sites Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious sites puns

Why do porn sites have a share to Google+ option?

I don't want my friends knowing I use Google+.

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Even now, all this time later, we have to remain calm about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

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Aussie v. Kiwi (NSFW)

An Australian sheep farmer decides to take a vacation in New Zealand. After a few days of seeing the usual tourist sites, he decides to check out a local sheep farm.

As he is walking up to the gate, the Aussie spots a Kiwi shepherd with his back to him. The Kiwi's pants are down around his ankles and he has a ewe by the hind legs. He is balls deep in her, pumping away like there's no tomorrow.

Digusted, the Aussie calls out "Hey, mate! Where I'm from, we shear those!"

Without missing a stroke, the Kiwi shouts back: "Fuck off! I ain't shearin' this with anyone!"

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Porn sites should be .cum not .com

I'm serious. It would help with the disambiguation thing

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Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

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Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail spam inbox

I find:

* 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

* I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

* 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

* 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

* Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.

* 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.

* And Approx 40-50 mails from different girls who are feeling lonely and want to meet me.

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Why do porn sites have a share to Google plus button

I don't want my friends to know I have Google plus

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Why did New York get all the lawyers, and New Jersey all the toxic waste sites?

New Jersey picked first.

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How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

They link to Ancestry.com

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Mother said to the father "Please have a word with our son, I found a number of porno sites in his bookmarks."

The father walks into the son's bed room. "Son, you must stop looking at porno sites, they'll make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad!".

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I need some advice.

I have a 4" body lift on my truck. Two days ago, my truck started to shake after the speedometer hit 70mph. I think it's the suspension or the tires may be unbalanced and since the girls are no longer paying attention, does anyone know of any good free porn sites?

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So a man was on vacation in the holy land

A man and his wife where off on a lovely vacation in the holy land touring biblical sites when a few days before they where supposed to leave his wife dropped dead of a heart attack. So the man was approached by the mortician who told him he could fly her back to the states for a few thousand dollars and have the funeral there or he could stay and have a beautiful funeral in the holy land for a couple hundred.

"Let's fly her back" The man said.

"But why?" asked the mortician, "We would hold a grand funeral for her, it would be magnificent!"

"Well," said the man, "A long time ago a guy was buried here and rose from the dead after a few days."

"So?" asked the mortician

"I don't wanna take any chances."

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A Texan Visits Israel

A Texan visits Israel for vacation and spends several weeks travelling around to see the different sites. One day, while making his way through the countryside to a destination, he realizes he is quite thirsty and stops at a small farm to request a drink. The owner of the farm is quite friendly and provides the Texan with a drink of water. Israel is not a particularly large country and has a fairly large population, so the individual farmsteads are rather small. Noticing this, and feeling friendly, the Texan talks a bit.

'Back in a Texas, I'm a farmer too, although it's a bit different there. If I climb in my truck early in the morning and drive until noon across my property, I'm not even halfway across. If I keep driving until the sun sets, I'll have only reached the other end of my property, and I'll have to camp out and drive back the next day'

The Israeli farmer nods before responding

'I once had a truck like that'

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If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully

Be careful what you purchase on ebay or other sites.

A friend of mine just spent $100 on a penis enlarger.
He received a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said: Do not use in the sunlight.

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I prefer illegally downloading bangbros videos over watching free sites.

It feels more like I'm the one fucking the porn stars.

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An Australian man decides to visit New York City...

An Australian man decides to visit New York City one day. After the long flight, he decides that he wants to wander around and see the sites. As he is crossing a busy street however, traffic picks up all around him, and he is stuck in the middle of the road. Several police officers notice his dilemma and halt traffic to help him out. One of the officers walks up to him angrily and asks "What's the matter?! Did you come here to die?"

The Australian man simply replies "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"

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If you ever feel useless...

.. Remember that there is a comment section on porn sites.

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During sexual intercourse Jimmy suddenly stops and becomes motionless..

..

Girl: What the heck are you doing??

Jimmy: I have seen this on adult porn sites, it's called "buffering"

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Why can't you run in camp sites?

Its 'ran', because it's past tents... Ill see myself out.

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According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking.

Because if there's one thing women love, it's a man who can lie.

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This guy sites down next to a pretty young girl at a bar

This guy sites down next to a pretty young lady at a bar and they strike up a conversation. The conversation is going pretty well, so the guy says "you remind me of my little toe." The lady, who is a bit confused, responds "is that because I'm small and cute?" The guy responds "no, it's because I'm going to bang you on the coffee table when I get home."

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Everybody needs to calm down about Net Neutrality dying...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

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I would like to thank President Donald Trump on behalf of my wife...

suddenly the thousands I invested into Canadian dating sites wasn't so worthless after all.

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What did the Hindu say when asked if he was going to leave on his pilgrimage across all of the ancient holy sites?

Namaste here.

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looking for investors for my new specialty dating site

So I'm planning on taking advantage of the huge influx of specialty dating sites like farmers only or Christian mingle, etc... I'm starting a site exclusively for Indians. It's gonna be called, "Connect the dots."
(So who's in with me???)

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Dating Sites are all for Perverts

I was going to join a dating site, but no matter which one I tried I realized pretty quick they were supporting perverts. Disgusting! I mean, right on the form it said: Do you want children?

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That kid didn't really find a lost Mayan city. The sites that promoted the story?

I guess they'll issue a...

Maya culpa.

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Net neutrality is overrated. I can still access all the sites.

Besides, most of them are the same anyway, always showing only 404 and the like.

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I couldn't believe it when my Dad was arrested for stealing from construction sites.

I should have known really, all the signs were there.

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Why do dinosaurs use Christian dating sites?

Because they can lie about their age!

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Why can't you run through camp sites?

You can only ran because it's past tents.

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Tourist in America

I was going to take my wife to visit all the sites where they protested the police shooting of innocent black men. But i've only got 6 months...plus community service.

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Everyone needs to chill out about the net neutrality controversy

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

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Did you hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger's latest business venture - teaming up with the police to help protect kids on internet dating sites?

Guess you'd expect nothing less from a Tindergarten cop.

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Image sharing sites before E3 are just like a toy vegetable stand

Full of fake leeks

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All these women on the 48 dating sites I've joined,

seem so fucking sad and desperate.

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A widow thinks she's ready to date again

And signs up on several online dating sites. She browses through responses and replies to a guy who seems quite nice.

They go out on several dates and he always hints at sex but she always says "I'm not ready for that yet, my husband only recently passed away."


On the 5th date he takes her back to his place and things get steamy. As he pulls out his dick from his pants she pushes him away and says, "Im not ready for that yet, my husband only recently passed away."


He pulls out a black condom and puts it on and says, "Well, I'd like to offer my deepest condolences."

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How do you get a congressman to care about net neutrality?

Remind him that it keeps him from paying extra to access those kiddy porn sites

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TIL: The CIA is funding black sites by using detainees in Cuba to manufacture a brand energy drinks.

It's called "Guaranamo"

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Whenever I feel depressed in life. ..

Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail inbox...

I find: 1) 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

2) I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

3) 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

4) 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

5) 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.

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new password.

I was trying to come up with a new password for one of my sites, jokingly I typed in 'mypenis'. Message came back, 'sorry not long enough;

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What wil happen to illegal streaming sites when we get rid of net nuetrality?

Kissanime goodbye

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Do golden-shower and watersports fetish sites have URLs?

Nope, they just have IP addresses

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Why, I visit porn sites, there is a woman with her boobs out asking me if I'm tired of masturbating, want to meet local girls?

Why, I visit porn sites, there is a woman with her boobs out asking me if I'm tired of masturbating, want to meet local girls?
No I fucking don't. I met a local girl 10 years ago that's why I'm on this site masturbating

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Child "modeling" sites are on the decline. Experts say that now the most worrisome thing about the current state of pedophilia is...

all the Lostprophets.

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Ed Zachery Disease!

Woman can't get a date on the dating sites so she figures she'll start with a doctor check up. Dr. Chen is her doctor tells her, "Disrobe prease. Now craw over floor to wall and den back." Then he tells her, "Ahhhh, I see! You have bad case of Ed Zachery disease. Worse I ever saw!"
The woman asks, "Doc, what exactly is Ed Zachery Disease? It sounds bad."
Dr. Chen answers,"Ahh velly velly bad. Ed Zachery disease mean your face rook ed zachery rike your ass!"

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I lost 150 over the last few months

I really need to stop going to British gambling sites

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Why are construction sites so stinky?

Because the workers are just fartin' around.

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If you don't do pickup lines on dating sites it's probably because you have...

Heyfever.

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Why should you torrent only from French sites?

Because it'll run faster.

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surprise anal

Have you noticed that porn sites have cute names for rape...like "Surprise Anal"

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Why are Omegle and Chatroulette great dating sites?

Because they have plenty of members.

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I used to make fun of people who used online dating sites, but I'm trying one out for the first time

It's called OKHubris

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The usability of mobile sites

That's it. That's the joke.

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Wanna hear a joke about construction sites?

Alright, I'm working on it.

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I caught my son googling really sketchy porn sites, and I was completely heartbroken.

We are strictly a Bing family.

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I really like going to porn sites on my phone

cause I'm excited about receiving my free iphone 8 and PlayStation 5...so far I'm going to have 30 of each and my phone runs like shit

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Why do roofers hate browsing porn sites in the Summer?

Too many ads for hot shingles in their areas!

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UK blocking adults from watching adult sites

That's the joke

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Roses are red,

Violets are blue,
Porn sites are down,
Your mom's Facebook will do.

Creds to Zeeshan

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Top 40s radio stations remind of porn sites...

All the hot singles

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Best Top 20 classified sites in India

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How to stop people from clicking click bait sites.

Gotcha.

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I started a group for surgeons who are having trouble booking their vacation homes as AirBnB sites.

It's called Doctors without Boarders.

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What are the best Sites puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Sites? Well, here are the best jokes about Sites to have fun with.

Joko Jokes