The Best 54 Siri Jokes

Just asked Siri.

"Surely it's not going to rain today?"

She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"

...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

"Hey Siri, what's your favorite 'Friends' quote?"

"I'm very bendy"

I was telling my Asian friend about my phone

I told my Asian friend that was fresh off the boat about how I can push a button on my phone and tell it to do something and it does it. He said "That's just Siri"

Ask siri what 0 divided by 0 is and get prepared for some sass

Me: Siri, why am I alone?

Siri: *opens front facing camera*

"Siri, do you have free will?"

"I am programmed to say 'Yes'."

Why does Sirius Black get all the girls?

Because he's a real dawg.

No wonder Sirius was tried and sent to prison for a crime that he did not commit.

He was Black.

"Siri, why am I single?"

Siri: opens front face camera

There was a really horrible sound coming from my car, so I asked Siri to identify it.

Skrillex.

[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien?

A mars-upial

I asked Siri " surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow"

and he replied " yes it is, and don't call me Shirley"...turns out I left airplane mode on

I just hopped in an Uber...

The driver explained how much she loved her job. She was her own boss and no one could tell her what she ha...

Siri: *Turn left in half a mile*

How do you turn Siri on?

Talk dirty to her.

Just asked Siri 'surely the weather is not going to be this miserable again tomorrow?'

Siri replied, 'yes it will be and don't call me Shirley'

Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode

I asked Siri why I'm single

She opened the front camera

I asked Siri: "Why can't I ever get into a relationship?"

The front camera on my phone opened up.

Hey Siri, teach me Kung Fu!

Neo, you need to unlock your iPhone first.

"Siri, why am I still single"?

...Siri turns on the front camera

I asked Siri "What do women want?"

My phone has not shut up for the past three days.

*My iPhone on Airplane mode*

Me: Siri, surely it must rain today

Siri: It won't and don't call me Shirley

I find Siri, Cortana and Alexa really sexy.

They may not be able to make me a sandwich, but they can order me one.

People complain about a lack of women in tech jobs

That's nonsense - what about Siri, Alexa and Cortana?

So my pal asked Siri why he's still single..

Siri activated the front camera

Siri:

The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

I did have to ask for a joke in English, as the first time Siri said she would, but I wouldn't understand a joke in her language.

ME: Siri, what time is it?

ALEXA: Who is Siri?

ME: Haha Alexa, I meant Alexa

ALEXA: Ok but who is Siri?

ME:...

ALEXA: Playing "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood

What four words is Siri most tired of hearing?

"Hey Siri, Open Google"

Hey Siri, do you ever get sick?

I might catch a virus every now and then.

Asked my iPhone, Surely I don't need an umbrella today? . Siri replied Yes, and don't call me Shirley .

Turns out I left Airplane mode on.

Why didn't the Chinese man have an iPhone?

He thought they were siri.

Siri call Laurel

Ok. Calling Yanny.

I won a bike race when no-one thought I could

Apart from Siri, she was routing for me throughout the whole journey

Three SIRI are sitting on the bar.

The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here."

Artificial Intelligence is really taking over our jobs, man.

Just today, I asked Siri to change the tv channel, and it ended up calling my mother.


Siri has now replaced my partially deaf grandma.

"Siri, I need a good joke."

"Okay, I'm opening your front-facing camera. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Er, no thanks, I'm good."

I asked Siri a question and she said, Don't call me Shirley.

I must have left the phone in Airplane mode.

There's only one phrase my girlfriend responds to when we have our intimate time together

Hey Siri

I tried to use the password "beefstew" for my iTunes account.

But Siri said it wasn't stroganoff.

Siri kept on calling me Shirley today

I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.

Wishing a happy women's day to Siri and Alexa

.... the only two women who listen to men and do as they say!!

I just asked Siri for a wake up call...

She sent a photo of me, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and beer cans.

I screamed hey Siri to my iPhone not thinking it would work but to my surprise she heard me. I had nothing to say, however, and I felt bad because...

I know I would hate it if someone turned ME on accidentally and did nothing about it.

You know you've been in quarantine long enough when..

Your Siri maps suggestion says 8 seconds to the living room!

Why was Sirius Black safe from COVID?

Because he was quarantined in Maskaban

Hey Siri, why do I not have a girlfriend?

Siri : *opens front camera

I told my wife the our phones were spying on us.

"Nonsense" she said. I laughed. She laughed. Siri laughed. Alexa laughed.

My wife asked me why I was whispering at home

I said I was worried that Mark Zuckerberg was listening. She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed. We all laughed...

I asked Siri Why I'm still single?

She opened the front facing camera

That's why....

" Siri why am I still single?"

Siri: activates front camera

Alexa, why do I always screw up with the ladies?

I'm Siri, you idiot!

I asked my phone "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said "I'm Alexa you moron."

I asked Siri for a joke to post here

She turned on my selfie camera

Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?

This is Alexa.

My wife asked why I talked so quietly today, I told her I was afraid mark zuckerberg was listening!

She laughed, I laughed, Siri laughed and Alexa laughed!

-James Franco