Skin Jokes
149 skin jokes and hilarious skin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out our rundown of hilarious jokes about skin! Whether you have pale, dry, ashy, bad, thick, oily, burnt, or graft skin, we have something for everyone. We also provide some helpful tips for skin health, such as moisturising often and avoiding wrinkly skin. Get ready to chuckle from cheek to cheek!
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Funniest Skin Short Jokes
Short skin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skin humour may include short body jokes also.
- My ex girlfriend was a beautiful woman... ... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me. - A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef. The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"
- What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it? Au-burn
^He^^He^^^He^^^^He - I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
- I told my wife, "You are so skinny." Then I grabbed her by the love handle and said, "Just look at all this skin."
- There's a greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity. The river sticks
- My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.
- I heard that Fortnite put a limit of three outfits for players in Isreal. Jews aren't allowed to have four skins.
- Dark I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery. - While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back. I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"
-true story, just happened.
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Skin One Liners
Which skin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skin? I can suggest the ones about shell and surface.
- What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza? Skinning the vegan.
- What's the leading cause of dry skin ...towel
Credits:dads - I just slipped on a banana skin. I look ridiculous in it.
- What is the most common use for pig skins? To keep the pig in one piece.
- What part of Popeye has the smoothest skin? The part he dips in olive Oyl.
- My skin is so oily that I'm afraid that one day America may invade it!
- I have never understood why living in the poor part of town... ...makes your skin darker.
- Why are skeletons always so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
- Why do MMA fighters wear skin tight shorts? Cause otherwise, they'd be boxers!!!
- What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin? Evo-lotion.
- What skin conditions do chickens get? Eggsma.
- With all Gillette drama said and done I guess it really wasn't meant for sensitive skin
- Where do taxi drivers with bad skin go for treatment? The Taxi Dermist.
- My friend loves to talk about their new skin lotion. He just keeps rubbing it in.
- Why can't skeletons take a joke? they're not thick-skinned
Dry Skin Jokes
Here is a list of funny dry skin jokes and even better dry skin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A New research shows us that the main cause of dry skin is.... Towels.
- My friend doesn't like to talk about her dry skin… She'd rather just sweep it under the carpet
- What does a Dr. Who fan say when he has dry skin? EXFOLIATE
- I've dry skin & a friend suggested that I use Shea Butter, but I can't do that Cuz I'm Sunni.
- Why did the pig have dry skin throughout the day? She forgot to put on her oinkment.
- What did the chicken farmer's daughter say to her dry skinned mother? Hey you got the eggs, ma?
- What do French whales put on dry skin? L'ocean
- What spell do wizards use when they have dry skin? Expecto petroleum!
Brown Skin Jokes
Here is a list of funny brown skin jokes and even better brown skin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth and my neck is covered in furry scales... what am I? Ugly.
- Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin? It had melonoma
- My friend is trying to convince me to replace all my skin with a plush brown material But I won't be suede
- My friend asked for a "skin colored" pencil I gave him a brown pencil.
- What color is jam in Germany? The skin is brown and the inside is orange.
- Why do Afghan people have light brown skin? Because Afghan is tan
- What did the tanned Asian say when he learnt that his brain was the same colour as his skin? MIND BROWN
- No wonder it's called napoleon ice cream Pink skin, white flag, and brown pants
- "For sale: Brown skinned Cabbage Patch doll..." It's only Harv Price
Bad Skin Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad skin jokes and even better bad skin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Skin cancer is not that bad It grows on you
- I got a job on a farm.... It was circumcising donkeys, it wasn't too bad, 44 skins a day, with a chance to get ahead, and you could always count on big tips....
- Aren't dad jokes great? I got a bad sunburn a week ago, and my skin is staring to peel of.I guess you could say that it's.....appealing
- What did the Dalek with bad skin have to do? EXFOLIATE!!!
- Remember the ABCs of first aid. A
Bone
Coming out of the skin is really bad. - Two women are in prison Cell mate 1: I think I'm breaking out
cell mate 2: no way that's insane
Cell mate 1: I know my skin is usually like never this bad - What did the brothers, of a girl, with a skin problem and a really bad eye infection say when he found out? "Sorry ah, sis"
Skin Care Jokes
Here is a list of funny skin care jokes and even better skin care puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL that Dermatologists are not good people Their care for you is only skin deep.
*Thank ButIamARobot for the idea! - What's the official skin care products of the world cup? OLAAAAAAAY! OLAY OLAY OLAAAAAAY
- Peter Parker is bitten by radioactive skin care products and becomes... ...THE AMAZING SPIDERMATOLOGIST!
- Boko Haram are great at skin care. They specialize in blackhead removal
- My iguana leaves its skin next to my pillow for me to find when I wake up once a year You know what they say, shedding is caring
- How do Canadians take care of their skin? Maybe it's maple leaf.
Pale Skin Jokes
Here is a list of funny pale skin jokes and even better pale skin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is it called when your son tells you that your skin is so pale that you look like a vampire? A Son-burn
- Watching Avatar again Didn't notice the first time how odd it was that all the Na'vi were portrayed as so pale-skinned and blonde...
Silly Skin Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about skin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blood jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skin pranks.
A woman goes into a store...
and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos.
She asks what are they made of.
The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair.
The woman said she could not afford that.
The assistant said says 'Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?
Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.
And then the building exploded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife are in a car c**...
They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the c**... and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
human skin boots
My friend paid $4,000 for human skin boots and pants.
I told him how s**... that was--he could have had the same thing in black for $29.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw an anorexic g**... the other day...
He was nothing but skin and b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin...
My wife told be that would be infant tile.
I don't understand people wearing leather or fur...
Don't they realize that animals are suffering because of their sense of fashion? They should put themselves into the animals' skin and try to understand.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you guys hear about the guy who got the skin on his face ripped apart by eagle talons?
They tried to fix it with botox, but that only helps with crow's feet.
I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out.
It felt good being on the winning side for once.
One I wrote a while ago: Anti-Boasting Cream
Now I don't tell many jokes and definitely don't write them so I found this on my phone from about two years ago and was amazed!
I went to see the Doctor this morning about my big ego. He told me to try this anti-boasting cream.
I said, how do I apply it? It's just i've got really soft, sensitive, supple skin. He said, You just have to rub it in.
What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
A taxidermist takes only your skin. [Mark Twain]
An old man went to get a shave...
And the barber handed him a wooden ball to put in his mouth against his cheek to make his wrinkled skin smooth. After it was over with the man said "let me ask you something, what would've happened if I swallowed the ball?" And the barber says "just bring it back in two to three days like everyone else"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy asks his mom: "Why is my skin so much darker than yours and Dad's?"
... she says: "That was a pretty wild o**..., be glad you don't bark"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tried to cash in on this kid joke thing. My daughter is a disappointment.
Why did the skeleton cross the road? He didn't because he doesn't have skin and he just fell apart.
A kid was born without eye lids, so they used the spare skin from his circumcision to form some. Everything turned out fine, except...
the doctor said he was a little cockeyed.
I know skinny jeans are fashionable...
But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off
My wife has really dry skin
My wife has really dry skin so I asked my doctor what I could do about it.
He said, "Give her a milk bath."
I said, "Pasteurized?"
The doctor replied, "No, just up to her knees will do."
Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?
Rough translation from Spanish:
Child:Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?
Mother: With how drunk I was that night it's a miracle you don't bark!
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
What do you call it when you can't see your skin?
Pore resolution
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
If I ever had the chance to name a new road, I'd call it "Skin Road".
Just so I could laugh at the people living at number 4
Clean Shave
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter keeps rubbing lemon skin all over herself.
I think she's pozest.
What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
No *ball*room
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are captured by canibals
The canibals say that they will be killed and their skin will be made into a canoe, and that they can choose how they die.
The first one jumps off a rock, the second one cuts his t**....
The third one takes a fork, starts stabing himself and yelling 'NO CANOE FOR YOU!"
I can't help but think that The Last Supper must have been a bit tense...
...with Jesus relating the bread to his broken skin and the wine to his own blood.
I bet no one touched the meatballs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?
Oranges have thick skin.
Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Mommy, why do I have black skin and you have white skin?"
"Honey, when I think back to that night, you're lucky you don't bark."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate threw a beer bottle at my head
It didn't break the skin but it left a n**... Brews
"I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said.
"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..
"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."
A woman is looking at herself in the mirror
"Ugh I look so old! My skin is sagging, my hair is turning gray, I've got crows feet..."
Her husband says, "well, at least your eyesight is intact."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Racism is s**....
Why hate a person based on his/her skin color? If you just took the time to know them as a person, you can find a whole lot of other things to hate them for.
A small town has a factory which produces coffee scented skin creme.
The trucks which transport the cream are causing so much traffic in the small town that the mayor holds a town hall meeting to find a solution. The residents eventually vote to move the cream by train.
So there was a local motion for mocha lotion locamotion.
The Old Cowboy's Shave
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
How do you peel a banana?
1. Get banana sunburned. Banana will soon begin to peel.
2. Scare banana. Grab skin when it jumps out of it.
3. Hypnotize banana. Tell banana it is a snake. Banana will shed skin.
4. Call banana yellow. Banana will want to fight. Will remove jacket.
I took my grandma to a new spa..
I took my grandmother to a new spa where they have little fish eat away at your dead skin for only $40.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The year is 2017.
There are machines which can look through skin and see bones. There are machines which keep you alive when your brain and heart have stopped. There's even a machine that can tell you who your parents are with a single drop of spit. However, when I need my prostate checking, a man sticks his finger up my a**... and wriggles it about a bit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.
Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?
Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.
Mother: Will he be okay?
Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little c**...-eyed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I took my dad to one of them spas where the fish eat your dead skin.
It was £30 but cheaper than a f**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad peels banana...
When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...
Dad:
peels the first s**... of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second s**......
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"
Me: "What happened to the Four skin"
Dad: "Jewish banana"
I was twelve and I finally figured it out....
Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay seller xx_Anna_xx
My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin... Anna conned her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Friends are like bananas.
If you peel their skin and eat them, they die.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two police officers walk into a crime scene.
They see two people lying dead on the floor. The victims are holding a piece of w**... each. Their eyes are red and their skin is dry.
One officer turns to the other and says: "Looks like a joint s**...."
Did you hear about the kid born w/o an eyelid?
When they circumcised him, they used the extra skin to fix his eyelid.
The procedure went fine, he's a little cockeyed now though...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.
Wow thanks I'm cured.
A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was circumcised they accidentally took a little extra off.
They ended up using it as skin grafts for a pair of twin's eyelids.
Now I'm getting sued by the parents because they're a little c**...-eyed.
While gaming last night, I was called a loser due to still having my default skin
But when I showed up to school, the next day, wearing a new skin, I'm a psychopath.
So all the animals gathered and having a party,
Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time,
suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and says:
hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The biology teacher told us our skin is the biggest o**......
Here i was thinking it was the one they play in the church down the road!
A study found that 97% of people prefer bananas with the skin on.
Without one, it just lacks appeal.
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut
He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor says I have to stop eating the skin of oranges
That was a bitter peel to s**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two six-year-old boys are standing in the toilet having a pee.
Two six-year-old boys are standing in the toilet having a pee. One turns to the other and says, Your dinky doesn't have any skin on it. That's because I've been circumcised, he replies. Cor! What does that mean?
It means the skin's been cut off the end. How old were you when they did that? About two days old. Did it hurt? It sure did. I didn't walk for a year.
Many people call their animals "fur babies" but,
As soon as I start calling children "skin dogs", suddenly I'm the worst pediatrician in this hospital!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brother, my sister, and myself pooled our money together
We treated our dad with this fish therapy where little fish nibble on the dead skin until it is gone.
It was money well spent, because it was much cheaper than a regular f**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?
Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.
What does a skinny pharmacist take?
Gotnoasitol
A customer asked a grocer, "How much is a banana?"
Grocer: $1
Customer: Would you sell it for .60 cents?
Grocer: You could only get the skin for that price.
Customer: Here's .40 cents for the banana, keep the skin.
Brain cells die, skin cells die, hair cells die
But fat cells must have accepted jesus as their lord savior because of their eternal life
A lady goes to the store to get a hair trimmer for her dog
..as she's browsing a clerk comes along and says "If you're using it on you're underarms, don't spray on deodorant for a few hours it will sting a lot." She says "No it's not for my underarms."
The clerk says "Well if you're doing your legs, don't wear pantyhose for a day, it can irritate your skin." She says "No it's not for my legs... if you must know, it's for my Schnauzer"
The clerk says "Ah, I see, in that case don't ride a bicycle for a week."
