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Sitting On Face Jokes

140 sitting on face jokes and hilarious sitting on face puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sitting on face that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Sitting On Face Jokes

Short sitting on face jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sitting on face humour may include short sit on my face jokes also.

  1. Me and the wife had a few issues in the bedroom last night... That's the last time I use my Sean Connery accent to ask her to sit on my face.
  2. Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
    *Joke's from my Dad and his friend*
  3. Well, that's the last time I tell my girlfriend to sit on my face... whilst doing a Sean Connery impersonation.
  4. My father always told me, he liked his women like he liked his sunglasses. Sitting on his face.
  5. What are the two main problems about being an egg? You only get laid once and the only woman to sit on your face is your mother.
  6. Why is it no fun being an egg? You only get laid once, you only get smashed once and the only bird who sits on your face is your mother.
  7. Did you hear about the woman banned from Disney World? She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Lie to me, Pinocchio! Lie to me!"
  8. I feel bad for eggs. They only get laid once, they only get smashed once and the only chick who ever sits on their face is their mother.
  9. My girlfriend wakes me up by sitting on my face. I've been waking up at the crack of Dawn.
  10. If a were a serial killer I would kill my victims by sitting on their face until they suffocate The media would call me the Assphyxiator

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about sitting on face can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of sitting on face puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Sitting On Face One Liners

Which sitting on face one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sitting on face? I can suggest the ones about sitting on lap and sitting smiling.

  1. Had to quit my job at the watch factory. The guy sitting opposite me, kept making faces.
  2. One thing that Sean Connery asked his wife only once and never again. To sit on his face.
  3. I like my women like I like my glasses Sitting on my face
  4. I'd sit on Ellen Pao's face... ... Just so I wouldn't have to look at it.
  5. What did Pinocchio say to his girlfriend Sit on my face and I'll tell you some lies.
  6. Roses are red, so are your lips. Sit on my face and wiggle those hips.
  7. I asked a girl if her face is sitting on F5 Because it Hz that she's so refreshing.
  8. "Please come here and sit on my face." He soon regretted being Sean Connery.
  9. Sean Connery asked his wife sit on his face He never asked her again
  10. I like my women like I like my beard Big, bushy, and sitting on my face.
  11. What is it when someone aggressively sits on your face? A Buttack!
  12. Hey girl are you a lawyer? Because I want you to sit on my face.
  13. Hold on! She wanted to sit on my face. I told her I have acne so it may be a bumpy ride.
  14. "You sit on it, but you can't take it with you" My face
  15. Sean Connery only asked his wife to sit on his face once. ** comedy silence **

Sitting On Face Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about sitting on face you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean sits jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make sitting on face prank.

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face?
A: "

Lie to me! Lie to me!"

A man walks into a bar...

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him...

So he walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "Why are you looking so blue?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is cheating on me. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death. I'll have some whiskey please."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry, but I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The bartender thinks for a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous. Suddenly the man walks back into the bar with a big smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?

A bear is sitting at the bar....

Bartender goes up to him, "What can I get for ya?" The bear says, " I'll take a ............... Beer." Bartender asks, "What's up with the pause?" The bear lifts up his arms to the bartenders face and says, " These old things?" "I've had'em for years!!!"

What's in a name?

A woman sits down next to another mother on a park bench as their kids played together on a playground in Keswick, and they got to talking.
The woman was astonished that the other Mom had eleven children, all named Jayden.
Why did you call all your kids Jayden?" she asked her new friend.
"It's a great time-saver, I can just yell JAYDEN, time for bed", and they all will come running".
A perplexed look crossed the face of the first woman But don't you find it a little confusing? What if you only wanted to call one specific child, the second youngest, or the oldest? How do you get just their attention?
Simple… said the mother of eleven …then I just call them by their LAST names

Aftershave's aftereffects.

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like.

A woman steps on to a public bus holding her newborn baby...

...when the bus driver looks at her child and exclaims,
"Oh my god! That is the ugliest baby I have ever seen!"
Disgusted, the woman doesn't say anything and proceeds to the back of the bus. Seeing the upset look on her face, the man she is sitting next to asks what the problem is to which she replies,
"That driver insulted me when I got on. "
"Well you can't just sit there and take it!" he said. "Go on up there and show him who's boss! Go, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

Two bats are sitting in a cave...

...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.
About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".
"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."
"Yeah?", says his buddy.
He replies, "Well.....I didn't".

The two troublemakers

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

Big Pause

A bear walks into a tavern and sits at the bar.
The bartender says, "What can I get'cha there, Bruno?"
The bear says, "I'll have a r**... and..."
He's silent for 30 seconds, then adds, "Coke."
The bartender says "OK. But what's with the big pause?"

The bear lifts his front feet to his face, looks at them, and says "I've had them all my life. Ya got a problem with that, buddy?'

A man goes over to his girlfriend's house..

But when he arrives her friend answers the door, she tells him to sit down, he does, she then starts talking about s**..., how much she likes him, and finally, that they should cheat on the girlfriend. The man stands up, and with a blank face, walks outside. At his car is his girlfriend, who runs up to him and tells him, "I trust you." He smiles as they drive off.
Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in the car

Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the Toy Box?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, saying "Lie to me!"

Last day for your taxes

A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."

i enjoy Sean Connery's accent as much as the next guy...

but im never going to say "sit on my face" to my girlfriend while having s**... again.

"Father, may I ask a favor?"

A distinguished young woman on flight from Switzerland asked the priest sitting beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?" the priest replied.
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" the woman asked.
"I would love to help you, but I must warn you: I will not lie!" The priest told her.
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she said.
When they got to Customs, the young woman let the priest go ahead of her.
The Customs official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare," said the priest.
The officials thought this answer a bit strange, so he asked, "And what to you have to declare from your waist to the floor, Father?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused," answered the priest.
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

Dylsexia makes things hard

A man sits down next to his girlfriend at a movie theater, his demeanor suggesting all is not right with the world.
His girlfriend frowns in concern. "What's up, babe? I thought you were going to the concession stand to get something..?"
Despite the dim light, she can tell his face turns red. "Well, I did," he muttered, "but the guy gave me a weird look when I said what I wanted. I had no clue what I did to offend him; then I realized... I- I asked if I could get some large cocporn."

A q**...!

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."

The problem with getting married in heaven..

On their way to get married a couple gets into a fatal car accident. They are sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to turn up and register them. While they're waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone's ever asked. Let me go and
find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits around for a couple of months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all, What if it doesn ' t work out, they wonder. Are we stuck together forever?
St. Peter returns after another month looking somewhat worn out. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in heaven. "
" Great , " says the couple, " but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in heaven? "
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What ' s wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Christ!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to find a lawyer? "

The new store...

Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be opened new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked, 'What you sell?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arseholes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'You doing velly well. Only two left!'

Rodeo Position

Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old m**... the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off d**..., behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.

i was at the doctor's the other day....

i was sitting in the room when the doctor returned and said "i have to prescribe you a suppository". well i got up and right in his face and said "i'm not taking this sitting down!"

2 old men and an old dog are sitting on a porch

The dog is going to town cleaning his t**.... One old guy looks at the other and says, "I'd give just about anything to be able to do that." The other old guy looks at him with a very worried look on his face and replies, "that dog will BITE you."

A homeless man walks into a Wendy's...

... tired, cold, and very hungry, with an urge to use the bathroom. As he approaches the bathroom, he sees a man just sitting with a bowl of chili in front of him, an odd look on his face. Hungry, the homeless man asks the man with the chili if he's going to finish it. The man says no, and gives him the chili. The homeless man starts devouring it, and about after eating about half of the bowl, notices a dead rat. He throws back up into the chili, and the man who gave it to him says with a smile on his face: "Yeah, that's about how far I got too."

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls silent.
In a deep, husky voice, the woman to his left says,
"Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it's only fair, given that you can't see, that you should know five things...
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a billy club.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman next to me is a blonde professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde professional wrestler.
Now think about it, cowboy... You still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The cowboy puts on a disappointed face, shakes his head and mutters,
"Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A dictator is sitting in his office sipping his tea when his secretary bursts into the room.

"Sir you have to look at this newspaper, it's a huge scandal!" she says.
"They've written an article accusing several of your cabinet ministers being involved in a child s**... ring."
The dictator's face quickly turns from worry into surprise. "What absolute idiots, how could they do something like this!" he exclaims. "Do those editors really enjoy being tortured that much?"

Why did all the other toys throw RaggedyAnn out of the toy box?

She kept on sitting on Pinocchio's face yelling "Lie to me, lie to me!"

Why would it s**... to be an egg?

Because you only get laid once, only get smashed once, and the only chick that sits on your face is your mother

Why did Raggedy Anne get kicked out of the toybox?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming "Lie to me! Lie to me!!!"

60 Years of Marriage

An old couple in their 80's are sitting in their rocking chairs on the front porch enjoying the day. Suddenly the wife reaches over and just slaps her husband across the face.
Flabergasted he looks at her and says "what was that for?"
She responds "that's for 60 years of bad s**..."
They continue to rocking on the porch.
A few minutes later the husband reaches over and smacks his wife hard enough that it knocks her out of her chair onto the porch.
With tears in her eyes she asks "what was that for?"
Her husband replies "that's for knowing the difference."

Hendrik Lorentz walks into a bar...

He sits down at the counter.
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
Lorentz replies "What do you expect? I'm barely moving"

"A Marine and his commanding officer.....!!!"

A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!" The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like."

A cowboy walks into a saloon…

and orders himself a drink at the bar counter. Turning to the fellow sitting next to him, he slowly utters, Combat. Battle. Warfare. Skirmish. Brawl. Scuffle.
The other man slams his glass down on the counter, gets up out of his seat, turns to face the cowboy, and says, Hey, them's fightin' words!

A man is walking down the street...

And he sees a gnarled, wrinkled little old lady sitting on her porch. He starts to just keep walking, but he notices that the lady has a huge charismatic smile on her face.
The man walks up and says to her "Excuse me, I Couldn't help but notice how vibrant you look. Can you tell me what you've done to maintain what appears to be such a youthful exuberance?"
The lady responds "Sure, I get up every morning and smoke 2 stogies while I have my coffee with bourbon. Then I have some sausage for lunch, smoke some cigarettes and sometimes a joint before I b**... one of the guys I hang out with."
The man says "Oh my god, we've got to get you on tv! You've lived a long healthy life living like that! Exactly how old are you?"
The woman says "24."

I met a little boy today.

He was sitting on the curb, dressed in rags. He had his face in his hands and it looked like he was crying.
I felt kinda bad he was all alone, so I went and sat down beside him.
I said, "Are you an orphan, little guy?"
As he looked up, his eyes were still red and his cheeks still wet. He managed to crack a small smile.
"Yeah. What gave me away?"
I leaned in close and whispered,
"Your parents."

What's the difference between a blonde and a pair of sunglasses?

The sunglasses sit higher on your face.

Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.

Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
The first says that he is really hungry and flys into the night. After half an hour he returns and his mouth is full of blood. The other two ask him: "where did you get that?" He answers: "Do you see that little light across the hill? It was a little family at a camping trip. Delicious!" 
The second vampire starts in the air and returns 15minutes later, the whole face covered with blood. The others ask jealousy: "Where have you been?" Smiling he answers: "You guys see that group of lights down there? It was a wedding with over 20guests. I don't have to eat for a week!"
Finally the third vampire starts into the dark sky, and returns about five minutes later. His whole body, top to bottom is covered in blood.
Exited the other two ask:"Man where did you go?!" 
"Do you see that tree right there?"
"Yes"
"Well, I didn't"

A horse walks into a bar. ..

A horse walks into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Sarah Jessica Parker responds, "I'm a person you know? I have feelings!"

Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?

because she kept sitting on pinocchio's face moaning, "lie to me!"

Why does it s**... to be an egg?

You have to share a room with 11 guys.
And it takes you 4 minute to get hard and 2 minute to get soft.
The worst part? The only woman that sits on your face is your mom.

Three old women are sitting on a park bench

when a guy in a trench-coat walks up close to them and flashes his goods in their faces.
While the first two women had a s**...,
third one couldn't reach it.

Howard and Dale walk into a bar

They sit down at the bar and see people scuba diving on the tv.
"So here's a question" says Howard "How come scuba divers sit on the side of the boat with their oxygen tanks facing outward, and fall backwards off the boat?"
Dale thought for a minute and then said "Thats easy, if they fell forward they'd still be in the frigging boat!"

I told my girlfriend that we should play trains...

All she'd have to do is sit on my face.
Then ill "Chew chew".
// not my joke //

A lady is giving birth in the hospital...

A lady is giving birth in the hospital. Her husband is sitting next to the doctor across the room from her. Suddenly a look of distress comes across her face and she begins screaming: "CAN'T!.." "WON'T!.." "COULDN'T!.." "SHOULDN'T!..". Her husband begins to feel deeply worried and turns to the doctor. The doctor turns back toward him, smiles and says: "Don't worry, it's just contractions.".

I was sitting in church when a guy walked in and said hi to me.

He then walked up into the tower of the church and hit his face against the large bell a few times.
#b**... b**... b**...
He then walked back down the stairs and said "See you later mate" and walked out. As he left a few fellow church goers said to me, "Do you know that guy?"
I replied, "I don't think so, but his face rings a bell"

A man walks into a bar..

...and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, n**... or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-a**... love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"

That's the last time I'll do my Sean Connery impression...

...and tell my girlfriend to sit on my face...

Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel?

Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.

Once in a lifetime

What is once in a lifetime opportunity?
A mosquito sitting on your wife's face.:😛

So there I was, m**......

...and this guy I was sitting next to punches me right in the face!
I'm never going to that church again.

Why would it s**... to be an egg?

Because it takes 4min to get hard, 2min to get soft and the only one that will sit on your face is your mother.

Two men saw a dog l**... his chimchilly...

Two men were walking home one day. They saw a Pitbul happily sitting on the grass, l**... his private parts, cleaning himself.
The one man turned to his friend, "Dude, I wish I could do that."
His friend turned to him, with a worried look on his face, "But aren't you scared the dog will bite you?"

If you think your life is bad imagine being an egg

You only get laid once, smashed once and the only bird that sits on your face is your Mum

A man goes to a bar

He sits down at the closest empty spot with the longest face you can imagine. The bartender asks him what's up while giving him his beer. He says with the saddest voice: "me and my wife had a fight and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month". Understanding his struggles the bartender says he must really love his wife and miss her. "No" he says, "today is the last day".

Slapping Old People

An old man and old woman are sitting on their front porch on a bench one day just enjoying the scenery. All of a sudden the old woman looks at her husband and slaps him across his face. He looks and her and says "What was that for?" She said "That is for 40 years of horrible s**...!" He is quiet as he absorbs this newly discovered information. Quietly the old man reaches over and slaps his wife across her face. She says "What was that for?" He said "For knowing the difference!"

A woman gets home from work and hears her husband call out from the bedroom...

Husband: can you come here and help me with this clock?
The woman walks in the room and sees her husband sitting at the edge of their bed with a r**... hard-on
Wife: thats not a clock
Husband: it will be when you put two hands and a face on it.

Two 12-year olds are sitting in a park.

Laying next too each other, relaxing and cousy.
Then all of the sudden in the moment, the boy gets a kiss from the young girl.
His face turns red while backing off.
"What's wrong? Wasn't it good?" Asked the girl.
"No no no! It's just that my mom told me if I ever kiss a girl, she would turn me in a statue. And I feel it's already starting!!"

I walked up to a girl in a bar. I said, "My girlfriend thinks I've gotten comfortable."

"She does?"
"Yes. Why don't you sit on my face and see if she's right?"

A little girl was sitting on her granddad's lap while he read her a story. She kept taking her eyes of the book and reaching up and touching his old, wrinkled face.

After a few times doing this, she finally asked, "Grandpa, were you made by God?"
"Yes, dear." he replied. "I was made by God a long time ago."
The little girl paused for a moment and then asked, "And did God make me?"
"Of course, dear." replied her grandfather. "God made you not long ago."
The girl felt her own face and then her granddad's again, thought for a moment and then said, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

Kid flys by a sitting cop car in excess of the speed limit.

Of course the cop chases him and stops him. With a big grin on his face the cop says I've been waiting for you all morning.
And the kid says, " well I got here as fast as I could."

Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl

Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"
The little girl gives him a blank stare.
"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"
The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"

It s**... to be an egg...

You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and it takes 3 minutes, you come in a box with 11 others, and the only one who ever sits on your face is your own mother.

Jack walked into a bar...

He sits down and orders a drink.
He sees familiar faces around the bar, like his good old friend Gerald.
He tried to get up from his seat, but he was stuck.
Gerald noticed the commotion and went to help.
Gerald helped his friend, Jack, off.

I finally told my b**... girlfriend that I wasn't into her face-sitting f**....

It was a real weight off my shoulders.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these sitting on face jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.