Single Jokes
155 single jokes and hilarious single puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about single that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best single jokes! Whether it’s a single mom joke or a single cashier joke, find out the best jokes about single life. Get a laugh out of unmarried people, single boys, single women, and single lines. Read individually crafted single jokes today!
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Funniest Single Short Jokes
Short single jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The single humour may include short lone jokes also.
- Student: Are well and actually both single-syllable words? Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
- Guys, don't install adblock I did, and now the hot singles in my area don't want to meet me any more.
- Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer. - As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season... I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
- They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader
- America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
- Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece
- My wife screamed, "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" I was taken aback... what a weird way to start a conversation.
- A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me. - Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.
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Single One Liners
Which single one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with single? I can suggest the ones about solitary and singular.
- I once went to visit Japan and I haven't seen a single ninja. Impressive.
- I know every single digit of pi! I just don't have them in the right order.
- If you're single and you know it Use your hands
- No single bird can defeat me. But Toucan.
- Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? and it activated the front camera.
- My girlfriend said she's a big fan of horoscopes. You know what that makes me? Single.
- I haven't sold a single copy of my autobiography. That's the story of my life.
- I got in touch with my inner self once... Never buying single ply toilet paper again.
- Once you go black... ..you become a single mother.
^^^sorry - No actually I am not single I am taken
For granted - I'm single by choice Just not my choice.
- An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way So I moved the mirror
- The US just dropped a new single today It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan
- Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
- Being married is solving problems together. Problems I wouldn't have, if I was single.
Being Single Jokes
Here is a list of funny being single jokes and even better being single puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Parking a single car doesn't require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
- I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion. She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
- Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
- How can a room full of married people be empty? Because there's not a single person there.
- If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men? Palm Sunday.
First time posting, please be gentle. - Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!! Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.
- Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them? In the bookstore, under "fiction".
- A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
- A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single." He got fired.
- During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots. He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever recruited.
Single Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny single man jokes and even better single man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know that?" "I saw you browsing reddit on your phone" she replied.
- Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
Teach 100 men to fish, you're the single biggest threat to our ecosystem. - How did the one armed man save the world? Single handedly!
- Did you hear about the one-armed man that robbed the bank? He did it single-handedly.
- So, there's a plane... So there's a plane. The plane crashes, and every single person dies. However, a man goes home and tells his wife about it. How is this possible?
He wasn't single. - "Hey man, the 49th state is pretty cute. Do you know if she's single or not?" "I'm not sure, but Alaska."
- It's not true that a married man will live longer than a single man It just seems longer
- When I was a single man, I had an incredible amount of spare time. Since I started listening to full albums I'm always stuck in my room.
- Doc,what's really wrong with me? Tell me straight. "Well,there isn't a single thing wrong with you. Everything is perfect."
"Good" the man replies. "Could you tell my wife that?" - What do you call asian man who is single Lone lee
Single Woman Jokes
Here is a list of funny single woman jokes and even better single woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A woman on a dating site sent me a message saying, "Wow! Your gorgeous, how come your still single?" "It's spelled 'you're'," I replied.
- What do single male zombies look for in a woman? Brains.
- What do you get when you date a 28-year-old single woman? Two Kids
- My Ideal Woman is a Single Mother ...once I've finished with her.
- What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.
- Q.) What would a size 60" waist be in woman sizes? A.) SINGLE
- (NAME) spent most of his university days single But it was by choice. Woman chose not to date him.
Single People Jokes
Here is a list of funny single people jokes and even better single people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I entered in a room full of married people There wasn't a single person there.
- How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.
- Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society. Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!
- Why did the room packed with married people seem empty? Because there wasn't a single person there.
- How do single people honor valentine's day? By Celibating!
- My dad used to always say the same thing to us every single time we drove past a cemetery "You know, people are just dying to get in there."
- Why is it that the room filled with married people seemed empty? There wasn't a single person there!
- If a single germ can infect over 300 people... Imagine what a married one could do.
- People be like I am fat because my mother cooks good food... ...I am like I am single because I have strong hands.
- Why are test tube manufacturers always single? People just seem to find them vial!
Single Mom Jokes
Here is a list of funny single mom jokes and even better single mom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Went on a date with a single mom... It was going well until I told her I didn't care about her kid; I just wanted to play with the box it came in.
- My wife is talking about wanting to have children. I don't think I am ready for her to be a single mom.
- When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess.
- What do you call a single mother's period? A mono-mom's pause.
- To single moms... To single moms, I feel like the saying "easy come easy go" has an entirely different meaning.
- My mom sent me a pic of the new Single Sign On page at her work. I said "Wow, that's a picasso".
- My mom asked me if I was an alcoholic.. "No, I haven't been to a single meeting."
- Being a single mom is really hard ..... Especially when your a stripper
- I'm babysitting for a single mom who is an hour late... She's probably getting pregnant right now...
- Christmas tree's for single mom's Just big enough for her to carry by herself
Howlingly Hilarious Single Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about single you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean individual jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make single pranks.
Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years...
...until he found a way to overcome this problem.
His friends noticed the dramatic change.
"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.
'I haven't had a single problem since."
"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"
"Tom replied, "That's his problem."
I am single by choice.
Choice of 2 billion women.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One soldier
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy, an Indian, and a Muslim are sitting in a bar..
the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster
He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he s**... every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."
The Irishman's parking space
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
How can a room full of couples be empty?
There isn't a single person left!
Bwahahahahaha
Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.
A kangaroo walks into a bar
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.
Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this place."
The kangaroo replies sourly, "Yeah, and at $19 for a beer, you won't be getting many more."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... wasn't a very athletic man.
He never even finished a single race.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever since I've downloaded Adblock, all the single girls in my area seem to have lost interest...
I married an amputee last week
She single handedly changed my life
Have you heard about the one-armed super hero?
He single handedly stops crime.
Schrodinger's Crush:
Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken
Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged
I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.
I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board
and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…
It's in the Smile
A boy met a girl....
Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Boy (smiling): Why thank you... are you single?
Girl: No, I am a dentist.
Why do guys gain weight after marriage?
Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
So I'm gay and single ....
Does that make me homolone?
My Dad got me a thesaurus for Christmas last year
But when I opened it every single page was blank.
I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
- Doctor, I want to live very old
- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing c**... and coming back home to have unprotected s**... with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is there no walmarts in the middle east?
Because there are targets on every single corner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD"
First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.
A man is looking for a parking space
Everywhere he looks, it seems as if every single space has been taken. Though never much of a church goer, the man looks up to the sky and says, "God, if you give me a parking space, I promise I'll stop sinning and go to church." Suddenly, a parking space opens up right in front of him.
"Never mind. I found one."
My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.
"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."
"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."
"No," I said. "I mean being single."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa..." is really s**...
Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.
Study something you like and you will never have to work a single day
Because you won't find work
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... in the jungle
A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I fought an e**... this morning
Beat it single handed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office
Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become s**...."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pregnant woman asks the cashier for a pack of cigarettes...
The cashier immediately begins to berate her for such a poor decision. "I can't believe you are being so s**.... Knowing that you are pregnant! You shouldn't buy a single pack until after you've had the baby."
"You're right," the lady replied, "Give me a carton. I'm smoking for two now."
An indian lady visited a bar for the first time
She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.
Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"
"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."
"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"
"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"
The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
A man walks in a bar and says: 'I'd like 7 double wiskeys, please.'
The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey.
As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another.
The bartender, dumbfounded, asks the man: 'Why are you drinking so fast?'
The man awnsers: 'well, you would do the same as me, if you had what I have,' while chugging the last glass of wiskey.
'So, what is it that you have?' asks the bartender.
The man: 'not a single penny'
A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
A man walks into an Indian restaurant.
The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?
The man replies, No, I haven't.
The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.
Tinder is completely useless, and I don't have a single match
If I don't find another way to start a campfire tonight, I'll freeze to death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call men who make "Women belong in the kitchen" jokes?
Single.
A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.
Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt'...to which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'
He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?
What dear? She asked gently.
I think you bring me bad luck.
If your crush is single...
It is 1v20
If she is taken...
It is 1v1
Work smarter not harder
My Friend Had Twins Over the Pandemic
I ran into her for the first time in ages and asked how the little ones were doing. She said Amal and Juan were just fine and were growing like weeds.
I asked to see a picture of them and she showed me a single baby on her phone.
Aren't there two of them? I asked.
She replied: Well if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Feminists are the reason I am single
If it wasn't for them, some girl out there would've been forced to settle for me by now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mummy, how was I born?
A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, Mummy, how was I born**?**
The mother smiled and replied:
Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth & I took care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, rolled it up, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to wear a c**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of w**....
"What have we here?"
"It's not mine officer."
He scoffs.
"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"b**...."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis and flush it down the c**.... He checks my pocket and asks,
"So where's the bag of w**...?"
"What bag of w**...?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend called me a gullible idiot and said I shouldn't believe everything I see on the Internet
I told her I don't have to put up with this, not when there are desperate single milfs less than a mile away
