Single Girl Jokes
70 single girl jokes and hilarious single girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about single girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Single Girl Short Jokes
Short single girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The single girl humour may include short single woman jokes also.
- A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me. - Ever since I've downloaded Adblock, all the single girls in my area seem to have lost interest...
- A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
- I like my single malt how I like my girls. 15 years old and mixed up with coke.
(Just a joke, I would never condone mixing single malt and coke) - Feminists are the reason I am single If it wasn't for them, some girl out there would've been forced to settle for me by now.
- It's in the Smile A boy met a girl....
Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Boy (smiling): Why thank you... are you single?
Girl: No, I am a dentist. - Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place. Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Guy : Awwww..Are you single ?
Girl :No, I'm a Dentist.. - A girl met a guy at the subway G: Everytime you smile I feel like calling you over to my place
B: awww... Are you single?
G: No I'm a dentist - So far, not a single girl I've asked is interested in a fling. I don't think they trust my human catapult.
- I was at a restaurant... A girl came over to me and asked "are you single? So I excitedly replied "Yes!"
So she took the extra chair from my table.
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Single Girl One Liners
Which single girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with single girl? I can suggest the ones about single boy and single people.
- I like both boys and girls but I'm still single. Maybe I'm meant to be bi-myself.
- If I had $1 for every time a girl has rejected me... I wouldn't be single anymore
- Every single time I give my heart to a girl... She Brexit.
- An adorable girl asked me something "Are you single?"
"No, I am an album" - I like my girls like my whiskey Aged 18 years and single
- What do you call a girl who can't make a sandwich? Single
- Are you single? Guy : Are you single?
Girl : Yeahm
Guy : I like to dissect girls. - Hey girl, are you my morning prayers? 'Cause I miss you every single day.
- Why was the single girl finally at peace with herself? She metta guy.
- "The Force" is actually a black guy.... It banged a white girl and left her a single mom.
- I've never dated a girl that could sing. But every single one of them thought they could.
Humorous Single Girl Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about single girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean single ladies jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make single girl pranks.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play t**...." With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...
I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes.
90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.
I was at this party the other day...
...and one of my buddies decided to have me do a magic trick to "liven up the crowd."
So I took a brand new deck of cards and asked for a single, female volunteer. I found the hottest one in the room and got her on the coffee table "stage," asked her if we knew each other in real life, if the deck was new, yatta yatta yatta.
She said yes and I opened the deck and a sharpie marker.
"Write your name on whatever card you pick," I said, and paused as she wrote it down, "And your phone number. I promise this is leading somewhere." Another pause, and she agrees.
Taking the card from her, I held it up in the air and said "Ladies and gentlemen, I just got the number of the hottest girl in the room. MAGIC."
Conveyor Belt
A man was shopping at his local supermarket where he selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
He unloaded his items on the conveyor belt to check out, and the cashier said "You must be single."
The young man was a bit startled by this proclamation,
but he was intrigued by the check-out girl's intuition, since he was indeed single. He looked at his six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about his selections that could have tipped off the cashier.
Curiosity getting the better of him, he said "Well, you
know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The cashier replied, "Cause you're ugly."
A black knight moves into a new village with only white people...
...after a year, a white girl in the village gives birth to a black child. A shepherd goes up to the knight and says: "I think you had s**... with that girl, since you're the only black person in this entire village." The knight responds: "Well, sometimes weird things just happen, like your single white sheep among your heard of black sheep." The shepherd says: "Hey! You say nothing bout the sheep, I say nothing bout the baby."
Hot woman with baby carriages
Isn't it just so dissapointing to see a beautiful girl with a baby carriage, the only consolation is when you notice that the baby is half black. Because then at least you know she's single.
The heir to a fortune...
wasn't having any luck with women who would be interested in *him* so he decided to let his money work for him. He sees a beautiful girl he likes and tells her: "I'm the next in line to a fortune of billions. As soon as my single father kicks the bucket, I'll be able to make your dreams come true. Will you marry me?" The girl looks at him, thinks for a second and says: "No. But thanks for the offer."
A week later the son comes home after a day of frivolity and sees that same woman at his house sitting in a lounge chair in their mansion watching television. She turns to him and says: "Oh hi there! I'm your new step-mother!"
An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...
When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"
This guy goes through the checkout line of the grocery store…
and he's got, like, a stack of frozen dinners, a six-pack of beer, a big 'ol bag of chips, and a single roll of toilet paper.
The cute checkout girl says, "Well, I know *you're* single!"
The guy says, "Well, yeah—how'd you guess?"
She says, "You're ugly."
Now Its the Father Problem
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
A girl walks in a store
A girl walks in a store and collects the items she wants to buy.
She walks up to the cashier and places her items on the counter.
The cashier says "I can tell you are single" with a smile on his face.
The girl says "How can you tell?"
"Cause your ugly" says the Cashier.
"32 years old"
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
Despite being a longtime single dude, I just *know* that legions of ladies want my body.
I've got the figure of a Maxim cover girl.
A little girl gets on the bus with her mom...
A little girl gets on the bus with her mom…
The mom pays a single adult cash fare.
The driver asks her "How old is your daughter?"
-- She's 5, answers the mother.
Now, turning to the little girl, the driver asks
-- And when will you turn 6, sweetie?
-- As soon as we get off the bus.
My friends are baffled that I gave up the single life for my European wife and wonder why I don't chase girls anymore.
It's because she keeps me in Czech.
A beautiful girl at a restaurant walk up to me
She asks if I'm single and
I happily say yes
She then took the chair in front of me away.
Why are married women fatter than single women?
A single girl gets home, looks what's in the fridge and goes straight to bed. A married girl gets home, looks what's in the bed, and goes straight to the fridge
My single friend
I have a friend who like both guys and girls but she's single.
I guess you could say she is all bi herself.
I was sitting in a restaurant. A girl came to me and asked me if I was single...
I smiled and happily answered "yes I am!
So she took the chair that was in front of me and went back to her table with it..."
I was sitting in a restaurant when...
A beautiful girl approached me and asked if I was single.
"Yes", I replied and she happily took the chair.
Hey girl, are you a hot single from my area?
Because you look like you'll give me some form of virus
I promised my wife that I haven't kissed a single girl since we met
the married ones are less demanding
I'm currently dating a girl called Susan Alto who has a single mum. She's invited me to her house for Christmas eve since her mother will be upstairs sleeping.
I might kiss her under Ms Alto.
For all the single guys on this sub, my advice is to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo who likes you, and marry her.
She knows how to make bad decisions, and then stick with it.
Hey girl, are you my Physics examination paper?
Because I can stare at you for 3 hours and not understand a single thing
Every single girl I've ever loved has displayed weird, paranoid behaviors when getting ready for bed.
That's why I've never introduced myself to any of those girls.
Newspaper personal advertisement section:
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Will lick you all over. Call (x**...) x**...-xxxx and ask for Daisy.
*Over the week over 1,500 men from all over the country called for Daisy the Black Labrador Retriever.*
At a restaurant a girl asked if I was single, I happily said yes
She took the other chair.
A little girl asks her mum
A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a c**..."
You know the fool-proof method to get your girl pregnant right?
Wait until the perfect Friday night and treat her real fine. I'm talking start with chocolate, flowers, the works. Dress in y'alls Sunday best and go to the best Italian place in town. Wine her and dine her then take her home. Take it slow but start getting her real hot. I'm talking wet enough to drown a fish. Once you've done every single step, in that order, absolutely perfectly, you call me over.
Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)
I met a girl a recently
Her: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No, she died a few years ago, so I'm single now.
Her: Well, may be I can take her place
Me: I don't know, the people at the graveyard will not agree to that.
Why didn't Johnny Lawrence's sensei have any children?
Irons became so popular in the 1960s that not a single girl had a Kreese in her pants.
An old one
A little girl walks up to her dad and says dad, are our neighbours poor?
Dad : I don't know little one, but you should not judge some one on their looks. But why do you ask?
Girl: they are all crying as their baby swallowed a single penny!!
A Girl walks into a Supermarket...
...she picks up a banana, a can of soup, and a loaf of bread. She then walks up to the cash register to pay.
The cashier looks at her, and the items she has and says,
"I can tell you're single."
She smiles and responds,
"How do you know that?"
He says,
"Because you're ugly."
Looks doesn´t really matter
* Girl: The reason why you´re still single is because your standards are too high. Looks doesn´t really matter, you know.
* Boy: Wow! You´re the first non-beautiful person that I´ve heard say that looks doesn´t matter..
* Girl: WHAT?! Are you calling ME ugly!!!
* Boy: Why so upset? You just said looks doesn´t matter..
Mummy, how was I born?
A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, Mummy, how was I born**?**
The mother smiled and replied:
Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth & I took care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, rolled it up, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to wear a c**....
I'm into boys and I'm into girls… but I've been single for so long I no longer think I'm bisexual
I'm officially all bi-myself
A single guy walks into a bar
A single guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've been trying that online dating thing. Almost every single girl has the same old line in their profile," he tells the bartender. "Oh yeah, what line is that?" the bartender asks. "They all say, 'If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote,'" the guy says. "Well the joke's on them. I've been turning women off without a remote for years."
