Witty Skeleton Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
Why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?
You might think it's because he has no body to go with, but in reality it's just because he's dead.
Request for a punchline
I'm not sure if this is the sub for it. Went through the rules but couldn't find anything on the matter.
So here goes.
Why did the skeleton carve the pumpkin?
Two skeletons want to go to a party...
One goes back to the cemetary and returns with his tombstone. The other one asks: "what's up with the stone?"
"They always want to see an ID."
A skeleton walks in to a pub... [Happy Hallowe'en!]
A skeleton walks in to a pub and says "Bring me a beer and a mop."
The "Age" of Dinosaurs
A woman takes her children to a museum of natural history. As they gaze with wonder at a skeleton of *Tyrannosaurus rex*, she asks a museum guide, a bright-eyed young fellow, "can you tell me how old it is?"
The museum guide responds, "well, ma'am, that particular skeleton is 65 million and 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days old."
"Amazing!" the mother replies. "How can you know that so well?"
"Well," replied the museum guide eagerly, "when I started working here, I asked a scientist working on it the same question. He told me it was 65 million years old. And that was 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days ago."
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
Why wouldn't the skeleton ride any roller coasters?
He just didn't have the stomach for them.
3 Jokes about bars:
1.
A duck walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my bill."
2.
A typewriter walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my tab."
3.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Uh, and a mop."
What did the French skeleton say before he ate?
Bone apetit
What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet?
Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest
OC, What do you call an anorexic lesbian?
A skeleton in the closet.
Sincere apologies to everyone I've just horribly offended!
You can explore skeleton piranha reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean skeleton halloween skeleton dad jokes. There are also skeleton puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Latvian Jokes
Latvian Olympian win silver medal in skeleton. Wishes silver medal was potato. Still is hungry.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
He had no *body* to go with!!!
A skeleton walks into a bar
Tells the bartender, "Gimme a beer and a mop."
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer....
and a mop.
Why didn't the skeleton like to dance?
Because he had no body to dance with!
My 82 year old Grandpa's favorite joke
A skeleton walks into a bar, sits down and says
"I'll have a beer and a mop"
Tried to cash in on this kid joke thing. My daughter is a disappointment.
Why did the skeleton cross the road? He didn't because he doesn't have skin and he just fell apart.
The dinosaur at the museum
A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.
Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:
- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?
- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.
Amazed by his answer, he says:
- Wow!, How can you be so precise about it?
- Well, when I first started working here, they told me it was 65 million years old... and that was 4 months and 13 days ago.
Why didn't the skeleton go to homecoming?
because he had no body to go with
Why couldn't the skeleton hurt itself?
Because it didn't have the nerves.
How do skeletons reproduce?
They bone.
How much do all the bones in the human body weigh?
A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.
How many bones are there in a graveyard?
A skeleTON.
How do skeletons kiss
Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.
What so you call a corpse that won't admit it's own sexuality?
A skeleton in the closet.
What room can't a skeleton enter?
The living room.
My 9 year old daughter's joke
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
Why didn't the skeleton like spicy food?
'Cause he didn't have the stomach for it!
Why did the skeleton burp?
Because it didn't have the guts to f**....
A skeleton walked into a bar
A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer.
And a mop.
Why don't skeletons ever get mad at anyone?
Because they never let anything under their skin.
What do you call a skeleton key?
A Spookey
What's a skeleton in a closet?
A hide and seek winner.
How do skeletons get high?
Marrowana.
Why don't skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs.
Edit i got this from a movie
How much does 2,000lbs of bone weigh
a skeleton
A man and a and his wife are having breakfast
As the wife is reading the newspaper, she comes across a strange article.
It says here that they've found a 12,000 year old skeleton frozen in a glacier, and evidently it's a woman. Now how do you think they knew it was a woman?
The husband replies with:
Well it's simple.
How is it so simple?
It's mouth was still open.
A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.
The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?
A skeleton walks into a bar...
Bartender: What'll be?
Skeleton: Give me a beer and a mop.
Why did the Skeleton turned down the chance to be a surgeon??
Because it didn't have the stomach for it.
I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day
She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
A skeleton walks into a bar
and asks for a beer and a mop.
I asked my wife..
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
"You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton..
Messy drinker
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, What'll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The grim sweeper
Why does a skeleton upvote every cake day post?
Cause it was his DOOT-ty
How do you keep a skeleton from joking?
Take away his funny bone.
Why did the skeleton eat alone?
He had no body to eat with.
What is a skeletons favorite snack?
Ribs.
My son wanted me to post this one too!
Happy Halloween!
A skeleton walked into a bar
He said: "I need a beer and a mop"
Why did the skeleton not go trick-or-treating?
He had no body to go with
Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs?
Because they're easily rattled!
Total chaos would ensue.
What would happen if the fly on the wall told the elephant in the room about the skeleton in the closet?
A museum tour guide told his visitor group that their T-Rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old.
When one of the visitors asked how they knew the skeleton's age so precisely, he replied that it was 65 million years old when he started working there 23 years ago.
A skeleton walks into a bar
He orders a drink...and a mop.
A skeleton knocks on a doctor's door
It's 2am, and when the doctor opens the door, still in his pajamas, he takes one look at the skeleton and says:
It's a bit too late for that, don't you think?
How did the Halloween store stay open during the labor shortage?
They operated with a skeleton crew.
I saw a skeleton being yelled at by his girlfriend. I was surprised to see that he was calm.
When I asked him how he could stay so calm, he said, Nothing can get under my skin.
(Little Halloween joke for y'all!)
l asked my wife to rate my listening skills…
l asked my wife to rate my listening
skills and she said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to
urinate on a skeleton.
A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"
He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."
"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"
"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old. And I started here fourteen years and three months ago."
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
You can see right through them.
Why are skeletons always so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Where do you imprison a skeleton?
In a rib cage.
What do skeletons invest in?
Crypt-ocurrency
A man walks into a museum
He sees a dinosaur skeleton and asks the tour guide How old is that skeleton?
The tour guide says 65 million and 3 years, 5 months and 12 days.
Wow says the man, How do you get such a specific measurement?
The tour guide replies Well it was 65 million years old when I started working here. I've been here for 3 years, 5 months and 12 days.
A family is visiting a museum in the US
Soon, they see two skeletons and the father asks the museum guide:
\- Whose skeleton is this?
\- This is the George Washington's skeleton.
\- Oh, and that smaller skeleton?
\- That's George Washington's skeleton as a child.
What's a skeleton in a closet?
Someone who won at hide and seek.
An archeologist walks into a bar
An archeologist walks into a bar, orders a beer and gives a heavy sigh. "What's wrong?" the bartender asks. "I thought I discovered a fully intact dinosaur skeleton at my dig yesterday," the archeologist laments. "Sadly, upon further excavation today it turns out that it was just a fossil arm."
Three engineers were arguing.
The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."
"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."
"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."
Whats the difference between a skeleton with a bullet hole in its skull and Putin
Time.
The Age of a Dinosaur
This old natural museum guide, near retirement, is talking to a group of visitors about a T-Rex skeleton.
"This dinosaur is sixty-five million and thirty-three years, ten months and six days."
"How can the age be so precise?" asks a visitor.
"Well", the old man ponders out loud, "when I started this job, I've been told the T-Rex was 65 million years...'
Most of the staff at the cemetery quit recently
I heard they've had to run the place with a skeleton crew.
Why didn't the skeleton go out on the town?
He had no body to go with.
A skeleton walks down the street
He sees a hearse and yells "TAXI!"
