Single Jokes
159 single jokes and hilarious single puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about single that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best single jokes! Whether it’s a single mom joke or a single cashier joke, find out the best jokes about single life. Get a laugh out of unmarried people, single boys, single women, and single lines. Read individually crafted single jokes today!
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- Short Single Jokes
- Single One Liners
- Being Single Jokes
- Single Man Jokes
- Single Woman Jokes
- Single People Jokes
- Single Mom Jokes
- More Single Jokes
Funniest Single Short Jokes
Short single jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The single humour may include short lone jokes also.
- Student: Are well and actually both single-syllable words? Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
- Guys, don't install adblock I did, and now the hot singles in my area don't want to meet me any more.
- Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer. - As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season... I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
- They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader
- A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
cashier: "Because you're ugly." - America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
- Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece
- My wife screamed, "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" I was taken aback... what a weird way to start a conversation.
- A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me.
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Single One Liners
Which single one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with single? I can suggest the ones about solitary and singular.
- I once went to visit Japan and I haven't seen a single ninja. Impressive.
- I know every single digit of pi! I just don't have them in the right order.
- If you're single and you know it Use your hands
- No single bird can defeat me. But Toucan.
- Every single morning I get hit by the same bike It's a vicious cycle.
- Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? and it activated the front camera.
- My girlfriend said she's a big fan of horoscopes. You know what that makes me? Single.
- I haven't sold a single copy of my autobiography. That's the story of my life.
- When I went to Japan on vacation, I didn't see a single ninja. Impressive.
- I got in touch with my inner self once... Never buying single ply toilet paper again.
- Once you go black... ..you become a single mother.
^^^sorry - I asked Siri why I'm single She opened the front camera
- What do you call men who make "women belong in the kitchen" jokes? Single.
- "Siri, why am I single?" Siri: opens front face camera
- No actually I am not single I am taken
For granted
Being Single Jokes
Here is a list of funny being single jokes and even better being single puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.
- Parking a single car doesn't require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
- Ever since I've downloaded Adblock, all the single girls in my area seem to have lost interest...
- I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion. She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
- My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" What a weird way to start a conversation..
- "Pre-" means before and "Post-" means after, so to use both together in a single word would be... preposterous
cheers all :) - Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
- How can a room full of married people be empty? Because there's not a single person there.
- If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men? Palm Sunday.
First time posting, please be gentle. - Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!! Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.
Single Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny single man jokes and even better single man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way So I moved the mirror
- A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know that?" "I saw you browsing reddit on your phone" she replied.
- Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
Teach 100 men to fish, you're the single biggest threat to our ecosystem. - How did the one armed man save the world? Single handedly!
- A man is buying a banana, some skittles, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man responds: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly." - Did you hear about the one-armed man that robbed the bank? He did it single-handedly.
- So, there's a plane... So there's a plane. The plane crashes, and every single person dies. However, a man goes home and tells his wife about it. How is this possible?
He wasn't single. - "Hey man, the 49th state is pretty cute. Do you know if she's single or not?" "I'm not sure, but Alaska."
- It's not true that a married man will live longer than a single man It just seems longer
- When I was a single man, I had an incredible amount of spare time. Since I started listening to full albums I'm always stuck in my room.
Single Woman Jokes
Here is a list of funny single woman jokes and even better single woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single." He got fired.
- I'm pretty sure God is a Black Woman Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?
- A woman on a dating site sent me a message saying, "Wow! Your gorgeous, how come your still single?" "It's spelled 'you're'," I replied.
- The most beautiful woman I've ever seen came up to my table in a restaurant and asked me if I'm single... I happily replied,
"Yess..."
She took away the extra chair in front of me. - A woman's faults are many, but we men have only two. Every single thing we say and everything we do.
- What do single male zombies look for in a woman? Brains.
- What do you get when you date a 28-year-old single woman? Two Kids
- My Ideal Woman is a Single Mother ...once I've finished with her.
- What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.
- Q.) What would a size 60" waist be in woman sizes? A.) SINGLE
Single People Jokes
Here is a list of funny single people jokes and even better single people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I entered in a room full of married people There wasn't a single person there.
- I named my dog 6 miles so i can tell people that i walk 6 miles every single day.
- How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.
- Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society. Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!
- Did you know that the USSR had some of the world's best bakeries? People would stand in line all week just to get a single slice of bread!
- There's a name for people that believe in horoscopes. They are called single women.
- Why did the room packed with married people seem empty? Because there wasn't a single person there.
- How do single people honor valentine's day? By Celibating!
- My dad used to always say the same thing to us every single time we drove past a cemetery "You know, people are just dying to get in there."
- Why is it that the room filled with married people seemed empty? There wasn't a single person there!
Single Mom Jokes
Here is a list of funny single mom jokes and even better single mom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
- Went on a date with a single mom... It was going well until I told her I didn't care about her kid; I just wanted to play with the box it came in.
- My wife is talking about wanting to have children. I don't think I am ready for her to be a single mom.
- You all know the saying Once you go black, you're a single mom
- Do not install adblock on your computer or phone Now all the hot single moms don't want me anymore
- What do vegans and single moms have in common? They always have to mention it.
- I told her one man's trash is another man's treasure And she just stormed out , I'm never dating single mom's again
- When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess.
- What do you call a single mother's period? A mono-mom's pause.
- To single moms... To single moms, I feel like the saying "easy come easy go" has an entirely different meaning.
Howlingly Hilarious Single Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about single you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean individual jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make single pranks.
Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years...
...until he found a way to overcome this problem.
His friends noticed the dramatic change.
"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.
'I haven't had a single problem since."
"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"
"Tom replied, "That's his problem."
One soldier
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
A cowboy, an Indian, and a Muslim are sitting in a bar..
the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."
A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster
He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he s**... every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."
The Irishman's parking space
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
How can a room full of couples be empty?
There isn't a single person left!
Bwahahahahaha
Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.
On average, a single male has s**... 89 times a year.
Tomorrow is going to be really awesome for me!
A kangaroo walks into a bar
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.
Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this place."
The kangaroo replies sourly, "Yeah, and at $19 for a beer, you won't be getting many more."
h**... wasn't a very athletic man.
He never even finished a single race.
My s**... life and gaming life are pretty similar.
I play a lot of single player.
Had a fight with an e**... today...
I beat it single handedly.
Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged
I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.
People say to me Jesus was not Jewish
## I say ofcourse he was Jewish
+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift
## He's Jewish. Give it up
****
_by Robin Williams_
Happy Birthday Robin!
Why do guys gain weight after marriage?
Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
Why are married women heavier than single women?
When single women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in the fridge, and head for bed. When married women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in bed, and head for the fridge.
- Doctor, I want to live very old
- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing c**... and coming back home to have unprotected s**... with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?
A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"
A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
The US just dropped a new single today
It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan
There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD"
First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.
My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.
"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."
"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."
"No," I said. "I mean being single."
The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa..." is really s**...
Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.
I'm single by choice
Just not my choice.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
m**... in the jungle
A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
My s**... life is like a video game
Single Player.
I am proud to be single by choice
Not my choice, but still...
I fought an e**... this morning
Beat it single handed.
I like my single malt how I like my girls.
15 years old and mixed up with coke.
(Just a joke, I would never condone mixing single malt and coke)
A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office
Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become s**...."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."
A man walks in a bar and says: 'I'd like 7 double wiskeys, please.'
The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey.
As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another.
The bartender, dumbfounded, asks the man: 'Why are you drinking so fast?'
The man awnsers: 'well, you would do the same as me, if you had what I have,' while chugging the last glass of wiskey.
'So, what is it that you have?' asks the bartender.
The man: 'not a single penny'
A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
A man walks into an Indian restaurant.
The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?
The man replies, No, I haven't.
The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.
A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.
Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt'...to which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'
He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'
A frustrated student handed in his exam.
"I've been writing for two hours, yet i haven't answered a single question!" he complained.
"Well done, that's a straight A." replied the Politics Teacher.
If your crush is single...
It is 1v20
If she is taken...
It is 1v1
Work smarter not harder
Feminists are the reason I am single
If it wasn't for them, some girl out there would've been forced to settle for me by now.
Mummy, how was I born?
A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, Mummy, how was I born**?**
The mother smiled and replied:
Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth & I took care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, rolled it up, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to wear a c**....
Being married is solving problems together.
Problems I wouldn't have, if I was single.
A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of w**....
"What have we here?"
"It's not mine officer."
He scoffs.
"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"b**...."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis and flush it down the c**.... He checks my pocket and asks,
"So where's the bag of w**...?"
"What bag of w**...?"
Did you know there isn't a single canary on the Canary Islands? Same with the v**... Islands....
Not one canary
My girlfriend called me a gullible idiot and said I shouldn't believe everything I see on the Internet
I told her I don't have to put up with this, not when there are desperate single milfs less than a mile away
Guy races into a bar looking very flustered and says to the bartender "Quick, give me a shot of your finest Scotch before the trouble starts"
The guy downs the scotch in a single gulp and glancing nervously towards the doors says **"Quick, give me another shot of you finest Scotch before the trouble starts"**
The guy downs that Scotch too and says, ***"Quick, another shot before the trouble starts".*** The barman pauses and says ***"Ok but I need you to pay for the other shots first"***
The guy looks the barman in the eye and says ***"It looks like the trouble has started"******.***
