Sipping Jokes

53 sipping jokes and hilarious sipping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sipping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sipping Short Jokes

Short sipping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sipping humour may include short drinking jokes also.

  1. My wife walks into the kitchen Me: it sure is muggy outside
    Wife: if you put all the mugs on the porch I'm leaving you
    *Sips coffee out of bowl*
  2. I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs. "No," she said, taking a sip of her water.
    I said, "Well, you have now."
  3. Me: "Gee honey, it sure is muggy out today!" Her: "If I walk outside and all of our mugs are on the front porch, I'm leaving you."
    Me: *sips coffee from a bowl*
  4. Me to Wife: "Boy, it sure is muggy outside." Wife: "If I go outside and all of our mugs are sitting on the front porch, we're getting a divorce."
    Me: *quietly sips coffee from a bowl.*
  5. A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine... The wife says, I love you.
    The husband says, Is that you or the wine talking?
    The wife replies, It's me, talking to the wine.
  6. My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?" Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
    "No, why?"
  7. Why did mark zuckerberg only need a sip of water? Zucculents are excellent at storing water and can thrive in arid climates.
  8. Today convinced me that society isn't deteriorating as much as we think. I was on the bus at 6am and this really generous guy offered me a sip from his half-empty whiskey bottle.
  9. Me : *sips wine* ooh thats good. I'd like a bottle of that please. Priest : Ma'am, that's not how this works, please go back to your pew.
  10. What a modern day thing you think will kill a victorian era child? I think a single sip of Four Loko wipe them out !

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Sipping One Liners

Which sipping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sipping? I can suggest the ones about sips and dipping.

  1. Wife: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas Me: *sipping toast* why?
  2. I like my women how I like my coffee *Sips tea*
  3. A British man takes a sip of his coffee. And says, This not my cup of tea.
  4. I like my men like I like my coffee *sips tea*
  5. I had a sip of the Milky Way galaxy. It turns out I'm galactose intolerant.
  6. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
  7. I took a sip of what appears to be some sort of poisonous ink... I dyed a little inside..
  8. Take a sip of a friend's Coke and say, Oh yeah, I have monkeypox. That means free Coke!
  9. So I just overheard my mom ask my dad for a sip of wine. His response: Ok, Mississippi.
  10. How does Bill Cosby fall asleep at night?? Take's a sip of her drink!
  11. How many sips till the surgeon finishes his coffee? Four. Four sips.
  12. A man was in a cafe He took one sip of the coffee, and grimaced.
  13. What is white and leaning on a tree? A sip of milk.
  14. What did the blind man say when he sipped a frozen drink and was cured? "Icee."
  15. SipXecs - I don't always SipX But when I do, I sip Dos Equis

Sipping joke, SipXecs - I don't always SipX

Ridiculous Sipping Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about sipping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drinking coffee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sipping pranks.

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

All men are l**...

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about n**... women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about n**... women. When I shower, I think about n**... women. When I watch TV, I think about n**... women. It seems everything makes me think of n**... women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

How could I ever live without you?

An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says.
"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you"
Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?" ... She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant after a day spent roaming around Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's t**... from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy! A special Mexican Cuisine Treat!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

A real cowboy?

An old cowboys goes into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboys and asks "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am".
She says "That's cool. I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women".
The young lady finishes her drink and leaves and soon after a couple sits down next to the cowboy and the man asks him "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian".

Catholic Joke

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

A Jew, c**..., American and a Indian are sitting around a table

... and they're all sipping on their bourbon. They're all very rich and they c**... says " I think I will buy Apple. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the Indian says " I want to buy Google. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the American says " I want to buy Samsung " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the jew shudders and says " sorry, not selling. "

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.
"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"
"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."
"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"
"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

Mr Sine and Miss Cosine go on their honeymoon..

Mr Sine and Miss Cosine get married and head for their honeymoon to a seaside destination. So they're chilling by the beach, and sipping on their drinks, and things get naughty soon. During a l**... session on the beach, Sine whispers into Cosine's ear, "It's a good thing I'm not on top, or we'd both be tanned".

An Irishman walks into a bar...

...and says to the bartender, "Give me three pints of Guinness, lad". The bartender obliges, and the Irishman lifts two of the three glasses to the air, as if toasting some invisible person. He then set them down, and finished all three glasses by sipping from one, then the next, and the next until it was empty. Bartender, naturally curious, asks what's up.
"Oh, me two brothers all live about. Since we can't meet and have a pint together, we do it from afar like this."
This continues for a few more months, until finally, one day, the Irishman only orders two pints of Guinness. Bartender notices this and says solemnly, "Only two today? I'm sorry. Did one of your brothers pass away?"
"No, no, nothing of the sort. I've quit drinking!"

The rain was pouring . . .

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle. A tipsy-looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' the old man said simply.
'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub. As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth one today,' the old man answered.

Englishman, Irishman and a Chinese man working on a building site...

The foreman says to the Englishman "I need you to dig the foundations"
He says to the Irishman "You're going to be mixing the concrete"
And to the Chinese man "You're in charge of the supplies so the other two can do their jobs"
The foreman returns an hour later to find that no work has be done and the Chinese man is missing.
"My shovel never arrived" Says the Englishman, sipping a cup of tea.
"I've got no concrete" Says the Irishman, swigging from a hip flask.
The foreman goes off in a rage to find the Chinese man. Upon opening the supply shed the Chinese man jumps out from behind the door and yells "Surprise!"

A nerd walked into my Bio class today sipping a full martini glass...

Me: Why did you decide to bring alcohol into class??
Nerd: I needed to prove that I was more of a daredevil than I get credit for.
Me: Well what's in the glass then?
Nerd: Ahh, its a little cocktail I call the "Jellyfish".
Me: Why do you call it that?
Nerd: Because its 98% water...

A dictator is sitting in his office sipping his tea when his secretary bursts into the room.

"Sir you have to look at this newspaper, it's a huge scandal!" she says.
"They've written an article accusing several of your cabinet ministers being involved in a child s**... ring."
The dictator's face quickly turns from worry into surprise. "What absolute idiots, how could they do something like this!" he exclaims. "Do those editors really enjoy being tortured that much?"

Couple trolling

A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says "I love you". The husband says "Is that you or the wine talking?". The wife replies "It's me, talking to the wine"...

Wife comes home and finds her husband sipping coffee with another woman

She starts swearing at her husband immediatelly.
He stops her: 'Don't shout at me, this woman has come to see you.'
'Me? You cheating liar, I don't know her at all!'
'OK, let me introduce you then. This is Carol, wife of your lover…'

A man sits in a coffee shop sipping from a cup of coffee

A man sits in a coffee shop sipping from a cup of coffee, no laptop, no tablet or no phone, he just sits there, like a psychopath ..........

A husband was sipping his whiskey...

while sitting in the balcony with his wife and he says,
"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"
Husband replies, "It's me..... talking to the whisky...

Guy walks into a bar, sits, and orders a beer from the bartender

As he is sipping his beverage, he looks down and sees a gorilla sitting at the other end.
He asks the bartender, *"What's with the gorilla?"*
The bartender says, *"Oh, that's Mable. She does a trick. Want to see it?"*
So the bartender whistles and Mable comes lumbering down the length of the bar.
The bartender pulls out a heavy steel pipe and hits the gorilla in the side of its head. The gorilla drops to its knees and starts giving the bartender a b**....
*"Wow!"*, says the guy.
The bartender says, *"Pretty amazing, huh? You want to try?"*
The guys says, *"Yeah, sure! Just don't hit me so hard."*

A circle went to a party uninvited

"This party is only for shapes with edges. You cannot be here.", said the triangle.
The circle replied, sipping his drink, "I know. That's just how I roll."

Two archers are sipping pints in a pub.

The first archer says, "Did you see the new leathersmith? He's a beast of a man with eyes as black as night."
To which the second archer replies, "Aye, he makes me quiver".

I saw a guy with horribly burned lips and chin gingerly sipping his tea

He was a hipster. He said he enjoyed his tea before it was cool.

A man is sipping on his coffee at a cafe

He needs to visit bathroom. He doesn't want anyone to steal&drink his coffee during his absence so he leaves a sign on a cup that says: "I've spit in it".
He goes to the bathroom and comes back to find another sign on his coffee that says: "Me too"

Bubba and Jeff are walking through the brush

Bubba and Jeff are taking a walk through the brush sipping their Lone Stars. Jeff says "Hey Bubba, I got a take a leak", and he does. A rattlesnake pops up and bites Jeff on his member .... OUCH!
Jeff is rolling on the ground, and Bubba in a panic calls 911.
"911 What is your emergency?"
"My friend, He got bit by a rattlesnake, what do I do?"
"Stay calm sir .... It's necessary for you to s**... on the wound to draw the poison out"
"What if I can't do that?:" asks Bubba
"Then your friend will die."
"BUBBA", moans Jeff, "what are they telling you on the phone?"
"Jeff", says Bubba, "you're going to die"

I was about to slap a mosquito that's still in the middle of sipping my blood...

But then I realised that we have the same blood in our bodies. We are family now.

So I live next to a prison...

One morning I awoke to the sight of a little person breaking out of said prison, hastily climbing down the fence to freedom.
Sipping my coffee I thought to myself "*Well that's a little condescending".*

Wife asks the husband, who's the fool - you or me?

The husband calmly replies, while sipping his coffee, "honey, everyone knows you are way too smart to marry a fool"
Edit - I swear the joke was hilarious in the language I translated it from.


A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, I love you!
Is that you or the wine talking? asks the husband.
It's me, says the wife. Talking to the wine.

A couple is sitting in the living room sipping wine.

Out of the blue, the wife says, "I love you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" asks the husband.
"It's me," says the wife. "Talking to the wine."

To impress his date, Ron took her to a very chic Italian restaurant.

After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered for the both of them. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.

"That's the manager." said the waiter.

I said to my wife, 'it's really muggy outside today."

She looked at me and replied, 'if I go outside and all of our mugs are on the lawn, I'm leaving you!"
\*\*Me: Smugly continued sipping coffee from a bowl

A woman was sipping a glass of wine while relaxing with her husband... "I love you so much, she said, I don't know how I could live without you:

Her husband asked, "is that you or the wine talking"?
She replied "it's me, talking to the wine"

Two h**... were sipping shine on the front porch

When a truck went passed loaded up with rolls of sod.
I'm a-gonna do that when I win that there lottery announced h**... #1.
Do wuuuut? Asked h**... #2.
Send my lawn out to git mowed.

Two elderly gentlemen sipping their beer outside a pub...

One points to a dog l**... its g**... and says:
"Hey Bert, I wish I could do that"
Bert marks a pause, and replies:
"Well, I'm sure he'd let you if you gave him a biscuit"

I should open a bar that serves only shots and sipping whiskies, and is called...

Drinking, Fast and Slow

Sipping joke, A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine...

jokes about sipping