Ski Jokes
102 ski jokes and hilarious ski puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ski that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make the slopes more fun by sharing some of the best ski jokes out there! Enjoy these snowy-themed puns and laugh out loud with friends and family, whether it's a jet ski adventure, water skiing, apres ski fun, snowboarding, or simply enjoying the alpine scenery.
Quick Jump To
- Short Ski Jokes
- Ski One Liners
- Water Ski Jokes
- Ski Lodge Jokes
- Ski Resort Jokes
- Ski Slope Jokes
- Jet Ski Jokes
- More Ski Jokes
Funniest Ski Short Jokes
Short ski jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ski humour may include short snow jokes also.
- Boy: What's a palindrome?
Teacher: racecar
{10 years later}
Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome
Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak] - Just made this up, and apologize in advance... What did the Doctor give the weatherman after his skiing accident? 4 casts
- I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt. I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.
- Why do all polish names end in ski? Because they can't spell toboggan
(This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home) - My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900. The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.
- A blonde bought some water skis last year but has yet to try them out. She's still looking for a lake with a hill.
- I have to go talk to the bank today. If everything goes well, I will finally be out of debt. I'm so excited, I can barely get my ski mask on!
- Did you hear about the blonde who didn't learn to water ski? She couldn't find a lake with a slope
- Somebody asked me recently why I took up downhill skiing I told them uphill skiing was far too difficult
- Guy running the ski-lift said it would be $50 to get to the top of the mountain... I said "that's a bit steep."
He said "exactly."
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Ski One Liners
Which ski one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ski? I can suggest the ones about water ski and slope.
- Why don't Amish people water ski? Because their horses would drown.
- Whaddaya call a guy with no arms or legs trying to water ski? Skip.
- What type of skiing do Jews prefer? Shlalom
- I once took a ski away from an Eskimo... Then he dressed in black and got real depressed
- A friend and I got into a fight on a ski lift. It was an uphill battle.
- Say what you want about skiing... ..but the sports going downhill, Fast!
- Don't invest in skiing companies The whole sport is going down hill fast
- The popularity of skiing has decreased somewhat lately In fact, it's going downhill fast.
- I use to like going skiing. But that hobby... Went downhill so fast
- I think skiing is rather suspicious >!Its i's are too close together!<
- I broke up with my girlfriend on a ski trip Our relationship was going downhill.
- Why don't blondes water ski? They can't find a lake with a slope
- I figured out why ski resorts are so funny. They're hillareas
- I used to be a professional ski athlete It just went downhill from there
- What does a blind man use to ski? A skiing eye dog
Water Ski Jokes
Here is a list of funny water ski jokes and even better water ski puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'd love to learn how to water ski... ...but I can't find a lake on a hill.
- Who likes to waterski on lake eerie? No wait... where does Dracula like to water ski.
- Why couldn't Jesus ride on a water-ski? Cos he didn't exist!
- Why can't blondes go water skiing? Because their first indication of getting their c**... wet is to lay down.
- What do you call a black guy on water skis? Top Water j**...
Ski Lodge Jokes
Here is a list of funny ski lodge jokes and even better ski lodge puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Edward Snowden was discovered trapped inside of one of his ski lodges this Saturday, November 19th. "Edward Snowden Snowed in Snowden Snow Den."
Ski Resort Jokes
Here is a list of funny ski resort jokes and even better ski resort puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between my GoPro and my girlfriend? I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.
- After weeks of no new uploads, high-quality ripper Silvagunner was found dead along with 20 others in a ski resort avalanche. He died of snow in-halation.
- Did you hear about the two snakes thrown out of the mulled wine bar at the top of the ski-resort? It was a slippery slope from there....
Ski Slope Jokes
Here is a list of funny ski slope jokes and even better ski slope puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Don't get into skiing It's a slippery slope
- I recently got very addicted to skiing My doctor told me I'm going down a slippery slope
- Would you rather ski down a hill in the French Alps... ...or run down a slope in your car?
Jet Ski Jokes
Here is a list of funny jet ski jokes and even better jet ski puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Russian jet? A jet-ski
- What do you call a Polish airplane? A Jet-ski.
- Have you heard of the Polish version of The Jetsons? It's called the Jet-Skis.
- Did you hear about the new electronics store that caters to boats, jet skis and other watercraft? It's called Best Buoy.
- I bought my blonde girlfriend a jet ski for christmas... I don't know how she got it on the chair lift, but she's still stuck on top of the mountain.
- My friends and I have a lot of fun riding jet skis That time we had a fatal c**... on the coast was especially hilarious. We littorally died.
Silly Ski Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about ski you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skier jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ski pranks.
A mugger
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
s**... Bank
At a s**... bank one day, a man walks up with a ski mask and a gun. He points the gun at the lady at the desk.
"Sir.. this is a s**... bank.." says the lady.
"I know. Get out three bottles of s**..." he commanded.
So she obeys and takes out three bottles of frozen s**....
"Drink it." says the man.
So she wincingly swallows each gulp until they're all empty. Disgusted she takes a look at the man as he takes off his ski mask and pockets his gun.
"See honey? It's not that hard."
Three guys go on a ski trip...
...they arrive at the hotel only to find out that there is only one room available, and it has only one bed. They have a great day skiing and then go to sleep. The next day, they wake up. The guy on the left says "I had a dream that this beautiful woman was giving me the best h**... of my life!" The guy on the right says "I had the same dream!" The guy in the middle says "I had a dream I was skiing!"
Three guys in a bed....
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a h**...!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of...
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs
"give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this, I am a United States congressman!"
In that case," replied the mugger,
"give me my money."
Three women are changing at the gym when a man wearing nothing but a ski mask enters the changeroom and starts dancing in front of the women.
The first woman looks at the man and says, "I don't know who this guy is, but he isn't my husband!"
The second woman takes a closer look at the man. Then she turns to the first woman and says, "You are right. He isn't your husband."
The third woman takes an even closer look and says, "He's not even a member of this gym."
Meanwhile at the s**... Donor Bank
A guy walks into a s**... donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands for her to open the s**... bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a s**... bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the s**... samples. The guy says "Take one of those s**... samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are s**... samples???" , "DO IT!".
So the nurse s**... it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard is it ?."
Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.
What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?
Doug.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps?
Skip.
What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a quadriplegic inside of your mail box?
Bill.
me: what's a palindrome?
**teacher:** racecar
{10 years later}
**me: [bursting out of bank in ski mask]:** where's the palindrome?
**getaway driver:** [sitting in kayak]
This guy walks in a Toy R Us to buy a Barbie for his daughter's birthday.
First Barbie he sees: Barbie with ski set: 29.99
Second Barbie that caught his attention: Barbie on a motorcycle: 34:99
Third Barbie he sees: Divorced Barbie: 249.99
So he go and asks an employee why is the Divorced Barbie so expencive.
The employee replies: That's because this set comes with Ken's car, Ken's motorcycle, Ken's boat and Ken's house.
The mugger
One night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this- I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"
A Pharoah makes a reservation at a ski resort...
Pharaoh: I'd like to make a reservation for two please.
Attendant: Absolutely. Can I get your name please.
Pharoah: "Neferneferuaten"
Attendant: ...can you spell that out for me?
Pharaoh: Bird, double triangle, wavy line, dog head, more bird, flames..."
Three guys go on a skiing trip together.
When they get to the ski lodge there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, "Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a h**...."
The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up, and says that he's had the same dream, too.
The guy in the middle says, "Wow that's funny, I dreamed I was skiing."
Three guys decide to go to a ski lodge...
There isn't enough rooms so they end up having to share a bed. In the middle of the night the guy on the left wakes up and says "I just had a dream and in it I was getting a h**...!" The guy on the right gets up and says "Really? I had the exact same dream." Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says "That's weird, in my dream I was skiing."
Three men go to a ski resort...
there aren't enough rooms left so they all share one room which only has one bed. In the morning the three men wake up, the one on the left says "I just had the most amazing dream" The man on the right replies "Really what happened?" "Well I just had the best dream h**..." "No way! I just had the same dream." To which the man in the middle responds "Hmm that's weird, I had a dream about skiing."
Three guys go to a ski lodge but there isn't enough room so they have to share a bed...
The next morning, at breakfast, the guy who slept on the right says
_"I had a dream I got a h**... last night_"
The guy who slept on the left says
_"Wierd! I had the same dream!"_
The guy who slept in the middle says
_"I dreamt I was skiing"_
Three men go skiing
When the get to their ski cabin after a long day of skiing the find that there is only one large bed in the room They dont mind as it is big enough for all three of them. The next day the guy on one side tells them "Guys i had a dream where i had a h**..." the guy on the other side said "Wow i had the same dream" The guy in the middle says "oh well i had a dream where i went skiing
Picabo Street is a former World Cup alpine ski racer and model. When she was inducted into the National Ski Hall of Fame in 2004, her home town of Triumph, Idaho dedicated an entire wing of the local hospital to her.
It's called the Picabo ICU.
I once killed an adult male Grizzly bear on a ski trip in Alaska with a small serrated knife.
I had no idea grizzlies could ski or where the bear got the knife.
3 guys were in an apartment and had to share the same bed for the night.
The next morning the guys decided to share their dreams they had the night before.
The guy sleeping on the left said, I had a dream that I received the most amazing h**...!
The guy sleeping on the right said, No way! I also had the best h**... in my dream!
The guy sleeping in the middle said, Wow you guys are lucky, my dream wasn't as relaxing. I dreamt that I had to ski up a very steep slope.
Little Timmy is skiing on a mountain with his family
At a certain point, he decides that it would be nice if he impressed his mother, so he shouts: "look mom, without hands!", then proceeds to drop the ski poles on the snow and go down.
After he manages to return on the top, he shouts again: "look mom, without seeing!" then puts his wool hat on his eyes and go down, but he crashes against a tree out of his family's sight.
Then he returns again up, and shouts to his mother: "look mom, without teeth!"
My girlfriend and I have been really stressed and having some issues so we decided to take a mini vacation, a weekend trip to a ski resort.
Everything started off well, but things went downhill really fast.
My friend Jason invited me to spend a week with him and his family at their ski lodge.
I wanted to bring gifts. For him, a felt hat. For her felt mittens. For the kids, felt-tipped markers.
I like to make my presents felt.
NEVER go down on a black , the father said to his daughter
Whilst you are learning to ski, stay on the green runs
Being a bank guard in Alaska is tough...
Everyone wears ski masks
Ski Lodge
Three guys go to a ski lodge, unfortunately there isnt enough rooms so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night one of the guys wakes up and says "I just had an amazing dream that I was getting a h**...!"
The one on the opposite side responds "really? So did I!"
The guy in the middle groggily says "I was just dreaming that I was skiing."
Meeting at the bank
I need everyone to wish me luck today. I have a meeting at the bank later and if it's a success, I'll be out of debt and own everything I have now.
I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask....
3 friends go to a ski lodge
There aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
The next day when they wake up, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this dream of getting a h**...!"
The guy on the left exclaims he had the same dream.
The guy in the middle wakes up and says "I had a dream I was skiing
There were three men staying at a ski lodge
They ran out of rooms so all three had a to share a bed
The guy on the right said "I had a really weird drama that I was getting a h**..."
The guy on the left says "I had that exact same dream as well"
Then the guy in the middle said "You perverts, I was dreaming that I was skiing"
A women is working at a s**... bank
A man with a ski mask comes and points a gun at her face, he says "hey you open that fridge" she says but sir this isn't a regular bank its a s**... bank" he says "I know now open that fridge and take out one of those containers" terrified she does so, he then says "now drink it" as she slowly starts drinking it the man takes off his mask and says "see honey its not so bad"
Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name?
Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name?
Because they can't spell toboggan.
Why did the doctor go on a ski trip alone?
He was part of doctors without boarders .
A weasel walks into a gas station with a ski mask and a gun, demanding that the cashier puts everything in a bag for him. The cashier says wow! A weasel!! I've never seen one in real life before!
*pop goes the weasel
Ski trip
My skiing lessons started out good, but it went all down hill from there.
I'm going away for life because of armed robbery.
I can finally afford my dream ski house in Switzerland
Ski trip [n**...]
Three friends were on a skiing trip in Aspen. After a long day of snow and mountain activity, they returned to their cabin. In an attempt to stay warm, they decided to all three sleep on the same bed.
The next morning, the man on the right side woke up extremely happy, and woke his friends. "Guys! I had the most amazing dream! I dreamed that I got a h**... from a really cute redhead! It felt so real!"
Stunned, the man on the left side said "no way! I had the same dream! And it felt so real! Except I got a h**... from a hot brunette! Ned, let me guess. You had a similar dream about a blonde giving you a h**...?"
The man in the middle says "nah I just had a dream that I was skiing."
Kid friendly jokes?
I'm a ski instructor. I usually teach kids ages 9-13 years old. What are some good kid friendly jokes to keep them interested?
Example:
Q: Where do kings keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies.
So he said, "Do you love me?" and she said....
"No, but that's a real nice ski mask!"
I watched the movie Frozen with my four year old daughter
My daughter didn't like the part when the girlfriend got her hand stuck to the ski lift at all.
What was Stalin's least favorite ski?
Trot ski.
In what non-contiguous US state did my wife first cheat on me while on a ski trip with her lawyer?
I dunno but when I see her in court, Alaska.
Are you too cheap to Ski?
Why weren't Paul McCartney and Wings allowed to ski down a certain mountain?
They were banned on the run
A man walks into a bar.
A man walks into a bar with a ski mask, and a suitcase that happens to be on fire. He says "NOBODY MOVE! I'M PACKING HEAT HERE!"
Why do women never ski?
Because it doesn't snow in the kitchen
You shouldn't argue with a friend while in a ski lift.
You wouldn't want to fall out.
Oh So Creamy
A guy walks into a s**... donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the s**... bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a s**... bank!"
"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the s**... samples.
The guy says "Take one of those s**... samples and drink it!"
She looks at him, "BUT, they are s**... samples???"
"DO IT!", He screams.
So the nurse s**... it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well."
So the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says: "See honey - its not that hard."
Three guys go on a skiing trip together.
When they get to the ski lodge, the attendant informs them there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
The men reluctantly agree to share, and get settled in.
After a long day of skiing, the men wash up and get ready for bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, "Wow, I had this amazing dream about this beautiful lady giving me a h**.... It felt so vivid!"
The guy on the left side of the bed suddenly wakes up, and goes, "Wow, I had the same dream!"
The guy in the middle says, "Wow, that's funny. I was dreaming that I was skiing."
