Sitting Upright Jokes

4 sitting upright jokes and hilarious sitting upright puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sitting upright that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Witty Sitting Upright Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What is a good sitting upright joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

A middle aged lady decides to revamp her s**... life with her husband.

She asks her friends what she should do and the concensus is to get some s**... l**... and surprise him. So she goes out and buys a lacy bra and crotchless p**.... That night when her husband is in bed watching TV she appears in the doorway wearing the l**... and says 'hey big boy! Fancy some of this?', he looks over casually, his eyes widen, he sits bolt upright in the bed and shouts 'fuck no! Look what it did to your p**...!'.

AN OLD f**...

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice -- except they won't let you f**...."

Coffee drinking trio

3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.

Man has to put his father in a nursing home...

And so a week later, the man goes to visit his father.
The man is walking down the hall, and he sees his father sitting at the end of the hall between two orderlies.
As he walks closer, his father falls over on his left side, and the orderly on that side props him back up.
The man continues walking, and sees his father tip over to the right side, and the orderly on that side props him back upright.
As he is a few steps away, he sees his father start leaning forward, and both orderlies lock arms with his father, and pull him back upright into a sitting position.
The man arrives at his father, and says "Wow, Dad, it looks like they are taking very good care of you." and his father replies "Sure they are, but they won't let me f**...!"
credit to Seamus Kennedy

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