The Best 64 Site Jokes

Following is our collection of Site jokes which are very funny. There are some site location jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these site construction site puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."

OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?

The moon landing was fake

But the film director demanded they film on site

After 3 failed marriages, an old woman decides to try an online dating site..

She sets up an account with all her info and says she is looking for "a man who will not beat me, Will not walk all over me, and is great in bed." After 2 weeks no one has replied. Then, one day some one rings the doorbell. The woman gets up and opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs sitting there. He says "Hello, I'm here about your online dating profile." the woman says to him, "well I want a man who won't beat me.." the man says "I have no arms, therefore I can not beat you." the woman says "well I want a man who won't walk all over me." the man replies "I have no legs, so I can't even walk." the woman says "well, I want a man who's great in bed.." the man replies "hey, I rang the doorbell didn't I?

Did you hear about the new farmers dating site?

It's full of hoes.

Deer Season

Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am.


Strength vs. Intelligence

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

What kind of bird works on a construction site?

A Crane.

"Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning."

Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.

Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" and some people say, "oh my god, he *did?*" People always say something.

And then *you* say, "he did, he was assassinated. Someone from a drug cartel shot him with a golf gun. Bizarre story."

And you leave it there.

And if someone presses further, perhaps mention how terrible it must be to get shot by a golf gun.

And you'll eventually be asked, "what's a golf gun?"

To which you say, "don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

Someone told me recently that the healthcare.gov website was built by a Canadian company.

I guess that explains why the site is constantly freezing.

A

black man starts work on a construction site. The other workers nickname him "Wog".

Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got Mick and Paddy, they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".

The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "Mick, Mack, Paddy, Wac leave the Wog alone!"

I met the love of my life through an online dating site

Too bad my wife found out

Top Site Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore site web reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean site foreman dad jokes. There are also site puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Beethoven

Beethoven dies and is buried. A few days after his burial the locals notice strange
music coming from the burial site. Alarmed, the villagers get the local priest and head
down to the graveyard. And sure enough the sound was coming from Beethoven's grave.
The locals watch as the priest places the side of his head onto the ground.
Deep in concentration he mutters: "Fifth symphony......fourth symphony....third...aha! Beethoven is decomposing!"

A woman site down next to a man in a bar and says, "You smell good, What do you have on?"

The man says, "I have a hard on but I didn't know you could smell it."

Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.

I started work at a drilling site and left soon after.

It was a boring job.

There once was a boy named "Odd."

People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.

Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

Paid a visit to 'www.conjunctivitis.com' earlier...

Believe me, it's a site for sore eyes.

I found an plot of soil yesterday. I went back to the site today and found even more soil...

The plot thickens...

Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review

Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.

I was honest with my review: "This telescope sucked. Two Stars."


A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...

The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:

"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

Another worker shouts back: "Why?"

The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"

It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins...

One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement.

Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion.

A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate, "so we can pARRRk ARRRR cARRR in the hARRRRvard yARRRd!"

Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''

Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt''

I was suffering from pinkeye for a long time until I found www.curing-conjunctivitis.com

It was a site for sore eyes

"When one door closes, another opens", he said.

"That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."

Unfortunately, the site I got this joke from many months ago is now down so I can't give them the credit it deserve. But here's a different site with it anyway...

A man walks into the head office of a click-bait news site...

...what happens next will shock you!!!

They hired a comedian at the local construction site. Everyone loves him.

You could say he was really nailing it.

Two Police officers.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:

Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site...

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Hey my name is Nathan and i'm 12 years old:) I was wondering if there was a dating site for only 12 year olds and under...

I'm not asking for myself!! My uncle was wondering

Conjunctivitis. com

That's a site for sore eyes.

[NSFW] I'm so sad, my favorite dating site is shutting down

Disney has announced they are shutting down Club Penguin. =(

I was walking past a construction site and the guy hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little weirdo...

...in morse code.

[Credit goes to Emo Phillips]

I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.

Have you ever visited conjunctivitis.com?

It's a site for sore eyes

www.emergencyophthalmologists.com

Now there's a site for sore eyes

Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse.

It truly is a site for sore eyes.

I'm so glad I stumbled across that optometrist's webpage...

...it was a site for sore eyes.

Vincent Price was taller than Katie Price, and heavier than Alan Price

I learned this on a price comparison site.

I just tried changing my password to Beefstew1

But the site said that it was not stroganoff.

What's Russias favorite streaming site?

Nyetflix

An Alabaman is finding his ancestry on a website, but can't get to their site...

Getting frustrated, he calls his wife over.

Sighing, she says, "It starts with an A, not an I, bro."

I've just started up a dating site for chickens...

It's not my main job, I'm just doing it to make hens meet...

What do you call a webpage that helps your eyes feel better?

A site for sore eyes!

My dad made this up and wanted me to post it lol

I got banned from a Christian dating site

I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.

Blonde in a field.

A blonde woman is driving down a road when she sees another blonde in the middle of a field and she appears to be swimming. Angry at the site, the blonde driver slams on the brakes, hops out of the car and screams "YOU KNOW, IT IS BLONDES LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD NAME!!" The blonde in the field replies "Yeah, well why don't you come out here and do something about it?" The blonde driver replies "I WOULD BUT I CAN'T SWIM!"

I thought my dating site for chickens would make me a fortune

But I'm struggling to make hens meet

If you get an email saying "click this link to hear Nickelback's new album for free" DO NOT CLICK IT

It will take you directly to a site where you can hear Nickelback's new album for free.

Starting a sugar daddy dating site for people into 80s music.

I'm calling it Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.

This new dating site is amazing!

Roblox is a weird name for it though.

Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?

His career is in ruins.

Perfect Bio for any Chirstian Dating Site

I love Jesus and long walks on the water.

A man worked at construction site...

...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.

His wife, furious, comes to hospital.

"What happened?!"

"Well, I asked John to throw me the hammer..."

"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"

"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remembered we have 3 guys named John working on our site..."

I Don't care what any of you say..

My Alzheimer's lets me enjoy this site everyday

NSFW

Not wearing helmet at a construction site

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I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website

A worker was suspected of stealing

Every day the security guys would check his wheelbarrow when he was leaving the factory site. They never found anything. It took them weeks to realize that he was stealing wheelbarrows.

I didn't believe when they told me my brother was a construction site thief

But when I got home, the signs were there

Did you hear that they make a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?

It's a site for sore eyes.

After seven years and half a million karma I will share the 5 unwritten rules of posting on this site:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

A police officer was answering questions of a reporter at an accident site.

Officer: "I want your news report to mention that how useful a helmet can be. This person fell in a 30ft pit while riding a bike at 100mph, still there not a single scratch on his face because he was wearing a helmet."

Report: "Wow! That's just miraculous. Can we get an interview with that person?"

Officer: "Well, I'm afraid, not. We haven't found the rest of the body yet."

What is Captain Hook's least favorite social media site?

TikTok!

Two soldiers were at their post

When their commanding officer came over and said
" Alright boys there is a curfew tonight, anyone seen out past 10pm must be shot on site." The soldiers shook their head and obliged.
It hit 9:45pm and the commanding officer heard gunshot fire and came running to the soldiers to discover a man shot dead.
" What the hell happened here! It's only 9:45!" Said the officer.
" Well sir I know where that man lives and there is no way in hell he was making it home for 10!"

An archeologist was doing his job one day...

...when he uncovered an ancient-looking stone carving in the shape of the Arabic letter D . When his site manager saw this, he told the archeologist to put it back where he found it and to never dig up something like that again. The archeologist asked the site manager why.

He replied, I like the way you're working, but no dig a D.

I regret posting this already.

TicketMaster was just fined $10 million for hacking into a competitor

At least they were told it would be $10 million, but when they went on the court's website to pay the fine, the site tacked on a bunch of "processing fees" and "venue charges" and the total came out to more like $15 million.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the site forum jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working site message piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes