Skim Jokes

24 skim jokes and hilarious skim puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skim that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the darkly humorous side of skim milk with this collection of morbidly funny skim jokes. These jokes are sure to make you skip a beat, but be warned – some are a bit NSFWish!

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Funniest Skim Short Jokes

Short skim jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skim humour may include short skip jokes also.

  1. CNN Poll: 50% of Bernie Sanders supporters drink whole milk, 35% drink 2% milk, and 15% drink skim milk They all hate the 1% though
  2. I was working at a coffee shop, and a priest asked if I have any whole milk I said "forgive me father, for I have skim"
  3. My billionaire boss sent me out for a gallon of milk. "That's what, about $3000?" he asked. "Yes, sir," I replied. So I pick it up for him and kept the difference. Skim milk has never tasted so good.
  4. My priest asked me for soy milk this morning.. I said, forgive me father for I have skimmed.
  5. Got fired from my new job at the dairy factory for making 1% milk the wrong way... ...instead of following the directions exactly, I just skimmed them.
  6. I'm a 1%er and the rest of you are beneath me I mean whole and 2% are too creamy and skim is basically disgusting milky water.
  7. My friend recently bought a home near me at a local skimming pond It's only a stones throw away.
  8. What do you call a thin North Korean leader? Skim Jong-Un
    (guess you could say he eats Skimchi)

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Skim One Liners

Which skim one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skim? I can suggest the ones about scrape and skirt.

  1. Why Did the Milkman Get Fired? He was skimming off the top.
  2. What did the skimmed milk say to the cream? You can make me whole again
  3. Why do arabs love skim milk? Because they are moo-slim.
  4. What did the skim milk say to the farmer I will never be whole again.
  5. I see plenty of jokes about milking almonds, but... How do you milk a skim?
  6. What do you call paddling down a river of skim milk? white water rafting.
  7. What's the best drink for exam prep? Skim milk.
  8. If chocolate milk comes from brown cows then where does skim milk come from? African cows
  9. What did Sir 2% say to Madam Skim? You make me feel whole.
  10. Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!
  11. Why does Bernie Sanders only drink skim milk? He can't stand the 1%
  12. It is really tough being a dairy farmer. You make money by the skim of your t**...!

Skim joke, It is really tough being a dairy farmer.

Skim Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about skim you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skim pranks.

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

A woman is shopping at a grocery store.

She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".

I have some great stock tips..

Always keep the simmer low and slow. Save up the odds and ends from veggies. If you're using chicken, skim the fat/floaty bits off to get a clear liquid etc.
If you keep doing this, you end up a bouillonaire.

Skim joke, I see plenty of jokes about milking almonds, but...