Skills Jokes
129 skills jokes and hilarious skills puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skills that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a new way to build soft skills with jokes! Enjoy a collection of social skills, communication skills, conversational skills, life skills, and more! Develop capabilities, talents, and parenting skills with a few laughter-filled jokes.
Quick Jump To
- Short Skills Jokes
- Skills One Liners
- Social Skills Jokes
- Motor Skills Jokes
- Special Skills Jokes
- Life Skills Jokes
- Communication Skills Jokes
- More Skills Jokes
Funniest Skills Short Jokes
Short skills jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skills humour may include short tools jokes also.
- My boss calls me "The computer" Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
- Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have? I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
- How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
- Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things? Me: Yes, I am.
Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good. - 'I just feel like being black is a huge disadvantage no matter how much skill you have ' said my friend 'oh come on, it's just one move at the start of the game' I responded as I took his Knight.
- The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills. "OK," I replied. "I'm hired."
- People are always amazed at the skilled tattoo artists in Spain. No one expects the Spanish ink precision
- I'm not gonna make fun of my grandfather's driving skills anymore. Apparently parking zones disease is a real thing.
- I asked my wife.. I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
"You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.. - I'm not one to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.
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Skills One Liners
Which skills one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skills? I can suggest the ones about fitness and ability.
- Just finished building doors for my fish. I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.
- "So, what are your qualifications?" "I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills"
- Why do babies make bad mechanics? They have poorly developed motor skills.
- What do you call a bear with martial arts skills? Grizz Lee.
^I'll ^see ^myself ^out. - Someone told me my math skills were average. I replied that they were just being mean.
- They call me 007 at work 0 motivation
0 skills
7 coffee breaks - Why did ChatGPT go to the gym? To work on its language skills.
- Why do hospitals love skilled secretaries? Because they're typo-negative.
- What do you call someone with amazing equestrian skills? A Stable Genius.
- Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2... Will be a flop.
- How do you console somebody with bad grammar skills? There, their, they're.
- My greatest skill is humor... Sometimes people even tell me I smell funny.
- Why are photographers less skilled than they used to be? They're not developing.
- Self depreciation is my best skill, And I'm pretty bad at it.
- Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills I'm so glad I'm in the 1%
Social Skills Jokes
Here is a list of funny social skills jokes and even better social skills puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do engineers have to practice their social skills? So they don't forget either of them.
- What do you call a large predatory bird with poor social skills? Hawkward
- Pandemic has led to another type of shortage: Social skills
- What do you call a robber with poor social skills? An asperglar.
- The hard working hole driller thought that everyone he met had bad social skills... But in reality, people just couldn't look him in his eyes because they always found him to be boring.
- Just got laid off because my social skills with customers were too poor.
- My dad always taught me to share my toys with my siblings. It wasn't that he wanted me to develop social skills, it's because he was a cheapskate that wanted to spend 50% less money on toys.
- What is similar about coronavirus and s**...? Most Redditors lack the social skills to get either
- What's the difference between Corona Virus and s**...? Most Redditors lack the social skills to get both.
- My s**... friend wanted to improve his social skills So he took Public Spliffing classes
Motor Skills Jokes
Here is a list of funny motor skills jokes and even better motor skills puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My toddler tried out and age aproporiate pickup line "Hey baby, you've got some fiiiiiiine motor skills."
- How many babies does it take to change a light bulb? None. Babies don't have the motor skills or the depth perception to change a light bulb.
- What do Stephen Hawking and Richard Hammond have in common? They both have poor motor skills.
- Why were the cop's hands to shaky to place a parking fine on a vehicle? [OC] He had to work on his fine-motor skills.
Who's car was it?
His parkin' son. - Why did the kid with Cerebral palsy fail drivers ed? Because he lacks motor skills
- Why was the grandmother's license revoked? She had lost her fine motor skills.
- Why wasn't the bear allowed to drive? Because bears don't have fine *motor* skills
- I can build and fix small engines using only v**..., f**... and rotted animals. Due to my g**... motor skills.
Special Skills Jokes
Here is a list of funny special skills jokes and even better special skills puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man goes to a job interview The interviewer asks: "So, do you have any special skills?"
Man, pulling a dead hamster out of his pocket: "Taxidermy!"
Hamster: "And necromancy!" - Special skills Interviewer: Have you got any special skills?
Me: I will never die!
Interviewer: How is that possible?!
Me: Dreams never come true - I saw a great job advertisement the other day. It was written by a carpenter from Little Rock.
He only wrote one line, under 'special skills':
"Arkansas." - Interviewer: do you have any special skills? Interviewer: Do you have any special skills?
Applicant: Yes, I can shapeshift.
Interviewer: Is that so?
Interviewer: Yeap. - At this point in my life, my resume's "special skills" section just says: "pronounces Massachusetts towns" and "can nap on planes."
Life Skills Jokes
Here is a list of funny life skills jokes and even better life skills puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If life was a RPG and inbreeding was a skill set The royal family would be at the top of the tier
- It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you're listening.
- I just skillfully removed a cup of wax from Kim Jong's left ear using a penknife. Madam Tussaud's have now banned me for life.
- My math teacher told me to stop copying my homework because I wasn't learning any real life skills Joke's on him though, I just become a Monk.
Communication Skills Jokes
Here is a list of funny communication skills jokes and even better communication skills puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got fired from work today.. My boss said my communication skills were awful.
I didn't know what to say to that. - My supervisor said I'm getting a poor appraisal because my communication skills are so weak I didn't know what to say to that
- my boss said that my communication skills were poor...
Hilarious Skills Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about skills you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jobs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skills pranks.
I asked my wife to rate my hearing skills
She said " i think you are an 8 on a scale of 10".
I still don't know why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton?
I don't mean to brag about my financial skills but,
my bank calls me almost everyday to tell me my debt is outstanding
David Cameron.
What do you call David Cameron when he enters the houses of parliament? An inside joke.
What do you call David Cameron when he's late for the bus? A running joke.
What do you call David Cameron's leadership skills? A bad joke.
Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.
Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.
Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.
Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?
From my handwriting identification skills.
I have carefully deduced that Santa is my secret Valentine every year.
I took a job aptitude test and it didn't make for pleasant reading
I've no people or practical skills and am unable to use logic or reasoning.
It recommended that I become an internet moderator.
When Chewbacca was learning his bowcaster skills he accidentally shot himself in the foot...
Wookie error.
A horse walks into a bar
A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "why? Are they short on electricians?"
I came up with a movie idea. A man's daughter is abducted. This man has has a unique set of skills and goes on a revenge rampage.
But the idea was taken.
I love being complimented on my parking skills!
Someone even left a note on my windshield saying "parking fine".
Dad joke heard at the beach
Recently, I was on vacation and at a beach and a father and his kids were playing catch in the water next to me.
This kid who had to be about six or seven yells out, "dad, I'm going to try some trash talk. Ready? Your skills are as rusty as a tin can! Get it dad? *trash* talk?"
I was dying. That kid is going to make a great dad.
I have conversational ninja skills...
People don't notice when I'm talking.
Last year 52 Americans were shot by people who barely speak english, have no marketable skills, and are prone to angry outburst based on their views...
...toddlers are the worst.
American Ginny Thrasher won gold in the Olympic shooting contest. When asked where she learned her skills
"in school" she replied.
Two scientists walk into a bar
The first orders some H2O, the second exclaims "I'll have some H2O too!
The bartender, deciding not to be a dinosaur hammer, gives the scientist water instead of showing off his chemistry skills, preventing the second scientist from dying.
A riddle
Who's got orange skin, poor speaking skills, is overwhelmingly disliked and is in over his head?
Yeah, I know, too easy right?
It's Jar Jar Binks
Learning English
So a man and his wife decided to speak in English at home to improve their language skills.
Her: Hunney, I'm going to rest a little bit.
Him: Sure hunney, rest in peace.
Why did Santa's elves spend a week living with 50 Cent?
So they could improve their wrapping skills!
My wife berated me last night about my conversational skills...
"Have you even listened to anything I said??" is a very odd start to a conversation.
My statistic skills are mediocre at best
And average at worst
I always carry a c**... in my wallet in case a date goes unexpectedly well...
that way I can impress her with my balloon animals skills.
No matter how unreliable your mental math skills...
You can always count on your fingers
Hey, boss, my salary is not compatible with my skills!
I know that, but I can't let you starve to death
I wanted to improve my cooking skills, so I finally decided to cook my way through Julia Child's cookbook
I'm on page 122, but no matter how much butter I use, it still just tastes like paper.
I hate playing football with Satan -
no matter what skills I use, he always has possession.
My poor skills as an electrician
Often leave people shocked
Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes' diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...
To which Sherlock replied, Why, that's a lemon tree, my dear Watson.
Today, my dad complimented me on my parking skills
I'm still shaking
A horse walks into a bar
and says "bartender, one beer please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "Did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "Why? Do they need a plumber?"
An 8 year old boy was horrendous at math.
His parents were worried about his math skills and decided to enroll him in a Catholic school. After the boy's first report card came out, he had straight A's in his math class. His father asked the boy, "How did the Catholic school make you better at math?" The boy responded with, "I never took math seriously but when walked in to my new school and saw the man nailed to the plus sign, I knew this place meant business!"
I'm normally not one to brag about my financial skills
But my credit card company calls me almost everyday to inform me my balance is outstanding!
What does a midget with several natural skills have?
Talln't.
A thief stole a sine and a cosine.
He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry. He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine.
He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosine - but that resulted in tan! He did not want to get tan. So he stacked cosind over sine...
and then he got cot.
A friend of mine...
A Friend of mine told me my math skills are average.
That's just mean
I crashed my golf cart two times while driving through hole one.
My driving skills were below par.
Whenever asked about my culinary skills I always say I'm great at all kinds of cooking
Overcooking, undercooking...
My door to door fruit delivery business failed badly because of my poor people skills.
I was driving people bananas.
I was once in a 1 on 5 fight.
I honed my skills from years of martial arts training, and we finally managed to beat up that guy.
I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.
So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.
My poor reading skills ruined my future as a p**...
But now I own a warehouse
I wanted to be a better computer programmer so I decided to slowly improve my binary skills
You could say I improved bit by bit
What do you call someone with mediocre detonation skills?
An OK Boomer
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
What does the moon do when it needs a haircut?
Eclipse it.
Sorry, my son was studying science and saw this joke. He wanted me to share it. Apparently upping his dad joke skills early.
I wanted to improve my physical affection skills, so I went down to the library and took out a book called How to Hug ...
...You can imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be volume six of the Oxford English Dictionary
God was handing out talents one morning
To some, He gave the power to create life. The angels around Him were in awe as crops flourished and population soared. To others, he gave fine skills and artistry. His angelic entourage marveled at intricate needlework, tapestry, and sculpture.
God stooped down low and found a man waiting in the darkness, just before dawn. He gave him the power to sprinkle water on the grass as the sun rose. The angels were confused. "You gave amazing abilities to all others. Can this one really care for himself with such a small talent?"
God simply replied, "He will learn to make dew."
My Supervisor Suggested That I Need To Work On My People Skills
But he's dead now.
I have some fine parking skills.
I was complemented on my parking at the courthouse today. Someone left a note saying parking fine.
I was recently complimented on my driving skills
Someone left a note on my car that said "Parking Fine"
If I find out who stole my copy of MS Office, I'll kill you...
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you give my MS Office back now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.
You have my Word!
I was in a job interview.
The man asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.
"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."
Reality vs LinkedIn
Reality:
I got my driving license
Linkedin:
I am honored and thrilled to announce that I have been selected among the top 5 applicants who participated in professional and the most-respected exam which evaluates the skills and ability to operate fuel-based vehicles. I cannot wait to see what the next chapter holds, and I cannot express my appreciation to the ministry of transportation, Wendy's, Google, NASA, my neighbors who supported me during this difficult journey.
l asked my wife to rate my listening skills…
l asked my wife to rate my listening
skills and she said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to
urinate on a skeleton.
Has anyone's gardening skills improved during the quarantine?
I planted myself on the couch in August and have grown significantly since.
People ask me if my acting skills are any good
They're unbelievable.
This is a joke from my girlfriend who I didn't know was a dad.
We were talking about how after moving to and english speaking country our main languages skills had to suffer. So she said:
"I guess I'm byelingual". I'm proud of her.
I gave my Marine buddy a gag gift.
I thought it would be funny to give him a 30 piece wooden jigsaw puzzle, intended for toddlers, as a birthday gift, but it backfired on me. Now, every time I see him, I have to listen to him brag about his puzzle skills.
"The box says 2-4 years, but I finished it in only a week and a half!"
Schools should teach useful things such as parenting skills to children.
Okay, that's not a good idea. Children will immediately realize that they have bad parents.
A Rabbi, A pundit and a Priest
A rabbi, a pundit and a priest once decided to put their skills to the test,
so they challenged each other...the challenge was who could convert a bear
They all met a few days later.....the pundit n priest were ok but the rabbi was in a full body cast...
so started the pundit...guess what...I read the gita to the bear....n now he is a pious hindu
The priest says...guess what, I read the bible to my bear....it brought tears to his eyes...he immediately had himself baptised now he is a devout christian....
Finally the Rabbi mutters....."shouldve left the circumcision for later"
