Sister Mary Jokes

32 sister mary jokes and hilarious sister mary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sister mary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sister Mary Short Jokes

Short sister mary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sister mary humour may include short sister jokes also.

  1. I'll never forget the day I almost beat sister Mary in the 300K The feeling was second to nun
  2. Sister Mary Francis won the contest but I was runner-up... Technically, I'm second to nun.
  3. Mary has is from a family with 5 sisters. The eldest sisters' name is Twa, second is Twe, third is Twi, the fourth is Two. What's the 5th sisters name? Twu. Mary is a dude.
  4. I have decided to become a monk. Sister Mary will walk with me to the hospital next Monday.
  5. Two nuns are sitting on a park bench Sister Carol lights a cigarette and Sister Beatrice declares:
    'That's a filthy habit'
    Sister Carol replies: 'blame Sister Mary, she washes the b**... things'.

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Sister Mary One Liners

Which sister mary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sister mary? I can suggest the ones about catholic nun and st mary.

  1. Thank you Mother Superior... 'It's just sister actually, sister Mary'
    ... Nonetheless...
  2. Sister Mary, what were you doing in the men's restroom? Relieving the priest
  3. How much s**... does Sister Mary get? Nunn.
  4. What's black and white and has a dirty name? Sister Mary f**...

Sister Mary Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about sister mary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mother superior jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sister mary pranks.

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.
"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"
"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."
"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"
"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

Three nuns

Sisters Anne, Mary, and Teresa are driving across the country when they are in a car c**... and all die tragically.
In heaven, the three of them are standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter is standing before them. He says to them, "Sisters, I understand that you are all women of faith, and I would be more than happy to let you into heaven without hesitation, but as it is the rules, I must ask you each one question that you must answer correctly before I can let you enter"
The nuns all agree and Sister Anne steps forward first.
"Sister Anne, what was the name of the first man?"
She barely misses a beat before announcing happily "Adam!"
The gates open and she enters.
Sister Mary then steps forward and St. Peter asks her, "Sister Mary, what is the name of the first woman?"
The gates open and Sister Mary enters heaven.
St. Peter then addresses Sister Teresa, "Teresa, what is the first thing that Eve said when she saw Adam?"
Sister Teresa thinks for a minute... two minutes... three minutes.. then mutters to herself "That's a hard one..."

Three nuns die in a car accident. They arrive at the pearly gates...

...and St. Peter greets them, "welcome to heaven sisters! Before I let you in I have to ask you each a question that you must answer to be accepted into heaven."
The first nun steps up, and St. Peter asks, "who is the son of god?" The nun says, "that's easy. Jesus." The gates open, and she strolls into heaven.
The second one steps up. "Who is Jesus' mother?" She answers, "Mary," and the gates open.
The third nun steps up, and he asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun looks flustered, and she says, "that's a really hard one..." And the gates open.

Sister Mary and Sister Francis are riding their bikes from the vestibule to the rectory....

Sister Mary says to Sister Francis, "I've never came this way before!"
And Sister Francis says "It must be the cobble stone street!"

Two nuns in the park...

Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to s**... assault them.
Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"
Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does!"

Two nuns are walking down an alley late at night...

When they get approached by 2 men who begin assaulting them. After minutes of the altercation, Sister Mary Sue screams, "Oh dear Lord! Forgive this man for he knows not what he is doing!" Sister Sarah looks up and says, "....Mine does".

A priest is taking confession when a woman confesses to giving head...

The priest doesn't know what head is but he figures it's bad if it is something she's confessing to, so he gives her a couple of Hail Marys and an Our Father.
Later that day the priest is contemplating his day in the rectory garden when he sees a nun. He can't get this "head" out of his head, so he asks the nun, "Sister, can I ask you a question? What's head."
"Same is in town, Father, $20"

Sister Mary was just getting out of the shower

Sister Margaret came in and said Sister Mary, there is a blind man here who needs to speak with you
Sister Mary replies, Send him in, the poor blind man is not going to see anything
A minute later the man walks in and says Nice t**... Sister. Now tell me where do you want me to hang these blinds?

two nuns at the vatican...

so these two nuns are riding a bicycle built for two on their daily trip around the vatican... so one day, sister mary decides to take a different route... sister katherine says "why, ive never come this way" to which sister mary relpies "it's the cobblestones"...

So there were two nuns and...

They were riding there bikes down an old cobblestone street, one nun said oh sister Mary Margret I've never come this way before, and sister Mary Margret replied it's the cobblestone streets.

Son asked his father permission to marry

a son walked up to his father and said "Dad, I'm going to marry the girl next door,Mary"
the father smiled and said "No, son you can't. She's your half-sister". Angrily the son said "Then, I'm going to marry Cindy"
The father replied the same.
The son in utter disbelief when to his mother and told what happened.
The mother looked at him in a rather cunning way and said "you can marry whomever you want son. TheY'RE not your half-sisters"

Two nuns, Sisters Mary and Teresa, are riding their bikes back to the convent from the shops in the old city.

Sister Mary says Up ahead the road is blocked, but if you follow me, I know another route.
Sister Teresa dutifully follows the older Sister as they wind their way through the city streets and down an old lane.
Sister Mary, asks Sister Teresa, do you know this route well?
Aye, says Sister Mary, I take this route often.
I've never come this way before. says Sister Teresa.
It's the cobblestones. replies Sister Mary.

Sunday School

Sister Mary Francis asked each of her young charges to tell the class what they want to do when they grow up.
Johnny says "I'm going to be a policeman." "Very good," say Sister Mary Francis.
Peter says "I'm going to be a fireman." "Very nice," says the nun.
Then Mary stands up, and says "I'm going to be a p**...!" Sister Mary Francis turned pale. The room fell silent. The Sister said sternly "What did you say, Mary??" Beligerantly, Mary stuck out her chin and again, in a clear voice, said "I'm going to be a p**...!!"
"Oh thank heavens," said the nun. I thought you said you were going to be a protestant!!"

Not quite the same as turning water into wine but . . .

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!!'

At Saint Mary's Convent,....

... the Mother Superior is standing n**... in her room, having just stepped out of the shower.
There was a knock at the door and one of the Sisters said, "Mother Superior, there is a blind man here to see you and he's in rather a hurry".
The Mother Superior, not wanting to keep the unfortunate soul waiting decided there would be no harm in meeting a blind man whilst undressed.
"Send him in child", Mother Superior said, opening the door.
The blind man entered and staring at the n**... nun said, "I'm just here to measure the windows".

3 Nuns die in a car c**......

...and as they have all dedicated their lives to God, their souls are immediately sent up to heaven, where they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Sisters, I know you are all devout followers of Christ, but unfortunately we have protocol to follow up in here in heaven, and I must first ask each of you a simple question before I can let you enter."
The sisters are somewhat surprised, a little nervous, but agree to answer St. Peter's questions.
"Sister Anne," he says, "who was the first man on earth?"
Sister Anne says "Oh that's an easy one, Adam!"
-GONG- The gates of heaven open up, and Sister Anne walks through.
"Sister Mary: who was the first woman on earth?"
Relieved, Sister Mary exclaims "Eve!"
-GONG- The gates open again, and Sister Mary enters, leaving only Sister Theresa behind.
"Sister Theresa...what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"
Sister Theresa pauses, the smile disappearing from her face. She realizes she can't think of the answer, despite her best efforts. Scratching her head in confusion and panic, she admits, "That's a really hard one."

An old one my late grandmother used to tell

In a Catholic school English classroom, a nun was giving the lesson.
"Today, children, we'll be talking about rhyme. Does anyone have a rhyme they'd like to share?"
Several little hands shot up. The nun pointed to the smallest girl, Sally, in the front.
"Hey, d**..., d**...,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon."
"Very good, Sally." said the nun. "Who else?" She called on a little boy, Jack.
"It has my name in it!
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe."
"Wonderful rhyme, Jack!" replied the nun. Now, in the back of the class sat Michael. Michael came from a loud Irish family and was known as a troublemaker. The nun had tried to pick the other students before him, but he was beginning to make a commotion so she sighed and called out "yes, Michael."
"I've got a rhyme for you, Sister" he said.
"Mary came from Boston, Mass. and went into the water up to her knees."
"Michael," began the nun, "that doesn't rhyme."
"Oh, I know Sister. But wait until the tide comes in."

Little Johnny is in Sunday School,

and little Mary Margaret in the front row pipes up, "Sister Jean, what part of our body gets to heaven first?"
And the sister Jean smiles and asks, "Well what do you think, class? What part of your body gets to heaven first?"
Tommy raises his hand, "I think it's your hands, 'cuz that's what you pray with."
"Oh lovely, Thomas." says sister Jean
Then little Mary Margaret chimes in again "I think it's your heart, 'cuz that's where Jesus lives"
Sister Jean clutches her chest, "Beautiful, dear."
But then Johnny shouts, "It's your LEGS!"
Sister Jean looks stunned, "Your legs, John? Why?!"
"Last night I went in my mommy and daddy's room, and mommy was on the bed, with her legs in the air going 'OH GOD, I'M COMING!'"

What part of the body goes to heaven first?

In Sunday school, Sister Mary asked the class: "What part of the body goes to heaven first?"
In the back of the class, n**... Billy waved his hand frantically, but Sister Mary, suspecting a wrong answer, turned to another child.
"Yes, Susan?"
"The heart goes to heaven first because that's where God's love lives."
"Excellent," said Sister Mary, "and you, Charlotte?"
"The soul, Sister Mary, because that's the part that lives beyond death."
"Very good, Charlotte," said the Sister, as she noticed Billy's hand still waving in desperation."
"OK, Billy, what do you think?"
"It's the feet that go first, Sister, the feet."
"That's a strange answer Billy. Why the feet?"
Billy answered, "Because I saw my mom with her feet up in the air, shouting, 'God, I'm coming, I'm coming!'"