Skeletons Jokes
112 skeletons jokes and hilarious skeletons puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about skeletons that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Skeletons Short Jokes
Short skeletons jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skeletons humour may include short jokes also.
- I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton - Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of. Me: What?
Doctor: Skeletons - I asked my wife.. I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
"You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.. - OC, What do you call an anorexic lesbian? A skeleton in the closet.
Sincere apologies to everyone I've just horribly offended! - Most of the staff at the cemetery quit recently I heard they've had to run the place with a skeleton crew.
- How much do all the bone in the human body weigh? A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.
- Request for a punchline I'm not sure if this is the sub for it. Went through the rules but couldn't find anything on the matter.
So here goes.
Why did the skeleton carve the pumpkin? - My 82 year old Grandpa's favorite joke A skeleton walks into a bar, sits down and says
"I'll have a beer and a mop" - Two skeletons want to go to a party... One goes back to the cemetary and returns with his tombstone. The other one asks: "what's up with the stone?"
"They always want to see an ID." - A skeleton walks in to a pub... [Happy Hallowe'en!] A skeleton walks in to a pub and says "Bring me a beer and a mop."
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Skeletons One Liners
Which skeletons one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skeletons? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Why are skeletons such bad liars? You can see right through them.
- Why couldn't the skeleton hurt itself? Because it didn't have the nerves.
- What room can't a skeleton enter? The living room.
- A skeleton walks down the street He sees a hearse and yells "taxi!"
- What's a skeletons 💀 favorite song lyric? I just want somebody to love! 🎶
- What did the French skeleton say before he ate? Bone apetit
- How do skeletons kiss Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.
- How do skeletons reproduce? They bone.
- Why didn't the skeleton like to dance? Because he had no body to dance with!
- Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.
- What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper
- Why are skeletons always so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
- What do skeletons invest in? Crypt-ocurrency
- Why did the skeleton not go to prom? He had no *body* to go with!!!
- What's a skeleton in a closet? A hide and seek winner.
Skeletons Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about skeletons you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skeletons pranks.
Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."
Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.
But to bleach their bone, I guess.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?
You might think it's because he has no body to go with, but in reality it's just because he's dead.
Somewhere, there is a turf war going on...
...between skeletons and secret g**....
The "Age" of Dinosaurs
A woman takes her children to a museum of natural history. As they gaze with wonder at a skeleton of *Tyrannosaurus rex*, she asks a museum guide, a bright-eyed young fellow, "can you tell me how old it is?"
The museum guide responds, "well, ma'am, that particular skeleton is 65 million and 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days old."
"Amazing!" the mother replies. "How can you know that so well?"
"Well," replied the museum guide eagerly, "when I started working here, I asked a scientist working on it the same question. He told me it was 65 million years old. And that was 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days ago."
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
Why wouldn't the skeleton ride any roller coasters?
He just didn't have the stomach for them.
3 Jokes about bars:
1.
A duck walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my bill."
2.
A typewriter walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my tab."
3.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Uh, and a mop."
What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet?
Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest
Latvian Jokes
Latvian Olympian win silver medal in skeleton. Wishes silver medal was potato. Still is hungry.
A skeleton walks into a bar
Tells the bartender, "Gimme a beer and a mop."
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer....
and a mop.
Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters
will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons
Tried to cash in on this kid joke thing. My daughter is a disappointment.
Why did the skeleton cross the road? He didn't because he doesn't have skin and he just fell apart.
The dinosaur at the museum
A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.
Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:
- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?
- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.
Amazed by his answer, he says:
- Wow!, How can you be so precise about it?
- Well, when I first started working here, they told me it was 65 million years old... and that was 4 months and 13 days ago.
Why didn't the skeleton go to homecoming?
because he had no body to go with
Why are Skeleton's so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
How many bones are there in a graveyard?
A skeleTON.
What so you call a corpse that won't admit it's own sexuality?
A skeleton in the closet.
My 9 year old daughter's joke
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
Why didn't the skeleton like spicy food?
'Cause he didn't have the stomach for it!
Why did the skeleton burp?
Because it didn't have the guts to f**....
A skeleton walked into a bar
A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer.
And a mop.
Why don't skeletons ever get mad at anyone?
Because they never let anything under their skin.
What do you call a skeleton key?
A Spookey
With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"
Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"
I went to the Doctor's Office the other day
I had to get an x-ray and when the results came back the doctor said "This is exactly what I was scared of."
"What?" I replied.
"Skeletons"
How do skeletons get high?
Marrowana.
Why don't skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs.
Edit i got this from a movie
How much does 2,000lbs of bone weigh
a skeleton
A man and a and his wife are having breakfast
As the wife is reading the newspaper, she comes across a strange article.
It says here that they've found a 12,000 year old skeleton frozen in a glacier, and evidently it's a woman. Now how do you think they knew it was a woman?
The husband replies with:
Well it's simple.
How is it so simple?
It's mouth was still open.
A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.
The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?
A skeleton walks into a bar...
Bartender: What'll be?
Skeleton: give me a beer and a mop.
Why did the Skeleton turned down the chance to be a surgeon??
Because it didn't have the stomach for it.
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
They have no body to go out with.
How do the French study the skeleton?
They take your Bonaparte.
How much do bones weigh?
About a skeleTON
A skeleton walks into a bar
and asks for a beer and a mop.
Why it's impossible for skeletons to create a Choir
They don't have the organs.
Messy drinker
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, What'll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.
Why does a skeleton upvote every cake day post?
Cause it was his DOOT-ty
How do you keep a skeleton from joking?
Take away his funny bone.
Why did the skeleton eat alone?
He had no body to eat with.
What is a skeletons favorite snack?
Ribs.
My son wanted me to post this one too!
Happy Halloween!
A skeleton walked into a bar
He said: "I need a beer and a mop"
Why did the skeleton not go trick-or-treating?
He had no body to go with
Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs?
Because they're easily rattled!
What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?
Last year's hide-and-go-seek champion.
A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?
A t**...!
Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!
Me: DOOT DOOT!!
Total chaos would ensue.
What would happen if the fly on the wall told the elephant in the room about the skeleton in the closet?
A museum tour guide told his visitor group that their T-Rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old.
When one of the visitors asked how they knew the skeleton's age so precisely, he replied that it was 65 million years old when he started working there 23 years ago.
A skeleton walks into a bar
He orders a drink...and a mop.
A skeleton knocks on a doctor's door
It's 2am, and when the doctor opens the door, still in his pajamas, he takes one look at the skeleton and says:
It's a bit too late for that, don't you think?
How did the Halloween store stay open during the labor shortage?
They operated with a skeleton crew.
I saw a skeleton being yelled at by his girlfriend. I was surprised to see that he was calm.
When I asked him how he could stay so calm, he said, Nothing can get under my skin.
(Little Halloween joke for y'all!)
How do you annoy a skeleton?
You can't! Nothing gets under their skin.
Which do you call a skeleton's hunger?
Bone-appetite
l asked my wife to rate my listening skills…
l asked my wife to rate my listening
skills and she said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to
urinate on a skeleton.
A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"
He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."
"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"
"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old. And I started here fourteen years and three months ago."
A man walks into a museum
He sees a dinosaur skeleton and asks the tour guide How old is that skeleton?
The tour guide says 65 million and 3 years, 5 months and 12 days.
Wow says the man, How do you get such a specific measurement?
The tour guide replies Well it was 65 million years old when I started working here. I've been here for 3 years, 5 months and 12 days.