sister Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious sister stories

What are the best Sister puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Sister? Well here is a complete list of Sister to have fun with:

My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on

I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand.

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"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

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Wife: Does this dress make me look fat? Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what i say? Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

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Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

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My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

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My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"

"Your daughter"

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

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Forty-five years is long enough.

An old man calls up his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they're getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You're not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME? and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they're coming for Christmas and paying their own airfare."

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Honesty

While trying on a jeans, a wife asks her husband.

Wife: "Darling, do I look fat in these jeans?"

Husband: "Can I be honest with you? Promise me you won't get mad."

Wife: "Sure darling, go ahead, I won't be angry."

Husband: "I fucked your sister."

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A kid asks his dad "What's the difference between realistically and potentially?"

The father responds with "Go ask your siblings and your mother if they would have sex with a celebrity for a million dollars."


The boy asks his mom "Would you have sex with George Clooney for a million dollars?"


The mother responds " While I am a married woman, that is a lot of money. He is also a very attractive man."


The boy asks his sister "Would you have sex with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"


"Well of course! " she exclaims.


Finally he asks his brother "Would you have sex with Tom Cruise for a million dollars"


And he hums and haws about it "I dunno man, well... That is a lot of money. Yeah alright I'd do it."


When the boy sees his father again the father asks " Did you figure out the difference between potentially and realistically?"


"Yes father, Potentially were sitting on $3,000,000. Realistically were living with two whores and a fag."

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

My severely diabetic sister.

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Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard (NSFW)

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says "why does it cause excitement and commotion?" Little Johnny says "it doesn't, but my sister said she missed one this morning and my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the guy next door shot himself"

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My sister asked me to take off her clothes ;)

So I took off her shirt.


Then she said, "Take off my skirt."


I took off her skirt.


"Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes.


"Now take off my bra and panties."


and so I took them off.


Then she looked at me and said, I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again.

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My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta

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"Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively...

"Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."

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A very christian woman

A very Christian woman marries a very Christian man. Following the words of the Bible, "Be fruitful and multiply," they have many children. 16 over the course of 18 years, to be exact.

A few years later, the husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. The lady remarries another man, and they have 17 children over the course of 22 years. The woman's second husband dies of old age.

The woman herself dies a few years later. At her funeral, her sister remarks, "Well, at least they're finally together."

"Who? She and her husbands?" asks the pastor.

"No," says the sister. "Her legs."

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A redhead tells her blonde sister, "I slept with a Brazilian..."

The blonde replies: "Oh My Gosh! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

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A Chinese man is on his death bed...

With his sight failing, he turns to the doctor and asks is his wife there?

The doctor assures him she is.

"And my sons, my beautiful sons, are they here?"

"They are."

"What about my sister?"

Consoling the poor man, the doctor tells him:"Don't worry, she's here, along with your brother in law, and all the rest of your family, you can die in peace."

With his last breath, the old Chinese man, struggling to make his voice heard says:

"If everyone is here, then who the fuck is minding the shop?".

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My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her today...

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her today while we were waiting for my girlfriend to get home. I didn't say anything and started to walk to my car. As I opened the door, my girlfriend came out from the kitchen and hugged me with tears in her eyes as she told me that it was a test of loyalty and I had passed!

Moral of the story: keep your condoms in your car

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Two nuns sare coming back from the market late at night

- "Sister Andrea, it's already dark and we are still quite fare from the covent"

- "Yes Sister Dulce and did you notice that a man is following us??"

- "Yes! and what do you think he wants ?"

- "logical, rapes us... what should we do??"

- "logical: we split way, you on the left me on the right"

The man starts following Sister Dulce. Sister Andrea arrives to the Covent, and is worried because Sister Dulce is not arrived yet. After 1 hour here she comes.

- "What happened??"

- "Well I started running and obviously as did the man"

- "and??"

- "Logical: he reached me.."

- "Oh dear god! And what did you do??"

- "Logical: I lifted my dress up"

- "And what did he do??"

- "Logical: He dropped his pants"

- "god.... and??"

- "Logical no? A nun with her dressed up runs faster than a man with his pants down"

ps: Sorry my english is not my first language :)

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"Dad, i'm a lesbian."

Confesses the daughter.

Her younger sister shouts from the kitchen "Me too dad."

"Goddammit" Exclaims the father. "Will one of you bring a man to this house!?"

"I will, Dad." Says the son from his room.

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Do you believe in abortion?

Girl: Dad, do you believe in abortion?

Father: Ask your sister.

Girl: I don't have a sister...

Father: Exactly.

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What does alcohol free beer taste like?

Like going down on your sister. It tastes the same but something's not right.

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A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister-"my monkey has grown hair"

Her sister smiled and said-"that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas" .

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If a man and a woman get married in Tennessee then move to Texas and get divorced…

Are they still brother and sister?

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Isn't it so weird when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?...

Anyway, my sister in law just caught me masturbating.

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Embracing mistakes....

I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried. Then he hugged my sister & me.

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What did the biologist's sister say to her sister after she dropped a beaker on her foot...

Mitosis

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Do these jeans make me look fat?

wife : Do these jeans make me look fat?
Me totally scared: Would you get mad if i tell you the truth?
Wife : No, i won't! Tell me.
Me : I slept with your sister

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A busload of nuns goes over a cliff...

A bus load of nuns goes over a cliff in a snowstorm. All the nuns go to heaven and line us at the pearly gates in front of Saint Peter.

Sister Mary is first in line. St Peter asks her "Have you any sins to atone for?" She responds, "Once, I looked at a man's penis." St Peter tells her to splash some holy water on her eyes and enter heaven.

Sister Katherine is next. St Peter questions her likewise "Have you an sins to atone for?" She responds "I have, I gave a man a hand job." St peter tells her to wash her hands and enter heaven.

About this time there is a commotion towards the rear. St Peter quite angrily yells "What's all the commotion back there!" Sister Julie exclaims "If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water, I'm doing it before Margaret sticks her ass in it!"

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A little girl went to her mom...

*I don't know if I'm doing a good job translating this from my native language, I hope you like it either way*
A little girl goes to her mother and says: "Mom, guess what? Some hair grew on my pussy!"
The mother replied: "That's not a very polite thing to say, honey! If you tell your older sister tell her that 'your monkey grew some hair'."
The girl went to her sister and told her that "her monkey grew some hair". The sister looked at her and said: "You're still there?! My monkey is already eating bananas!"

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A Rapey looking man follows two Nuns...SFW

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) ,

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL)

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

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Two Irish nuns were sitting at a traffic light

...in their car in Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us your chest, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

The Mother Superior turns to Sister Margaret, "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross."

So Sister Mary Margaret rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin' wankers, before I come over there and rip yer nuts off!"

Sister Mary Margaret looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?!"

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There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge.

One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you." And then Fridge says "bllaaarrarararraraaarg".

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A guy goes to the pharmacy to buy a condom for tonight's dinner at his girlfriends house

Pharmacist at counter: " just one condom? You sure?"
Guy: "actually, my girlfriend's sister is pretty hot...lets make it two condoms."
Pharmacist: "just two then? That's it?"
Guy: "let's make it three. The mom is really hot too."
That night he goes to dinner and her whole family is there. He sits at the table not saying a word, his face red as a tomato. His girlfriend takes him in the bedroom after they eat.
Girlfriend: "what's wrong with you? You didn't say a word all night. Did something happen?"
Guy: "no, I just didn't know your dad worked at the pharmacy."

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ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.

"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"

"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."

"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"

"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

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My sister said I'm being immature.

I guess she isn't getting her nose back

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A Jewish dad is lying on his death bed...

A Jewish dad is lying on his death bed, he calls out for his wife and she squeezes his hand and tells him, "I'm here sweetheart."
"Good" he tells her, "and my son?"
"I'm here papa" says the boy.
"Good", says the dad, "and where is your sister?"
"Oh papa, I'm here too!" The girl responds.
The fathers face becomes angry, and he yells, "Then why the hell is the light on in the other room if you're all in this one?"

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[nsfw] A man goes to the pharmacy

He asks to buy a condom, He tells the pharmacist "well, I am going to my new girlfriends place for dinner tonight, I need a condom for sexy time with my girlfriend". He buys the condom and walks out of the store. A few seconds later, He comes back and says "well, actually, my girlfriends sister is pretty hot, maybe I should have one more condom". He buys the condom and leaves the store, but on the way out, He turns around and says "now I think about it, her mom is pretty hot as well, let me get one last condom". He buys the condom and then leaves the store.

Later that day, at his girlfriends place, they sit at the table, the whole family, (the man, the girlfriend, her Sister, her mom and her dad). The man is sitting in praying position with his hands folded in front of his face, looking down at the table. His girlfriend then whispers to him "I didn't know you were religious", the man answers "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist"

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My sister bet me $100 I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

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Jake's final conversation

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:

"I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to" his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace...I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

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Theory and practice

A family is eating dinner: mom, dad, little Johnny, his sister and his grandpa are all sitting at the table. At some point little Johnny asks his father:
- Dad, what's the difference between theory and practice?
- I'll show you.
He turns to his wife and asks:
- Would you suck a stranger's dick for $10,000?
- Well, the bathroom needs a renovation and we're behind on our mortgage payments and even then there would still be enough left for a nice vacation... I mean it's just one blowjob, right?
Then he asks his daughter the same question
- That's a lot of cash, so yeah, I guess.
- How about you grandpa?
- When I was a lad, I worked 12 hours in a coal mine for a loaf of bread and a place to sleep, what's one blowjob for that kind of money...
The father turns to his son
-See, Johnny, in theory we have $30,000, but in practice, just two whores and a faggot under our roof.

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Since we're posting dirty limericks now.....

There once was a man from St. Lou

Who gave his dear sister a screw.

He said with aplomb:

"You're better than Mom."

Said she: "That's what Dad told me too."

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[Bad joke] The other day my sister asked me what the difference between cellular division and a sock is

To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'

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A son asked his father

"What's the difference between hypothetically and reality?'

The father thought for a moment and said," ask your mother if she would sleep with the neighbor for $500,000."

The son returns and says," she said,' hell yes I would!'"

He replied," now ask your sister if she would sleep with the principal for $500,000."

The son goes and returns saying," she also said," hell yes I would."

The father said," now son, hypothetically we're millionaires, but in reality we're living with a bunch of whores."

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A grammatical joke

Two nuns are driving down the road when suddenly a vampire jumps out and onto their hood.

One of the nuns yells at the other, "Sister Mary! Show him your cross!"

She jumps out of the car and screams at the vampire, "GET THE FUCK OFF MY HOOD!"

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A little girl tells her dad she wishes she had a sister

In an attempt to be clever, her dad explains, "You do, it's just you don't see her. Every time you come in the front door: she leaves out the back door.". The little girl replies, "ohhhh, just like my other daddy!"

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What do you say to your sister when she's crying?

Are you having a crisis?

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A father and his 8 year old son are on a walk and come across two dogs humping.

"Dad, what are those dogs doing?" the boy asks.

"Well son, they're trying to make puppies."

That answer seemed to satisfy the son's curiosity, so no more was said about it and they finished their walk.

Later that night the boy had a nightmare and ran into his parent's room, only to catch them in the act.

"Dad, what are you doing."

"Well son, your mom and I are trying to make you a little brother or sister for you."

"Can you turn her over dad? I'd rather have a puppy."

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My town is holding their annual incest competition.

I entered my sister.

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My parents raised me as an only child...

Which really upset my sister

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best sister jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty sister gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these sister jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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