Skeleton Jokes
179 skeleton jokes and hilarious skeleton puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about skeleton that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Skeleton jokes are not just reserved for Halloween; they are an excellent source of humor all year round! Perfect for breaking the ice at a costume party, entertaining kids with a funny bone for humor, or to give your social media posts a slightly spooky and comedic twist, these jokes are the backbone of a good chuckle.
Our collection centers around the light-hearted, comedic aspect of these bony figures, ensuring your jokes are harmlessly humorous and widely enjoyed. So, brace yourselves as we dive into this hilariously 'humerus' world of skeleton jokes. After all, laughter is the key to keeping your spirits (and skeletons) lively!
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Funniest Skeleton Short Jokes
Short skeleton jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The skeleton humour may include short corpse jokes also.
- I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton - Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of. Me: What?
Doctor: Skeletons - I asked my wife.. I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
"You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.. - OC, What do you call an anorexic lesbian? A skeleton in the closet.
Sincere apologies to everyone I've just horribly offended! - Most of the staff at the cemetery quit recently I heard they've had to run the place with a skeleton crew.
- How much do all the bone in the human body weigh? A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.
- Request for a punchline I'm not sure if this is the sub for it. Went through the rules but couldn't find anything on the matter.
So here goes.
Why did the skeleton carve the pumpkin? - My 82 year old Grandpa's favorite joke A skeleton walks into a bar, sits down and says
"I'll have a beer and a mop" - Two skeletons want to go to a party... One goes back to the cemetary and returns with his tombstone. The other one asks: "what's up with the stone?"
"They always want to see an ID." - A skeleton walks in to a pub... [Happy Hallowe'en!] A skeleton walks in to a pub and says "Bring me a beer and a mop."
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Skeleton One Liners
Which skeleton one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with skeleton? I can suggest the ones about skull and mummy.
- Why are skeletons such bad liars? You can see right through them.
- Why couldn't the skeleton hurt itself? Because it didn't have the nerves.
- What room can't a skeleton enter? The living room.
- A skeleton walks down the street He sees a hearse and yells "taxi!"
- What's a skeletons 💀 favorite song lyric? I just want somebody to love! 🎶
- What did the French skeleton say before he ate? Bone apetit
- How do skeletons kiss Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.
- How do skeletons reproduce? They bone.
- Why didn't the skeleton like to dance? Because he had no body to dance with!
- Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.
- What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper
- Why are skeletons always so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
- What do skeletons invest in? Crypt-ocurrency
- Why did the skeleton not go to prom? He had no *body* to go with!!!
- What's a skeleton in a closet? A hide and seek winner.
Skeleton Bone Jokes
Here is a list of funny skeleton bone jokes and even better skeleton bone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How much does 2,000lbs of bone weigh a skeleton
- I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons. But to bleach their bone, I guess.
- How do you keep a skeleton from joking? Take away his funny bone.
- How many bones are there in a graveyard? A skeleTON.
- Which do you call a skeleton's hunger? Bone-appetite
- How much do bones weigh? About a skeleTON
- What does did the skeleton waiter say when he served dinner? Bone appetite
- What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson? I'm BONE to be wild!
- How much does a pile of bones weigh?
It must weigh a skele-ton! - Why did the skeleton leave the party? Because everyone was calling him a bone-head.
(I was 6 when I came up with that).
Skeleton Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny skeleton bar jokes and even better skeleton bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A skeleton walks into a bar... Bartender: What'll be?
Skeleton: give me a beer and a mop. - Messy drinker A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, What'll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.
- A skeleton walked into a bar A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer.
And a mop. - A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.
- A skeleton walks into a bar He orders a drink...and a mop.
- A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer.... and a mop.
- A skeleton walked into a bar He said: "I need a beer and a mop"
- A skeleton walks into a bar Tells the bartender, "Gimme a beer and a mop."
- A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, What'll you have?
The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop. - A skeleton walks into a bar... Sits down and says to the bartender, "I'll take a beer and a mop."
Halloween Skeleton Jokes
Here is a list of funny halloween skeleton jokes and even better halloween skeleton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is a skeletons favorite snack? Ribs.
My son wanted me to post this one too!
Happy Halloween! - How did the Halloween store stay open during the labor shortage? They operated with a skeleton crew.
- Happy Halloween: Who knows how much 2000 decomposed bodies weigh? A skeleton.
- Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party? He didn't have the guts
- Want a costume that doesn't show too much skin this Halloween? Dress up as a skeleton.
- Why didn't the homophobe decorate his house for Halloween? Because his skeleton was in the closet
- What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
- What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween? Baaad to the bone.
- Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with! - Africa is really boring during Halloween. Everyone's a skeleton.
Dancing Skeleton Jokes
Here is a list of funny dancing skeleton jokes and even better dancing skeleton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had nobody to go with
- Why do skeletons not go to the disco? Because they got no body to dance with!
- What did the skeleton tell the doctor in the club? I need some body to dance!
- I feel bad for skeletons when they go to prom. They have no body to dance with.
- Why the skeleton didn't dance Cause he had nobody to dance with
- Q: why did the skeleton refuse to got to the prom
A: because he had noBODY to dance with - Why didn't the skeleton ask anyone to dance? He didn't have the guts
- Why'd the skeleton not go to the dance? He was dead
- What do you call a dance party full of skeletons? A grave.
- What band do skeletons dance to at Halloween? Boney M
Skeleton Halloween Jokes
Here is a list of funny skeleton halloween jokes and even better skeleton halloween puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did the skeleton greet the other skeleton Bone-jour
Happy halloween!! - Just remember if you can't get in the Halloween spirit this year There's a skeleton in all of us
- My skeleton took some time of for halloween Bone voyage I said
- What kind of key opens a casket? A skeleton key.
- On Halloween, how do skeletons call their friends? With their iBone.
- A rick and morty joke I made up What will j**... be for Halloween?
A spooky j**... Skeleton!
Witty Skeleton Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about skeleton you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zombie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make skeleton pranks.
Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."
Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
I asked my wife to rate my hearing skills
She said " i think you are an 8 on a scale of 10".
I still don't know why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton?
Why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?
You might think it's because he has no body to go with, but in reality it's just because he's dead.
Somewhere, there is a turf war going on...
...between skeletons and secret g**....
The "Age" of Dinosaurs
A woman takes her children to a museum of natural history. As they gaze with wonder at a skeleton of *Tyrannosaurus rex*, she asks a museum guide, a bright-eyed young fellow, "can you tell me how old it is?"
The museum guide responds, "well, ma'am, that particular skeleton is 65 million and 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days old."
"Amazing!" the mother replies. "How can you know that so well?"
"Well," replied the museum guide eagerly, "when I started working here, I asked a scientist working on it the same question. He told me it was 65 million years old. And that was 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days ago."
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
Why wouldn't the skeleton ride any roller coasters?
He just didn't have the stomach for them.
3 Jokes about bars:
1.
A duck walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my bill."
2.
A typewriter walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my tab."
3.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
He says "Give me a beer. Uh, and a mop."
What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet?
Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest
Latvian Jokes
Latvian Olympian win silver medal in skeleton. Wishes silver medal was potato. Still is hungry.
A man asked a sad skeleton why he was so sad.
"I have no body to keep me company"
What do skeletons order at restaurants?
Spare ribs.
Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters
will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons
Tried to cash in on this kid joke thing. My daughter is a disappointment.
Why did the skeleton cross the road? He didn't because he doesn't have skin and he just fell apart.
The dinosaur at the museum
A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.
Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:
- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?
- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.
Amazed by his answer, he says:
- Wow!, How can you be so precise about it?
- Well, when I first started working here, they told me it was 65 million years old... and that was 4 months and 13 days ago.
Kid at the museum
Kid: "How old is that Tyrannosaurus skeleton?"
Guide: "70,000,006 years."
Kid: "Wow. How can you be so exact?"
Guide: "They told me it was 70,000,000 years old when I started working here."
Why didn't the skeleton go to homecoming?
because he had no body to go with
Why don't gay necrophiles like to talk about their pasts?
Too many skeletons in their closets.
Why are Skeleton's so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What so you call a corpse that won't admit it's own sexuality?
A skeleton in the closet.
My 9 year old daughter's joke
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
Why didn't the skeleton like spicy food?
'Cause he didn't have the stomach for it!
Why did the skeleton burp?
Because it didn't have the guts to f**....
Why don't skeletons ever get mad at anyone?
Because they never let anything under their skin.
I once dated a skeleton. She ended up cheating on me and then tried lying about it.
But I saw right through her.
What do you call a skeleton key?
A Spookey
With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"
Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"
I went to the Doctor's Office the other day
I had to get an x-ray and when the results came back the doctor said "This is exactly what I was scared of."
"What?" I replied.
"Skeletons"
How do skeletons get high?
Marrowana.
Why don't skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs.
Edit i got this from a movie
A man and a and his wife are having breakfast
As the wife is reading the newspaper, she comes across a strange article.
It says here that they've found a 12,000 year old skeleton frozen in a glacier, and evidently it's a woman. Now how do you think they knew it was a woman?
The husband replies with:
Well it's simple.
How is it so simple?
It's mouth was still open.
A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.
The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?
Why is a skeleton a bad liar?
You can see right through it.
Why did the Skeleton turned down the chance to be a surgeon??
Because it didn't have the stomach for it.
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
They have no body to go out with.
How do the French study the skeleton?
They take your Bonaparte.
Why it's impossible for skeletons to create a Choir
They don't have the organs.
I want to tell a joke about skeletons for spooktober
But I don't have the guts to do it
Why does a skeleton upvote every cake day post?
Cause it was his DOOT-ty
Why did the skeleton eat alone?
He had no body to eat with.
Why did the skeleton not go trick-or-treating?
He had no body to go with
Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs?
Because they're easily rattled!
What is a comedic skeleton's best asset?
His humerus.
Why did everyone laugh at the skeleton?
Because he was humerus.
What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?
Last year's hide-and-go-seek champion.
A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?
A t**...!
Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!
Me: DOOT DOOT!!
Total chaos would ensue.
What would happen if the fly on the wall told the elephant in the room about the skeleton in the closet?
A skeleton is waiting to see a doctor.
The doctor walks in, spots the skeleton, and says Ah, Mister Johnson! I haven't seen you since we misplaced your femur! How are you doing?
The skeleton sighs and replies Honestly doctor, I've got a bone to pick with you.
A skeleton walks into a bar...
The bartender asks the skeleton, "What would you like?"
The skeleton replies, "I would like a beer and a mop please."
