Sins Jokes
104 sins jokes and hilarious sins puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sins that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out these hilarious jokes about the Seven Deadly Sins! Laugh off your guilt and forgive yourself for your wrongdoings with these funny jokes inspired by Johnny Sins. Get ready to be tempted with these comedic takes on the 7 sins and find out how penance can be served with a smile.
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- Short Sins Jokes
- Sins One Liners
- Three Sins Jokes
- Sins Of Nuns Jokes
- Deadly Sins Jokes
- Johnny Sins Jokes
- More Sins Jokes
Funniest Sins Short Jokes
Short sins jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sins humour may include short sinned jokes also.
- After making love to my wife last night, she told me I had a body built for sin 12 hours later, I still can't figure out if she meant Gluttony or Sloth
- Jesus died for your sins. But did He stay dead?
At most, He lost a weekend for your sins. - Eating too much cake is the deadly sin of gluttony But not eating too much pie, because the sin of pi is always zero.
- Jesus sacrificed his life for your sins… Except he came back…
So, what did he really sacrifice?
His weekend?
Jesus sacrificed his weekend for your sins… - Girl: Daddy, I'm sorry I've been a bad girl Priest: For the last time, it's 'forgive me Father, for I have sinned'.
- sin and cos are lying down next to each other on the beach when all of a sudden sin jumps on top of cos. cos shouts "what are you doing?" sin replies, "im trying to get tan."
- Punish me daddy,I've been a naughty girl "For the last time ,Brenda, it's 'Forgive me Father,I've sinned' "
- According to theology, if you commit 90 sins, you'll only get caught half the time. Because ….sin90 = cot45
- At church, last sunday …, the preacher said "Jesus died for your sins". At that point, a man got up, furious and shouted "Seriously, man? I was reading that book!"
- Bad girl! She: I am sorry daddy, I have been a bad girl
Preist: For the last time! It's "Forgive me father for I have sinned"!!
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Sins One Liners
Which sins one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sins? I can suggest the ones about sines and evils.
- Sin city we all know is Las vegas, but do you know what Den city is? Mass over volume.
- If you sin 90 times you'll only be caught 45 times Because Sin 90 = Cot 45
- If you sin 90 times, you will only get caught 50% of the time... Because sin90 = cot45.
- Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used praypal.
- Pornhub premium users are like jesus They pay for our sins.
- My maths teacher never goes outside I can tell, cos there's no sin of his tan
- If Jesus Christ died for our sins... then who died for our cos and tans?
- Why did I divide sin by tan? Just cos.
- Why are christians not able to do trigonometry? Because Jesus took away their sin.
- If you commit 90 sins, u will get caught 45 times. Why? Because Sin 90 = Cot 45!
- Mathematical joke - Why did Sin go to the beach? Cos he wanted a Tan
- What does a Catholic do before a confession? He sins, obviously.
- Geometry is the work of satan. It makes people sin.
- Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
- Which of the7 deadly sins are lions guilty of? Pride!!
Three Sins Jokes
Here is a list of funny three sins jokes and even better three sins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They say Jesus Died for our sins... But he came back three days later, so really he just gave up his weekend for our sins.
- Forgive me Usher for I have sinned, It's been three weeks since my Last.fm play of Confessions
Sins Of Nuns Jokes
Here is a list of funny sins of nuns jokes and even better sins of nuns puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call it when a nun sins regularly? Bad habits
Deadly Sins Jokes
Here is a list of funny deadly sins jokes and even better deadly sins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 7 deadly sins Eating too much cake is a sin of gluttony, but eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.
- What is bread's most deadly sin? Gluteny
- Which deadly sin do bread lovers commit? Gluten-ny
- If you commit one of the seven deadly sins you should be punished. If you commit all of them you should be a politician.
- The seven deadly sins were having a Mexican stand-off... Greed-o shot first
- If there is one thing we can all agree upon about the Seven Deadly Sins... It's that Kevin Spacey labeled himself as the wrong one
- Everyone who participates in pride month is going h**... Not because they Are gay but because pride is one of the 7 deadly sins
- Jesus died for our sins. *But he was only dead for 3 days* .
So what did he sacrifice?
*His weekend.*
**Jesus gave up his weekend for our sins** - I'm always confused by gay pride parades. Don't the g**... realize its a sin? One of the seven deadly ones, even!
Johnny Sins Jokes
Here is a list of funny johnny sins jokes and even better johnny sins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Johnny Sins get fired from his job as a hiring manager Because he was putting people in positions they didn't apply for.
- What do David Duke and Johnny Sins have in common? They are both wizards under the sheets.
- A lawyer, a doctor, a cop, an electrician, a plumber walks into a bar. **Bartender asks "So what will you have Johnny Sins?"**
Uproarious Sins Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about sins you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cos sin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sins pranks.
What is the difference between Dale Earnhardt Jr and Jesus Christ?
One of them is the son of God and the other one died for your sins
local parish
The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a b**...." He says, "You have sinned."
Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but b**... was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a b**.... The altar boy answered, "Oh, about five dollars."
Confession
Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says "is that you Matthew?"
"Yes father, it is I."
"Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation."
The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No father."
"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
"No father."
"Was it Ann Brown?"
"No father, I cannot tell you."
The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."
Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."
An old man walks into a confessional...
An old man walks into a confessional and says, " I'm 82 years old, have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up 2 teenage girls hitchhiking, took them to a hotel, and made love to each of them 3 times.
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Then why are you telling me this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody!"
A doctor goes to confession...
"Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."
The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."
The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."
The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"
The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."
The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my t**..., it's been sore for days."
The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."
God gathered a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim...
... and told them:
-I am tired of mankind's sins! In two weeks I'll unleash a great flood that will kill all humanity!
The Christian said:
-We have only two weeks to appease Him!
The Muslim said:
-We have only two weeks to change our ways!
The Jew said:
-We have only two weeks to learn how to breathe underwater!
Jesus said...
Jesus said,"Ye with out sin throw the first stone."
So I threw a stone and tagged her hard.
Jesus looked at me and said, 'you know you have many sins right? '
I said I was sorry.
'You are forgiven' he told me.
So I threw another stone.
Bam!
A poster at the door of a church said, "If you are tired of your sins, come in."
Someone used lipstick to write her number beneath it and added "Call me, if not."
My son asked me to explain what coloring eggs had to do with the story of Easter...
"You see, son, we color easter eggs to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins."
I read this joke in a 1974 p**... magazine today.
An elderly man died and went to purgatory. There he ran into a friend his age, who is accompanied by a luscious young blonde. "I'm happy for you, Steve", said the new arrival. "At least you're getting a partial reward in this place while you expiate your sins."
"She isn't my reward", sighed Steve, "I'm her punishment!"
An old man goes to confession..
An old German man goes to confession one Sunday. He enters the confession, sits down and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, and I want to confess". The Priest says "Well my child, what are your sins?". The old man responds "During the war I hid a young Jewish woman from the n**... in return for s**... favours". The Priest, while surprised, says "It was a difficult time, you risked your life to help this woman despite the immoral exchange". "I understand that father" the old man says "But, do you think I should tell her the war is over?".
Courtesy of my Dad!
An elderly man walks into a confessional...
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had s**... with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old. I'm telling everybody .
Our Sins
So what if the whole Hilary/Trump presidential race is a result of of that last guy who didn't forward that chain mail causing the end of the world...
What did the deer first say when he got to church?
Deer God, please forgive me of my sins.
My humor is so dark
I confessed my sins.
How did Jesus pay for our sins?
Pray-Pal
Why do churches hate geometry?
There's too many sins involved.
My english teacher asked us to write down tragedies from our lives
I chose to write down sins instead.
What did Eve have to do to repent for her countless sins?
Add 'em
I think I finally understand Easter...
Jesus *dyed* for our sins.
Why was Jesus hanging around the spinning teacups carnival ride?
He was taking away the sins of the whirled
Once, there was a man who was so upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins.
hello
My wife asked me why I never go to Confession.
I told her I just clear my browser history when I want to wash away my sins.
I just found out Pride is one of the seven sins.
Good thing I'm so amazingly humble.
Why does Jesus like Black Friday?
Makes it easier to pay for our sins. Lotta BOGO deals out there.
How do Christians pay for sins?
With praypal.
Why don't students in Christian schools learn trigonometry?
Because Jesus freed them from their sins.
You will pay for your sins!
If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
What do Easter eggs have to do with Jesus?
They are dyed for our sins.
Why is it tradition to color eggs for Easter?
It is to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins.
You might have thought Jesus died for your sins...
but he was alive the entire time. April Fools.
A Muslim walks into a bar
and orders a bacon sandwich and a beer.
"Isn't that forbidden in your religion?" the bartender asks.
"Yes, but my sins will be forgiven in... 9 minutes.. and 30 seconds."
Jesus didn't die for our sins...
He died from them.
I got my kid baptized yesterday
Priest: Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the communion of saints and the forgiveness of sins?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body and life everlasting?
Me: I do
Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any s**... misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen?
Me: I do--- wait! Hold on!
Priest: Too late! You said it!
Why did God make men so evil?
His son is dying for sins.
LPT: If you commit 90 sins, it won't cost you anything.
sin90 = cos0
Hey girl, are you Heaven?
Because I would confess all my sins and accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior just to get in you
If jesus died for our sins, we don't want him to die for nothing.
Let's sin it up people.
If you commit 90 sins, you will only be caught half the time.
Because sin 90 = cot 45
Why do emo kids not like Shakespeare?
Because they write sins not tragedies...
A guy goes in to a catholic church to confess his sins but Father is still sleeping up stairs half drunk so one of the altar boys tries taking the confession instead
but soon this altar boy is put in a situation where he does not know what to do.
"Euh, excuses me for one sec. I will be right back to let you know what the proper penance is for that sin"
"Psssht, hey danny. Danny!"
"Yeah"
"What does Father give for m**...?"
"Two snickers and a marsbar"
Don't overdo your cross-training.
Like Jesus did for our sins.
An Italian went to church to admit his sins.
When the father opened the confessional's window, man stated talking:
-Father, I have done sin. During ww2 in my neighborhood lived a very beautiful Jewish girl, who asked if I could hide her from the Germans.
Father answered:
-Well, that's bravery and not sin.
The man continued:
-But it wasn't just that. I started to collect "rent" in form of s**.... First once a week, but eded up to every day and twice on Sundays.
Father said:
-That time meny people surely did the same. Thus your sins are forgiven and you are free to go home.
The man still continued:
-Father, I still have one question. Should I tell the woman, that the war is over.
A man goes to church to confess his sins.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he tells him
"What is it that you've done, my child?"
"Father, I've had premarital s**... with 6 different beautiful women. One for each day since Monday."
The priest takes a good look at him before replying, "Well, son, say 10 hail Mary's and drink a pint of lime juice."
"Will that absolve my sins, Father?"
"No, but it sure as h**... will wipe that s**... smirk on your face!"
If you commit 90 sins, you would be caught half the time.
Because sin90 = cot45
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a m**...
If Jesus died for our sins...
Who died for cos and tan?
In a confession booth...
ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.
PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.
ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.
PRIEST: You forgot pride.
ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.
One morning, a priest gives a sermon on the Seven Deadly Sins
After the sermon, a guy goes up to the priest and says, "Father, thank you so much for giving that sermon. It meant so much to me, and I'll tell you why. I lost my hat last week and I couldn't find it anywhere. I finally decided to steal a new one from the store, but now that I heard your sermon, I'm not going to."
The priest smiles and says, "That's good, my son. The part about 'thou shalt not steal' moved you, did it?"
The guy says, "Nope. After that part about adultery, I remember where I left my hat."
Assuming that God is male is so sexist
... especially considering that no matter how many times you repent for your sins God is still giving you a silent treatment.
Catholics have been lobbying for vaccine exemptions
Because theres nothing more catholic than someone else dying for your sins
Jesus died for you sins!
Dumb a**... ruining the story by giving away major plot points. I was gonna read that book.
Jesus encourages us to confess our sins.
Something my lawyer has specifically advised against.
Why do we color eggs for Easter?
Because Jesus DYED for our sins.
Happy Easter!
