my face. What kinda sermons do you give?"

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...

Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."

Not sure if reposting but I thought this was funny.

So there are three girls in line for cucumbers. The first girl gets to the front of the line and says " I want a long and skinny cucumber". The second girl came up and said " I want a short and fat cucumber". The last girl came up and said " I just want a cucumber that's good for making a salad."

What do you call two tall skinny guys looking out a window?

Curt n' Rod

The Human Genome Project had a breakthrough and isolated the genes that make someone homosexual.

They are skinny genes.

What is a carpenters dream girl?

What is a carpenters dream girl? Flat as a board, skinny as a nail and easy to screw.

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny woman?

One is a phony buck...

What did the fat p**... say to the skinny p**...?

"We really should have made better life choices."

A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic

A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.
The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.
The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."

What do you call an anorexic Guinea pig?

A skinny pig.

A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.

A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.
Panicked a man looks around and asks "Is anyone here a doctor?!"
From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. "I'm a vegan!"

A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.

The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

An Irish Lumberjack

A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.

The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.

"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.

Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"

Sometimes I wonder about my ex girlfriends who I haven't seen in years,

you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.

These skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel

No ballroom

An Old Man and His Lake

An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."

Why are guys who wear skinny jeans bad at s**...?

They can't get them off

What do you call a skinny man in sunglasses?

Slim Shady.

One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...

One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or get out of the pond n**...". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."

What do you call a skinny Asian electrician?

Light Ning

What's the difference between a fake dollar bill and a skinny p**...?

One's a phony buck

An old farmer was picking apples. After filling up a bucket and walking back to the farm, he saw a group of beautiful women swimming in his pond

As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". The farmer, thinking quick, holds up the bucket of apples and says "I'm just here to feed the gator anyway"

Daddy's Fat

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?
"I have to do that, or dad's belly gets really fat, bouncing on his belly keeps him skinny."
That's not going to work.
"Why baby?"
Because the babysitter keeps blowing him up again!

A bus full of cheerleaders went off a cliff

Miraculously, all twenty of them managed to grab onto the same branch sticking out of the cliffside. There were nineteen beautiful blondes and one brunette. The brunette saw the branch was starting to break, so she made a decision.
"Listen ladies," she said. "As skinny as we are, this branch can't hold all our weight. You're all so beautiful and talented, so I'm going to let go in hopes that it's enough to save your lives. Tell my family I love them."
The blondes were so moved by her selfless sacrifice that they gave her a round of applause.

My girlfriend keeps joking she's addicted to chocolate.

She eats it every chance she gets. I finally got so fed up that I took her downtown to see a homeless j**.... I pointed at him and said, Now that, see that? Why can't you be that skinny?

My wife said I looked skinny.

I said, "Thanks. You should try it."

A wife asks her husband if she's gotten fat during quarantine.

The husband replies you weren't that skinny to begin with .
The death certificate said time of death was 1035pm, cause of death was covid.

A bodybuilder sees a group of beautiful women flocking around a skinny guy at the gym one day...

The bodybuilder is baffled. He asks his friend: "What the h**... do they see in that wimp?"
"I hear he can bench press a hundred pounds," says the friend.
"A hundred pounds?!?" The bodybuilder snorts. "h**..., I can bench press over three hundred and fifty!!"
The friend raises an eyebrow. "With your tongue?"

Small, skinny man is sitting in a pub...

There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:
\- Oh, stop crying, baby. That's just one beer...
The small man:
\- Okay, listen! Today my wife left me, my bank account is empty, my house is empty! I even got fired from my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so i tried to kill myself. I lay down on the rails - they changed the train route! i tried to hang myself - the rope broke! I tried to shoot myself - the gun broke! And now, i'm buying a beer with my last money, i'm pouring poison inside and you're drinking it!

What do skinny jeans and a cheap hotel have in common?

There's no ballroom.
Friend told me this a couple years ago. I was reminded today, by wearing skinny jeans and tugging at my c**... the entire time.

Skinny dipping

A farmer heads down to the pond carrying a bucket. As he nears the pond he hears voices. It's a bunch of girls skinny dipping. The girls hear him coming and all head down to the deep end. "We see you!" shouts one of them. "We're not coming out until you've gone". The farmer says "What? You think I've come all this way just to see a bunch of n**... girls? Sheesh. Nahhh, I just came down here to feed the alligator".

Security Guard : "I'm sorry ma'am but skinny dipping is prohibited in this beach "

Woman : " You could have warned me before I removed the clothes"
Security guard :" Well, there is no law about that".

What does a skinny pharmacist take?


There is a new study about women and how they feel about their a**..., the results were pretty interesting...

30% of women think their a**... is too fat,
10% of women think their a**... is too skinny,
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world.

There was a skinny bus conductor and a buff guy...

Whenever the buff guy traveled the bus and conductor came to him for the ticket, buff guy says I don't buy tickets.
The conductor always meekly went away.

One day the conductor got tired of this and joined the gym.
After some time he too got buff.

Next day when the buff guy refused to buy the ticket, conductor (now also buff, but let's still refer to him as conductor) asks him with a commanding voice, 'Why?'

Buff guy says 'I have a bus pass that's why'.

What's the difference between a pop star and a shooting star?

One's a skinny kid the other is a little meteor.

Why was the skinny scientist so excited?

>!He just won the no belly prize!<

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are observing a building...

A very heavy-set man is seen going in.
A while later two very skinny men exit.
The physicist says "To within experimental error, the conservation of mass has been demonstrated."
The biologist says "reproduction by mitosis must have taken place."
The mathematician scratches his chin and then says "you know, if one more person goes in there that building will be empty."

Skinny joke, A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are observing a building...

jokes about skinny