Following is our collection of funny Single jokes. There are some single triple jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these single valentines day single puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
...until he found a way to overcome this problem.
His friends noticed the dramatic change.
"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.
'I haven't had a single problem since."
"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"
"Tom replied, "That's his problem."
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."
He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he screwed every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
There isn't a single person left!
Bwahahahahaha
Palm Sunday.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.
It was going well until I told her I didn't care about her kid; I just wanted to play with the box it came in.
Tomorrow is going to be really awesome for me!
You can explore single unmarried reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean single seperate dad jokes. There are also single puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man is going to the circus to look for work. The man finds the manager in his caravan and asks him if he could get a job at the circus.
Oh, so you're looking to join the circus then? Tell me, what can you do?
I can mimic a bird, the man says proudly.
Hah, scoffs the manager, every single person at this circus can mimic a bird, even the slow stable boy, that's not anything we'd want here at this circus.
Oh well, says the man and flew out the window.
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.
Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this place."
The kangaroo replies sourly, "Yeah, and at $19 for a beer, you won't be getting many more."
He never even finished a single race.
I play a lot of single player.
..you become a single mother.
^^^sorry
I beat it single handedly.
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
He got fired.
It's a vicious cycle.
Impressive.
I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.
Palm Sunday.
First time posting, please be gentle.
Siri: opens front face camera
## I say ofcourse he was Jewish
+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift
## He's Jewish. Give it up
****
_by Robin Williams_
Happy Birthday Robin!
and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight startedβ¦
Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
Never buying single ply toilet paper again.
I don't think I am ready for her to be a single mom.
So I moved the mirror
Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?
When single women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in the fridge, and head for bed. When married women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in bed, and head for the fridge.
- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?
I am taken
For granted
A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
I just don't have them in the right order.
She opened the front camera
That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader
It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan
First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.
Everywhere he looks, it seems as if every single space has been taken. Though never much of a church goer, the man looks up to the sky and says, "God, if you give me a parking space, I promise I'll stop sinning and go to church." Suddenly, a parking space opens up right in front of him.
"Never mind. I found one."
"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."
"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."
"No," I said. "I mean being single."
I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me.
Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.
Use your hands
But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
Just not my choice.
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
Because you won't find work
A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
Single Player.
Not my choice, but still...
Beat it single handed.
15 years old and mixed up with coke.
(Just a joke, I would never condone mixing single malt and coke)
People would wait days in line for a single piece
Single.
Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become stupid."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."
She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.
"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."
"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"
"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey.
As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another.
The bartender, dumbfounded, asks the man: 'Why are you drinking so fast?'
The man awnsers: 'well, you would do the same as me, if you had what I have,' while chugging the last glass of wiskey.
'So, what is it that you have?' asks the bartender.
The man: 'not a single penny'
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?
The man replies, No, I haven't.
The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.
Because there's not a single person there.
What a weird way to start a conversation..
Single.
"It's spelled 'you're'," I replied.
Impressive.
IΒ΄ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.
Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt'...to which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'
He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'
"I've been writing for two hours, yet i haven't answered a single question!" he complained.
"Well done, that's a straight A." replied the Politics Teacher.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side⦠You know what?
What dear? She asked gently.
I think you bring me bad luck.
I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
It is 1v20
If she is taken...
It is 1v1
Work smarter not harder
preposterous
cheers all :)
If it wasn't for them, some girl out there would've been forced to settle for me by now.
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
"That's it, I'm getting a divorce. Every single night my wife goes out going from pub to pub all across the town. She literally goes to every single one some nights. I can't take it anymore".
"What is she doing?"
"She's looking for me!"
Single handedly!
Silly them for all standing in the same place.
It's not easy being the son of a pirate.
I've herd them all so don't udder a single word.
and it activated the front camera.
There wasn't a single person there.
I thought it would bring us closer together...
And she even slapped me when I suggested we go single
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the single single liner jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working single single people piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.