Following is our collection of unmarried humor and triple one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Single puns for adults, dirty seperate jokes or clean single man gags for kids.
There is an abundance of celibate jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 82 funniest jokes on single. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any items witze you can hear about single.
I just don't have them in the right order.
A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader
The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey.
As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another.
The bartender, dumbfounded, asks the man: 'Why are you drinking so fast?'
The man awnsers: 'well, you would do the same as me, if you had what I have,' while chugging the last glass of wiskey.
'So, what is it that you have?' asks the bartender.
The man: 'not a single penny'
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
## I say ofcourse he was Jewish
+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift
## He's Jewish. Give it up
****
_by Robin Williams_
Happy Birthday Robin!
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
Use your hands
Beat it single handed.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.
People would wait days in line for a single piece
I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me.
He never even finished a single race.
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become stupid."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."
It's a vicious cycle.
Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...
Single.
the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."
When single women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in the fridge, and head for bed. When married women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in bed, and head for the fridge.
Impressive.
Never buying single ply toilet paper again.
Single Player.
Palm Sunday.
First time posting, please be gentle.
..you become a single mother.
^^^sorry
She opened the front camera
I beat it single handedly.
Siri: opens front face camera
A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
I am taken
For granted
He got fired.
I play a lot of single player.
Just not my choice.
- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
So I moved the mirror
Not my choice, but still...
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.
Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this place."
The kangaroo replies sourly, "Yeah, and at $19 for a beer, you won't be getting many more."
It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan
"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."
"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."
"No," I said. "I mean being single."
Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?
I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.
15 years old and mixed up with coke.
(Just a joke, I would never condone mixing single malt and coke)
There isn't a single person left!
Bwahahahahaha
Palm Sunday.
It was going well until I told her I didn't care about her kid; I just wanted to play with the box it came in.
He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he screwed every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."
Tomorrow is going to be really awesome for me!
I don't think I am ready for her to be a single mom.
First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.
...until he found a way to overcome this problem.
His friends noticed the dramatic change.
"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.
'I haven't had a single problem since."
"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"
"Tom replied, "That's his problem."
Because you won't find work
Everywhere he looks, it seems as if every single space has been taken. Though never much of a church goer, the man looks up to the sky and says, "God, if you give me a parking space, I promise I'll stop sinning and go to church." Suddenly, a parking space opens up right in front of him.
"Never mind. I found one."
and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.
Siri activated the front camera
"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."
"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"
"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"
A man is going to the circus to look for work. The man finds the manager in his caravan and asks him if he could get a job at the circus.
Oh, so you're looking to join the circus then? Tell me, what can you do?
I can mimic a bird, the man says proudly.
Hah, scoffs the manager, every single person at this circus can mimic a bird, even the slow stable boy, that's not anything we'd want here at this circus.
Oh well, says the man and flew out the window.
He single handedly stops crime.
Does that make me homolone?
...Siri turns on the front camera
A woman was once buying a very large cucumber, some condoms, and some Vaseline. She gets up to the checkout counter and the cashier says, "I can tell you're single." The flirtatious woman replies, "Oh really, how can you tell that?" The man looks at her with a stern face and says, "Because you're ugly."
Because there are targets on every single corner.
Because being ugly everyday just sucks!
The cashier immediately begins to berate her for such a poor decision. "I can't believe you are being so stupid. Knowing that you are pregnant! You shouldn't buy a single pack until after you've had the baby."
"You're right," the lady replied, "Give me a carton. I'm smoking for two now."
She single handedly changed my life
so i can tell people that i walk 6 miles every single day.
A man is waiting for his drink and asks the lady "you must be single right?".
"What, a woman can't have a drink alone at the bar without being single?!"
"No, you're just really ugly"
But when I opened it every single page was blank.
I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was.
Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken
A boy met a girl....
Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Boy (smiling): Why thank you... are you single?
Girl: No, I am a dentist.
Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.
Choice of 2 billion women.
Single women come home, look in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, look in the bed, and go to the fridge.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.