Single Jokes

Following is our collection of unmarried humor and triple one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Single puns for adults, dirty seperate jokes or clean single man gags for kids.

There is an abundance of celibate jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 82 funniest jokes on single. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any items witze you can hear about single.

The Best jokes about Single

I know every single digit of pi!

I just don't have them in the right order.

Missionary in the jungle

A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:

"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"

The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:

"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."

The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book

That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader

A man walks in a bar and says: 'I'd like 7 double wiskeys, please.'

The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey.

As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another.

The bartender, dumbfounded, asks the man: 'Why are you drinking so fast?'

The man awnsers: 'well, you would do the same as me, if you had what I have,' while chugging the last glass of wiskey.

'So, what is it that you have?' asks the bartender.

The man: 'not a single penny'

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."


People say to me Jesus was not Jewish

## I say ofcourse he was Jewish

+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift

## He's Jewish. Give it up

****
_by Robin Williams_

Happy Birthday Robin!

America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.

Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.

A linguistics professor is lecturing his class

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

If you're single and you know it

Use your hands

I fought an erection this morning

Beat it single handed.

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.


I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.


Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history?

People would wait days in line for a single piece

A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?"

I Happily I replied," Yes...."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.

Hitler wasn't a very athletic man.

He never even finished a single race.

The Irishman's parking space

An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.

He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."

Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."

A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office

Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become stupid."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."

Every single morning I get hit by the same bike

It's a vicious cycle.

The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa..." is really stupid

Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.


One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

Parking a single car doesn't require much space.

But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

Ever since I've downloaded Adblock, all the single girls in my area seem to have lost interest...

I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

Why do guys gain weight after marriage?

Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...

My girlfriend said she's a big fan of horoscopes. You know what that makes me?

Single.

A cowboy, an Indian, and a Muslim are sitting in a bar..

the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."

Why are married women heavier than single women?

When single women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in the fridge, and head for bed. When married women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in bed, and head for the fridge.

When I went to Japan on vacation, I didn't see a single ninja.

Impressive.

I got in touch with my inner self once...

Never buying single ply toilet paper again.

My sex life is like a video game

Single Player.

If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men?

Palm Sunday.

First time posting, please be gentle.

Once you go black...

..you become a single mother.

^^^sorry

I asked Siri why I'm single

She opened the front camera

Had a fight with an erection today...

I beat it single handedly.

"Siri, why am I single?"

Siri: opens front face camera

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

No actually I am not single

I am taken










For granted

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."

He got fired.

My sex life and gaming life are pretty similar.

I play a lot of single player.

I'm single by choice

Just not my choice.

- Doctor, I want to live very old

- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way

So I moved the mirror

I am proud to be single by choice

Not my choice, but still...

A kangaroo walks into a bar

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.

Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this place."

The kangaroo replies sourly, "Yeah, and at $19 for a beer, you won't be getting many more."

The US just dropped a new single today

It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan

My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.

"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."

"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."

"No," I said. "I mean being single."

I'm pretty sure God is a Black Woman

Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?

Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged

I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.

I like my single malt how I like my girls.

15 years old and mixed up with coke.

(Just a joke, I would never condone mixing single malt and coke)

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left!

Bwahahahahaha

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

Went on a date with a single mom...

It was going well until I told her I didn't care about her kid; I just wanted to play with the box it came in.

A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster

He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"

"Oh, no problem there, he screwed every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"

"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"

"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."

On average, a single male has sex 89 times a year.

Tomorrow is going to be really awesome for me!

My wife is talking about wanting to have children.

I don't think I am ready for her to be a single mom.

There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD"

First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.

Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years...

...until he found a way to overcome this problem.

His friends noticed the dramatic change.

"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."

"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.

'I haven't had a single problem since."

"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"

"Tom replied, "That's his problem."

Study something you like and you will never have to work a single day

Because you won't find work

A man is looking for a parking space

Everywhere he looks, it seems as if every single space has been taken. Though never much of a church goer, the man looks up to the sky and says, "God, if you give me a parking space, I promise I'll stop sinning and go to church." Suddenly, a parking space opens up right in front of him.

"Never mind. I found one."

I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board

and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…

The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book

How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks

The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.

Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's

An indian lady visited a bar for the first time

She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.

The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"

The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"

Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?

The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.

So my pal asked Siri why he's still single..

Siri activated the front camera

Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"

"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."

"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"

"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"

The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"

The man at the circus.

A man is going to the circus to look for work. The man finds the manager in his caravan and asks him if he could get a job at the circus.

Oh, so you're looking to join the circus then? Tell me, what can you do?

I can mimic a bird, the man says proudly.

Hah, scoffs the manager, every single person at this circus can mimic a bird, even the slow stable boy, that's not anything we'd want here at this circus.

Oh well, says the man and flew out the window.

Have you heard about the one-armed super hero?

He single handedly stops crime.

So I'm gay and single ....

Does that make me homolone?

"Siri, why am I still single"?

...Siri turns on the front camera

Single Ladies.

A woman was once buying a very large cucumber, some condoms, and some Vaseline. She gets up to the checkout counter and the cashier says, "I can tell you're single." The flirtatious woman replies, "Oh really, how can you tell that?" The man looks at her with a stern face and says, "Because you're ugly."

Why is there no walmarts in the middle east?

Because there are targets on every single corner.

I wish i was ugly for just one single day..

Because being ugly everyday just sucks!

A pregnant woman asks the cashier for a pack of cigarettes...

The cashier immediately begins to berate her for such a poor decision. "I can't believe you are being so stupid. Knowing that you are pregnant! You shouldn't buy a single pack until after you've had the baby."

"You're right," the lady replied, "Give me a carton. I'm smoking for two now."

I married an amputee last week

She single handedly changed my life

I named my dog 6 miles

so i can tell people that i walk 6 miles every single day.

A woman sits alone at the bar

A man is waiting for his drink and asks the lady "you must be single right?".

"What, a woman can't have a drink alone at the bar without being single?!"

"No, you're just really ugly"

My Dad got me a thesaurus for Christmas last year

But when I opened it every single page was blank.
I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was.

Schrodinger's Crush:

Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken

It's in the Smile

A boy met a girl....

Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.

Boy (smiling): Why thank you... are you single?

Girl: No, I am a dentist.

What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?

Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.

I am single by choice.

Choice of 2 billion women.

Why do women gain weight after they get married?

Single women come home, look in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, look in the bed, and go to the fridge.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes