Six Jokes
135 six jokes and hilarious six puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about six that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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- Short Six Jokes
- Six One Liners
- Six Pack Jokes
- Six Year Old Jokes
- Twelve Or Six Jokes
- Six Wishes Jokes
- More Six Jokes
Funniest Six Short Jokes
Short six jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The six humour may include short jokes also.
- The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.
- I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row… They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…
- I went to the shop the other day to buy six cans of Sprite. It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.
- Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
- The doctor told me I had only six months to live, so I shot him dead. The judge gave me fifteen years. Problem solved.
- This girl said she would go out with me if I knew a six letter word that's a synonym for "calm". I said, "It's sedate."
- Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant "Table for twenty-six, please."
"There's only thirteen of you."
"Yes, but we all like to sit on the same side." - Wife: Am I the only one you've ever slept with? Husband: Yes. The others were sixes and sevens.
- I went to a restaurant. It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away - My husband has been missing for six days now Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I went to the charity shop to get his clothes back
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Six One Liners
Which six one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with six? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I just read through six pages in a dictionary. I learned next to nothing.
- I just memorized six pages of the dictionary... I learned next to nothing.
- What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack? A Tupac...
- My love life is like Santa Claus. It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
- There's no 'I' in 'team,' But there are six in 'Dissociative Identity Disorder.'
- I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary. I learned next to nothing.
- Why is six afraid of seven? Because there's something odd about him
- I can see six years into the future. I must have 2020 vision.
- Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.
- Yo mama is so fat… I know six fat people and she's 5 of them.
- Why was Yoda afraid of 7? Because Six, Seven ate.
- Someone asked me how dark my humour is Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back
- How do you turn Six into Nine? Remove the S
- Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy
- Why was "Art of the Deal" so long? It had six Chapter 11s.
Six Pack Jokes
Here is a list of funny six pack jokes and even better six pack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a yeti with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- What's a 7 course meal for an Irishman? A six-pack and a potato.
- How did Jesus get six pack abs? Cross Fit
- Who were the first people with six packs? Ab originals
- A guy is buying some game DVDs, some magazines and a six pack. Cashier : "You must be single."
Guy: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly." - What's a seven-course meal in Alabama? A possum and a six-pack.
- What do you call a Snowman with six-pack abs? What do you can a Snowman with six-pack abs?
An Abdominal Snowman. - Why did Jesus have a six pack? It was from all the cross-training...
- How does a bishop get a six pack? He exorcises
- Looking forward to my traditional 7-course Irish Thanksgiving meal A six pack and a potato
Six Year Old Jokes
Here is a list of funny six year old jokes and even better six year old puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
- Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.' We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'
- Did you hear about the six year old that got eaten by a lion? He was ate before he was seven.
- Did you hear about the guy who spent six months making a belt out of watches? He said it was a waist of time.
(as told to me last night by my 10 year old). - My six year old's current favorite joke: Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: Interrupting pirate.
Me: Interrupting pira...
Him: Arrrrrrgggh!!! - What do cannibals put in their soup? Ramen!
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Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching. - How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? Seven. One to install the new bulb, and six to figure out where to store the old one for the next 10,000 years.
- My six year old made her own joke and is so proud What's a chicken's favorite music?
Bach Bach - I tried to convince my six year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally pee in your pants. But he's not believing it and still making fun of me.
- A fly just fell into my butter Now it's a butterfly
*My six year old just dropped this on me
Twelve Or Six Jokes
Here is a list of funny twelve or six jokes and even better twelve or six puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A blonde goes to a Pizza place The staff member asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. Six please she said, I could never eat twelve!
- Whether it is six inches or twelve inches filling me... I'll still pick Subway over Quiznos.
- Jared likes his girls like he likes his subs... Six to twelve
Six Wishes Jokes
Here is a list of funny six wishes jokes and even better six wishes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Genie: you get three wishes Me: I wish you were bad at math
Genie: Ok done! You have six wishes left - My cousin died just six days before my birthday Which of course made me extremely upset when my birthday came around, because I now had nothing to wish for.
Six Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about six you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make six pranks.
65,000,011 years ago
Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."
My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.
The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?
Six, replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.
And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
She also stole a can of peas!
A husband and a wife over their marriage had eight kids.One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven.
The husband goes to his wife and asks her, Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?
The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.
The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, So who is Billy's father?
You.
On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.
"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."
"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to these Canadians?"
"Don't worry, I'll balance it out," said God. "Wait 'till you see the neighbours I'm giving them."
A dying husband in a hospital bed asks his wife, "Our seventh child always looked different from the other six. Did he have a different father?"
His wife, crying uncontrollably answers, "Yes."
He asks, "Whose is it?"
His wife replies, "Yours!"
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
A French guy showed me his yachts.
French guy: This is Un. This is Deux. This is t**.... This is Quatre. This is Six.
Me: Where's the 5th one?
French guy: Cinq.
A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"
He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."
"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"
"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old. And I started here fourteen years and three months ago."
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
A man goes to see a s**... therapist
"My problem is that my neighbor says he can do it six times a night, but I can do barely three"
"Please open your mouth," the therapist says.
The man, now confused, opens his mouth, and the doctor inspects it carefully.
"I see nothing wrong here, so you should be able to lie just like your neighbor."
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had s**... education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
A proud father has six children.
He always calls his wife "Mother of Six," to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mother of six, we're leaving now."
She replies, "Be right with you, father of four."
A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.
But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."
From my niece, who doesn't know why grownups are laughing at her joke...
All of Snow White's seven dwarfs were in a hot tub, feeling happy.
So Happy got out.
She's six. Don't know where she heard this.
Six girls walking around n**... sounds weird
Dozen t**...?
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. Stay where you are, she whispered. He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me.
The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?
You're so drunk you miscounted, said the wife. "Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."
The husband climbed out of bed and counted again: "One, two, three, four. Oh, you're right."
Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people
We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine?
Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
Dad peels banana...
When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...
Dad:
peels the first s**... of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second s**......
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"
Me: "What happened to the Four skin"
Dad: "Jewish banana"
I was twelve and I finally figured it out....
I just realized Titanic and the Sixth Sense are basically the same movie.
Icy dead People!
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar…
followed by Batman.
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG
A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room. "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!
A desert island with six women
A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"
'Oh f\*c**...,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'
Husband: "I want a divorce...
My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months"
Lawyer: "Think about it once again.Wives like that are hard to find."
A wife asks her husband, Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.
A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.
Why did you buy six cartons of milk? the wife asks.
He replies, They had avocados.
I was walking down the street with my wife..
And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
From Les Dawson.
I rang my brothers house....
...and his six year old son, Billy, answered the phone.
"Hey Billy" I said "Is your Dad there?
"Yes" he answered is a whisper. "But he's busy."
"What about your Mum?" I said
"She's busy too", he replied, but again in a whisper I could barely hear.
"What are they doing?" I asked
"They're talking to the policemen" he replied, still in a very faint whisper.
"What are the policemen doing there?" I asked
"Looking for me" he whispered
I stopped showering or changing my clothes, as a precaution against COVID-19.
If anybody gets within six feet of me, I know they must have lost their sense of smell.
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
Why did the Blonde feel so proud of herself for finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
It said 2-4 years on the box.
My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..
"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."
My wifi password is 2444666668888888
Just to clarify, it's: one two three four five six seven eight
If two redheads have a child, it's ginger-bred.
Yeah I reposted this for the 6th time in six years on this sub
A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, Two plus six, that son of a b**... is eight...
Three plus seven, that son of a b**... is ten."
Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b**... is four.
Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
While admiring some dinosaur bones in the Museum of Natural History, a tourist asks the guard, "How old are they?"
The guard replies, "They are 73 million, four years, and six months old."
"That's a rather exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
"Well," answers the guard, "The dinosaur bones were seventy three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
"No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short."
"Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"
"Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing."
Not to brag, but made six figures this year
They named me the worst employee at the toy factory
"Look at this!" I said to my roommate
"What happened?" he replied
"Look, the second, fourth, sixth and eighth plants are growing very healthily, but the other four are getting dry, even though I treated them the same!" I said
"Huh, weird!" he responded "water the odds!"
If a wealthy ancient Roman had a private bathroom on the sixth floor of his home...
...did that make it a VI P room?
A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won't admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.
While she's standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, "What's for dinner, dear?"
When there's no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.
Again there's no response, so he moves right to his wife's shoulder and asks: "What's for dinner, dear?"
At this his wife turns around angrily and says, "For the third time, sausages!"
What's the speed limit for s**...?
Sixty-eight. At 69 you have to turn around.
A wife sits with her husband, who is on his deathbed...
The husband says, "Darling, I think it's time... I have one last wish before I pass."
"What is it, dear?"
"About six months after I'm gone, I want you to marry Joey, ok?"
She sat dumbfounded for a second. "But, I thought you *hated* that man?"
The husband grabbed her hand and with his last breath whispered "I do."
So this guy lost his right foot in an accident
Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so nobody knew he's wearing a prosthetic foot.
Some years later he met a girl, but didn't tell her about his 'disability'. They got married and on wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride.
Horrified, she straight called her mom.
"Mum, you wouldn't believe it. He only got one foot!"
The mum then yelled back at her "g**... child, be grateful! Your dad is only six inches!"
I phoned the animal shelter today
and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."
So, an infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first mathematician orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The third orders a quarter, the fourth orders an eighth, and the fifth orders a sixteenth. The sixth mathematician is about to speak up when the bartender interrupts him and puts two pints on the bar, saying "You guys don't know your limits."
What does titanic and the sixth sense have in common?
Icy dead people
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman.
NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa BATMAN!
Two girls from Thailand asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.
They said that it would be like winning the Lottery.
To my horror they were right, we had six matching b**....
What's the good part about Naming your child?
That you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
I have the memory of an elephant
When I was six, my parents took me to the zoo. There I saw an elephant.
A Frenchman was showing of his yachts to a tourist
Frenchman: "This one is called Un, this one Deux, this one t**..., Quatre, Six, Se--"
Tourist: "Hold on, why is there no number 5?"
Frenchman: "It Cinq"
A muslim man came into my shop and bought six smoke machines, so I phoned the police..
He's probably part of an extreme mist group
Girlfriend said that she slept with 61 men before.
I doubt it, but she insisted that I was her sixty-second man.
What connects The Sixth Sense and Titanic?
Icy dead people.
Two guys were arrested for stealing a calendar
they each got six months.
I'm so sorry....
Know how the iPhone 6+ was invented by men?
Only men would call something that measures 5.5 inches, "six plus"
An older couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband
"Just think, honey, we've been married for 60 years.?"
"Yes," he replies. "Sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably n**... as jaybirds."
"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get n**... again for old time's sake?"
So they s**... off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my n**... are as hot for you today as they were 60 years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"
A wealthy Frenchman was showing me his yachts...
This is un, this is deux, this is t**..., this is quatre, this is six...
What happened to 5? I asked
Cinq
A blonde tried to commit s**...
Police found six bullet holes in her mirror.