Skeptically Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

An Old Man is thrown out of a bar

A young man who was walking down the street says "Hey Old-Timer, what happened in there". The old man looks at him and says "Well son, I am Jesus Christ". "Jesus Christ?", the young man replied skeptically. "Yes my son, follow me", the old man said as he walked into the bar.

As he enters, the bartender turns around and says "Jesus Christ! not you again!"

I've always thought this was funnier due to the fact that I first heard it from my mother.

There's an old woman and she decides that she wants to join a motorcycle gang. So she goes to the bar where the gang hangs out and finds the leader of the gang.
"I want to join your gang," she says to him.
He looks at her skeptically. "Do you even ride motorcycles?" he asks.
"Of course I ride!" she says.
"All right," the gang leader says. "Do you drink?"
"Honey, I could drink you under the table," she says.
By this time the gang leader is impressed. "Well," he says, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
"No," the old lady says, "but I've been swung around by the tits a few times!"

A guy visits an apple farm...

"What kinda apples ya got?" He says to the farmer.
"I have an apple for every taste. Name anything, and ill have an apple that tastes like it."
"Okay..." he says, skeptically, "do you have an apple that tastes like peanut butter and jelly?"
The farmer walks down a row, comes back and hands the man an apple. "Try it." He says.
The man takes a bite and "Wow!" he exclaims. "That tastes just like peanut butter!"
"Turn it around and take another bite" says the farmer.
The man turns the apple around. "That tastes just like jelly!! I'm amazed. What about an apple that tastes like ham and cheese?" He asks.
The farmer walks down a different and returns with an apple.
The man takes a bite. "Just like country ham!"
"Turn it around" says the farmer.
"Wow! Swish cheese! This is amazing!" The man says. "What about uh...what about an apple that tastes like pussy...?" He asks cautiously.
The farmer walks down yet another row. He returns and hands the man another apple.
The man takes a bite and is immediately disgusted. "That tastes like shit!" He yells.
The farmer turns to him and says " Well turn it around."

Memory

A tourist was introduced to an Indian in New Mexico, who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptically, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943?"

The Indian answered, "Eggs."

The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "

Thirteen years later, the traveller's train stopped again in the small New Mexico town, and he saw the same Indian sitting on the train platform. The tourist went up to him and said jovially, "How!"

The Indian answered, "Scrambled."

Three blondes were walking through the woods

Three blondes were walking through the woods after a snowfall. They come across some tracks and stopped to inspect them. The first woman walks up to them and crouches to get a better look.
"These are definitely raccoon tracks," she says. "I'd bet my life on it." The other two look at them skeptically and disagree. "No way," says the second blonde. She steps up to them and traces them with her finger. "These are way too big to be raccoon tracks, this looks like a bear to me." The other two are still skeptical. "I don't think so," says the third blonde. She then takes her turn to step up to them and looks at them very closely, and gets hit by a train.

Pissing on the bar

A guy is hanging out at a bar late one night. He walks up to the bartender and says, "I can piss father and more accurately than anyone in the world. I bet you $100 that I can piss into a glass you put at the other end of the bar without spilling a drop." The bartender looks at him skeptically, but decides that there is no way the patron could possibly piss that far and that this would be an easy $100 from this drunk. He grabs a glass and puts it at the far end of the bar and tells the man, "it's a deal".

The drunk climbs up on top of the bar and pulls out his dick and starts to piss. He begins to let loose and is clearly straining hard to get distance but he is still falling way short, getting piss all over the bar and even splashing all over the bar tender. The bartender is laughing hard and shaking his first in sarcastic support as the drunk shakes his dick wildly as he attempts get all the distance possible.

Finally finished the man climbs off the bar and the bartender throws up a triumphant fist as he smiles and tells the man to pay up. The drunk walks over to the table from where came, gets handed $100 each from the 8 men at the table and then walks back to the bar and hands the bartender his $100.

Confused, the bartender asks the drunk, "What just happened over there?" to which the drunk replies, "I bet them $100 each that I could walk over, piss all over the bar and all over you, and that you would be happy about it".

The BDC

A man wants to join the Big Dick Club, and heads down to the club to apply. The receptionist looks at him skeptically and asks him how large his dick is. "18 inches," he replies, proudly. To his surprise, the receptionist begins laughing uncontrollably, and the man leaves in shame. On the way out, he runs into the janitor, who asks him what's wrong. After he explains, he says to the man not to worry. 
"See that lump in my sock?" The man nods. "And I'm just the janitor."

A doctor orders a custom-made wallet

A doctor performs circumcisions at the local hospital. For 12 years he has preserved the discarded foreskins in the lab. One day, he takes the foreskins to a leatherworker and asks him to make a wallet. The leatherworker looks at him skeptically but agrees.
After several weeks the doctor is informed the wallet is ready. When the doctor arrives he is quoted a price of $15,000. Shocked, the doctor asks why the wallet costs so much.
"Well," the designer explains. "When you rub it, it turns into a suitcase."

Help With An Old Joke

Please help me figure out the punch line of the following joke:

Did you hear about the young woman who had a date with the big butter and egg man? Next morning she was telling her friends about him: Young Woman-- And is he generous! Why he bought me the most adorable mink coat! Friend (skeptically) -- And just what did you have to do for it? Young Woman -- Just shorten the sleeves, honey!

What are the funniest skeptically jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Skeptically? Well, here are the best Skeptically puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Skeptically pick up lines to share with friends.

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