sings Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious sings puns

What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies?

A fart.


*dedicated to my dear departed Grandfather who told me this joke almost 40 years ago when I was a kid.*

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

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What computer monitor sings the best?

A Dell.

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Yo mama so fat

When she sings.. it's over.

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Little mushrooms

A horny young man is walking down by a mushroom patch behind a nunnery, when he gets an idea. He strips, lies on his back, and buries himself with just his erection sticking out, disguised among the other mushrooms. Before long, a pretty, dainty young nun comes out with a basket and begins picking mushrooms. As she does this she sings sweetly: 'One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket', (she get's to the man) 'Three little... three little... three little...' You get the picture.

Later that day the young man was regaling this tale to his equally horny friend, who decided he must try this for himself. So the next day the other guy goes to the mushroom patch, strips off and buries himself with just his mushroomoid member on display. Soon enough a nun with a basket appears. This nun however is one of the largest, most butch women he'd ever spied. Could have been an Olympic shot-putter. In a gruff voice, she begins to sing... ' One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket, three little... three little... THREE little mushrooms for my basket...'

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What do you call a computer that sings?

Adell!

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A group of professors are on a plane.

A group of professors are on a plane as an experiment. They were told that the plane was made by their students. Naturally everyone panicked, their students were not the brightest people. However there was one professor who did not show any sings of fear. When they asked him why he replied "how can i be worried if the plane won't even take off."

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Why does Helen Keller play piano one-handed?

She sings with the other hand.

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Man cheats clearly

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

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[Scottish]What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings, and Walt disnae.

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John gets a Christmas parrot

John decided to get his wife a Christmas present. Maybe a puppy. Walking in to the pet store, he searches for the right puppy.


"Excuse me sir, are you looking for a Christmas present?" the clerk asked. "Yes, I think she would like a puppy," John replies.


"Here," motioning towards the back of the store, "we have a very special bird, Chet. He sings Christmas carols. See, light a match and hold it under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh." "Perfect," John exclaims.


Molly was home as she hears John knocking on the door. Letting him in, John proudly smiles, "His name is Chet. I got you a singing parrot!" Raising a eyebrow, Molly stares at him. Placing the parrot on his stand, John lights a match. "Listen to him sing when I hold the match under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing again, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh."


"Well, what do you think?" Jon smiles. Molly stood quietly, "What would happened if you hold the match, well, between his feet?"



Holding the match between his feet, the parrot squawks, "CHET'S NUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE!"

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What's green and sings?

Elvis Parsley

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My favorite Christmas joke

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.

The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird.

The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."

The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way."

The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. He rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent.

Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells."

The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead.

Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing "Chet's nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"

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They say it ain't over until the fat lady sings.

No wonder Feminist can't start things

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So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....

I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.

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A man is cheating

on his wife, Lorraine. His lover is a girl named Clearly. His wife suspects him of cheating so she is always keeping a close eye on him. He knows that she is always watching so he never gets a chance to be with Clearly. One day, Lorraine had a heart attack and died. At her funeral, the man sings: "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

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A kid goes back from school and sings in the bus:

Kid: If I my dad was a horse, I would be a little ponny,
If my mom was a mare I would be a little ponny.
Already frustrated bus driver asked him then:
What would you be if your mother was a whore and your father a fag?
Kid: probably a bus driver

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Have you guys heard about the irish boomerang?

it never returns but it constantly sings songs about how it wants to.

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Me, neighbor and cops are making a band

I play electric guitar, Cops are playing drums on the door and neighbor sings outside the window.

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What kind of PC sings really well?

A Dell

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TIL Every animal has its own specific mating call

A bird sings, a frog croaks, a badger clickets, a grasshopper chirps, a deer croons, and I beg.

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What do you call a 2000 pound spanish toilet that sings?

El Ton John

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Did you hear the one about the Irish boomerang ?

It doesn't come back .............. it just sings about how much it wants to.

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What is large, grey and sings great jazz songs?

Elephants Gerald

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A guy goes into a restaurant for breakfast at Christmas time.

After looking over the menu he orders eggs Benedict. When his breakfast arrives, it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter,"Whats with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud , but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

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Did you hear that Taylor Swift stopped singing songs about herself?

She sings all about it in her new hit song.

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My sister asked me who sings the 'Black Beatles' song [OC]

I told her probably John Melanin.

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What do you call an herb that sings?

Elvis Parsley.

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A man comes to a circus and offers to do a show: a crocodile playing piano and a hippo singing.

The show has a tremendous success and earns a load of money for the circus, so the circus owner asks the man: Tell me there's a trick in your show; it can't be that the crocodile plays piano and the hippo sings for real!

The man answers: You've got me here, of course it can't be for real. In fact, the hippo just looks impressive opening and closing his mouth, while the crocodile does all the playing and the singing .

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What do you call a bunny that sings supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?

Mary Hoppins

By the way, not to brag, but I got that spelling right without Googling

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Cheating in a joke.

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

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How does a beetle serenade his girlfriend?

He sings "I've got you under my chitin".

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A woman walks into a pet shop

She sees a beautiful parrot, and asks the shop keeper if he says any words. The shop keeper says, "If you hold a match under his left foot he sings Highway to hell."

The lady is sceptical at first, but she tries it and the parrot sings Highway to hell. Amazed, she asks the shop keeper what else he sings. He says, " If you hold a match under his right foot he sings it's getting hot in here."

The lady is again sceptical, but does what he says. She is amazed to find that the parrot sings it's getting hot in here by Nelly.

She gets curious to see if he sings any other songs, and moves the match directly under the parrot. He starts singing, "Chestnuts roasting on open fire."

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A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly..

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

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What are the most funny Sings jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sings? Well, here are the best Sings dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sings pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes